Jump to content

Write off a guy who did not put out?

kaylan

By kaylan
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted (edited)

Think I may have made a thread about this a long time ago.

 

So I may be going out with this girl during the middle of the week that I met at a party a couple weeks back. Ive been in a sex drought and would def enjoy making love to her if the opportunity arises...but Id rather hold things at 3rd base (foreplay).

 

Right now I dont wanna deal with STD risks and especially any pregnancy risks. Also, Ive been abstaining from "self love" for the past week and a half...seeing if I can make it to 2 weeks. Im going crazy...seeing as Im used to releasing daily. But I want to have self control over my urges as well as up my testosterone by not orgasming so much. Im curious to see if it affects my lifts in the gym.

 

This all being said, I think I might be ok with oral at the most if I happen to go back to her place. But Im wondering how women feel about that? I figure fingers and mouth could be a trade off until sometime in the future...and that shed be able to get hers and go to bed. However, I know most women expect a guy to give her the D whenever shes ready. Especially when you consider the fact that most guys jump at the chance to get whatever sex they can get.

 

So Im curious as to if Im risking being crossed off the list as a dating or sex option if I dont put out whenever a girl takes me back to her place. Like does taking someone home HAVE to mean intercourse? Sometimes in my head its like "ok....we are both horny...but id rather just go down on you, then you do the same...and no potentials for baby scares." Babies are the main thing im scared of. I know I can still get STDs from oral...but im more worried about babies though.

 

However I have hooked up with girls in the past who mid oral just wanted me inside them. I was thinking of saying simply "hmmm not tonight, lets wait on that. Ill make sure youre taken care of right now of course." So what do you think ladies?

Edited by kaylan
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

What the hell...

 

I have never heard of a women rejecting a guy because he did not have sex with her, on the first dates (and your talking about the first date, right!)

 

I would only shut down a guy if he did not appear eager to please me at all, and rather wanted me to make it all about him.

 

As long as a guy is very into a girl, and acts like he is excited at the idea of touching and pleasing her, I doubt MOST women would mind if you held off.

 

Heck, I would rather a guy just be honest: say, in your case, I would want the guy to simply say that "look, I am doing a little experiment right now, do you mind if we hold off on the sex part for now"

 

Make sure she knows it is YOU, and not her! I mean, I tend to KNOW if a guy is into me sexually, so hopefully you can show her your really into her and are turned on enough TO want sex. That it is just a silly experiment your doing, and not HER making you not want to have sex!

 

 

 

Hope that helps......

  • Like 1
movingon12 Established Member

movingon12

Posted
Posted

I second the "what the hell?"

 

If I guy didn't try to kiss me on a first date I would assume he wasn't interested and then be confused if asked to go out again. But if a guy didn't try to sleep with me on a first date I'd be relieved! If he's not trying to get you into bed straight away that must mean he's not just looking for a ONS. Great!

 

(Though I'm not sure how I'd react if someone told me they were 'doing an experiment', that would just be a bit weird).

Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

Posted
Posted

I'm not going to give you that advice/experience personally I'm going to let you find out for yourself, but I'll just say...It's not going to be a problem.

  • Like 1
Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted

It would depend on how long this abstination would be going for. My last ex - for different reason - insisted on keeping things on 3rd base (as you call it) twice before we had full sex the 3rd time (this was after several dates, didn't get heavy on our first date at all) and all of it was pretty cold and disappointing.

 

I'm all for building anticipation and connection yes, which is why not having sex straight away is a great idea. I don't like holding back in bed however and oral or fingers only doesn't interest me the slightest. When I'm ready and the guy is ready, I want to experience the full intimacy and I don't want him to fret about STDs or pregnancy or anything like that. When someone holds back, it's noticeable in my opinion. Not interested in mutual masturbation.

  • Like 1
freetolove Established Member

freetolove

Posted
Posted

If she's just looking for sex, then just, she'll write you off. I've done it before if it's a guy that I think is hot but not good relationship material. it's the thrill of it. not proud but it's the damn truth.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

I'm sure it depends entirely on the individual involved, but for me, no, absolutely not a problem, as one might guess from my posts. I don't consider intercourse to be the end-all-be-all of sex. :) I might be put off if a guy declines any form of sexual intimacy for a long period of time, but that isn't what you're asking about.

 

That being said, I think you should do what you feel comfortable with - that will only weed out the incompatible partners. Nobody should feel pressured to engage in any sort of sexual acts before they are ready, be they male or female.

  • Like 1
veggirl Established Member

veggirl

Posted
Posted

Well....yeah I would have a problem with a guy going down on me or fingering me and then not going all the way. I'd rather get nothing than get just oral or fingering and whatnot. If you don't want to have sex I think you should leave the clothing all ON.

  • Like 2
  • Author
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Though some people think this being a problem is a rarity or small possibility...from my experiences and from the experiences of guys I know, women dont deal well with sexual rejection. Especially if shes merely looking to hook up.

 

In this situation Im simply trying to cement a decent FWB arrangement. So like freetolove said, Im wondering if she will lack patience and move to the next prospect. I know if we happen to have an emotional click, then no sex right away wont be a problem. But Im not entirely sure if we will have any of those potential bf/gf feelings yet.

Edited by kaylan
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

Oh, if you're going for FWB I'd think you'd want to have sex ASAP, no? A FWB arrangement without the benefits is just... friends? :laugh:

  • Author
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@Leigh

 

I dont know if Id call this a legit first date. It may be the first time we hang out alone...however a couple of our friends may come out. Its for drinks and dancing.

Oh, if you're going for FWB I'd think you'd want to have sex ASAP, no? A FWB arrangement without the benefits is just... friends? :laugh:

well we would have other sex first, before the intercourse. I just want to vet her a little bit more before intercourse...to make sure we feel the same about STDs and babies.

 

I mean, sure I could just not hook up at all. But...thats boring lol

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted

I don't think it would be a problem and it will go over well providing your explanation doesn't leave room for a wandering mind.. such as...

A guy in a relationship who is looking to get out goes on a date but won't have sex with the girl because he is still involved with her kind of thing.

 

If the reason makes the girl go.. WTF.. then she is going to look at other reasons...

gaius Established Member

gaius

Posted
Posted

When a woman's ready to have sex you better get a boner, have sex with her and cum in the process. Or you will face dire consequences.

  • Author
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Don't overestimate them. They don't care one way or the other if you don't want to have sex.

How old are you? Better yet, how experienced are you? Ive experienced first hand how a womans ego can be bruised if a guy she wants turns her down sexually. Ive even seen girls crap talk a guy behind his back because of it.

Guys don't "put out". Girls do. Don't delude yourself. You sound conceited.

:rolleyes: Guys dont "put out" if they are the type to take any vagina thrown at them. However, Im not that kind of guy. Im selective and smart about my sex life.

When a woman's ready to have sex you better get a boner, have sex with her and cum in the process. Or you will face dire consequences.

Care to elaborate?

Edited by kaylan
Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

Posted
Posted

It's not enough that women these days try to be like men, but now it's the men trying to act like women...

 

Kaylan this is not even something you should be worrying about. If you don't want to have sex than don't. Remember no means no and if she doesn't like you any more for denying her your cherry she was the write girl for you.

  • Author
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It's not enough that women these days try to be like men, but now it's the men trying to act like women...
Or maybe individuals act like individuals? Why must people be pigeonholded into gender expectations? Some men and women will jump into sex right away before going over things like STDs and potential pregnancy, while other men and women will be a bit more cautious giving the possibility to alter your entire life because of one careless sexual outing.

Kaylan this is not even something you should be worrying about. If you don't want to have sex than don't. Remember no means no and if she doesn't like you any more for denying her your cherry she was the write girl for you.

Lol grow up dude.

 

You are a perfect example of why men end up in sh!!ttty situations all of the time with regards to pregnancy and disease. This facetious attitude is the downfall of many. All I know is I will be smart now instead of lamenting a pregnancy or disease I caught from not vetting chicks I sleep with.

peytondoll Established Member

peytondoll

Posted
Posted
Or maybe individuals act like individuals? Why must people be pigeonholded into gender expectations? Some men and women will jump into sex right away before going over things like STDs and potential pregnancy, while other men and women will be a bit more cautious giving the possibility to alter your entire life because of one careless sexual outing.

Lol grow up dude.

 

You are a perfect example of why men end up in sh!!ttty situations all of the time with regards to pregnancy and disease. This facetious attitude is the downfall of many.

 

Wow Kaylan I really wish more men had an attitude like yours. I am in my mid 20's and only try to date guys that seem nicer and more humble than the average guy and even most of them end up just being in it for sex.

 

If she views you as anything more than a hook up, she will not care if you dont progress to intercourse. Also, few women get orgasms from sex but from foreplay. Consequently, with all of my exes, I became disappointed once we were together for awhile and they put less effort into foreplay.

 

I find this funny because I am a woman very selective about who I go all the way with for reasons you stated. I will say I have had SOOOOO many guys get pissy with me when I do everything but sex with them. However, most women arent men when it comes to "being entitled to the actual sex part" so you should be good!

Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

Posted
Posted

Lol grow up dude.

 

You are a perfect example of why men end up in sh!!ttty situations all of the time with regards to pregnancy and disease. This facetious attitude is the downfall of many. All I know is I will be smart now instead of lamenting a pregnancy or disease I caught from not vetting chicks I sleep with.

 

I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say. Bottom line back at you. Thank you feminism.

  • Author
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say. Bottom line back at you. Thank you feminism.

This isnt about feminism dude. Not at all. I dont think youre understanding why I responded to you the way I did. The tone of your previous post was very immature.

Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

Posted
Posted
This isnt about feminism dude. Not at all. I dont think youre understanding why I responded to you the way I did. The tone of your previous post was very immature.

 

Please understand there is a difference between not understanding, and not agreeing.

  • Author
kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Please understand there is a difference between not understanding, and not agreeing.

Take your own advice bub *yawn*

Wow Kaylan I really wish more men had an attitude like yours. I am in my mid 20's and only try to date guys that seem nicer and more humble than the average guy and even most of them end up just being in it for sex.
Im not going to lie...right now, Im looking for someone I can have sex with, connect with on a physical and emotional level, but without all the dicey-ness of a relationship. Its possible Ill like her more than a FWB...but right now I just want something casual, fun, and fulfilling companionship wise. So im not just into her for a pump and dump. I do want to be friends and spend some time together not having sex.

If she views you as anything more than a hook up, she will not care if you dont progress to intercourse. Also, few women get orgasms from sex but from foreplay. Consequently, with all of my exes, I became disappointed once we were together for awhile and they put less effort into foreplay.

I understand not all women cum from sex...but in my experience, even if that was the case, they still craved sex not long after oral because sex is a whole different ball game. Its the main course really, a different kind of connection.

I find this funny because I am a woman very selective about who I go all the way with for reasons you stated. I will say I have had SOOOOO many guys get pissy with me when I do everything but sex with them. However, most women arent men when it comes to "being entitled to the actual sex part" so you should be good!

Thanks. Hopefully all goes well.

 

And I dont mind if a girl wants to hold off on sex with me until we discuss stds and pregnancy. That makes sense. I do understand being annoyed if shes holding off because she doesnt want to appear easy, or because she has thought up some time period of how long she thinks I need to wait.

 

If thats the case, she better stick to just making out with me.

peytondoll Established Member

peytondoll

Posted
Posted
Take your own advice bub *yawn*Im not going to lie...right now, Im looking for someone I can have sex with, connect with on a physical and emotional level, but without all the dicey-ness of a relationship. Its possible Ill like her more than a FWB...but right now I just want something casual, fun, and fulfilling companionship wise. So im not just into her for a pump and dump. I do want to be friends and spend some time together not having sex.

I understand not all women cum from sex...but in my experience, even if that was the case, they still craved sex not long after oral because sex is a whole different ball game. Its the main course really, a different kind of connection.

Thanks. Hopefully all goes well.

 

And I dont mind if a girl wants to hold off on sex with me until we discuss stds and pregnancy. That makes sense. I do understand being annoyed if shes holding off because she doesnt want to appear easy, or because she has thought up some time period of how long she thinks I need to wait.

 

If thats the case, she better stick to just making out with me.

 

If you want her as a FWB, make sure you tell her that whether youre having sex or not.

peytondoll Established Member

peytondoll

Posted
Posted (edited)
Take your own advice bub *yawn*Im not going to lie...right now, Im looking for someone I can have sex with, connect with on a physical and emotional level, but without all the dicey-ness of a relationship. Its possible Ill like her more than a FWB...but right now I just want something casual, fun, and fulfilling companionship wise. So im not just into her for a pump and dump. I do want to be friends and spend some time together not having sex.

I understand not all women cum from sex...but in my experience, even if that was the case, they still craved sex not long after oral because sex is a whole different ball game. Its the main course really, a different kind of connection.

Thanks. Hopefully all goes well.

 

And I dont mind if a girl wants to hold off on sex with me until we discuss stds and pregnancy. That makes sense. I do understand being annoyed if shes holding off because she doesnt want to appear easy, or because she has thought up some time period of how long she thinks I need to wait.

 

If thats the case, she better stick to just making out with me.

 

If you want her as a FWB, make sure you tell her that whether youre having sex or not. Deception is never a good thing. And it doesnt sound like you like her that much then...avoiding the "diceyness of a relationship" really means youre not into her enough to be her boyfriend. I have never once bought that excuse. I take back the part about you being diffeent than other guys...you really arent any different at all. A guy who uses me for my companionship and sex without any commitment is just as bad as a guy who blatantly says he wants a one night stand

Edited by peytondoll
pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted
However I have hooked up with girls in the past who mid oral just wanted me inside them. I was thinking of saying simply "hmmm not tonight, lets wait on that. Ill make sure youre taken care of right now of course." So what do you think ladies?

 

I would be very irritated. I have no interest in oral - I would want intercourse. I think this is something you should talk about before getting intimate, so that she doesn't have an expectation of sex, and would have the option of not doing anything.

Nightsky Established Member

Nightsky

Posted
Posted
If you want her as a FWB, make sure you tell her that whether youre having sex or not. Deception is never a good thing. And it doesnt sound like you like her that much then...avoiding the "diceyness of a relationship" really means youre not into her enough to be her boyfriend. I have never once bought that excuse. I take back the part about you being diffeent than other guys...you really arent any different at all. A guy who uses me for my companionship and sex without any commitment is just as bad as a guy who blatantly says he wants a one night stand

 

Welcome to the brave new world feminism has helped create. Where women are told to be men, and men to be women.

 

Also he never said FWB, or that he would deceive her. I mean she'll be happy to be in a lesbian relationship with the guy. The lesbianation of the west. Gotta love it right?

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...