headfirst Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Its been 3 weeks since we broke up. I ended a 2.5 year relationship. Haven't seen each other in that time. Today I got a message "I miss you so much". I didn't reply. Then 8 hours later a sad face. I'm not sure what to do. I wanna remain friends but not in a relationship. He knows me better than anyone else. I thought he was moving on but clearly not. What should I do?
movingon12 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 3 weeks is not a long time out of a 2.5 year relationship, give him a break. Ignore him. I know it sounds horrible, but it's best for him. If you respond, he'll keep contacting you and then he definitely won't move on. Friends is not an option at this stage - how will he feel when he sees you dating again?
Author headfirst Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Yeah. Giving him the cold shoulder probably best for him id assume.
I'm nuts Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 This is going to sound a bit harsh, but "I miss you" I just an ego massage, I miss you means about as much as bumping in to someone and saying "sorry" It's words we all want to hear, but the reality is it really doesn't mean all that much.
moveONorStay Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Ignore him. I know it sounds horrible, but it's best for him. If you respond, he'll keep contacting you and then he definitely won't move on. I've been on the receiving end of being ignored after I broke up with someone...after several phone calls and text messages a month after the BU she went totally silent and never responded again, it made me feel even worse and kinda left me in limbo...I would have preferred if she had just been up front and said she didn't want to talk to me, to just go cold was hurtful. I'd tell him you want to be left alone and to please respect that...it'll work much better and give him a bit of closure too.
Author headfirst Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 I do want to be friends. We basically were more friends than partners in the past 12 months anyway. It's not like I never want to see them again.
movingon12 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 *you* might want to friends but think about what *he* wants. If you really want him to move on, that's not going to be an option if you're friends. He'll be hoping you'll change your mind all the time and you won't understand why things aren't how they were before. Things will never be how they were before. He obviously still feels strongly about you - just because it wasn't working for you didn't mean it wasn't working for him.
itsmyfault Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I know you say you want to be friends but don't count on it. You have to ignore him and let him move on. It's the only fair thing to do. If you do want a friendship try contacting him in maybe another 6-12 months, Until then you will have to learn to live with out him also.
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Don't reply. He's not going to move on if you give ANY indication of caring. He'll hold on to any scrap of hope. 3 weeks is NOTHING in the scheme of trying to move on. He hasn't moved on at all honestly. He's hurting and he wants something to grasp onto. Best thing you can do for him is go away. Don't be selfish in thinking you can have a friendship. He's in love with you. Just go away. Leave him alone.
Gottabestrong Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I would reply, but be kind and use nice words to make it clear to him that you don't want to reconcile. You know, something like: "Dear ex, I am sorry you are sad. I wish you all the best, but don't think we should be in contact at this time. We both need to move on with our lives and it will be easier to do if we are not in touch with each other. I still care about you, you are a wonderful person and I will always cherish the memories. But as a couple we were not right for each other. I wish you all the best. me." Obviously adjust your words so they fit your specific circumstances, but if you want to be kind make it clear that while you still care about him as a person, you don't want to be his girlfriend anymore. It will hurt to hear, but will allow him to move on. False hope is more painful and will prevent him from moving on for maybe a really long time.
flitzanu Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Its been 3 weeks since we broke up. I ended a 2.5 year relationship. Haven't seen each other in that time. Today I got a message "I miss you so much". I didn't reply. Then 8 hours later a sad face. I'm not sure what to do. I wanna remain friends but not in a relationship. He knows me better than anyone else. I thought he was moving on but clearly not. What should I do? you don't get both. you dumped him, that means you don't get to keep him around. 1
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