Why do men have a timeline of when they must have had sex by?

[SJC2008]

People have different views on sex and how soon it should be had. IMO people have sex too fast and wind up emotionally invested and in relationships with people they are not compatible with, but thought they were. I'm no nun and I'd say 1-3 months is a good timeline for me. It tells me she won't hop into the sack right away but isn't holding out either.

[Imported]

Sex is really good with people who are of the same mind. I would not want to be romantically involved with a girl and find out she thinks sex is just for procreating.

[Cutiepie1976]

Most guys are full of crap peyton. Don't put much faith into what they have to say about timelines and stuff like that. It's bull**** meant to impress the other men around them.

 

Yup!!

 

Your objective is to focus on picking guys whose actions and statements are compatible with yours...whose values match yours...whose relationship goals match yours. Don't worry about everyone else! Do you worry about dating practices in Timbuktu? Probably not. Ditto for guys posting on bulletin boards whose views don't match yours. Totally irrelevant.

 

I have never had a date/boyfriend pressure me to sleep with him before I was ready. He's clear that he's frisky, turned on by me, and raring to move forward, but there's no emotional blackmail of "put out" or I walk. Just not seen! I've also never had him walk, no matter how high his sex drive, because I kept him waiting "too long." Nor has anyone ever complained about my performance IF/WHEN I finally decided to become intimate.They were thrilled with what I did for them once things progressed.

 

I'm not sure if internet chat rooms are unreliable like men's locker rooms, or if the types of guys in these forums are just very different from the guys I encounter in my life. Possibly it has to do with goals. A guy looking for a ONS is less concerned about you than someone who sees potential for an LTR with you.

 

Either way, do what feels natural and comfortable for you. Don't let a bunch of strangers take you outside your comfort zone. Pick someone to date who respects your feelings, wants you to feel comfortable, and doesn't want you to harbor regret.

 

Good luck!

[Ruby Slippers]

If someone can't respect a reasonable timeline for the build-up to sex (or any other significant part of a relationship), they simply don't like the person that much.

 

Many of the same men who are complaining about a woman not sharing herself physically in the most intimate way would be the same ones to defend their right to take it slow emotionally.

 

So don't see it as any loss for a man to move on because you don't have sex fast. They're not the men you want to be with, anyway.

[dasein]

This is true, and despite not having a timeline, I know from experience if it hasn't happened in a month or two on the outside, it ain't ever happening. Every woman I've ever dated who said she thought I was special and didn't want to mess anything up or go too fast was banging another guy or just not that attracted to me. Every... single... one. And that's from dating hundreds of women all over of all walks of life, religions, races, ethnicities, ages over many years. So though I don't have a timeline as an expectation for sex, I do have a timeline as to almost certain outcome if sex hasn't happened by a certain point or isn't squarely on the table.

 

So it's unfair to men to automatically attribute having a timeline to our own arrogance, horniness or bad attitude, we just learn naturally over time that if it doesn't happen in a certain timeframe, it is never happening and best to move on and stop wasting time.

[NoMoreJerks]

If someone can't respect a reasonable timeline for the build-up to sex (or any other significant part of a relationship), they simply don't like the person that much.

Yeah, agreed ! I think reasonable = not more than 1 month, though. Heck, if I am very interested in the guy, and turned on by him, I wouldn't even wait for a month. I would go for it when I feel it's "right." I don't even have rules for that sort of thing.

 

Many of the same men who are complaining about a woman not sharing herself physically in the most intimate way would be the same ones to defend their right to take it slow emotionally.

Exactly -- it's pure and simple hypocrisy on their part.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Many of the same men who are complaining about a woman not sharing herself physically in the most intimate way would be the same ones to defend their right to take it slow emotionally.

Terrible analogy. Sex and falling in love are two different things.

[Cutiepie1976]

Dont blame us guys for having experience teach us that if things havent gotten at least a little bit sexual within a certain time frame, that the woman isnt interested.

 

...Ive had sex with all did it within the same time frame, whether they were good girls or bad girls.

 

From your statements, it seems you have very limited experience with women. With time, you'll realize that there is a wide range from person to person and even for the same person moving from couple to couple. There are no doubt a variety of reasons why you're getting friend zoned by women you're interested in. Delaying sex is not a common reason for this.

[dasein]

Well could go further and say that if sex is happening, 90% of the time for me it's going to be in the first month, which usually means 3-5 dates. I've hung around for month 2 for the other 10% possibility in the past, case by case. So I'm not really hinging any timeline on "months," but mostly on the first month.

 

The point remains that any man's timeline isn't solely a product of male expectation or demand, but also male realization of how things turn out and just accepting given realities. Ya'll sure as hell aren't going to tell us it ain't happening while you enjoy the attention, so we have to figure some things out on our own via harsh life experience.

 

I can't count on both hands and feet the women I've wasted time with who had no intention of ever sleeping with me or anything else because they were getting that elsewhere, sometimes from several elsewheres. They just wanted a respectable BF to "tell about" while they banged my favorite stereotype, tuque wearing hipster "Uwe" with the crystals.

[ThaWholigan]

Look, let me break it down for people here seeing as this is turning into a retarded warzone.

 

Not everybody experiences attraction the same way as each other. Some men want to rush into sex on the first hint of attraction, and guess what? Some men don't!!! Shock horror.

 

Same with women, there are a lot of women who would prefer to wait to build more of a connection before feeling comfortable enough to sleep with a man and there is nothing wrong with that, and being selective about it. Guess what? Some women don't need this!

 

Everybody has their own personal timeline, one which is flexible according to their needs and whomever is compatible with those needs. There will be mismatches, there will be men trying their best to get laid immediately, and there will be women who are ready for sex before the men even. There will be a variety of different scenarios between different people.

 

So lumping all men into the same mode of behavior, is f*cking retarded and insulting to the nth degree, as is lumping all women into the same mode of behavior, or at the very worst pretending that they are the only ones that get burned by the dating world. If you have a problem with someone's timeline, that doesn't automatically make you a jerk unless you were actually being a jerk about it. That goes for both genders too.

 

And lastly, don't put words into people's mouths to fit your preconceived prejudices about what "most men" or "most women" do. It's f*cking stupid, and it speaks volumes about what a f*cking piece of sh*t you are.

 

Goodnight.

 

/thread.