Kimmothy Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I already posted this in another forum, but didn't really get much help so I thought I'd try my luck here. I apologize if this gets long. I had been dating this guy for about three and a half years. I admit, we've had our bumps along the road, but we had always made the effort to discuss what was wrong, make the change and move on--it always worked, and we always ended up happier than ever. Recently he went back to university for his second year; this time he was living in his own place, completely independent. This is when I noticed the change. The summer before this, we were amazing; happier than ever, and then he all the sudden had patterns of depression. He would be happy with me, and then all the sudden get depressed and not know what he wanted. This past week he went into a state of depression. I couldn't take the constant back-and-forth of whether he wanted to be with me or not. He said he couldn't tell what was making him unhappy; if it was his life in general, or if it was our relationship. He claimed he still loved me, and I hadn't been doing anything wrong so I was confused. I decided that I needed to break up with him because I figured I deserved to be loved as much as I love someone else. Don't get me wrong, I didn't break-up with him because he was severely depressed and needed therapeutic help. I broke up with him because he said he got unhappy a lot, and was unsure if it was our relationship or his life in general that was making him unhappy. These waves of unhappiness happened often so I though it was best that we break-up so he can really asses what he wants. I'm devastated. I didn't want to break up with him because I didn't love him; truthfully I had been happier than ever with our relationship until he had gotten depressed. Literally Monday he was fine, Tuesday he got really depressed, and then Wednesday I had to end it. When it was his first year in university everything was fine, something just changed this year. The break-up wasn't bitter, and of course I had questions, but nothing ended sourly. I had decided that I wanted NC because I thought giving him legitimate time and space would help him figure things out; what he really wants. I'm having a really difficult time, though considering he was my best friend long before we even dated. I catch myself obsessively thinking about him, and wanting to text him but I don't. He had originally said, after I brought up NC, that he said it was okay to talk, but I insisted on not. We're supposed to see each other in three-ish weeks to return various items. Which then begs the question: What should I do? I really want to be back together with him, but at the moment it's not an option. We barely fought, and he's a great guy and I'm not really sure what's wrong. I left it up to him to contact me when he's back in town, but I just really don't know how I should react or feel right now. As it stands right now, he says we're forever broken up; that we're most likely not going to get back together. I'm not sure what's going on with him, and wondered if anyone knew? How should I react when I see him? Should I ask if he's okay, how he's doing, or should I not see him at all? Any help would be greatly appreciated. (We're both 20 if that makes any difference.)
flitzanu Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 1. if you wanted to be with him, why break up with him in the first place? how confusing is that supposed to be, that you dumped him and now you want to get back together? 2. if he isn't reacting, and isn't trying to contact you or change your mind...then it sounds like he knew what was making him unhappy -- the relationship.
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Well, you ended it and instead of him really being torn up and asking for you back, he's fine with it and says you guys are never getting back together. Perhaps he was being a coward about it and couldn't dump you himself so he pushed you to do it. I'd stay NC for now. He's not showing interest in being with you. Let him sort out whatever he needs to sort and if he ever gets in touch in the future, go from there.
Author Kimmothy Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 Well, he said he would have done it anyways the same day had I not done it first. Yes, I understand it sounds ridiculous that I'd break up with him when I want to be with him, but he cares about me a lot, so I knew he'd just perpetuate the whole thing just so he wouldn't hurt me. I didn't want him to be stuck in a relationship because I want him there; I want him to be able to do his own thing if that's what he really wants. We talked earlier because I had to ask an important q, and he said he was doing worse than before. But I know he doesn't want to be back together, so I'm not really sure what to do. :/ I want to be with him, but I want him to be happy too. He still doesn't know if it's us that was making him unhappy, and for now I'm just leaving him be, but I don't know. The whole situation has me confused.
flitzanu Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 read what Kat said. he obviously doesn't care, and is not asking you to get back together. that's not confusing, that's pretty clear.
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