freetolove Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I notice that my primary driver seems to be sex. I want a relationship and I meet guys who are nice/sweet but when I meet someone, I either know I wnat to sleep with him or I don't. I end up focusing a lot more on the guys I want to sleep with rather the someone who I am not as attracted to. I feel like if I date someone who I am not very strongly sexually attracted to I will just cheat on him, the obvious solution is to find someone I'm very strongly sexually attracted to and date him long term but it has been close to impossible finding this person. I'm curious what your thoughts are and how you've resolved something like this if you did.. 1
lovebug1234 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 eventually you will find the right one. you're just weeding out the ones that don't fit. 1
mammasita Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 There is nothing wrong with dating only men you are sexually attracted to.....why would you settle for anything less? No sexual attraction = friendship. On the flip side sexual attraction can grow between friends and what you find sexually attractive now might be completely different from what you find sexually attractive 20 years from now. I dont think you need any resolution. I dont see this as a problem. Just don't compromise other areas of a relationship (I.e. trust, honesty, kindness) for someone just because he is hot and you have good sex, KWIM? 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 There are many different approaches to selecting partners. Depends on your end goal. For me, I'm first attracted by whether he is a good guy, meaning does he have the qualities and personality traits I expect in a long-term partner. Stability, reliability, responsibility, kindness, character, flexibility, drive, etc. are key for me. When a guy approaches me, those are the things I focus on looking for, not how irresistibly HAWT he is or how much he can charm me with his words and flirtation. Talk is cheap! Not having these is an immediate turn-off for me. I pick "good" guys to date and then look for sexual attraction and compatibility in other areas that might not be immediately obvious (e.g. values, lifestyle). I'm looking for a life partner, not just a date. If you're looking for a quickie hookup or an FB, then it makes sense to lead with and focus on sex. So, I would start by asking yourself what it is you seek since there is such a wide spectrum from ONS to FB/FWB to casual dating to LTR to life-partner/marriage. A million ways to skin a cat, as they say, but some are better than others. Let your ultimate goal guide your approach. Pick the one that is most efficient in getting you to the right spot on that continuum and results in fewer dead ends and less frustration along the way. Good luck! 1
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