CptSaveAho Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Oh geez, he was just picking a fight... having fun You should ask him if he has hpv... and if thats a deal breaker within himself.... doesnt 75% of the population have it and guys dont know if they do
Anela Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I cant believe i am losing slep over this I can. You had a fight the other night, and I remember your other posts. You're dealing with some upheaval whilst you travel and decide your next move, and it sounds like he was being a dick (sorry). Sometimes, my dad will poke fun at things, just to get a rise, so I don't know if that's what he's doing, or if he was serious.
CptSaveAho Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I can. You had a fight the other night, and I remember your other posts. You're dealing with some upheaval whilst you travel and decide your next move, and it sounds like he was being a dick (sorry). Sometimes, my dad will poke fun at things, just to get a rise, called stirring the pot, smart men do this
SmileFace Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 called stirring the pot, smart men do this What is the point of stirring the pot while in a relatuinship?
mesmerized Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Look, he is your BOYFRIEND and he is saying this. Even after you told him that you might have it he repeated it. Oral herpes is not a deal breaker for me but how he reacted would be a deal breaker. He certainly doesn't sound like someone you would want to invest in long term.
CptSaveAho Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 What is the point of stirring the pot while in a relatuinship? drama = love .... look how this affects her, it shows him that she still loves him and this proves it.... an old poster here once told me that his dad tells him, he has to go home and pick a fight with his wife so that she knows he still loves her... this is true
Anela Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 called stirring the pot, smart men do this My dad likes to tease a bit, he doesn't like anyone to be genuinely upset. There's a difference. I don't know about eleanor's boyfriend, because I haven't been around him. 1
SmileFace Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 drama = love .... look how this affects her, it shows him that she still loves him and this proves it.... an old poster here once told me that his dad tells him, he has to go home and pick a fight with his wife so that she knows he still loves her... this is true Yes.... teasing with someone who can take. However this isn't what the op described... she is no way pleased by his shenanigans. How is she losing sleep over this showing that she loves him? Well if you are refering to her trying to understand his deal breaker - is that what you mean by proving her love?
CptSaveAho Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Yes.... teasing with someone who can take. However this isn't what the op described... she is no way pleased by his shenanigans. How is she losing sleep over this showing that she loves him? Well if you are refering to her trying to understand his deal breaker - is that what you mean by proving her love? What people dont understand is that her EMOTIONS aren't his problem, tomorrow they will both talk it over like rational adults and move forward. Her being angry upset right now is HER problem and healthy. As a guy, you do have to pick a fight every once and a while and leave to keep your girlfriend/wife/etc in check... its an emotional thing
Anela Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 What people dont understand is that her EMOTIONS aren't his problem, tomorrow they will both talk it over like rational adults and move forward. Her being angry upset right now is HER problem and healthy. As a guy, you do have to pick a fight every once and a while and leave to keep your girlfriend/wife/etc in check... its an emotional thing The other night, he told her that she is too emotional - so maybe he should stop "stirring the pot" if he sincerely feels that way. You would think that he wouldn't want to contribute to that emotionality. (I know that you're talking about that damned roller-coaster that some men seem to think women love to be on. I never have enjoyed it, it makes me want to get away from the person doing their best to keep me on there, and I hate actual roller-coasters, too. They get you going, and then bitch about you being too emotional, which keeps it going...)
SmileFace Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 What people dont understand is that her EMOTIONS aren't his problem, tomorrow they will both talk it over like rational adults and move forward. Her being angry upset right now is HER problem and healthy. As a guy, you do have to pick a fight every once and a while and leave to keep your girlfriend/wife/etc in check... its an emotional thing I rather be single and will run at these games. No thank you truthfuly. 3
CptSaveAho Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) People do it naturally without even thinking about it... Why do couples have fights and then have intense/excellent sex afterwards (Stirring the pot) Its the same thing... Im just pointing out what people do naturally... some are more obvious then others Dating/relationships etc is like fishing, you let the fish bite the hook, you give it some slack and when it thinks its getting away, you reel it in hard. Women do the same thing with sex, train/manipulate their partners with it to make them do what they want and reward them Edited November 27, 2012 by CptSaveAho
lovebug1234 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 while I understand his pain, he's sounds like a annoying and whiny. but you're putting up with him.
LittlePrince Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 So my boyfriend (maybe soon to be ex-boyfriend) and I just had an argument about... herpes HOw did it happen? he found acyclovir in the house he is staying in and he asked me to remind him what acyclovir is for (he is also a medical student). I told him: acyclovir is for herpes and related things. him: that is gross I can't believe so and so has herpes me: She could have oral herpes. him: still, it is gross. That would be a dealbreaker for me me: oral herpes? the one that little kids get? the one that like 60% of the population has? him: yes. that is gross. Total dealbreaker. Do you have it? me: quite possibly. My mom and my sister both have had outbreaks in the past and since it is transnmitted by drinking from cups and stuff like that, I could have it. But i have never had an outbreak him: I could never date someone with tan STD that is so gross. He is seriously saying that herpes type 1 is a dealbreaker for him Is it me or is this total douche behavior? Is this a dealbreaker for someone else out there?? Cold sores are a STD?
mammasita Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Here's the question OP, would YOU date someone with herpes (oral or genital)? In any case, He is ignorant on the subject. I mean ****, I know more about herpes from reading about Vanessa Williams and Paris Hilton. 1 of every 5 have herpes 2 and 90% of adults will have type 1 by age 50. Sure, he can have his opinion and preferences but his ignorance and closed mind would be a deal breaker for me. 1
ja123 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 The well known path for docs of his type is: psychiatry. The specialty where he can do the least harm. With rigid, jugmental attitudes, he could actually do quite a lot of harm in psychiatry. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 This reminds of when my ex said "I would never date a girl that took anti-depressants at any point in her life" <I took anti-depressants for a short while> Statements like this are just tip of the iceberg. 2
xxoo Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Sounds like he made an assumption, got called on it, and stubbornly stuck to his position no matter who or what he offended because he has trouble admitting he was wrong. In a LTR, you do sometimes need to let things go--realize this is not the hill you want to die on. Underreact, "Hmmm...." and move on. Realize that his theoretical position on cold sores will most likely be challenged by life at some point, when someone he loves has one (like his wife or child), and he'll get over it. 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I know. And not everyone has it. You know that like 3/4s of people have oral herpes or cold sores.. Not saying its not gross but more than likely you have it. If you have ever had a cold sore or even of you haven't had one. Just saying
BetheButterfly Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 The more you post about him, the more I question what you see in him... Agreed. It reminds me of when I was considering dating a man who thought that people who had bipolar were possessed by demons. I was floored, since I have 2 family members who have bipolar through no fault of their own. Needless to say, I decided not to date him. People get diseases and have disorders. It doesn't mean they (the people) are bad or disgusting. Of course diseases and disorders aren't fun and I don't think anybody wants them, but we can and need to still love people no matter what diseases or disorder they have. People are people and are worthy of love, respect, and cared for no matter what ailment they suffer. 1
rainfall Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) i feel like having a deal breaker be a health condition that 60% or more of the population has is unreasonable I understand his point of view. Yeah 60% of the population do have it, but if he is one of the ones without it and wants to stay that why there is nothing wrong with it. Although I think the way he handled it was immature... I personally have never had a cold sore and probably wouldn't want to date someone who was the same. Thankfully my boyfriend hasn't ever had one. I am not sure if it would be a deal breaker for me or not though. I know I would want to try to keep from getting cold sores, because if nothing else from what I have heard from people who have them they hurt alot. Edited November 27, 2012 by rainfall 1
Author eleanorhurting Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 I think 60% is being generous it seems like it is more from what I have read recently. I think the only way you can know that you do NOT have it is if you got tested. by the way he is still ignoring me.
BetheButterfly Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I think 60% is being generous it seems like it is more from what I have read recently. I think the only way you can know that you do NOT have it is if you got tested. by the way he is still ignoring me. It always makes me wonder if people who don't care for others simply because they have a disease, if they will someday experience having a disease and if others will shun them? Maybe others will be kinder to them they they are to others?
kaylan Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 You know that like 3/4s of people have oral herpes or cold sores.. Not saying its not gross but more than likely you have it. If you have ever had a cold sore or even of you haven't had one. Just saying Never have had cold sores, recently tested for all diseases. Im clean. No thanks, dont want herpes. Theres plenty of people without herpes, so Im not hurting myself if I prefer women without it. Its no different than people have age, race, weight or height preferences. Theres plenty of people to go around.I understand his point of view. Yeah 60% of the population do have it, but if he is one of the ones without it and wants to stay that why there is nothing wrong with it. Although I think the way he handled it was immature... I personally have never had a cold sore and probably wouldn't want to date someone who was the same. Thankfully my boyfriend hasn't ever had one. I am not sure if it would be a deal breaker for me or not though. I know I would want to try to keep from getting cold sores, because if nothing else from what I have heard from people who have them they hurt alot. This.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 The question is... Does this change the way you feel about him? If not then you're just merely complaining...which is understandable, but give or take a few days or so and you'll cave and then everything will be back to normal. Does this affect you at all how you see your relationship in the big picture and long term? or is this just good for the moment?
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