aesoupstar Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 This is all entirely my fault and this story is probably going to sound bad, but I need advice. A few months ago I started going out of town every weekend to visit with my sister and my niece. While visiting with my sister, I met a handful of really cool people and we are all kind of like a family now. When ever I go down there, I stay with - we'll just call them Bob and Billy for privacy purposes. So, when I go down there I stay with Bob, Billy and Bob's girlfriend. Now, our "family" is a very close-knit group, we're very touchy/feely...we all hug. A lot. Anyways, Bob and Billy only have their two beds at their apartment, so I would bunk with Billy every weekend. One weekend, our entire group went out to the bar, and Billy and I ended up hooking up that night and we kind of became a couple. We have only been together a few weeks. And I feel completely horrible about our whole relationship. I feel like I've lead him on which, technically, I have. Things were ok and normal for a little while after that night at the bar, but now he's done this complete 180. He has become very clingy. Just before we left for the bar those few weeks ago, he pulled the "i love you" card and has continued to pull it since. He is always touching me, he never tells me when my sister-in-law calls if I am out with him, I am never allowed to sit in my own seat, I always have to be sitting on his lap, he's always trying to feel me up. Oh, and let's not forget the most important thing that freaked me out...I have a family heirloom ring from my ex fiancee. Billy at one point had said that if he ever decided to marry me that he was going to "steal" my ring, have it cleaned and sized and ask me to marry him with that ring. ... Up until the point where he started getting really clingy, everything seemed ok between us. But then all the clingy happened and he started telling people that him and I were dating. And I don't know, I'm still in love with my ex fiancee and nowhere near ready to be in any kind of relationship with anyone other than him and I don't know how to break it to Billy. I feel really bad because I care about him and I value our friendship and I don't want to hurt him, but in the end I know that's all I'm going to end up doing. And I REALLY don't want him to go all psycho stalker on me or whatever. I can't help but feel like this is all my fault and like I lead him on and I don't know what to say to him or how to say it.
truth_seeker Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Okay, I've had a girl lead me in the past and can tell you what you need to do so you don't come off like a heartless b-tch. You phone him and tell him that you can't continue dating him. The reason: you're not over your fiancee and you need to sort these feelings out before you can be involved in a serious relationship with someone else. You say the above and you're set. It's up to him to respect your wishes. If he's an adult, he gives you your space. If he's an idiot then you have a talk with Bob and the other friend and tell them to make sure Billy respects your feelings. You need to be direct yet compassionate when doing this. It's when women throw out subtle indirect hints or are cold, that's what makes a guy (in my case) wonder and want to know what is going on. If you tell a guy straight up the truth, it will save you and him a ton of time and energy. 1
sabre80 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 WHY would you keep a family heirloom from your ex? Did he propose with the heirloom. Something like that you should have given back. When I found out my ex wife was cheating on me one of the things I secured (like bank accounts and such) before confronting her was my great great great grandmother's ring. It was an old ugly poorly fashioned gold ring that my great great great grandfather made himself, but it has been in my family for 6 generations. 2
Imajerk17 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) WHY would you keep a family heirloom from your ex? Did he propose with the heirloom. Something like that you should have given back. When I found out my ex wife was cheating on me one of the things I secured (like bank accounts and such) before confronting her was my great great great grandmother's ring. It was an old ugly poorly fashioned gold ring that my great great great grandfather made himself, but it has been in my family for 6 generations. That stood out for me too. Besides all that, OP, what truth_seeker said. Meanwhile, you need to get yourself some better boundaries. I think your problems started BEFORE you and Billy actually hooked up. Talking about people you've known only a few months as "family" and sleeping in bed with Billy (if he's family, does that make him your brother? ewwww) sounds vaguely creepy. How did you all bond? I'd love to see what it took for you to agree to that arrangement in the first place. Edited November 26, 2012 by Imajerk17
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