first consentual sex...got burned badly and feel distraught

[Reedekulous]

You should bring this up in your therapy and continue with it, it is very obvious that you are not healed, not even close.

 

You can't "learn" to act like a normal person, that's not how it works...that's just acting. You need to address the underlying issues.

 

I am healed. I am not emotionally clingy or closed off with the men I date. I dont have sexual issues and I dont see men as completing me/codependency. My therapist has told me several times she thinks Ive overcome the majority of issues rape victims have so I will take her words over yours. I actually have a healthy attitude when it comes to dating and have had several men tell me that that I have dated.

 

It is not "acting" I just chose that word...it doesnt mean I have a facade and am putting on a front that Im emotionally stable when I am not. I said I "acted normal" because all the men here putting me down are doing so because they see rape victims as acting in a certain way. My point is not all do and jumping to conclusions and assuming I act a certain way is something Ive encountered alot. Thats why I said several several times I didnt act clingy or closed off or have weird sex issues. Many rape victims do...but some people do get help. So I am sorry you think I am not healed...but it is extremely frustrating to do so much work on yourself, not act in an off putting way and STILL have men tell me I have too much baggage and outcast me automatically. I dont expect you to understand- but rape victims that have moved on and have a healthy mind still have stigma attached to them.

 

I dont have a ton of experience in dating so thats why I read those books. Tons of people on this forum read books about dating I dont see why thatd be an issue.

 

Perhaps I should have stated I didnt display behaviors that would turn men off instead of "acting normal." My bad

Edited November 27, 2012 by Reedekulous

[TaurusTerp]

I am healed. I am not emotionally clingy or closed off with the men I date. I dont have sexual issues and I dont see men as completing me/codependency. My therapist has told me several times she thinks Ive overcome the majority of issues rape victims have so I will take her words over yours. I actually have a healthy attitude when it comes to dating and have had several men tell me that that I have dated.

 

It is not "acting" I just chose that word...it doesnt mean I have a facade and am putting on a front that Im emotionally stable when I am not. I said I "acted normal" because all the men here putting me down are doing so because they see rape victims as acting in a certain way. My point is not all do and jumping to conclusions and assuming I act a certain way is something Ive encountered alot. Thats why I said several several times I didnt act clingy or closed off or have weird sex issues. Many rape victims do...but some people do get help. So I am sorry you think I am not healed...but it is extremely frustrating to do so much work on yourself, not act in an off putting way and STILL have men tell me I have too much baggage and outcast me automatically. I dont expect you to understand- but rape victims that have moved on and have a healthy mind still have stigma attached to them.

 

I dont have a ton of experience in dating so thats why I read those books. Tons of people on this forum read books about dating I dont see why thatd be an issue.

 

Perhaps I should have stated I didnt display behaviors that would turn men off instead of "acting normal." My bad

 

Your psychiatrist said it him/herself - you're "mostly" healed, not completely. Please don't get defensive - I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but your reaction to this situation is what makes me say you are not fully healed. The men that tell you that you have a healthy view on dating are giving you compliments - that's what you do in dating. They are not objective.

 

Normal people do not cry for an hour over internet posts. Normal people do not give up on an entire sex from one bad experience and 2 internet posts. You are still unstable - and it's fine, to be expected after traumatic experiences. But you yourself need to acknowledge that there's still "damage", for lack of a better word, and that work needs to be done still. It's not healthy to act like everything is okay when it clearly is not.

[Reedekulous]

Your psychiatrist said it him/herself - you're "mostly" healed, not completely. Please don't get defensive - I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but your reaction to this situation is what makes me say you are not fully healed. The men that tell you that you have a healthy view on dating are giving you compliments - that's what you do in dating. They are not objective.

 

Normal people do not cry for an hour over internet posts. Normal people do not give up on an entire sex from one bad experience and 2 internet posts. You are still unstable - and it's fine, to be expected after traumatic experiences. But you yourself need to acknowledge that there's still "damage", for lack of a better word, and that work needs to be done still. It's not healthy to act like everything is okay when it clearly is not.

 

 

It is normal for someone with my past that is pretty much healed to cry after they got used and dumped the way I did. It was my first time having sex with someone and it wasnt a random guy. Having people tell you that you will automatically be shunned because you are raped is a strong thing to take. Crying once for an hour doesnt mean I am unstable. People have feelings...I have learned its better to cry and get it over with. Thats how I deal with things. Tons of my friends act like this when they go through bad things with men...Im not going to sit here and tell myself I am unstable because I allowed myself to cry over a guy who took my past and degraded me over it. No offense- but you sound insensitive to rape issues and thats fine because this is how the world is.

 

No, 2 internet posts and one bad dating experience didnt convince me to give up dating. But the prevalent attitude in men in their 20's is I will be automatically disqualified no matter my behavior.

 

Im not being defensive but I can tell you

[bobsmith76]

Hi Rideekulous,

 

You didn't do anything wrong, so there's nothing you can do about this situation. It's not you, it's him.

[TaurusTerp]

It is normal for someone with my past that is pretty much healed to cry after they got used and dumped the way I did. It was my first time having sex with someone and it wasnt a random guy. Having people tell you that you will automatically be shunned because you are raped is a strong thing to take. Crying once for an hour doesnt mean I am unstable. People have feelings...I have learned its better to cry and get it over with. Thats how I deal with things. Tons of my friends act like this when they go through bad things with men...Im not going to sit here and tell myself I am unstable because I allowed myself to cry over a guy who took my past and degraded me over it. No offense- but you sound insensitive to rape issues and thats fine because this is how the world is.

 

No, 2 internet posts and one bad dating experience didnt convince me to give up dating. But the prevalent attitude in men in their 20's is I will be automatically disqualified no matter my behavior.

 

Im not being defensive but I can tell you

 

I'm not going to try and convince you I know about rape issues.

 

But I think you'll find that there are plenty of guys in their 20s that won't disqualify you for being raped.

[Reedekulous]

Mods, Id appreciate if you deleted this forum. I posted for advice here for advice on the current situation and instead it turns into me defending my own mental health... which just reinforces the fact that all rape victims are viewed as emotionally unstable no matter what.

 

If crying over a guy who used me and reacting to someone so blatantly nasty that I trusted makes me unstable...well sorry I am human and this is not being defensive. If I am unstable then I guess 90% of the female population I have observed is as well.

 

I read posts here all the time about people who went through a breakup or a nasty shock with someone else saying they couldnt eat for a bit or sleep and cried afterward...I feel fine today but just because I stated that once and admit I have a rape past I must be "emotionally unstable"

 

I wont be returning. Bye

[Stephanie]

Reedekulous, your thread has been closed; if you would like it reopened then just alert on this post and we will do so.

 

Thanks