kaylan Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Im terrrrrible at rejecting people. I always feel awkward and guilty and have in the past made up BS reasons as to why I didnt want to date a particular girl. I just feel uncomfy outright telling someone things I find negative about them and would rather not hurt them. That being said, Ive never used the "Im seeing someone" excuse. I know women have before...and a couple guys I know have used it once or twice. It seems like a good go to if you want to reject someone, but let them down easy and not bruise their ego badly. What do yall think?
tigressA Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I use that line all the time while out with girlfriends and having guys I'm not at all attracted to make passes at me. It's the easiest thing to say in that sort of situation, and it's likely I'll never see that person again. If I'm getting to know someone and they make it known they want to date me and I'm not interested, I will be honest with them as to why. Sometimes I actually am seeing someone, other times I'm not. 2
Pyro Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Im terrrrrible at rejecting people. I always feel awkward and guilty and have in the past made up BS reasons as to why I didnt want to date a particular girl. I just feel uncomfy outright telling someone things I find negative about them and would rather not hurt them. That being said, Ive never used the "Im seeing someone" excuse. I know women have before...and a couple guys I know have used it once or twice. It seems like a good go to if you want to reject someone, but let them down easy and not bruise their ego badly. What do yall think? That excuse isn't going to hurt anyone so nothing wrong with using it.
Imported Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 The only way it can seem mean is if you are at a club or similar and in one instance you're telling a girl that you're taken and 10 minutes later you're hitting on some other girl that you actually want. Are these women from online dating or something? Would assume no, since you'd both be...trying to get dates. Are they women you might see regularly? That can fact check. Just go with, "We are not compatible." ...."why not?" "Because." ..."no, tell me why." "I just don't think we are right for each other. That's all." Don't ever give a real reason. She keeps asking, give her more of the same.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I never make something up. I tell them the truth, with tact - nothing personal, but I'm not interested, or I don't see us as a match. If they press me to tell them why, I'll get more specific, being honest yet tactful with what I say. You can be honest without being rude about it. 2
carhill Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 What do yall think? When I've heard it in the past, and I have, I accepted it as a rejection, which it was.
dasein Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 This topic comes up fairly frequently here in a different context. I tell men to be a little persistent past the "BF declaration" when meeting new women, keep talking in a flirty way and see what gels. I then get jumped by posters who claim women never lie about having a BF, and should always be taken at their word. Have had many women work the fake BF into a convo early on and then miraculously retract him 20 minutes later. "I just want you to know that I'm not really serious with the guy I'm seeing, we aren't exclusive yaddayadda." It's very often IME an option women throw out there and maintain so they can bail easily if the guy isn't cool. Talked to one of my best female friends on the phone tonight. She -always- has a BF despite spending about half her life without anything resembling a BF. It's when she -doesn't- have a BF that she most likely has a real one actually. Many women don't like to ever admit that they are totally and completely single. My friend may have had a fling last year, but when meeting new men, that fling can become a BF in the blink of an eye until she gets a feel for who she is talking to. I don't begrudge women this, but it does most definitely go on more than many will admit.
peytondoll Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Really? Youre not doing a good job of convincing me youre not manipulative and that youre an honest person. Just say youre not right for each other. No need to lie and make up excuses
carhill Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I understand only too well, having had dozens of female friends in life, why they lie (they tell me why) but also understand that, when getting the 'I'm seeing someone' response when asking a lady out, she's clearly decided in those ten seconds that I'm not tickling her nether regions and nothing is going to happen. Could she change her mind later? Sure. If she does, that's on her. I've moved on, and did. She had her chance to be honest and/or single and desirous of my company.
phineas Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 9/10 times their over weight & I tell them i'm looking for someone who follows a similar lifestyle as myself. This is actually 100% true. I can't date a couch potato or someone who eats like crap regularly. It just wouldn't work. the other 1 time it's because there is something "off" about them & then I just lie cause those chicks can be crazy. LOL!
dasein Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I understand only too well, having had dozens of female friends in life, why they lie (they tell me why) but also understand that, when getting the 'I'm seeing someone' response when asking a lady out, she's clearly decided in those ten seconds that I'm not tickling her nether regions and nothing is going to happen. Could she change her mind later? Sure. If she does, that's on her. I've moved on, and did. She had her chance to be honest and/or single and desirous of my company. I'm talking more about the first meeting of strangers, not the asking out part. If I ask a woman out and she says "BF" I'm gone. However, when meeting strangers, have found a little flirtatious persistence can make the initial "BF" they love to slide into early approaches, usually along the lines of "My BF feels the same way, or I was talking to my BF about that very thing," go "poof" if she decides you aren't a weirdo. Whole testing process usually takes less than 20-30 minutes, and if she is still throwing out BF flags after that, and hasn't retracted them, will move on.
carhill Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 OK, that makes sense. I've never asked a stranger out on a date. There was always prior contact through family, social circle, work, etc.
NoMoreJerks Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I've done it once, when a guy I wasn't into approached me.. i just figured that anything else I said would still leave him hoping that I might change my mind -- except that excuse; if I'm seeing someone, he will back off. I don't know if he bought it when I said it, as I was on my own at the bar. but he did back off and did not bother me again (whereas before I said that, he had already approached me TWICE).
Jane2011 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I don't get asked out or hit on so often that I can say I use this line/lie "all the time," but I've certainly used it before. Last time was this past spring.
LittlePrince Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Im terrrrrible at rejecting people. I always feel awkward and guilty and have in the past made up BS reasons as to why I didnt want to date a particular girl. I just feel uncomfy outright telling someone things I find negative about them and would rather not hurt them. That being said, Ive never used the "Im seeing someone" excuse. I know women have before...and a couple guys I know have used it once or twice. It seems like a good go to if you want to reject someone, but let them down easy and not bruise their ego badly. What do yall think? You don't need to get into the details of why. You just tell them the truth of how your interest is lacking in pursuing a social arrangement such as pairbonding. If you use those words you'll have more pressing matters than a bruised ego. A trip to the ER's nerd ward as a patient will likely be on your itinerary.
veggirl Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 oh man I have told like 47198307403 guys "I have a boyfriend" when I was single. Half of them would come back with some s.hit like "well he doesn't have to know, does he?" or "well, that doesn't mean we couldn't be friends" 1
runningfar Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Im terrrrrible at rejecting people. I always feel awkward and guilty and have in the past made up BS reasons as to why I didnt want to date a particular girl. I just feel uncomfy outright telling someone things I find negative about them and would rather not hurt them. That being said, Ive never used the "Im seeing someone" excuse. I know women have before...and a couple guys I know have used it once or twice. It seems like a good go to if you want to reject someone, but let them down easy and not bruise their ego badly. What do yall think? No way would I lie about seeing somebody. That would be far more cruel when they find out you aren't or you do start seeing someone new. Plus word could get around and limit options because of your imaginary relationship. /Though I did keep my wedding ring on for a while after my divorce. I didn't want options and wasn't going to date anybody.
irc333 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Actually, the most COMMON thing women do, (at leas with me) and yes...these are women I've met in person....even before the internet. I'd get their number. Call their #...and here's what happens 1. They don't answer the phone, let the VM get it.....I leave a message, they don't call back. 2. No Voicemail, phone never picks up 3. They do pick up, however there's always an excuse, but they love to talk your ear off. I never make something up. I tell them the truth, with tact - nothing personal, but I'm not interested, or I don't see us as a match. If they press me to tell them why, I'll get more specific, being honest yet tactful with what I say. You can be honest without being rude about it.
Revolver Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I don't use that line. I keep it real. This isn't high school anymore, were adults here.
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