Necris Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Yep exactly as the title says, do you ever feel that you are not meant to date/have a relationship? Why I ask? Just curious if anyone else feels the same way. I notice I have terrible luck in dating, at first I was thinking maybe I'm not attractive, too nerdy, maybe socially inept in some way or just not charismatic, bad aura, etc. But maybe my bad luck is just a sign that perhaps I'm not meant for this. I was thinking about it the other day and I asked myself "why do I want a girlfriend, what do I have to gain from this?" After giving it some thought I couldn't really come up with anything. I know its not for sex while I admit I do entertain the idea I know I should only have sex in marriage. Besides all the messiness it can cause to a relationship I don't find it morally right to have sex outside of marriage. The only thing I could really come up with was the nebulous concept of "companionship" and some other feeling I can't for some reason define at the moment. So what's the point. 1
Nightsky Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I do feel that way about you sometimes but its all because of your defeatest attitude. I mean you're tall that's like the holy grail of getting girls I should know I'm tall too. I mean I walk into a room some times to have women gather around me and say I'm tall. I also have long hair some times.... and when my hair is long women just want to put their hands through it.. ."can I touch your hair" they ask. Cmon man it was painful reading your thread the other day about how you wanted to help your brother out with girls because he's good looking and actually has a chance. HELP YOURSELF you have a chance. Seriously man pay me $1K bux and either fly out to me or fly me out to you and I'll get you a dates, and your first kiss inside of a week. Or just give up... or just try. Up to u 3
Author Necris Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 Cmon man it was painful reading your thread the other day about how you wanted to help your brother out with girls because he's good looking and actually has a chance. HELP YOURSELF you have a chance. I didn't really want this thread to be about me, but I am starting to honestly feel that perhaps I'm not meant for this, my efforts always seem to not do anything, I just get failure after failure, I'm not going to stop talking to girls but I don't expect it to ever lead anywhere. As for my brother I do think its easier to help him out, as girls do seem to be interested in him, he just needs to relax and not act like a robot, and also perhaps take a more active role but then again that may not be needed since from what I can tell he doesn't approach girls, girls approach him. I just need to figure out how to get him to relax more and act more natural when he's talking to girls.
Nightsky Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I didn't really want this thread to be about me, but I am starting to honestly feel that perhaps I'm not meant for this, my efforts always seem to not do anything, I just get failure after failure, I'm not going to stop talking to girls but I don't expect it to ever lead anywhere. Yes you did want it to be about you. In fact 3/4 of what you wrote were directly about you. You actually wrote this stuff in you OP. As for my brother I do think its easier to help him out' date=' as girls do seem to be interested in him, he just needs to relax and not act like a robot, and also perhaps take a more active role but then again that may not be needed since from what I can tell he doesn't approach girls, girls approach him. I just need to figure out how to get him to relax more and act more natural when he's talking to girls.[/quote'] All the advice you give to your brother would be better served with you. It's easier for you to focus on your brother because he's not you though. It's like when I don't have a job it's easy for me to tell some random guy to network and apply to lots of jobs but hard for me to take my own advice. I was thinking about it the other day and I asked myself "why do I want a girlfriend, what do I have to gain from this?" After giving it some thought I couldn't really come up with anything. I know its not for sex while I admit I do entertain the idea I know I should only have sex in marriage. Besides all the messiness it can cause to a relationship I don't find it morally right to have sex outside of marriage. The only thing I could really come up with was the nebulous concept of "companionship" and some other feeling I can't for some reason define at the moment. So what's the point. Dude are you silly? I mean with this attitude how can you possibly waste your time posting on LS? I mean looking at a girl let alone holding her hand and whistling is more entertaining than LS right... Sex isn't everything, I mean you do believe in kissing before marriage right that's pretty fun. Also are you super religious or something, whats with the waiting till marriage crap? If you think being with girls is pointless why did you care if your brother ends up with a girl... it's just pointless right?
Author Necris Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 If you think being with girls is pointless why did you care if your brother ends up with a girl... it's just pointless right? The way I wrote that probably didn't come off right, but truthfully I don't feel its pointless, I don't really know why I want a relationship, its hard to describe it in words. I feel that I'm doing fairly well for myself I feel smarter than I have ever felt before and even other people are noticing as well, allowing me to finally start making good decisions for myself, things are going fairly well. But for whatever reason when I tell myself that I don't need a girlfriend and can just stay single I have this strange feeling of sadness, why do I want to be with a girl so badly I'm not so sure perhaps its the longing for closeness of some kind, companionship, curiosity, something. As for my brother he himself wants to get a girlfriend but doesn't know how, and from my own observations he looks like he doesn't need too much work so why not help your younger brother.
Nightsky Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 The way I wrote that probably didn't come off right, but truthfully I don't feel its pointless, I don't really know why I want a relationship, its hard to describe it in words. I feel that I'm doing fairly well for myself I feel smarter than I have ever felt before and even other people are noticing as well, allowing me to finally start making good decisions for myself, things are going fairly well. But for whatever reason when I tell myself that I don't need a girlfriend and can just stay single I have this strange feeling of sadness, why do I want to be with a girl so badly I'm not so sure perhaps its the longing for closeness of some kind, companionship, curiosity, something. As for my brother he himself wants to get a girlfriend but doesn't know how, and from my own observations he looks like he doesn't need too much work so why not help your younger brother. You should help your brother, through example! Look man you do seem smart, but also very stupid when it comes to this topic. Just do it. Stop being so scared.
aussietigerwolf Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Sighs you sound like my fiance did. Maybe you just need to meet girls another way... Join an interest group, play online games, something like that
mortensorchid Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I feel the same way you do at times. People tell me I'm quite attractive and ask others why I don't have a bf, and honestly it's because they're all losers. I am past the point where I think there is something wrong with me, because I know I'm not a loser. But I know what you're thinking, you can't help but blame yourself in the predicament. Have you been burned a lot? I've been burned in more ways than I care to think about.
lovebug1234 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Yes but I always get back up and try again because I love being in love
grkBoy Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I did once...that's when I did MGTOW. Granted I met Ms Right a few years later, but I chose to make my "defeatest attitude" into a positive one by simply removing the personal sense of importance I put on dating...and prioritizing other things.
IT Geek Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 The way I am right now physically, I absolutely feel that way.
Ross MwcFan Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I know someone who had terrible luck at dating, and didn't get his first date at 46. By then all the women wanted him and his weirdness. His egocentricity that so many avoided earlier actually had finally appealed to many women...so did his 50million dollar net worth. Are you talking about some famous person? If so, who?
Mrlonelyone Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Yes I have felt that way for a while. It's like I have too many strikes against me to be in a relationship. I am a professional student trying to be a professional academic. I have to take care of elderly parents. I have to look out for a sister who's autistic. Then add my gender presentation and bisexuality which confuses people who like nice boxes for themselves and others (read, most people by far.) I confuse people and raise issues, simply by being, which people don't want to think about. Alternatively I am exoticized and fetishized into a sexual object and stereotyped against my profession in the most ignorant ways. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I just played to type, quit science became a hair dresser and had sex with random guys and swinging couples. Then I wish I would die. Then I have my morning coffee, and realize that being in a relationship while affirming wouldn't define me and shouldn't define who I am with. I just need someone who can see that.
somedude81 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Yeah I'm really starting to believe that I don't deserve to be happy. I really don't think it's going to happen for me so I need to figure out how to be alone. A long life full of misery. I'm so excited. 2
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Yeah I'm really starting to believe that I don't deserve to be happy. I really don't think it's going to happen for me so I need to figure out how to be alone. A long life full of misery. I'm so excited. Exactly how I feel. The only thing I'll add is that I've been having dreams about this one girl I used to know (including last night). I'd prefer to not have those dreams...unless of course I could permanently live in those dreams.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 What science field are you into? Why does that matter? Even if I went for the people who specifically find transgender women attractive in my experiences, they aren't able to handle one of us having more education than they probably do. As soon as I am totally honest about what I do that's the last I hear of allot of people. Think of what Stephen Hawking does...it's kinda like that.
AlexDP Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Why does that matter? Even if I went for the people who specifically find transgender women attractive in my experiences, they aren't able to handle one of us having more education than they probably do. As soon as I am totally honest about what I do that's the last I hear of allot of people. Think of what Stephen Hawking does...it's kinda like that. Probably because they imagine banging transgender women in the back of their car or some sleazy hotel room. You are in an unfortunate situation, there's no denying that I'm afraid. 1
BetheButterfly Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Yep exactly as the title says, do you ever feel that you are not meant to date/have a relationship? Nope. I always know I was meant to be in a meaningful, monogamous relationship. I also know I'm supposed to be a Mom, though I don't know if that will happen or not. Life is uncertain and sometimes people's lives are snuffed out so early. I think my upbringing is one of the reasons why I feel meant to have a relationship, and why I am married now. Marriage is considered very important to my family, and family is also very important to my family. These values were transmitted to me; I'm a willing recipient to both family and marriage ideals.
peytondoll Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I am a woman and feel very very few men are relationship material. I am much happier single than having a boyfriend. I tried casual stuff too and that only brought drama. So now its me and my vibrator...and no, Im not unhappy and this isnt out of bitterness. Personally, my mental health and happiness improves when being single.
Failboy Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Think about this: Some people are naturally really good at sports, I mean, basically any sport really. Some are naturally really good at maths, some others draw very well and so on. All these people are just talented, they don't put in the slightest bit of effort to be much better than average. Only when it comes to being the best of the best, that's when the effort and work starts for them. Same probably with getting dates/sex/relationships and with raising children. Some are naturally good at it, others just suck at it no matter how you slice it. Yet, still, we believe that anybody should or could date/get sex/get a spouse and raise children. When maybe the harsh reality is, that some just suck at it. That is probably also a reason for why we have so many messed up families, so meny badly raised children - because so many people who suck at parenting have children. Imagine a person who is naturally VERY bad at sports trying to compete with guys who are naturally very, very good at it. That's how I feel about dating sometimes. It's really not something I have any talent or the right genetic tools for, but I still have to try even if it kills me. Why? I don't even know - guess the thought of going to a **** job all your life with noone home, noone there who even cares about you makes life seem incredibly empty.
ThaWholigan Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I remember feeling like I couldn't get a date or a relationship, until I stopped thinking that way because it was counter-productive. Once I started believing that no matter what I could get a date, I actually started getting dates. It's not a quick process, but I got there. And there is nothing genetic that says you absolutely cannot get a date. It might be more difficult for you than others, but it's not impossible.
iris219 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 While it's true that most people end up in relationships, not everyone does. We all know people who don't date or who haven't dated in decades. Some of us will certainly end up alone. I'm probably one of those people, but now that I've started accepting that, I feel better about it. I would like to have sex at some point, but I'm not sure that will happen either. I just live my life and try not to focus on it. There's nothing else I can do.
somedude81 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I would like to have sex at some point, but I'm not sure that will happen either. I just live my life and try not to focus on it. There's nothing else I can do. Still a virgin eh? I can help with that.
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