The end of the affair

[Daphne Adora]

I'm new here. I am having trouble coping with being dumped by my lover. We had an affair for about six months. He was a mutual friend of my husband and mine. (he's single). He told me it's over more than a month ago. He did it out of safety and to avoid ever getting caught. (although sometimes I feel like he did it because he didn't want me anymore. not sure). Anyway, i've been making an ass of myself, emailing him several times with no response. I don't know what i'm thinking. I know in my heart I could never leave my husband (and child) but I crave this man so much. I want the excitement and sex back in my life. He's all I think about, all day long. A part of me thinks I can break him down again and have another run at it. Am I being crazy? I still love my husband, so why do I need this affair so bad?

[Mcnulty]

He's came to his senses and you haven't. You say you love your husband, but I'm guessing you're not IN love with him..if you were, you wouldn't have cheated on him and your child.

 

"break him down again"..urgh, you sound like a mercenary. Have you actually thought about what you have done and the possible ramifications of your selfish actions?

 

If you want the man, the sex and the excitement, do your husband a favour and have the balls to walk away.

[movingon12]

I'm new here. I am having trouble coping with being dumped by my lover. We had an affair for about six months. He was a mutual friend of my husband and mine. (he's single). He told me it's over more than a month ago. He did it out of safety and to avoid ever getting caught. (although sometimes I feel like he did it because he didn't want me anymore. not sure). Anyway, i've been making an ass of myself, emailing him several times with no response. I don't know what i'm thinking. I know in my heart I could never leave my husband (and child) but I crave this man so much. I want the excitement and sex back in my life. He's all I think about, all day long. A part of me thinks I can break him down again and have another run at it. Am I being crazy? I still love my husband, so why do I need this affair so bad?

 

That there is the million dollar question.

 

Until you work this out, you're going to drive yourself crazy. The ex doesn't want to date you anymore - for whatever reason - so you really need to put that behind you, work out what you got from him that you don't get from your husband, and then focus on changing your relationship so you *do* get what you need from your husband.

[geegirl]

He may have decided to walk away due to his conscience or that he did not want to invest in a dead-end anymore.

 

If you have exhausted all efforts in making your marriage work, then let your husband go. Allow him the opportunity to invest his life in an honest relationship. All you speak about is what you want.

 

Have you discussed your needs to your husband in terms of what you believe is lacking in the marriage? If you haven't tried to work things out, but feel the need to jump from one bad situation to another in hopes of filling a void that nobody can help you fill other than yourself, then I would suggest you think of the repercussions of what your actions could do to your husband and child and start thinking of ways to fix what you believe you love.

[Daphne Adora]

I haven't discussed anything with my husband. I compartmentalize my life. I've been with my husband since we were in high school. The love will always be there. But how do I feel wanted, desired again?

[geegirl]

I haven't discussed anything with my husband. I compartmentalize my life. I've been with my husband since we were in high school. The love will always be there. But how do I feel wanted, desired again?

 

If you feel there is much lacking from your husband, you need to discuss it with your husband. Your marriage consists of two people. There is no compartmentalizing when it comes to a union that requires joint effort. Seek couples counseling or individual counseling.

 

The "love" will always be there for you but I don't believe he deserves love that is fostering infidelity. He's better off without.

 

You've not once mentioned guilt or remorse for your actions towards your husband but instead moan the loss of your lover and scheme to try and rope him back in.

 

I think you confuse love with an attachment, a comfortable existence you've had with someone you're grown accustomed to for many years.

[ReadMyThread]

This thread makes me sick. Seriously. End it with your husband, forget about the pathetic ex because HE DOESN'T WANT YOU. (Probably because he knows your a cheater. Duh!) , take care of your kid, and find someone who gives you the sex and excitement, then grow up and stop being a ****ing sl**. Simple.

[Chi townD]

seriously?!?!? You're coming on a forum where a lot of us have been crushed and destroyed by infidelity and you come on her looking for advice to keep the affair going? really?!?!?

 

You just want it all, don't you? The safety and security of the family, home and marriage. And then the excitement of the affair. This is called cake eating. You want it all. But, I bet your affair wouldn't be so "special" to you if your husband ever finds out about this. And you know what the rub is here. Your husband already knows!!!!

 

He may not know that your having an affair, but he knows somethings up with you. Subconiously, you're acting differently around him. Even if you don't realize it. You may have acted all depressed when your douche rocket of an affair partner kicked you to the curb. Your husband probably noticed a change. Or when you were having the affair, he may have noticed when you come home in a good mood after betraying him. He probably noticed. And sooner or later, he's going to put the pieces together and discover that something isn't adding up. Then, he'll start looking for answers. Hell, he might even find LS and start a thread "Is she cheating on me?" And he'll tell his story, and I'll tell him "Yep! She's cheating on you!" And I'll tell him EXACTLY how to catch you.

 

What did your husband do to you to deserve this? Is your affair worth losing your family over? Is it worth being a part time mom? Not seeing your kids anytime you want due to joint custody? Is your douche rocket affair partner worth that much to you to lose your husband and your kids over?

 

That's the road you're heading down....

[ReadMyThread]

seriously?!?!? You're coming on a forum where a lot of us have been crushed and destroyed by infidelity and you come on her looking for advice to keep the affair going? really?!?!?

 

You just want it all, don't you? The safety and security of the family, home and marriage. And then the excitement of the affair. This is called cake eating. You want it all. But, I bet your affair wouldn't be so "special" to you if your husband ever finds out about this. And you know what the rub is here. Your husband already knows!!!!

 

He may not know that your having an affair, but he knows somethings up with you. Subconiously, you're acting differently around him. Even if you don't realize it. You may have acted all depressed when your douche rocket of an affair partner kicked you to the curb. Your husband probably noticed a change. Or when you were having the affair, he may have noticed when you come home in a good mood after betraying him. He probably noticed. And sooner or later, he's going to put the pieces together and discover that something isn't adding up. Then, he'll start looking for answers. Hell, he might even find LS and start a thread "Is she cheating on me?" And he'll tell his story, and I'll tell him "Yep! She's cheating on you!" And I'll tell him EXACTLY how to catch you.

 

What did your husband do to you to deserve this? Is your affair worth losing your family over? Is it worth being a part time mom? Not seeing your kids anytime you want due to joint custody? Is your douche rocket affair partner worth that much to you to lose your husband and your kids over?

 

That's the road you're heading down....

 

Lol!!!!!!! I was going to give her something worse than this but... She isn't even worth it. Immaturity is strong within her.

[plee61]

When you think life is settled, someone walked in and you trapped into an affair that had never come across your mind. Or probably you already had a fantasy and fell into a bait that was setup on your path.

 

If you are not in a marriage, at least you could hope to meet a better man and try to get over this BU. But you can't, you have to get over this BU and get back to your marriage. So you have to go back to your husband and accept the way he is (compared to the one you crave).

 

Maintaining a relationship is not easy, you probably had the excitement when started between you and your husband. As with that man, he likely had experience with married women, knowing that you and him are just temporarily. Did he say he wanted to take you with him and marry you? Do you think he wants to be in an affair permanently? These questions seem obvious enough.

 

Taking drug levels your excitement up, but it is bad so you stop it and go back to your earthy life. Love is a funny thing, it comes at the wrong time and hurt you dearly. Some people look at the bright side of life and carry on with the way it is. At least you are lucky to meet someone early in life and married. I am not sure revealing your affair to your husband will help. Perhaps talking about how you feel about the relationship and what you wish with him.

 

Since that man has let go, you can't keep going on your own. You will stop thinking of him at one point and get over it. Good luck and have faith in yourself!

[NavyAirTraffic]

I want the excitement and sex back in my life. He's all I think about, all day long.

 

You'll do it again, prob get caught. Hope you live in a "no fault" marriage state otherwise he'll get everything. Do you think you can/want to stop? Do you think your husband deserves this? Reverse the roles, how would you feel? Glad I'm not your hubby ;-).

[Tiera D]

it will start my advice by telling you to look at the dictionary the word MARRIAGE read it! read it again and again until you understand what it means then next thing remember the Oath you have pledge during your marriage what you have pledged to god and to your Husband,because your thread it made me wish that cheating should be made a criminal activity and with retribution through punishment,you also need to brush up on your common sense because you obviously cannot understand what is right and wrong,you need a therapist not your ex or your husband.

 

TD

[CptSaveAho]

I haven't discussed anything with my husband. I compartmentalize my life. I've been with my husband since we were in high school. The love will always be there. But how do I feel wanted, desired again?

 

dooo bee doo bee doooooooo

 

GIGS.... we can throw logical rationalizing out the window. For the time being, its all over but the crying

Edited November 27, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[dumPI]

I haven't discussed anything with my husband. I compartmentalize my life. I've been with my husband since we were in high school. The love will always be there. But how do I feel wanted, desired again?

 

And this is the root of all your problems. You don't love yourself and therefore need the validation of feeling wanted by someone outside the marriage.

 

Your husband should know about your affair and dump you. That way you could dedicate your time to fix your issues or start the carrousel dating and sleeping with a lot of guys who would give you attention.

Edited November 27, 2012 by dumPI

[Minka333]

I wonder how you'd feel if your husband does the very same thing to you.

 

Your selfish desires for some excitement will bring you down. Pls remember, some secrets don't stay as secret for too long.

 

You claim you love your husband but fooled around?

 

Think about the consequences. Now you may still be in the wake of the bubble romance you lived in..but when reality hits..it will hit hard. The repercussions of a broken family/divorce is what will be left if you don't stop this madness.

[CptSaveAho]

I wonder how you'd feel if your husband does the very same thing to you.

 

Your selfish desires for some excitement will bring you down. Pls remember, some secrets don't stay as secret for too long.

 

You claim you love your husband but fooled around?

 

Think about the consequences. Now you may still be in the wake of the bubble romance you lived in..but when reality hits..it will hit hard. The repercussions of a broken family/divorce is what will be left if you don't stop this madness.

 

She wouldnt care.... this is the mindset of someone in GIGS

[ReadMyThread]

I wonder how you'd feel if your husband does the very same thing to you.

 

Your selfish desires for some excitement will bring you down. Pls remember, some secrets don't stay as secret for too long.

 

You claim you love your husband but fooled around?

 

Think about the consequences. Now you may still be in the wake of the bubble romance you lived in..but when reality hits..it will hit hard. The repercussions of a broken family/divorce is what will be left if you don't stop this madness.

 

That's what will be left if she doesn't stop? Lol!!!!! Doesn't stop!? That **** doesn't stop. She'll do it again and again and again and again. This marriage is doomed and has already fallen apart. There is no saving it. Sadly, they are just together now because her husband has no idea. Man I feel sorry for this dude. This is why I'm never getting married lol. Girls like her. Ugh this thread seriously makes my stomach turn. Someone delete this **** lol.