Write off a guy who did not put out?

[Nightsky]

I dont have a moral high ground against hookups. Id be insulting myself since Ive had many.

Have you ever thought that since you dont know this girl that well, maybe just get to know her a bit more before doing all of this? Not saying you have to be in a relationship...but maybe not do everything but sex the 2nd time you hung out?

 

You certainly seem to have a selfish sex attitude.

 

Tell me what State do you live in? (that is besides the state of confusion)

[ThaWholigan]

Nope. I like sex too- but men place it at the top of the list the vast majority of the time. Its the end all be all. It seems like men have not evolved much. Sex is so overrated in my opinion. Quite bluntly, my sex toy gives me a better orgasm than any guy Ive gotten physical with. I dont see the point in going through the hassle, games and drama of men to get sex. Go out on a date, they pretend they like me more than they do to get sex...deal with their exuses and crap afterwards, or most of the time dont give in to physicality so soon and they get all entitled and pissy with me. Its so draining.

Sometimes I wonder what kind of people you guys are meeting......

[peytondoll]

Im not surprised that thorough reading isnt your strong suit.

 

Again...you are stupidly trying to piegonhold people to outdated ideas about how the genders behave sexually. Its all individual. Considering how hook up relationships tend to work, and considering how women can get sex whenever they want it, it isnt girl-ish thinking for a guy to wonder if hes screwing up his chances if he doesnt smash a girl out when shes ready for it.

 

 

I never ever ever said that women dont want sex. Ever.

 

Men are selfish about it though. Anything Ive learned about men: they manipulate to get it. Asking her what she wants isnt a clear way of telling her...say you dont want a relationship and strictly something physical. Yeah, you could get a gf out of it...rarely do FWB's turn into anything more and Ive never taken any of mine seriously when they asked me to be their gf.

[kaylan]

I dont have a moral high ground against hookups. Id be insulting myself since Ive had many.

Have you ever thought that since you dont know this girl that well, maybe just get to know her a bit more before doing all of this? Not saying you have to be in a relationship...but maybe not do everything but sex the 2nd time you hung out?

I mean, we could wait. But why? Im not really going to plan the night out. Im going to go with the flow and stop them where I want to. All this thread is about, is possibilities. I might not get invited back to her place, and I might not even get a kiss when we dance. I was just asking about certain things if I did end up at her place.

 

You certainly seem to have a selfish sex attitude.

Yeah, how selfish of me to want a mutually satisfying sexual encounter with a girl Im attracted to whos also attracted to me. How selfish of me

I never ever ever said that women dont want sex. Ever.

 

Men are selfish about it though. Anything Ive learned about men: they manipulate to get it. Asking her what she wants isnt a clear way of telling her...say you dont want a relationship and strictly something physical. Yeah, you could get a gf out of it...rarely do FWB's turn into anything more and Ive never taken any of mine seriously when they asked me to be their gf.

Im not "men" in the plural. Im a singular man...aka kaylan. I dont need any generalizing stuff that is negative of men or women in this thread. This isnt a thread for that. This is a thread about a guy and a girl, asking women on thought from their singular perspective of what theyd do in such a situation as the OP.

 

Im not asking about how crappy some other guys are. Ive made it clear Im not like them. So why do we need to talk about them.

Edited November 26, 2012 by kaylan

[peytondoll]

Wow- where do you live? Hollywood? College?

 

I know very few people who would be turned off if you didnt smash them by the 2nd or 3rd hangout. Most of the people I know (some of whom arent really even looking for relationships) would actually be turned off by it. This is men and women BTW. At this point in my life, if a guy tries to sleep with me on a 2nd or 3rd date Im gone. He is prob in it just for sex and Id write him off unless he did a damn good job of convincing me otherwise

 

If a girl is turned off by you not trying to **** her by the 2nd or 3rd hangout...she is NOT a decent girl. Decent girls dont do that. She may want casual sex, sure, but if she writes you off for it women like that are NOT worth your time. I was friends with many like that in college and they certainly did not blossom into good quality girlfriends.

 

You stated that youre young...you must live in a culture where everyone hooks up constantly and is very superficial. Well then, ignore everything Ive said and conform to everyone around you then.

[kaylan]

I never ever ever said that women dont want sex. Ever.

 

Men are selfish about it though. Anything Ive learned about men: they manipulate to get it. Asking her what she wants isnt a clear way of telling her...say you dont want a relationship and strictly something physical. Yeah, you could get a gf out of it...rarely do FWB's turn into anything more and Ive never taken any of mine seriously when they asked me to be their gf.

And yes, asking her what she wants, and then backing off if its different from what I want is SUPER CLEAR way of bringing up my own wants and needs.

[peytondoll]

And yes, asking her what she wants, and then backing off if its different from what I want is SUPER CLEAR way of bringing up my own wants and needs.

 

It sounds like you are surrounded by people who get physical really quickly. As long as she has the same attitude as you, you are fine.

 

I was like this during college, but time and experience has showed me guys that got physical with me so early on lacked self control...that personality trait is not compatible with a healthy mature relationship. Every single terrible boyfriend I had was one that tried way too early to get physical and Ive seen it the reverse with my male platonic friends. Im sure there are exceptions to this but I dont see it happen too often. You could get a decent gf from a FWB but its most likely a crapshoot. Research FWB's on this forum, you'll see what I mean.

[ThaWholigan]

Wow- where do you live? Hollywood? College?

 

I know very few people who would be turned off if you didnt smash them by the 2nd or 3rd hangout. Most of the people I know (some of whom arent really even looking for relationships) would actually be turned off by it. This is men and women BTW. At this point in my life, if a guy tries to sleep with me on a 2nd or 3rd date Im gone. He is prob in it just for sex and Id write him off unless he did a damn good job of convincing me otherwise

 

If a girl is turned off by you not trying to **** her by the 2nd or 3rd hangout...she is NOT a decent girl. Decent girls dont do that. She may want casual sex, sure, but if she writes you off for it women like that are NOT worth your time. I was friends with many like that in college and they certainly did not blossom into good quality girlfriends.

 

You stated that youre young...you must live in a culture where everyone hooks up constantly and is very superficial. Well then, ignore everything Ive said and conform to everyone around you then.

It's a demographic issue to an extent. I was a virgin up until about 3-4 months ago (I'm 24), I've now slept with two different women, both of which pretty much initiated sexual encounters within the 1st meet-ups. So sometimes it's not just the men .

 

I don't think most women would be turned off, if they like you enough it won't bother them as long as there is an indicator that you are indeed attracted to them. They won't wait forever though, so I've clocked. Some women will be turned off however, they may just want to f*ck you now or at least within the first couple times or they think you're gay or weird or something .

[peytondoll]

It's a demographic issue to an extent. I was a virgin up until about 3-4 months ago (I'm 24), I've now slept with two different women, both of which pretty much initiated sexual encounters within the 1st meet-ups. So sometimes it's not just the men .

 

I don't think most women would be turned off, if they like you enough it won't bother them as long as there is an indicator that you are indeed attracted to them. They won't wait forever though, so I've clocked. Some women will be turned off however, they may just want to f*ck you now or at least within the first couple times or they think you're gay or weird or something .

 

 

Stop dating younger or immature girls. I can tell you arent going for better quality women no offense.

 

Ive waited awhile to sleep with guys I really liked. Not recently because Im not into dating anymore, but once upon a time I did.

 

You are much more likely to find a person to wait to have sex with you.

 

I have the exact same issue....most men run when you wont sleep with them within the first few weeks...annoying.

[kaylan]

Wow- where do you live? Hollywood? College?

Im not far from NYC.

 

I know very few people who would be turned off if you didnt smash them by the 2nd or 3rd hangout. Most of the people I know (some of whom arent really even looking for relationships) would actually be turned off by it. This is men and women BTW. At this point in my life, if a guy tries to sleep with me on a 2nd or 3rd date Im gone. He is prob in it just for sex and Id write him off unless he did a damn good job of convincing me otherwise

*kanye shrug* Ive seen meaningful relationships start from early 2nd date sex, and 5th date sex where they waited as well. If the chemistry is there, sometimes things just happen. People who are attracted to each other will want to have sex...and I wouldnt say early sex is a huge indicator of what a guy really wants.

 

In general, guys always want sex.

If a girl is turned off by you not trying to **** her by the 2nd or 3rd hangout...she is NOT a decent girl. Decent girls dont do that. She may want casual sex, sure, but if she writes you off for it women like that are NOT worth your time. I was friends with many like that in college and they certainly did not blossom into good quality girlfriends.

Again. Its not about who is decent or not. its about what the girl or guy is looking for. I can understand a girl or guy being annoyed if they bring someone home, makeout heavy and have it end there. It doesnt make them not a good person just because they got sexually frustrated by that.

 

If they arent looking for a relationship, they may just move on. Im talking about people looking for fun, not relationships. And looking for fun doesnt make someone not decent.

You stated that youre young...you must live in a culture where everyone hooks up constantly and is very superficial. Well then, ignore everything Ive said and conform to everyone around you then.

Im 26. The culture varies around me depending on where I go to hang out. Then again, youll find various types of women in a single area anyways.

[ThaWholigan]

Stop dating younger or immature girls. I can tell you arent going for better quality women no offense.

 

Ive waited awhile to sleep with guys I really liked. Not recently because Im not into dating anymore, but once upon a time I did.

 

You are much more likely to find a person to wait to have sex with you.

 

I have the exact same issue....most men run when you wont sleep with them within the first few weeks...annoying.

 

Technically I'm not "dating" them....they have both expressed a desire for casual arrangements. There are no strings, and I'm not a "pissy" male either .

 

I actually don't mind the waiting. I've explained on this forum before that it can actually be of benefit if the ability to prolong and withstand sexual tension for a while can actually aid a budding relationship in terms of connection on another level. Some people this doesn't work for however, not person experiences attraction the same way. The FWB thing I'm doing now with the 2 girls is mostly for the experience, as well as them both being pleasant to be around because they are probably more into casual than I am!

[peytondoll]

Ok I gotcha. You have only slept with 2 girls, both of whom threw themselves at you, so youre overexaggerating the number of women that exist that will be turned off if you dont try to sleep with them early on. Sad thing, these girls did you no favors...your first 2 girls have clearly affected the way you see women overall.

 

Witholding sex does make a better relationship. There have been actual scientific studies done on this. Also, I remember a poll (and no not a convenience sample poll from a magazine that is skewed, a RANDOMLY SELECTED poll across the country) that found 80% of men would not view a one night stand as relationship material. There is a double standard too- since most guys see nothing wrong with one night stands. I live in a house full of men...you should hear the way they talk about their hookups- its disgusting. And these are grown men much older than you.

 

I said there are always exceptions...there is to everything in life. The guy who said chemistry is needed and then it can turn into something more...thats an exception. Most of the time, sleeping with someone early on does not guarantee a good relationship. You can try- but the odds are against you. But OP- you just want something physical and say you have no time for a girlfriend. Just dont lie to the girls youre sleeping with and go for it. But dont expect to find a good quality girl you connect with emotionally by sleeping around.

 

I find it odd you want a strict FWB so bad but want to wait on sex. It will prob confuse most women you encounter and I would know- men that I have tried that on when I was younger (FWB doing everything BUT sex) got so pissy with me.

Edited November 26, 2012 by peytondoll

[peytondoll]

In general, guys always want sex.

Again. Its not about who is decent or not. its about what the girl or guy is looking for. I can understand a girl or guy being annoyed if they bring someone home, makeout heavy and have it end there. It doesnt make them not a good person just because they got sexually frustrated by that.

 

If they arent looking for a relationship, they may just move on. Im talking about people looking for fun, not relationships. And looking for fun doesnt make someone not decent.

 

Im 26. The culture varies around me depending on where I go to hang out. Then again, youll find various types of women in a single area anyways.

 

Yep guys always want sex. Its the top of their list for everything, hence why relationships with men in their 20's is pointless. Very few are mature enough to realize sex is not everything.

 

Also, there is a huge double standard in this forum. Considering no one thinks anything wrong of the OP doing everything but sex with his FWB's but when a girl who does the same thing (like I did in the past) is bad because it makes men sexually frustrated.

 

I wouldnt mind having a FWB with a guy...but Id want to do everything but sex (Im selective about who I let stick his dong inside me...most men today sleep around too much) but I tell ya....VERY FEW men would be okay with that. I had so many men get passive aggressive and degrading and nasty with me when I wouldnt go all the way...and I TOLD THEM beforehand.

[melodymatters]

All this aside, am I to understand that you want to wait until date 2 or 3 to be 100% clear on where this girl stands on STD's and unplanned pregnancy ?

 

 

Do you really think these few dates are going to put your mind at ease ?

 

Lets see :

She could not know she has an STD

She could lie about it

She could be pro choice, UNTIL she's actually knocked up

 

...those are just the first three that popped into my head, sure there are many more....

[peytondoll]

All this aside, am I to understand that you want to wait until date 2 or 3 to be 100% clear on where this girl stands on STD's and unplanned pregnancy ?

 

 

Do you really think these few dates are going to put your mind at ease ?

 

Lets see :

She could not know she has an STD

She could lie about it

She could be pro choice, UNTIL she's actually knocked up

 

...those are just the first three that popped into my head, sure there are many more....

 

'Agree, and tried to state this earlier, but men are so obsessed with getting their dong in a hole they dont think rationally.

[Nightsky]

All this aside, am I to understand that you want to wait until date 2 or 3 to be 100% clear on where this girl stands on STD's and unplanned pregnancy ?

 

 

Do you really think these few dates are going to put your mind at ease ?

 

Lets see :

She could not know she has an STD

She could lie about it

She could be pro choice, UNTIL she's actually knocked up

 

...those are just the first three that popped into my head, sure there are many more....

 

Yes, welcome to the other side of the looking glass. Now please join me for a tea party.

[Nightsky]

'Agree, and tried to state this earlier, but men are so obsessed with getting their dong in a hole they dont think rationally.

 

Yet more proof that the word sexist means nothing. Good job.

[ThaWholigan]

Ok I gotcha. You have only slept with 2 girls, both of whom threw themselves at you, so youre overexaggerating the number of women that exist that will be turned off if you dont try to sleep with them early on. Sad thing, these girls did you no favors...your first 2 girls have clearly affected the way you see women overall.

 

It really hasn't. I'm well aware that these girls are not of a particular norm. One of them is highly promiscuous, another is extremely kinky. They are obviously different from other girls. I have never been in doubt that not all women want to sleep with you early on, but what I've noticed is that it certainly does vary in a way that is difficult to trace in most girls. Like I said, attraction does work differently for different people of either gender. That I happen to be particularly versatile in my tastes is perhaps the biggest outlier of them all.

 

Withholding sex does make a better relationship. There have been actual scientific studies done on this. Also, I remember a poll (and no not a convenience sample poll from a magazine that is skewed, a RANDOMLY SELECTED poll across the country) that found 80% of men would not view a one night stand as relationship material. There is a double standard too- since most guys see nothing wrong with one night stands.

 

Withholding sex may make a better relationship for a sizable portion of people, but not for everybody in my opinion. I understand your annoyance at the double standard issue and I find it a little hasty myself, but there are many relationships that were consummated early on that have lasted, as well as many that haven't. Also consider that quite a few of those relationships where people have waited have also ended in divorce.

[ThaWholigan]

Also, there is a huge double standard in this forum. Considering no one thinks anything wrong of the OP doing everything but sex with his FWB's but when a girl who does the same thing (like I did in the past) is bad because it makes men sexually frustrated.

 

This is a good point actually .

[Nightsky]

This is a good point actually .

 

Horrible point actually considering I think the entire point of this thread was Kaylan was worried about there being a double standard for men. As in he thought it's ok for a girl to say no but he'd be seen negatively to turn down or wait on sex. I wanted to point out the fact he even worried about this was silly and feminine. I was never saying he should just have sex. But this "woman" is way off base.

[ThaWholigan]

Horrible point actually considering I think the entire point of this thread was Kaylan was worried about there being a double standard for men. As in he thought it's ok for a girl to say no but he'd be seen negatively to turn down or wait on sex. I wanted to point out the fact he even worried about this was silly and feminine. I was never saying he should just have sex. But this "woman" is way off base.

It's a good point as in there are a lot of men who say this. I am reminded of the thread where women who waited a while to have sex were locked in a debate with men who were annoyed at waiting for what I believed to be valid reasons (RedRobin & other female posters who were similar in views).

 

I don't think it's feminine that he worried about it, I don't think that can be tied to gender really. I think he's probably overthinking it and worrying more than he should, but that is all.

[Imported]

I always took it that a girl would be insulted, think you don't find her attractive or are just not into her if you don't go for sex or at least look like you are trying with all your might to hold back from doing it out of respect. She will probably say no, but I think it is just part of the game. It will make her feel desired and what girl doesn't like that. Of course when I say go for sex, I don't mean hounding her and being very obvious that is all you're there for. I think guys that don't do that (go for sex) probably end up friend zoned a lot.

[ThaWholigan]

Women don't get sexually frustrated so why would people think anything wrong of the OP? Its funny that he even thinks the woman will care if he doesn't have sex with her.

Hi waynebrady

[Imported]

Women don't get sexually frustrated so why would people think anything wrong of the OP? Its funny that he even thinks the woman will care if he doesn't have sex with her.

 

 

You gotta be kidding.

[ThaWholigan]

You gotta be kidding.

He is. Report and ignore .