GraceisGone Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I've been reading here for a couple of months, and I think it's finally time for me to share my story. I dated a girl for one year officially (though we hung out some and talked everyday for about 2 years), both of our first really serious relationships, and she ended back in July. She gave the typical reasons, it's not you, you were perfect, I just don't know what I want and don't know if I am in love with you. We had very limited contact until going back to school in August (we lived apart, but go to school together). By the time we got back to school, I had made up my mind that I was ready to move on, and was finally feeling a little better. She texted me a couple of times when we got back to school, wanting to meet up and talk. We met up, discussed things, and decided we would go our separate ways. We didn't talk for a month (I saw her out a couple of times and just ignored her), then my birthday came around. I got a text from her that morning, all excited saying happy birthday. I responded with a simple thank you. She then jumps all over me and gets pissed, saying I ignored her and forgot everything that we had. To make a long story short, this lead to us beginning to talk again and hang out (she said she wanted us to be friends, and see where it lead). She would text me every day, and we hung out, watched movies, slept together and she stayed at my house a couple of nights. Everything felt like we were getting back together and things were the same again. We went on like this for about a month, then she started getting distant again. I would ask her what was wrong and she said nothing. Then one day, a couple of weeks ago, I had enough and finally got her to tell me, after a couple weeks of her being distant. She said she didn't love me anymore and we weren't getting back together and she had moved on. She said she felt bad because she was keeping me from moving on by talking to me everyday. She was right. I then hear from one of my friends that she had been playing three guys all this time, one of them being me. I contact her about it, and she accuses me of making up this allegation, which I did not. I guess I just don't know where to go from here. I was beginning to move on once back in August, but then was dragged back into this ####storm. It's been tough, to say the least. This was the girl that used to be totally obsessed with me. But something changed and I don't know what, and I'm done trying to figure it out. I just don't know how I can give her everything I had, and it not be enough anymore. The person I knew and loved for so long is gone. Thanks for reading, I thought I would finally share my story and see if anyone had any input. I know what I have to do, finally live life for myself, but it will surely be a long journey.
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Sounds like an Ex of mine. Believe me, I know what it is like to be played; sadly, she is playing with your emotions. Getting kicks off of using you, and two other guys to get her way(believe me, I have had this happen to me, it sucks, and is totally wrong.) Clearly, she has issues, and this whore - which she made herself that, is only playing games with you. Listen, she is not worth any of your energies or thoughts; but let's be real, you will thank of her; you seem to care about her. I still think of mine, and imagine everyone does; but try and not too. It is over - lick your wounds, heal your pride, and be strong - don't let a whore, who is messed up, mess you up: Find a better one, trust me you can. ..Sadly there are evil people in this world, and she is only trying to make herself look good and you bad, they do this, only know you are good...Go out with friends, and heal up, it works.
Author GraceisGone Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) Sounds like an Ex of mine. Believe me, I know what it is like to be played; sadly, she is playing with your emotions. Getting kicks off of using you, and two other guys to get her way(believe me, I have had this happen to me, it sucks, and is totally wrong.) Clearly, she has issues, and this whore - which she made herself that, is only playing games with you. Listen, she is not worth any of your energies or thoughts; but let's be real, you will thank of her; you seem to care about her. I still think of mine, and imagine everyone does; but try and not too. It is over - lick your wounds, heal your pride, and be strong - don't let a whore, who is messed up, mess you up: Find a better one, trust me you can. ..Sadly there are evil people in this world, and she is only trying to make herself look good and you bad, they do this, only know you are good...Go out with friends, and heal up, it works. I appreciate your response Todd. It really does suck to be lead on, thinking things were going to be back to normal. It seems like us getting back together for a little while helped her to move on and let go, but it just made things 20 times harder on me. But I guess I have finally come to the reality that people change. No matter how much they care about you and what they say to you, a day could come where they simply don't care anymore. I know I did nothing wrong, and I treated her like a queen, and one day, I know she will miss that. You always hear the phrase "nice guys finish last". I have really bought into that recently because it seems like I am hung out to dry in every relationship I'm in for being a pushover. I don't feel like I should have to be an a##hole to keep a girlfriend. I think one day, she will really miss the way I treated her. Hopefully someone else will appreciate being treated so well and having someone by their side that would do anything for them. Edited November 29, 2012 by GraceisGone
GeBa Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 This is pretty much my story too (minus the part where she's seeing other guys)! I don't get how someone could just fall out of love just like that. She wants to me to forget her and move on. She wanted to be best friends but then now she's just straight up avoiding me, but I know its because she wants to help me move on. It just sucks to see so much hard work go down the drain.
Author GraceisGone Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 If she is telling you to move on, it seems like she is already seeing another guy or she has the intention of doing it. It doesn't seem like someone would tell you to move on, without having something lined up for themselves. They would probably keep you around, for an ego boost. By telling you to move on, I feel like they are doing you one last little favor, so you don't stick around to get hurt even more than you already are. I have to agree with you though, its hard to fathom how someone could go from caring about you so much to being so cold in just a matter of days.
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Yes. No. You do not need to be an agile but certainly not overly nice. Do what you want at times in an R. Be a bit selfish here and there and take no crap. Yes move on both of you. Be selfish a bit, it's your time...it can be helpful. Girls are strange and have warped views it seems on what a man should be. Many people do. As well, many sadly change..
Author GraceisGone Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Yea, just makes me think. I hate second guessing myself and feeling like I should have been doing something else. I guess I can blame myself partly for getting hurt the second time, I didn't have to respond to her. But then again, I feel like anyone feeling like I did at the time would have. It just sucks, she said she would never be one to juggle multiple guys, but it looks like that's what she did. Really makes me lose a lot of respect that she would care that little to do that to me, but that doesn't make moving on any easier.
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Well, makes moving on easy for you. In situations like this, girls or guys usually don't bother you too much after being caught out on such a big lie. Should make NC very easy for you unless they start to demonize you. Making you out to be the bad guy so they don't have to feel bad about what they did to you....so, watch out for that.
Author GraceisGone Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Yea, I guess in a sense, because the idea that she might contact me (like she did back a couple months ago) is pretty much gone now. For some reason, "I don't feel the same about you" just doesn't sit well with me. I just really value the people that I let get close to me in my life, and she was the closest I have ever been to anyone. She and I both cherished how special the relationship was and its tough to see her just give up and leave, then come back, then leave again. I guess it just shows she is confused, but I hate to completely shut out someone I cared for so much, with the possibility of never talking to her again. I am doing a much better job of doing this for myself and trying to move on, but I just feel like something keeps pulling my mind back to the situation. I keep trying to remember what it felt like before I even knew her, and I just can't seem to start progressing towards that point.
na49 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 You don't need to be like you were before you met her. You need to be like you are now that you aren't with her. Prior to meeting my ex I was a bit different then I am now. I want to be as happy as I was before I knew her, but I want to know what I learned from everything and use it to be different. I know what didn't work, so I won't do that again. Try doing the same.
Author GraceisGone Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Yeah, it is just tough to chalk everything that has happened in the past two years up as a learning experience and move on. It's been quite a while since the breakup, but it really feels like it happened just yesterday (a lot of that has to do with the fact that all signs pointed to us dating again just a little over a month ago.) I can't blame myself for trying again, but in reality, neither one of us were probably ready to jump back into things. I would love so much for us to be able to give it another shot somewhere on down the line, but I know I need to get myself in the state of mind where I don't care if that happens or not. I hate that I have so much to look forward to in the next year (applying for jobs, moving, etc.) but I can't really focus on that with the mindset I am currently in. I don't have the motivation for it, and frankly, I am starting to become concerned with moving to a new place and starting all over. I guess it will be good to get a fresh start, but I guess having someone who cared about me was a constant I thought I wouldn't lose. I hate what has happened, but at least I can walk away and say I gave my all for the girl I would do anything for, even after all that has happened. Maybe I cared too much, yeah, I probably did some things that weren't like me when things started to go south, but it was only because I cared so much, didn't know how to handle it, and didn't want to lose what I had. It's just hard to understand how she was so in love with me, only a year ago, only a couple of months ago, and some time apart over the summer is all it took to make her change her mind. I may never know what changed and that kills me, but at least I can say I gave it my all and treated her like a queen. I really just hope this doesn't scare me for the future and make it impossible to open up to somebody.
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