Whats wrong with me why can I not get a boyfriend?

[Leigh 87]

I will tell you a few things that some guys like, that you may be lacking EVEN THOUGH your very attractive!

 

 

...I noticed that I enjoy random road trips and making/being open to random activities the guy may suggest. A few guys like being random and spontaneous (in fun areas of life, not anything crazy, like betting 50 000 dollars in a polker machine!)

 

When I am with a guy I am just a happy person, I smile a lot, I like to laugh at things. I am not closed off or cold, I am the opposite.

 

I would also be boring and not fun to guys who do not click with me or get along well with me..So no matter how hot a guy is, I only hang out with guys (when I was single) that I click well with, so they think I am interesting and fun to be around.

 

 

.......Perhaps your spending time with guys who do not get you? Or are you cold and not very lively?

 

To the right guys, you would be wonderful to be around. Unless you really do portray yourself as dull and lifeless.

[starla33]

That's the big hurdle for girls in NYC. Not only are they all competing for a small number of guys, but the guys are very aware of it and use it to their advantage. Combine that with the general selfish attitude of the city and the high cost of living? It's like a Japanese game show, girls here are trying to walk through a gauntlet of fire while blindfolded in high heels. I honestly feel bad for girls trying to find a decent guy in NYC the same way I feel for guys in SoCal trying to find any single girl.

 

Pbjbear, I see a lot of people say you're too negative, but knowing the culture of NYC I honestly understand why you come off that way. I'm sure you're not so cynical offline and I'm figuring you just come here to vent and try to make sense of it all. Sometimes you can take every precaution and do everything right and still get burned. It happens in high frequency here and a lot of outsiders don't really get that. NYC is the only place I ever hear hot girls complaining about not finding a decent guy (non-hyperbolically), you're certainly not the first. My heart aches when I see a girl like you who's not after some guy for his money constantly getting chewed up and spit out. It's tough to read so I don't want to imagine what it's like to go through.

 

I'm going to disagree with a lot of people here and say that it's probably not much to do with the way you look or act, you sound like you're a lot of fun and pretty good looking to be honest. I bet if you move to a place where the deck wasn't so stacked against you, you'll find a boyfriend before you unpack.

 

I totally agree with this. It is the same in all big cities like San Francisco and LA as well. My friends and I have the same issues and we are all attractive it's just guys here don't want to get into anything serious until they are in their 40's unfortunately.

[ascendotum]

I totally agree with this. It is the same in all big cities like San Francisco and LA as well. My friends and I have the same issues and we are all attractive it's just guys here don't want to get into anything serious until they are in their 40's unfortunately.

 

The poster you quoted talked about men in SoCal having the same problem as NY women due to the opposite gender balance. Why would Cali guys keep flipping women or take their gfs for granted when they are hard to come by. With so much competition there, I would have thought if you find a good girl you appreciate her. My guess is its to do with you dating at the attractive end of the spectrum there. The sort after 'good lookers'/successful ones can have a cavalier attitude knowing even with less women out there they have plenty of options up to 40. Still must be plenty of decent regular (as in not a bouncer or entertainment biz guy or musician or doctor or drive a 80k+ sports car or does drugs or rides a harley or body builder, etc) guys wanting to get married in their late 20s I would have thought.

[starla33]

The poster you quoted talked about men in SoCal having the same problem as NY women due to the opposite gender balance. Why would Cali guys keep flipping women or take their gfs for granted when they are hard to come by. With so much competition there, I would have thought if you find a good girl you appreciate her. My guess is its to do with you dating at the attractive end of the spectrum there. The sort after 'good lookers'/successful ones can have a cavalier attitude knowing even with less women out there they have plenty of options up to 40. Still must be plenty of decent regular (as in not a bouncer or entertainment biz guy or musician or doctor or drive a 80k+ sports car or does drugs or rides a harley or body builder, etc) guys wanting to get married in their late 20s I would have thought.

 

I'm in San Francisco and do not know any people here that have gotten married in their 20s that lived here when they met their significant other. It's a warzone here.

[animalover]

It isn't an insult if it's true.

But I do find that a little funny when people say that.

 

Any way, read some of her past posts.

Their mostly rants against men.

She isn't even singling out certain types of men.

All men.

 

I am new in the forum so I don't know the OP well. If she is indeed a men hater then I guess that will totally play against her while looking for a relationship. I don't even understand why would she want a relationship at all...

 

I still think you should not begin a sentence with "I don't want (whatever) BUT ... " it is a very defensive way of putting forward a statement and makes feel the receiver that you are attacking her. Just my 2 cents

[Revolver]

For the most part when girls say this they're going after guys who are way out of their league. And it's like... What do you expect? Lol

 

 

There's tons of average men who want to be in a serious relationships

[pbjbear]

This thread has become irrelevant for me now. Im not really reading the posts anymore because its just become a place to attack me.

 

Ive just accepted that a goodlooking girl with a good personality wont have the same success where I live when compared to anywhere else. I know many other women in NYC with the same issue as me.

 

Im sorry but Im ignoring these posts hating on me. My personality is not lacking. I get told Im a great catch all the time in real life, people who KNOW me in real life, not an Internet forum. My personality is not the problem. My biggest problem in my past dating lives has been not being more assertive from the beginning but the last few guys I dated I became better.

 

I dont expect anyone who doesnt live in NYC to understand. This was an inappropriate thread for me to post considering my geographic location's dating culture is very different than the places where most LSers come from. I didnt explore this facet until after I posted it though...

Edited February 9, 2013 by pbjbear

[pbjbear]

I totally agree with this. It is the same in all big cities like San Francisco and LA as well. My friends and I have the same issues and we are all attractive it's just guys here don't want to get into anything serious until they are in their 40's unfortunately.

 

 

This.

 

She understands.

 

Moderators, could this thread be closed? I am not taking advice from it anymore.

[normal person]

 

 

I dont expect anyone who doesnt live in NYC to understand. This was an inappropriate thread for me to post considering my geographic location's dating culture is very different than the places where most LSers come from. I didnt explore this facet until after I posted it though...

 

If it's any consolation, I'm fully aware of the issue you're having and I'm pretty certain it's nothing to do with who you are, rather just where you are. As I said a page or two back, the deck's stacked against you in NYC and you shouldn't be worried that it's something to do with you.

 

I think a "Dating Culture in Your City" thread would be an interesting read though.

[Woggle]

Why not try moving to NJ. It took me moving here to find somebody worthy.

[somedude81]

This.

 

She understands.

 

Moderators, could this thread be closed? I am not taking advice from it anymore.

Make an alert on this post (click Alert Us) and request it to be locked.

[ChessPieceFace]

This thread has become irrelevant for me now. Im not really reading the posts anymore because its just become a place to attack me.

 

Ive just accepted that a goodlooking girl with a good personality wont have the same success where I live when compared to anywhere else.

 

You can keep blaming the world for your problems and keep having the same problems, or you can listen to others, learn how to introspect and then finally overcome them. Your call.

[Imported]

There is over 8 million people in New York City. From 2010, 47.5% men to 52.5% women. I guess you're not able to compete well enough with other women to beat a 5% difference.

 

If you are truly the catch that you claim to be, how is this even an issue. There might be 52.5% women to 47.5% men, but surely your good looks, impeccable personality and all your other qualities will put you head and shoulder above most other women, right? Certainly enough to beat a 5% difference.

 

There might be more women competing with you for few men, but more than half of those girls are fat and or ugly, lacking in other regards, maybe even complete psychos. This should be easy for an attractive, normal girl to clean up in. Something must be wrong with you.

[pbjbear]

There is over 8 million people in New York City. From 2010, 47.5% men to 52.5% women. I guess you're not able to compete well enough with other women to beat a 5% difference.

 

If you are truly the catch that you claim to be, how is this even an issue. There might be 52.5% women to 47.5% men, but surely your good looks, impeccable personality and all your other qualities will put you head and shoulder above most other women, right? Certainly enough to beat a 5% difference.

 

There might be more women competing with you for few men, but more than half of those girls are fat and or ugly, lacking in other regards, maybe even complete psychos. This should be easy for an attractive, normal girl to clean up in. Something must be wrong with you.

 

All your facts about NYC you have stated are wrong. Im not going to even bother arguing with you.

[pbjbear]

You can keep blaming the world for your problems and keep having the same problems, or you can listen to others, learn how to introspect and then finally overcome them. Your call.

 

I have taken into consideration what people have said. You clearly have not read all my replies.

 

Funny, based on your posts you are the male version of me. You blame women too.

[man_in_the_box]

I knew NYC was a place where the odds were stacked against a women but is it really that severe?

 

I started my study on a technical university in a city with an abundance of men, especially in my social circles. I'm just an average guy and been together with my girlfriend for over four years. I cannot say that I had to put in much effort to land a relationship.