KathyM Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 If he's your boyfriend, undoubtedly he has already kissed you many times and would have already contracted oral herpes if you had it. A person can catch it from a carrier even when it is in the dormant stage, so he probably already has it if you do. But if he's willing to throw your relationship away over that, then good riddance to him anyway. If it were genital herpes or some other type of STD, I could certainly understand him wanting to stay away, because that is a lot more serious, but oral herpes, like you said, amounts to a cold sore on the mouth on rare occasion, which the majority of the population has at some point. I'm surprised that he, as a medical student, is not aware of this. 1
Author eleanorhurting Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 The question is... Does this change the way you feel about him? If not then you're just merely complaining...which is understandable, but give or take a few days or so and you'll cave and then everything will be back to normal. Does this affect you at all how you see your relationship in the big picture and long term? or is this just good for the moment? It definitely does change! It means he will only be with me when things are good the moment i get a cold sore and its over??? I am sure he has never even been tested! He needs to get off his high horse 1
runningfar Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Studies suggest that 90% of the population has herpes simplex type I... more for people in their 20's. He would be cutting off most everyone.. Granted, a lot of people do not know they have it because they never have outbreaks and they DO NOT test for it in routine screenings or ever if you don't have an outbreak. You could have herpes simplex, get a full STD screening, and still not know you have herpes simplex. If you ever had a cold sore or a fever blister, you have it... but not having those doesn't mean you don't. It's not a big deal. I've never had an issue but I'm sure I have it. As does most everyone in this thread, probably.
rainfall Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I think 60% is being generous it seems like it is more from what I have read recently. I think the only way you can know that you do NOT have it is if you got tested. by the way he is still ignoring me. Then he is the one who is going to be hurting his dating options if he wants to be with someone without herpes. It is his choice, his health, and his mouth, and he has every right to decide that he doesn't want to date someone with herpes. Again I do agree that he is acting like a jerk by how he handled it and by ignoring you.....
Drseussgrrl Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Oh please. Do you ask everyone you suck face with if they have HSV 1? Yeah, neither do I. To me, getting a cold sore is about as common as getting a pimple. Some folks are lucky to have flawless skin (the minority) and the rest of us aren't. 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Never have had cold sores, recently tested for all diseases. Im clean. No thanks, dont want herpes. Theres plenty of people without herpes, so Im not hurting myself if I prefer women without it. Its no different than people have age, race, weight or height preferences. Theres plenty of people to go around. This. The point is you don't know if you have them or not unless you test so if you test every girl you kiss on the mouth before you kiss her than good luck but you don't have to have a cold sore to have it. And I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that there is a period right before you get a sore that it is contagious so you wouldn't know. Anyways whatever I don't have it I don't care but if 60% of people have it then I'm not going to shun them.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 If 90% of people in their 20s have some form of herpes, maybe I should use my 100% cleanness and herpes free status as an ingenious marketing focus. I'm in the 10%! You can't get herpes from awkward hugs right?...
TaurusTerp Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I think 60% is being generous it seems like it is more from what I have read recently. I think the only way you can know that you do NOT have it is if you got tested. by the way he is still ignoring me. Who cares, it's his life he can set whatever arbitrary guidelines he wants for his life partner. And "60% of the population has it" is just the worst argument ever. What % of the population is over 5'10 or whatever random rules women put out there? What % has 32Ds? As for the person that claimed it can be transmitted in the latent stage - that is incredibly, incredibly rare. Latent means the virus isn't actively replicating.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Who cares, it's his life he can set whatever arbitrary guidelines he wants for his life partner. And "60% of the population has it" is just the worst argument ever. What % of the population is over 5'10 or whatever random rules women put out there? What % has 32Ds? As for the person that claimed it can be transmitted in the latent stage - that is incredibly, incredibly rare. Latent means the virus isn't actively replicating. Rare but not impossible..
TaurusTerp Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Rare but not impossible.. You can get HIV from shaking hands with a HIV patient with a cut too. 1 in a trillion, but whats the difference. If you're going to claim that someone is a jerk for avoiding people with herpes then you should be willing to date someone with HIV too.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 You can get HIV from shaking hands with a HIV patient with a cut too. 1 in a trillion, but whats the difference. If you're going to claim that someone is a jerk for avoiding people with herpes then you should be willing to date someone with HIV too. My point is that you can't shun those people, especially when you don't know what they have. So unless he is testing every woman he kisses or shares a drink or eating utensil with he has no right to say "I don't date people with herpes" because he doesn't know.
rainfall Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 The point is you don't know if you have them or not unless you test so if you test every girl you kiss on the mouth before you kiss her than good luck but you don't have to have a cold sore to have it. And I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that there is a period right before you get a sore that it is contagious so you wouldn't know. Anyways whatever I don't have it I don't care but if 60% of people have it then I'm not going to shun them. But if someone wants to shun the 60% or 90% of people who have cold sores there is nothing wrong with that. If someone wants to avoid catching herpes but dating someone who doesn't have herpes what is the big deal?
Author eleanorhurting Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 But if someone wants to shun the 60% or 90% of people who have cold sores there is nothing wrong with that. If someone wants to avoid catching herpes but dating someone who doesn't have herpes what is the big deal? Look everyone can have whatever deal breaker they want to have although from a medical point of view, I think not dating someone because they have herpes type 1 is ridiculous. They didn't do anything to catch it. It's like ebstein bar virus (mononucleosis). A lot of people actually have it and they do not get mono. Whatever I'm not going to get into it. The point is my boyfriend is being a rude insensitive jerk. You don't go silent treatment (still has not spoken to me) until noon the next day because of a conversation of herpes type 1 that came up with someone you have been dating for 8 months. If it is SOOOO important to you, find out within a few dates and then dump the person (again, unfair dealbreaker in my opinion). Don't go jerk face on the person 8months in. 4
sweetjasmine Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 You can get HIV from shaking hands with a HIV patient with a cut too. 1 in a trillion, but whats the difference. If you're going to claim that someone is a jerk for avoiding people with herpes then you should be willing to date someone with HIV too. HSV-1 or even HSV-2 are nowhere near comparable to HIV. Even if someone has HSV-2, if they're taking antivirals, the risk of transmission while the virus is active is very low. Not to mention, herpes doesn't kill, and HIV certainly does. People are certainly free to avoid those who have herpes, but I think it's a little silly to avoid someone with just HSV-1. People are never tested for HSV-1, and I bet some don't even remember whether they've ever had a cold sore. And if people were dead serious about avoiding those who may have HSV-1, they'd ask any person they're thinking of kissing on the mouth to get tested for HSV-1 before any smooching was allowed and would never share any drinks with anyone who hasn't been cleared. I highly doubt even those who are super serious about HSV-1 are avoiding mouth kissing people without a full medical work-up. 1
rainfall Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Look everyone can have whatever deal breaker they want to have although from a medical point of view, I think not dating someone because they have herpes type 1 is ridiculous. They didn't do anything to catch it. It's like ebstein bar virus (mononucleosis). A lot of people actually have it and they do not get mono. Whatever I'm not going to get into it. The point is my boyfriend is being a rude insensitive jerk. You don't go silent treatment (still has not spoken to me) until noon the next day because of a conversation of herpes type 1 that came up with someone you have been dating for 8 months. If it is SOOOO important to you, find out within a few dates and then dump the person (again, unfair dealbreaker in my opinion). Don't go jerk face on the person 8months in. I said I think he was being a jerk for how he was acting. You guys have been together for 8 months, you deserve to be treated better than what he is doing. I just don't think he is a jerk for his dating dealbreakers. I think he is a jerk for how he is acting because if them. Maybe he is mad because he feels like you should have said something in the start of your relationship? I think he should at least talk to you, but he seems to be too immature to be in a relationship if this is how he handles problems.
rainfall Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Did you test your boyfriend for herpes before your first kiss?? Exactly. Good bye. Doesn't matter if I tested him, point is we have been together 10 years so I think I would know by now if one of us has herpes....
Author eleanorhurting Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 I said I think he was being a jerk for how he was acting. You guys have been together for 8 months, you deserve to be treated better than what he is doing. I just don't think he is a jerk for his dating dealbreakers. I think he is a jerk for how he is acting because if them. Maybe he is mad because he feels like you should have said something in the start of your relationship? I think he should at least talk to you, but he seems to be too immature to be in a relationship if this is how he handles problems. What should I have said? Right before he kissed me should i have said "oh, by the way, my mom and my sister have HSV1 so odds are I have it too even though I have never had a cold sore. Do you still want to kiss me"? 2
rainfall Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 What should I have said? Right before he kissed me should i have said "oh, by the way, my mom and my sister have HSV1 so odds are I have it too even though I have never had a cold sore. Do you still want to kiss me"? I'm not saying you should have said something, I'm just trying to think of a reason of why he might be acting like such a jerk.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Doesn't matter if I tested him, point is we have been together 10 years so I think I would know by now if one of us has herpes.... That isn't the point. You can get herpes from drinking after someone, eating after someone and kissing, so from the moment you did ANY of those things you could have gotten herpes from him I can guarantee you didn't wait 10 years to do those things right? You didn't make the choice to not date someone with herpes, you lucked out and got a guy who didn't have it. If you met him and he told you within the first few dates he had oral herpes would you have dumped him?
sweetjasmine Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Doesn't matter if I tested him, point is we have been together 10 years so I think I would know by now if one of us has herpes.... The only way to know whether you're free of HSV-1 is to get tested for it. I think I had a cold sore when I was a kid. I've never had one since. That's well over 10 years without obvious evidence that I have HSV-1. That doesn't mean I'm not a carrier. You and your boyfriend could very well have HSV-1 and not know about it. There are even people who have HSV-2 (the genital kind) and have no idea since they've not had an outbreak. 2
TaurusTerp Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 HSV-1 or even HSV-2 are nowhere near comparable to HIV. Even if someone has HSV-2, if they're taking antivirals, the risk of transmission while the virus is active is very low. Not to mention, herpes doesn't kill, and HIV certainly does. People are certainly free to avoid those who have herpes, but I think it's a little silly to avoid someone with just HSV-1. People are never tested for HSV-1, and I bet some don't even remember whether they've ever had a cold sore. And if people were dead serious about avoiding those who may have HSV-1, they'd ask any person they're thinking of kissing on the mouth to get tested for HSV-1 before any smooching was allowed and would never share any drinks with anyone who hasn't been cleared. I highly doubt even those who are super serious about HSV-1 are avoiding mouth kissing people without a full medical work-up. I don't want to turn this into a medical discussion, but your argument applies to HIV too. A person on antiretrovirals for HIV with a low viral load has a very low chance of spreading HIV. And herpes CAN kill. Look up herpes encephalitis, most of which are caused by HSV-1. Also a woman can spread it to her kid, causing brain problems or blindness. Rare in the western world, but not impossible.
rainfall Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 The only way to know whether you're free of HSV-1 is to get tested for it. I think I had a cold sore when I was a kid. I've never had one since. That's well over 10 years without obvious evidence that I have HSV-1. That doesn't mean I'm not a carrier. You and your boyfriend could very well have HSV-1 and not know about it. There are even people who have HSV-2 (the genital kind) and have no idea since they've not had an outbreak. I actually did get tested from oral herpes awhile back. I had a friend who found out her husband was cheating on her and she got tested for every type of std or anything she might have caught from him. I went with her and got tested for everything with her so she wouldn't have to go through it alone. Everything (for both of us ) came back clean.
rainfall Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 That isn't the point. You can get herpes from drinking after someone, eating after someone and kissing, so from the moment you did ANY of those things you could have gotten herpes from him I can guarantee you didn't wait 10 years to do those things right? You didn't make the choice to not date someone with herpes, you lucked out and got a guy who didn't have it. If you met him and he told you within the first few dates he had oral herpes would you have dumped him? I don't eat or drink after anyone besides my boyfriend. I remember too much from my microbiology class..... If he had told me he had herpes I'm not sure what I would have done, I definitely wouldn't kiss him while he was having an outbreak if we stayed together.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I actually did get tested from oral herpes awhile back. I had a friend who found out her husband was cheating on her and she got tested for every type of std or anything she might have caught from him. I went with her and got tested for everything with her so she wouldn't have to go through it alone. Everything (for both of us ) came back clean. But did you test your boyfriend before you kissed him? That is the point. Unless you are sleeping with your friend or kissing her or sharing drinks and utensils with her it is irrelevant.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I don't eat or drink after anyone besides my boyfriend. I remember too much from my microbiology class..... If he had told me he had herpes I'm not sure what I would have done, I definitely wouldn't kiss him while he was having an outbreak if we stayed together. But you can't say that you would not date someone with herpes if you just said that you don't know what you would have done had he told you he had it. Unless you tested him before you shared a first kiss, a first drink share or utensil share then you do not know. You obviously weren't over concerned with herpes when you met him.
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