crash29063 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I've been dating this girl for about 6 months. She lives an hour away. We are both previously divorced with kids. We were going out several times a week, and our kids played together. No one has said "love", but things have gotten pretty emotionally heavy. Then in early November completely out of no where she told she needed space... so I have given her space. A little over a week ago before she left to go out of town for Thanksgiving, I did send her a private Facebook message saying that I've enjoyed our time together and didn't want it to end, and that I hoped she would have a good Thanksgiving and a safe trip. She text me saying she got my message, but didn't know what to feel or "what to do next". So I gave her some more space over the holiday (been a little over a week) and haven't talked to her. However, last night I ordered her 30 candy cane (red & white) Tulips to be delivered tomorrow. Of course she doesn't know that. Then this morning I get a text from her out of no where saying she wants me to drive to her house (an hour away) on Thursday so we can spend some time together and talk (her kids will be there). Should I expect to be dumped on Thursday? Why have me drive an hour? Why at her house, and in front of kids? Control of the situation? I would think a public place would be just as easy. Why not dump me some other way like a phone call, or email or text, and like a band aid "one pull, and right off"? I really do like her a lot and don't want this to end. I hope for the best, but expect the worst. Any advice or thoughts? thanks for any insight in advance.
Author crash29063 Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 I appreciate the reply, but why do you say that? Looking for insight into the situation. It's what I'm expecting.
movingon12 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Did she use the words 'spend some time together'? If she did I think you're worrying about nothing. Even if she didn't, if I was going to break up with someone, I would feel bad enough about it without making them do a 2 hour round trip drive into the bargain. And I definitely wouldn't want him in my house, in front of my kids whilst I did it. A neutral place would be a much better choice. At least then I can leave if things get unpleasant. So, personally, based on what you've said, I don't think she's planning on dumping you, but it might be a 'things have to change or else' type conversation. 6 months seems a long time for no one to be saying 'love', but maybe I'm just soppy.
Chi townD Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Well, hope for the best but prepare for the worst. It would be pretty crappy of her to make you travel an hour plus just to dump you. But, I don't have enough information to speculate what you might be walking into. If she is going to dump you. A few things you can do. Don't beg, plead or bargan. Save your self respect. If she asks you to be friends, tell her no. Tell her that you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her and the end result being that you're nothing more than a really good friend to her. Then, I would inform her that once you walk out of there, that's it. That you can't communicate with her because you do have feelings for her, but you have to mourn the loss of the relationship. Then you need to heal and move on. And you won't be able to do that while you are harboring romantic feelings for her and talking to her isn't going to allow you move on because you don't want to have false hope. She may not like what you have to say on the matter. But, oh well, she's making the choice to have you out of her life. That's her choice. The only thing you would be doing is giving her exactly what she's asking for. Then, walk out of there with your head held high and your dignity intact. Believe me, she may not show it, but she'll have a lot more respect for you in the end. She may even doubt herself and put the guilt squarely where it belongs. On her and not on you.
Author crash29063 Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 she didn't use the term "spend time together"...poor choice of words by me in explaining it. She specifically said she wanted me to come Thursday morning and that her parents are coming over at 3pm. Which, to me, is a fair amount of time together. I've been to her house many times, but a lot of times in the past what we have done is meet up in the middle for Starbucks, even if the kids are there. So why should this be any different? I guess Thursday I'm going to grab the both of us some Starbucks before I get to her house, and maybe get some answers? I'm confused about the entire situation.
Author crash29063 Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 I have already met her parents several times. Just wanted to clarify that our relationship isn't based on having/going to Starbucks. lol. I'm sure that's implied, but just in case I wanted to say it.
KatZee Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 she didn't use the term "spend time together"...poor choice of words by me in explaining it. She specifically said she wanted me to come Thursday morning and that her parents are coming over at 3pm. Which, to me, is a fair amount of time together. I've been to her house many times, but a lot of times in the past what we have done is meet up in the middle for Starbucks, even if the kids are there. So why should this be any different? I guess Thursday I'm going to grab the both of us some Starbucks before I get to her house, and maybe get some answers? I'm confused about the entire situation. See, I was going to say, "but she said she wanted to spend time with you so you have nothing to worry about!" but she didn't say that. Not even remotely. You're projecting. I also think she hasn't clarified what the day is going to entail. She tells you to come over in the MORNING, and her parents will be there mid to late afternoon. I'm going to assume she also didn't say, "Please stay until my parents come." I think she may be wanting to just get this over with before her parents arrive. I wouldn't assume you're hanging around from the morning until the afternoon to see her parents. Maybe she's going to say she wants to slow things down, maybe she'll want to end it. I don't think I'd show up with the coffee either just bring yourself and see what she has to say. You're not going to be able to bribe her with "things" and if she makes you drive the hour just to dump you, that's 2 hours of gas on you. So why add the coffee to it? And you'll feel dumb for doing continuously nice things for a person that's now acting as if you're disposable.
Author crash29063 Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 Well... I appreciate the feedback. I'll be sure to let you know what happens. I am going to talk to her Wednesday night to see what time exactly in the morning is good for her. Tell me what you think: I'm going to mention, so I get a better feel of things, that I would like to hang a bit and discuss things, and slow things down because I don't think I could deal with making a two hour round trip to be dumped and humiliated in 5 minutes. does that sound reasonable? any better way of wording it?
CptSaveAho Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Just ask her what she wants to talk about and get it over with... 2 hour round trip and you know you are going to get dumped... lame Why even have the conversation? Just jump back into the dating pool 1
Pinky777 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I doubt very much she'd make you drive an hour to her place just to dump you. Especially not to risk a scene and look bad in front of her kids. If she wanted to break up she's either do it by phone, which some people don't like, or if she wanted to do it in person she'd likely meet you halfway somewhere. It's much safer IMO because other people will be around and if she looks like a fool, so be it. Maybe she misses you and wants to talk, and still isn't sure but seeing you will push her one way or the other. It's hard to say. It's not impossible that she will break up but more likely she might want to slow things down. How long have the two of you been divorced from your previous partners? Throw in the fact that you both have kids and that makes the situation very complicated. She may care about you but may not want to take things to the next level. Up until about 2 weeks ago I was dating a single dad who was wonderful at first but became distant when things started to get a little too serious. I think he got scared. We were both less than a year out of our divorces when we met so in retrospect, it was too soon. Just say somethign along the lines of before I make this trip, I just want to know why you invited me over, especially whenyou're the one who asked for space. That itself might initiate some conversation over the phone and it'll either save you a trip altogether or she'll just tell you why. Best of luck! 1
Author crash29063 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 I doubt very much she'd make you drive an hour to her place just to dump you. Especially not to risk a scene and look bad in front of her kids. If she wanted to break up she's either do it by phone, which some people don't like, or if she wanted to do it in person she'd likely meet you halfway somewhere. It's much safer IMO because other people will be around and if she looks like a fool, so be it. Maybe she misses you and wants to talk, and still isn't sure but seeing you will push her one way or the other. It's hard to say. It's not impossible that she will break up but more likely she might want to slow things down. How long have the two of you been divorced from your previous partners? Throw in the fact that you both have kids and that makes the situation very complicated. She may care about you but may not want to take things to the next level. Up until about 2 weeks ago I was dating a single dad who was wonderful at first but became distant when things started to get a little too serious. I think he got scared. We were both less than a year out of our divorces when we met so in retrospect, it was too soon. Just say somethign along the lines of before I make this trip, I just want to know why you invited me over, especially whenyou're the one who asked for space. That itself might initiate some conversation over the phone and it'll either save you a trip altogether or she'll just tell you why. Best of luck! I have been divorced for almost 4 years, and she has been divorced for 2 years but hasn't really dated at all. She's been on dates, but this is the longest relationship she has been in, so when she asked for what said (her words) "a little space", I have given her space. I don't know why she would ask me to drive a 2 hour trip to break up. We have met plenty of times half way with my kids and her kids, and met at starbucks, for sillier reasons. I tend to think she is going to want to slow things down, but crazier things have happened. I will talk to her before hand Wednesday night and try to get a feel for the situation again, but I'm going to respect her and not push things and truly hope it works out.
Eddie Edirol Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Honestly, her thinking might be to break up with you in front of her kids because she would hope that you wouldnt scream at her in front of them, and she can be safe. But really, thats kinda far fetched. But her asking for space is suspicious in the first place, unless you have been calling her too much and smothering her. Just assume she is breaking it off with you so it will hurt less if she does, and prepare to walk out if she does. If not, be prepared to listen to her. 1
moveONorStay Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Have to say...I think if she was breaking it off, she'd come to you...id be surprised if she breaks up with you at her place in front of her kids. I think its a clear the air talk.
Author crash29063 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 I went to her house at 1130 today expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I helped her with some craft things she had to do for her kids. We kissed (no tongue) and held hands a lot and she was touchy and huggy. I played with her girls a lot and I baked some cookies. She asked if I wanted to stay to eat dinner with her, the kids, and her parents. So while she cooked I helped one of her kids with her homework. So after dinner we went outside and smoked, and I asked what she wanted to talk about and she said "I'm really glad you came over". That was it. I said good bye to everyone and she walked me to my car and I thanked her for dinner and gave her a brief kiss and hugged her and said goodnight. I got home at 8. She text me after that saying she had a great time and an awesome day, and sweet dreams. Still trying to wrap my head around everything that's happened. I still don't feel like I completely understand everything, but I do believe she wants to slow things down. That's what I'm going to do, and I'm happy to do that. It was a great day!!!! I'm glad things worked out. Feel free to comment. Thank you for your comments.
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