Write off a guy who did not put out?

[pteromom]

Women don't usually have an expectation of sex.

 

LOL. You do know I am a woman. If I was to the point where I was making out with someone back at my place (or his place), I would have the expectation of sex. I would be annoyed if he just wanted to do foreplay stuff and not have intercourse.

[BetheButterfly]

Think I may have made a thread about this a long time ago.

 

So I may be going out with this girl during the middle of the week that I met at a party a couple weeks back. Ive been in a sex drought and would def enjoy making love to her if the opportunity arises...but Id rather hold things at 3rd base (foreplay).

 

Right now I dont wanna deal with STD risks and especially any pregnancy risks. Also, Ive been abstaining from "self love" for the past week and a half...seeing if I can make it to 2 weeks. Im going crazy...seeing as Im used to releasing daily. But I want to have self control over my urges as well as up my testosterone by not orgasming so much. Im curious to see if it affects my lifts in the gym.

 

This all being said, I think I might be ok with oral at the most if I happen to go back to her place. But Im wondering how women feel about that? I figure fingers and mouth could be a trade off until sometime in the future...and that shed be able to get hers and go to bed. However, I know most women expect a guy to give her the D whenever shes ready. Especially when you consider the fact that most guys jump at the chance to get whatever sex they can get.

 

So Im curious as to if Im risking being crossed off the list as a dating or sex option if I dont put out whenever a girl takes me back to her place. Like does taking someone home HAVE to mean intercourse? Sometimes in my head its like "ok....we are both horny...but id rather just go down on you, then you do the same...and no potentials for baby scares." Babies are the main thing im scared of. I know I can still get STDs from oral...but im more worried about babies though.

 

However I have hooked up with girls in the past who mid oral just wanted me inside them. I was thinking of saying simply "hmmm not tonight, lets wait on that. Ill make sure youre taken care of right now of course." So what do you think ladies?

 

I have only met one guy who was against sex (before marriage). He is a very sincere Muslim. His not having sex with me did not put me off. It greatly interested me and I very much respected him for that. The reason we didn't marry though is because of the differences in our beliefs.

[peytondoll]

Take your own advice bub *yawn*Im not going to lie...right now, Im looking for someone I can have sex with, connect with on a physical and emotional level, but without all the dicey-ness of a relationship. Its possible Ill like her more than a FWB...but right now I just want something casual, fun, and fulfilling companionship wise. So im not just into her for a pump and dump. I do want to be friends and spend some time together not having sex.

I understand not all women cum from sex...but in my experience, even if that was the case, they still craved sex not long after oral because sex is a whole different ball game. Its the main course really, a different kind of connection.

Thanks. Hopefully all goes well.

 

.

 

 

That is a friends with benefits situation. Friends...benefits....no commitment? Really? This has nothing to do with feminism. I laugh at men like you. If the girl says shes fine with a FWB, go for it. MY experience? Men LIE and MANIPULATE in these situations are NOT upfront and end up hurting the girl. That isnt feminism, thats not being a selfish prick

[kaylan]

If you want her as a FWB, make sure you tell her that whether youre having sex or not.

Of course. I dont lead women on. Im upfront about what I want.

[Nightsky]

LOL. You do know I am a woman. If I was to the point where I was making out with someone back at my place (or his place), I would have the expectation of sex. I would be annoyed if he just wanted to do foreplay stuff and not have intercourse.

 

Well you see back in the day of courtship and waiting to have sex in marriage men and women wouldn't spend alone time. You'd do something like take a walk and push her on a swing while her family watched.

 

Now going back before that people just had a lot sex. There would actually be a priestess and her job would be to have sex.

 

Now adays you have a mish mash where you have some people even going as far as to live togather and claim they are waiting to have sex. Yes the lesbianization of america is really doing a number on us. Thank you feminism.

[peytondoll]

No one person will have the same attitude about this.

 

I would not get annoyed if I went to a guy's place and made out and did nothing more.

 

However, I am not an ape so maybe Im just different. Our society is way too obsessed with sex and someone who has self control is MORE attractive to me. However, some girls will feel differently

 

And ignore the poster above me. He is sexist and hates women if you look at his past forum answers. Men that hate feminism are men that like to control and manipulate others

[kaylan]

If you want her as a FWB, make sure you tell her that whether youre having sex or not. Deception is never a good thing. And it doesnt sound like you like her that much then...avoiding the "diceyness of a relationship" really means youre not into her enough to be her boyfriend. I have never once bought that excuse. I take back the part about you being diffeent than other guys...you really arent any different at all. A guy who uses me for my companionship and sex without any commitment is just as bad as a guy who blatantly says he wants a one night stand

Its got a lot more to do with me than it does with her. Im focusing on other things in my life, and a relationship is too much time and effort for me to have one at the moment.

 

Shes a nice girl, but I just met her. So tbh, I dont even know how much I can like her yet.

 

Stop being so emotional and close minded. Sometimes people truly know what they want in life. Just because you dont want a relationship, doesnt make you a bad person for wanting companionship and sex despite that.

 

Do you realize how much time and effort a relationship takes? And thats on top of my career, going to the gym ( I take my health VERY seriously), and my still wanting to perform live music. Why in the world would I get in a relationship and put a girl through not having a boyfriend around most of the time? Im not a bad guy for wanting to connect with a woman in the little spare time Ill have...especially if I never lie to her about anything.

 

Why do people demonize folks for wanting casual non committal arrangements in dating? Its not like Im going to be sleeping with multiple women either.

I would be very irritated. I have no interest in oral - I would want intercourse. I think this is something you should talk about before getting intimate, so that she doesn't have an expectation of sex, and would have the option of not doing anything.

haha...this is why I think I should just not go back to a girls house unless Im up for the sex. Sometimes Im drunk and wanna sleep..sometimes I do wanna get it in...and other times I wanna get to know her a bit better before taking any risks.

[pteromom]

Well you see back in the day of courtship and waiting to have sex in marriage men and women wouldn't spend alone time. You'd do something like take a walk and push her on a swing while her family watched.

 

Now going back before that people just had a lot sex. There would actually be a priestess and her job would be to have sex.

 

Now adays you have a mish mash where you have some people even going as far as to live togather and claim they are waiting to have sex. Yes the lesbianization of america is really doing a number on us. Thank you feminism.

 

What??? LOL. The first example would be a couple pursuing marriage. The second example is just about getting sexual needs met.

 

Not everyone wants one of these two ends of the spectrum. Some people just want to enjoy a casual relationship. And yes - it is a very good thing that there are many options depending on what type of relationship you want.

 

If you just want to have a long sexless courtship that leads to marriage, there are still women out there who want the same thing. Rather than insult people who feel differently, focus on finding someone with your same values. No biggie.

[peytondoll]

Its got a lot more to do with me than it does with her. Im focusing on other things in my life, and a relationship is too much time and effort for me to have one at the moment.

 

Shes a nice girl, but I just met her. So tbh, I dont even know how much I can like her yet.

 

Stop being so emotional and close minded. Sometimes people truly know what they want in life. Just because you dont want a relationship, doesnt make you a bad person for wanting companionship and sex despite that.

 

Do you realize how much time and effort a relationship takes? And thats on top of my career, going to the gym ( I take my health VERY seriously), and my still wanting to perform live music. Why in the world would I get in a relationship and put a girl through not having a boyfriend around most of the time? Im not a bad guy for wanting to connect with a woman in the little spare time Ill have...especially if I never lie to her about anything.

 

Why do people demonize folks for wanting casual non committal arrangements in dating? Its not like Im going to be sleeping with multiple women either.

 

Im NOT close minded. Jesus christ calm down. In my experience guys that do this are NOT upfront and are manipulative. Tell her you want sexual contact with no commitment, and if she continues have fun. But make sure you make it clear and dont beat around the bush. I have had several friends in these situations where the guy was purposefully vague to keep the girl around.

[kaylan]

Welcome to the brave new world feminism has helped create. Where women are told to be men, and men to be women.

 

Also he never said FWB, or that he would deceive her. I mean she'll be happy to be in a lesbian relationship with the guy. The lesbianation of the west. Gotta love it right?

You dont read do you? I said FWB in my first posts noob. And I said Id want sex in the meetings that follow the first one...you know, after I know her a little better.

 

In what way is that a lesbian relationship? Excuse me for not sleeping with a practical stranger on the first night we really spend time together.

 

Grow up kid.

[pteromom]

Why in the world would I get in a relationship and put a girl through not having a boyfriend around most of the time?

 

 

FYI - there ARE low-needs women who also have full lives who would be happy with a relationship with you. I wouldn't write off the possibility, in case you meet one of them.

[pteromom]

 

In what way is that a lesbian relationship?

 

He seems to be a little obsessed with lesbians.

[peytondoll]

FYI - there ARE low-needs women who also have full lives who would be happy with a relationship with you. I wouldn't write off the possibility, in case you meet one of them.

 

Agree- I go for guys that dont have tons of free time because Im super independent.

 

And if I demonized you- I guess I am a demon as well. But I always told my FWB's flat out "I dont want a relationship, this is strictly physical"

[kaylan]

Im NOT close minded. Jesus christ calm down. In my experience guys that do this are NOT upfront and are manipulative. Tell her you want sexual contact with no commitment, and if she continues have fun. But make sure you make it clear and dont beat around the bush. I have had several friends in these situations where the guy was purposefully vague to keep the girl around.

Look, you said I was no better than guys who lied...even though I never said anything about being dishonest. Thats why I said you were closeminded about my way of doing things.

 

If I can tell a girl likes me as more than a hook up, I simply ask her "what are you looking for?" and I tend to back off if shes not on the same page as me. There have been times when girls have told me they were fine with something casual, and I still backed off because I knew they wanted more.

 

All in all, I hate drama, I hate hurting a chick and being the bad guy, so I cover my bases and am as honest as I can be.

[Nightsky]

 

And ignore the poster above me. He is sexist and hates women if you look at his past forum answers. Men that hate feminism are men that like to control and manipulate others

 

The word sexist doesn't mean anything. It's like calling some one racist you have to follow it up with a description of why he's racist or you're just trying to stir emotions and shut people up through PC speak.

 

A lot of women aren't exactly a fan of feminism so what would you say about them? I mean are you so blind as to buy into the garbage of the war on women etc. etc. Feminism is socialist/marxist garbage and to simply call me a sexist and than to state men who hate feminism are meanies is hardly anything but an emotional argument.

 

I'm the only one here trying to help Kaylan and by way of helping him women. Now I think he may be a lost cause and in that case I'm just speaking reality here. You certainly can ignore it but I don't recommend it.

[kaylan]

FYI - there ARE low-needs women who also have full lives who would be happy with a relationship with you. I wouldn't write off the possibility, in case you meet one of them.

You have a point. I still dont like the idea of being tied down or emotionally vulnerable right now...on top of the fact that I dont have all the time in the world.

[peytondoll]

Look, you said I was no better than guys who lied...even though I never said anything about being dishonest. Thats why I said you were closeminded about my way of doing things.

 

If I can tell a girl likes me as more than a hook up, I simply ask her "what are you looking for?" and I tend to back off if shes not on the same page as me. There have been times when girls have told me they were fine with something casual, and I still backed off because I knew they wanted more.

 

All in all, I hate drama, I hate hurting a chick and being the bad guy, so I cover my bases and am as honest as I can be.

 

I am a really busy person and in my experience, most guys just want sex and even FWB's where I have no investment turn into drama. Also, many of my male FWB's got pissy with me when I didnt fall for them...men have huge egos. FWB's usually dont work- all of the men I tried it with eventually tried to emotionally manipulate me even when they said they wouldnt. (of course men say anything they can to get their pee pee in a hole) I really truly believe there are few guys out there not like this .I just dont bother with relationships at all and get my companionship from friends who would never use me or hurt me (and no, not hurt from refusing to be my boyfriend...never asked a FWB to be my boyfriend) and my sexual release from other things.

Edited November 26, 2012 by peytondoll

[kaylan]

I have only met one guy who was against sex (before marriage). He is a very sincere Muslim. His not having sex with me did not put me off. It greatly interested me and I very much respected him for that. The reason we didn't marry though is because of the differences in our beliefs.

Im not against sex. I just dont wanna do it after a first hangout if I dont know the girl well enough yet. Too risky.

That is a friends with benefits situation. Friends...benefits....no commitment? Really? This has nothing to do with feminism. I laugh at men like you. If the girl says shes fine with a FWB, go for it. MY experience? Men LIE and MANIPULATE in these situations are NOT upfront and end up hurting the girl. That isnt feminism, thats not being a selfish prick

??

Are you reading this thread properly at all? I never said it had anything to do with feminism. I was telling the other poster that bringing up feminism here is stupid.

 

I dont lie and manipulate. I dont have to do that to get sex. Plenty of girls out there will be casual with you without lies and all that.

Edited November 26, 2012 by kaylan

[Nightsky]

If you just want to have a long sexless courtship that leads to marriage, there are still women out there who want the same thing. Rather than insult people who feel differently, focus on finding someone with your same values. No biggie.

 

I was just thinking out loud so to "speak."

 

I just want men to be men, and women to be women. At least free to be that way instead of the egalitarian agenda we see today. Thus my comment about the lesbianization of america.

 

Im NOT close minded. Jesus christ calm down. In my experience guys that do this are NOT upfront and are manipulative. Tell her you want sexual contact with no commitment, and if she continues have fun. But make sure you make it clear and dont beat around the bush. I have had several friends in these situations where the guy was purposefully vague to keep the girl around.

 

Sorry this isn't how dating works and you know it.

 

You dont read do you? I said FWB in my first posts noob. And I said Id want sex in the meetings that follow the first one...you know, after I know her a little better.

 

In what way is that a lesbian relationship? Excuse me for not sleeping with a practical stranger on the first night we really spend time together.

 

Grow up kid.

 

Listen noob it was the 9th post in this thread where you first mention FWB I just searched it. Sorry if I missed it don't get your panties in a twist.

 

I never wanted you to sleep with her in the first night. I thought it was sad that like a girl you were worried about not putting out. So I called it a lesbian relationship because its like two girls dating.

 

He seems to be a little obsessed with lesbians.

 

Yes, completely obsessed. Lesbians, lesbians

[BetheButterfly]

Im not against sex. I just dont wanna do it after a first hangout if I dont know the girl well enough yet. Too risky.

??

 

Sorry, I meant sex before marriage. He was not against sex; he just had strong convictions to not have sex before marriage, and I greatly respected that.

 

As a Christian, I personally have not met many Christian men who wanted to wait till marriage.

 

So, then, you are more interested in waiting till you know a person better, not just waiting till marriage, yes? Ok. That's understandable and wise, in my personal opinion.

[peytondoll]

Im not against sex. I just dont wanna do it after a first hangout if I dont know the girl well enough yet. Too risky.

??

Are you reading this thread properly at all? I never said it had anything to do with feminism. I was telling the other poster that bringing up feminism here is stupid.

 

I dont lie and manipulate. I dont have to do that to get sex. Plenty of girls out there will be casual with you without lies and all that.

 

This thread really sums up why I voluntarily stay out of the dating world. People say Im crazy but it just reinforces what I think. Men are into sex and getting what they want from another person and pretty much nothing else...selfishness. I have never encountered a man without this attitude.

 

OP- your attitude is fine. You will probably scare away any decent girl though thats the sad part. But since you are so against a relationship and unable to not get physical with a girl you met a few times, have at it (I would NEVER get physical with a guy I hung out with two or three times....no way. And heaven forbid if I did, I would be viewed as a slut anyway to any potential male I would want to actually be with)

[peytondoll]

Offcourse we are into sex. We have a sex drive. It's a physical need. Are you suggesting theres something wrong with that? It's biology. We can't help that we like sex.

 

 

Nope. I like sex too- but men place it at the top of the list the vast majority of the time. Its the end all be all. It seems like men have not evolved much. Sex is so overrated in my opinion. Quite bluntly, my sex toy gives me a better orgasm than any guy Ive gotten physical with. I dont see the point in going through the hassle, games and drama of men to get sex. Go out on a date, they pretend they like me more than they do to get sex...deal with their exuses and crap afterwards, or most of the time dont give in to physicality so soon and they get all entitled and pissy with me. Its so draining.

Edited November 26, 2012 by peytondoll

[kaylan]

This thread really sums up why I voluntarily stay out of the dating world. People say Im crazy but it just reinforces what I think. Men are into sex and getting what they want from another person and pretty much nothing else...selfishness. I have never encountered a man without this attitude.

Women want sex too. Dont delude yourself into think its only men who really want sex. And dont delude yourself into believing that all men have careless or selfish sexual attitudes.

 

Its like a damned if you do, damned if you dont kinda thing. Im in this thread telling you I dont lie to women about getting sex, yet all you can do is lament about how men have given you drama in the past. Sorry, but save that talk for elsewhere because Im not that kinda guy.

OP- your attitude is fine. You will probably scare away any decent girl though thats the sad part. But since you are so against a relationship and unable to not get physical with a girl you met a few times, have at it (I would NEVER get physical with a guy I hung out with two or three times....no way. And heaven forbid if I did, I would be viewed as a slut anyway to any potential male I would want to actually be with)

Your attitude isnt fine though. You are pushing some false idea that decent women only want relationships. Plenty of good women have casual dating attitudes or simply enjoy being single.

 

Lets clear some things up. Im young and focused on many things in my life. Im not really against relationships...Im just not ready for one. Secondly, Im not "unable" to not get physical with a girl I met a few times. I choose to get physical if I want to or not. You seem to be standing on some moral high ground regarding hookups. Im not even saying Id definitely do anything sexual with the girl...Im saying its merely a possibility

[peytondoll]

Women want sex too. Dont delude yourself into think its only men who really want sex. And dont delude yourself into believing that all men have careless or selfish sexual attitudes.

 

Its like a damned if you do, damned if you dont kinda thing. Im in this thread telling you I dont lie to women about getting sex, yet all you can do is lament about how men have given you drama in the past. Sorry, but save that talk for elsewhere because Im not that kinda guy.

 

Your attitude isnt fine though. You are pushing some false idea that decent women only want relationships. Plenty of good women have casual dating attitudes or simply enjoy being single.

 

Lets clear some things up. Im young and focused on many things in my life. Im not really against relationships...Im just not ready for one. Secondly, Im not "unable" to not get physical with a girl I met a few times. I choose to get physical if I want to or not. You seem to be standing on some moral high ground regarding hookups. Im not even saying Id definitely do anything sexual with the girl...Im saying its merely a possibility

 

I dont have a moral high ground against hookups. Id be insulting myself since Ive had many.

Have you ever thought that since you dont know this girl that well, maybe just get to know her a bit more before doing all of this? Not saying you have to be in a relationship...but maybe not do everything but sex the 2nd time you hung out?

 

You certainly seem to have a selfish sex attitude.

[kaylan]

Listen noob it was the 9th post in this thread where you first mention FWB I just searched it. Sorry if I missed it don't get your panties in a twist.

Im not surprised that thorough reading isnt your strong suit.

I never wanted you to sleep with her in the first night. I thought it was sad that like a girl you were worried about not putting out. So I called it a lesbian relationship because its like two girls dating.

Again...you are stupidly trying to piegonhold people to outdated ideas about how the genders behave sexually. Its all individual. Considering how hook up relationships tend to work, and considering how women can get sex whenever they want it, it isnt girl-ish thinking for a guy to wonder if hes screwing up his chances if he doesnt smash a girl out when shes ready for it.