The last stand for a second chance?

[chris neil]

Hello everyone, I'm new here and this is gonna be my first post. I never thought I would be doing this but it looks like life is full of surprises. The text is a bit long but please bear with me.

 

Okay, here is the background of the situation I have found myself in:

I'm a 22-year old university student and my ex-girlfriend is 21. We met about 3½ months ago with a little introduction by her mother. We started talking in Facebook and eventually I asked her for a date etc. She obviously had a crush on me and after our 2nd date we started a relationship. Clearly thinking now we really moved too fast in the beginning and I quickly fell in love with her. She was my first true love, I had never felt as strongly toward anyone before. I ended up telling her that I love her after 2 weeks of relationship. We never had sex, I didn't feel she was ready for it and didn't want to rush things, so I decided to put it off until later in our relationship.

 

Anyway, everything was great and awesome for the first 2 months, I went over to her place every weekend and we got together 1-2 times during weekday evenings usually. She still lived with her family so obviously I very quickly met them all and felt like I was part of their family. But then, after 2 months everything suddenly changed. We had a weekend trip which (in my opinion) went great. After that she suddenly started feeling very distant, avoiding answering my questions in text messages and not wanting to see more than a few hours per week and not wanting me over for weekends (didn't even offer any explanation for it).

 

When we did meet, she seemed normal and I thought that maybe I was just overthinking things, so I let it be for a couple of weeks. Eventually I felt clearly that something was off and I asked her if something's wrong and if I'm being too pushy and clingy - she said that everything was going great in her opinion and that there was nothing to worry about, that she did not feel I was being too clingy. Again, I let it be and but the next week she started feeling distant and cold even when she came over. Even when we talked in Facebook or via text messages, she seemed so distant that I could no longer take it. I called her to discuss the situation and she said she'd come over next day to talk in person.

 

Deep down I knew she was going to come end it, but I kept telling myself that maybe there's still a way to talk things through. Well, when she came - I asked her what's been going on lately, then she dropped the bombshell - that she no longer felt anything more than friendship between us (I could tell from her face and mannerisms that she was really nervous and close to crying). She claimed it had only started feeling like that a few days ago but I find that really hard to believe. Then she gave me the classic "it's not about you, it's just my situation currently" and we decided to break up. She also gave me the ridiculous "we can still be friends" line, which I answered with some half-assed "we can try". I was absolutely crushed naturally. Later in the evening I sent her a text and asked if there's some tips she could give me as to what went wrong and how to improve myself, she just replied that "you don't need to change anything in yourself, I think you deserve someone better". I thanked her and that was the last contact I had with her.

 

After break-up:

I have kept No Contact for 2 weeks now. I feel much better but I can't accept that it's over this easily, I have decided that I am going to try and win her back. I know it's a very foolish decision and chances are that I'm only gonna hurt myself worse, but I feel that I will forever regret not trying to get a second chance if I give up now.

 

Self-reflection:

I have done lots of self-reflection and realized that I have made SO many mistakes and it's no wonder she lost the spark. The main reasons I deducted to be the fault are:

 

1. I was VERY needy and clingy. I bombarded her with FB messages and text messages almost daily.

2. It was constantly me asking to meet her, and getting sulky if she refused.

3. I was insecure and constantly worrying about losing her, even though everything was going great. But I'm sure she saw very clearly my insecurity and that must've pushed her farther away. So unmanly.

4. We moved too fast.

 

It's also noteworthy to say that we are very different persons, almost opposites. She's naturally distant, mentally strong and independant woman - whereas I'm a silent, not very social person but a hopeless romantic. She never did seem to enjoy all that much my "cuddling efforts", although she never pushed me away either.

 

It's amazing really, how I could become this kind of person. I never ever before this relationship thought I could be so weak minded. I definitely feel like I have changed for a much better person after realizing these things. I have accepted that the break-up was necessary and even a good thing - since it made me realize and re-invent myself, my only regret is losing her to achieve it. I now understand that I don't NEED her, I WANT her.

 

The Plan:

This is why I am planning on writing her a letter next week (yes, old fashioned) where I tell her that I have a thought about things, realized my mistakes and re-found myself, how it made me a better person. That I accept the decision to break-up, that it really was necessary and in the end, a good thing. I will write that our relationship taught me so much and I will not make the same mistakes again, and that I only regret losing her to realize it. Finally in the letter I will write that I hope that some day I will get a second chance to begin anew, bury the old but that I completely understand if she will never give me another chance.

 

After sending it, I will simply wait if she will contact me or not. If not, atleast I tried my everything and will not have any regrets left - try to move on. This is my last stand in this rollercoaster of emotions.

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I apologize for the loooong post, hope that you great friends will have the patience to read through it and offer me your feedback and opinions on it. I would love to hear what you others think. Do I have any hope? I wonder if she ever truly loved me, despite saying she did. And if she did, is there any chance of re-igniting the spark we once had?

 

-Chris

Edited November 26, 2012 by chris neil

[badshayshay]

Okay, so I just had this happen this summer....except I was the girl in you're situation. I think you should give it one last chance and try to get her back. Maybe she was just getting bored with the relationship. If she takes you back try to spice things up a bit =) But I definitely think you should at least try to get her back this one last time.

[chris neil]

Thank you for your reply. Yes, I agree it's quite possible she was getting bored. I will go with my plan and hope for the best. Thanks for the encouragement!

Edited November 26, 2012 by chris neil