gina42 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I'm in a 10 month relationship with my BF. I love him, and trust him 100%. I have zero doubts about him doing anything remotely cheating related. That being said, I have some insecurity issues. Mainly they are body ones. I have had 2 kids and being pregnant has left me with some body issues that I am not happy with. They are totally my issues and Im trying really hard to deal with them. BF is beyond supportive of me and reassuring and telling me he loves me, finds me attractive, tells me I'm beautiful. etc. THe jealousy is me coming from me driving myself crazy thinking about his past sex life. Anytime we do anything new or he tells me something he really likes and wants to try, I can't stop thinking that he's done all that with someone else. The sex with us is amazing. Passion is off the charts. Tells me he has never had this with others, even though he did have some intense relationships. When we first met and were just friends..which was very brief, before we actually started dating. We talked about past sex-capades. And he told me his one ex was hands down, the best sex of his life. So here we are 10 months later and I;m always wondering....is she still the best? He tells me EVERYTHING is the best with me. I know I should just believe it. Part of me wants to ask him that question...although I know he would say I am the best. I don't know if I'd believe him. So really, whats the point of asking? lol I love this man with all my heart and I know he does love me the same. We used to date many years ago in college and have rekindled something that is beyond amazing. I just cant get past my own insecurities. Help!! Gina
salparadise Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) You have to realize that everyone who has relationship experience has similar questions floating through their imagination from time to time. The difference is only that you're dwelling on it from the insecurity perspective rather than just accepting that you and he have a great sex life and concentrating on making it better all the time. Sex is not a linear, single dimensional thing where everyone is measured on the same scale. So don't compare, and don't assume he's comparing. Just dismiss these thoughts as cognitive static and be ok with ambiguity. Just imagine what sort of linear comparason us guys might worry about if we allowed ourselves to dwell on such things. Edited November 27, 2012 by salparadise
Trixis4kidz Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Here is a newsflash - no one can make you secure, just as no one can make you insecure. This is a "you" thing. It's not this guy, obviously since he is telling you all the things you want to hear and YOU are not believing him, it would be the same with anyone else. So the first thing you need to do is examine yourself and understand why you feel the need to be insecure. I understand you're not happy with your body, well guess what - if YOU'RE not happy - then why not do something that will make you feel happy with yourself or comfortable with yourself. And I'm not saying join a gym and lose 30 pounds, unless that's what you want to do. I am saying seek out ways to feel good about yourself, a support group, a club, church (if that's your thing), any type of positive activity that can help you to appreciate yourself. Appreciate your relationship and don't self-sabotage it with your doubts and insecurities.
Recommended Posts