Whats wrong with me why can I not get a boyfriend?

[pbjbear]

I am about to turn 25 and Ive never had a boyfriend. Ive dated tons but its never progressed to a relationship. Ive done casual and more serious dating and some hookups.

 

-I am not clingy. Lots of friends and hobbies

-Get told Im hot all the time. I work out a ton and eat healthy...have a body fat percentage of 19%, 5'4 113 lbs and a B almost C Cup. I will post pics if people think Im lying.

-I dont make men wait forever for sex but dont put out too quickly (usually the 4th date is the earliest for sex...I think the longest I waited was for 2 months and that was for him)

-Good career

-Im a caring nice person and get told I have a heart of gold

-I pay on alot of my dates.

 

My friends and family tell me Im a catch and dont get why Ive never had a boyfriend. Ive had tons of men use me for sex, string me along, disappear on me. Ive been the "almost" girlfriend so many times its frustrating. The "I dont want a relationship" the "I like you and think youre great but just not enough" The rejection is starting to wear on me and whenever I start dating someone new I think about how long will they like me until they decide to go away.

 

I didnt care for awhile, but its really starting to wear on my self esteem in the past year. Im not desperate for a guy meaning I wont settle for one who doesnt meet some standards I have- which arent very high. But I am starting to not trust men and give them the benefit of the doubt. If Im so hot and lovable, why do men reject me? I dont go for guys that seem like jerks either. Some guys just are good at hiding it but I have also dated guys that everyone says is so nice. I tend to go for dorkier types but not always. I was thinking today Id give up on dating. It always leads to heartbreak it seems. I see all of my friends get guys so easily that desire them and Im starting to think Im not worthy of love or something.

Edited November 27, 2012 by pbjbear

[lovebug1234]

sounds weird, maybe you should be more of a bitch?

[Shaun-Dro]

I am about to turn 25 and Ive never had a boyfriend. Ive dated tons but its never progressed to a relationship. Ive done casual and more serious dating and some hookups.

 

-I am not clingy. Lots of friends and hobbies

-Get told Im hot all the time. I work out a ton and eat healthy...have a body fat percentage of 19%, 5'4 113 lbs and a B almost C Cup. I will post pics if people think Im lying.

-I dont make men wait forever for sex but dont put out too quickly (usually the 4th date is the earliest for sex...I think the longest I waited was for 2 months and that was for him)

-Good career

-Im a caring nice person and get told I have a heart of gold

-I pay on alot of my dates.

 

My friends and family tell me Im a catch and dont get why Ive never had a boyfriend. Ive had tons of men use me for sex, string me along, disappear on me. Ive been the "almost" girlfriend so many times its frustrating. The "I dont want a relationship" the "I like you and think youre great but just not enough" The rejection is starting to wear on me and whenever I start dating someone new I think about how long will they like me until they decide to go away.

 

I didnt care for awhile, but its really starting to wear on my self esteem in the past year. Im not desperate for a guy meaning I wont settle for one who doesnt meet some standards I have- which arent very high. But I am starting to not trust men and give them the benefit of the doubt. If Im so hot and lovable, why do men reject me? I dont go for guys that seem like jerks either. Some guys just are good at hiding it but I have also dated guys that everyone says is so nice. I tend to go for dorkier types but not always. I was thinking today Id give up on dating. It always leads to heartbreak it seems. I see all of my friends get guys so easily that desire them and Im starting to think Im not worthy of love or something.

 

Let's be serious for a moment here. We both know that you're doing just as much rejection as these so-called hot guys with options are doing to you so I don't pity you. I'm positive you have such a high wall built around you that the average Joe can't even touch it.

[verhrzn]

Oh no, honey, don't do this. I can guarantee you are going to get bombarded with "It's because you dated the JERK, you should have chosen the NICE GUY." It's a trap, get out while you still can!

 

But in the spirit of hoping to help, why don't you lie out what your standards are. What sort of guy have you historically gone after? Has any guy ever pursued you?

[dasein]

Welcome to the forums. More detail needed. What is your social life like now? Where do you meet single men? It may be that changing up some activities is in order. Stop going for dorkier types, btw, when looking for a normal BF. They are dorky for a reason, not usually cool and hip like portrayed in movies or tv.

[somedude81]

I am about to turn 25 and Ive never had a boyfriend. Ive dated tons but its never progressed to a relationship. Ive done casual and more serious dating and some hookups..

When do you consider it a relationship? How long do you have to be dating to be a girlfriend?

[ThaWholigan]

It's unfortunate that you have had this happen to you. I think it's important that you have boundaries but unfortunately there are going to be guys who will wait for you to open up sexually as long as it takes, and then take advantage.

 

Make sure you have strong boundaries about what you won't accept and be blunt about what you want. Try to become savvy and look for tells as to who is being truthful and who is a liar.

[dasein]

Oh no, honey, don't do this. I can guarantee you are going to get bombarded with "It's because you dated the JERK, you should have chosen the NICE GUY." It's a trap, get out while you still can!

 

OK I got a chuckle out of this, fair comment here on LS.

[fortyninethousand322]

I'd offer to date you myself. But nobody ever takes me up on that offer. Besides, it would be awkward and I wouldn't want to saddle you with my wretched carcass.

 

Good luck to you in your quest...

[pbjbear]

Not sure how to answer the feminism question. I mean I dont think its a woman's role to be a slave to her husband if thats what you mean. I guess I believe in equality- women should work and split chores with their partner if they live together.

 

Every single guy that I dated that was considered super hot used me for sex (meaning they disappeared after we had sex, or lost alot of interest) so I dont seek out men like that.

I have only ever rejected 2 guys. One because I knew he'd end up hurting me- he is a friend who goes through a ton of women and Id only have lasted a few months with him. He is known in my group for being unable to stay with one woman and hes hit on every female friend he has so Im not special. The other I rejected because he had no personality- never talked and no sense of humor which is super important to me.

 

I mean I need to be attracted to someone which is so subjective I have been attracted to many average looking men that had good personalities. Other than that I dont have a type personality wise. I tend to like guys that are somewhat smart- not super smart but who I can talk to about different things. However, a few guys I dated were not like this. I have liked outgoing guys, shy guys (tried with a few shy guys...they never really showed interest so I gave up), alpha and beta types (I guess I prefer a mixture of these qualities), educated and noneducated.

 

Ive slept with about 10 guys and none of them led to a relationship. This isnt even counting ones I fooled around with- just sex. I dont put out quickly but expecting a man to wait until Im his girlfriend doesnt seem like a good idea.

[verhrzn]

I'd also like to jump in and say.... relationships are BIZARRE. Getting them seems completely counter-intuitive.

 

For example, last summer I started sleeping with a guy right off the bat. He told me he wasn't interested in dating, and I went "Okay, sure" and just flipped the switch to a Friends With Benefits. Months later, I finally sat him down to tell him I could no longer do the FWB thing because I wanted to go out and find a real relationship, and he says," Oh... I thought we were dating!"

 

I have done everything right and still gotten rejection, and I have stumbled/lucked/forced my way into others. Relationships, for me, have NEVER looked like they do on TV or movies or even going by what my friends say.

[somedude81]

 

Ive slept with about 10 guys and none of them led to a relationship. This isnt even counting ones I fooled around with- just sex. I dont put out quickly but expecting a man to wait until Im his girlfriend doesnt seem like a good idea.

25 and slept with 10 guys, and that's not counting the just sex guys?

 

.....

[ThaWholigan]

Not sure how to answer the feminism question. I mean I dont think its a woman's role to be a slave to her husband if thats what you mean. I guess I believe in equality- women should work and split chores with their partner if they live together.

 

Every single guy that I dated that was considered super hot used me for sex (meaning they disappeared after we had sex, or lost alot of interest) so I dont seek out men like that.

I have only ever rejected 2 guys. One because I knew he'd end up hurting me- he is a friend who goes through a ton of women and Id only have lasted a few months with him. He is known in my group for being unable to stay with one woman and hes hit on every female friend he has so Im not special. The other I rejected because he had no personality- never talked and no sense of humor which is super important to me.

 

I mean I need to be attracted to someone which is so subjective I have been attracted to many average looking men that had good personalities. Other than that I dont have a type personality wise. I tend to like guys that are somewhat smart- not super smart but who I can talk to about different things. However, a few guys I dated were not like this. I have liked outgoing guys, shy guys (tried with a few shy guys...they never really showed interest so I gave up), alpha and beta types (I guess I prefer a mixture of these qualities), educated and noneducated.

 

Ive slept with about 10 guys and none of them led to a relationship. This isnt even counting ones I fooled around with- just sex. I dont put out quickly but expecting a man to wait until Im his girlfriend doesnt seem like a good idea.

Maybe it would be beneficial to you to narrow down exactly what you are interested in in a man and what resonates to you. While you do that, as I said, develop boundaries about what you will accept and what you won't.

 

I find that women who, while they don't have a LONG list of standards to be met, but have a healthy set of boundaries, tend to be more sought after in terms of relationships.

[verhrzn]

Where do you meet the guys? What sort of hobbies do you have, and what sort of shared interests do you look for when it comes to dating?

 

Are you/have you done OLD, or do you go to certain spots to meet potential partners? Or do you let friends hook you up?

[pbjbear]

Dorky means someone somewhat smart...somewhat intellectual. This ranges however. I have never gone for Steve Urkel or like guys from the Big Bang Theory. Its hard for me to date a "dumb jock" typical guy. However, I find alot of men have some dorkier interests...like politics, reading, writing music. It could also mean being open to learning about stuff. The last two guys I dated were super into working out like me but liked going to museums like me.

 

I dont meet men at bars since I dont go to them often. I meet them through work, internships, through friends, a few online. Mostly through friends.

 

10 guys may seem like alot. But like I said- I date A LOT. I have no issues getting dates. I dated about 8 guys last year only. And I didnt date multiple people at the same time either. Only once did I do that when I felt a guy was emotionally checking out.

[verhrzn]

Have you done any meet-ups or mixed sports leagues? You didn't mention what your hobbies are, but you strike me as a Soccer League kind of gal... I also have some friends who do Ultimate Frisbee, which seems to be really social.

 

What sorts of things are you into? Do you volunteer at all? What do you do in your free time?

[fortyninethousand322]

It sound more like you are having a hard time getting guys to commit. I think that's a much easier problem to fix than many of the alternatives...

[dasein]

Friends are a great place to meet people, but if they are introducing you to HR Pumpndumps, what kind of friends are they really? Do you have any community activities? Clubs, sports groups, charities? If not, consider cultivating some of those.

[pbjbear]

Friends are a great place to meet people, but if they are introducing you to HR Pumpndumps, what kind of friends are they really? Do you have any community activities? Clubs, sports groups, charities? If not, consider cultivating some of those.

 

I dont think every guy did that. I think some decided they didnt like me as much they thought or didnt like me enough to commit/changed their mind. For hobbies I play the piano, read, run, watch TV/movies, rock climb, work out. I dont belong to any clubs but I do snowboard with a group.

[Kelly15]

I would say give a less attractive guy a chance but I had that backfire hard. Maybe just make date you longer before sex and the minute you start making yourself available they start walking On you

[MyPoutine]

Post a picture of how you usually dress if you are comfortable enough to do so. Also I would suggest taking a break from dating to re-group and not sleeping with a guy until things are officially official.

 

"Be expensive"

[dasein]

I dont think every guy did that. I think some decided they didnt like me as much they thought or didnt like me enough to commit/changed their mind. For hobbies I play the piano, read, run, watch TV/movies, rock climb, work out. I dont belong to any clubs but I do snowboard with a group.

 

More social clubs or activities as opposed to solitary hobbies might be worth a look then. Charities can put you around some really cool people for instance.

[forrest]

So you've listed qualities that are definitely great. Going off by that alone would make it seem like a guy would be crazy not to date you (fooling around too early is off putting to a lot of guys though). How about you list some qualities that even you would find difficult to deal with. Are you clingy? Are you actually funny? Do you get and laugh at jokes the guys you are dating make?

 

Also, is it generally difficult for women in your area to date? IE. If you are in NYC, I get why you are having trouble getting into a relationship, or if you live in San Jose, then something else is off.

[LittlePrince]

You are picking the wrong men.

[pbjbear]

My guess is that...You are not exciting enough for these men. You're not really involved in their lives and don't involve them in yours. You also probably don't flirt and tease and make them want to see more. When you say 3 months of dating, did you actually go out with them on dates or just hanging out at home? And did these guys always completely cut contact or came back to you at some point?

 

PM me some pictures if you want. I would not advise you to post your pictures on this forum publicly.

 

How do I PM somebody?