lovelornandlost Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Hey guys, So I met this guy online. He's charming, just really sweet. He is coming on pretty strong and seems very interested. HOWEVER...he still is logging into dating sites daily. We have not known each other very long and have not officially made it exclusive. He mentions he would like me to be his girlfriend. And we seem to be headed that direction. So, is it normal for a guy to keep online scoping out chicks, keeping his options open until we are exclusive? Or should I be a little offended? I've been burned in the past by cheating and I know my defenses are up. But I also know that men are different than women when it comes to dating. Help please!
Car10e Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I'm in the same exact situation. Since it is not exclusive yet, can't really do anything about it. Over time, if you do become exclusive, and he's still doing it, I would definitely bring it up to him.
turt Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 After using online dating for a period of time, you'll be doing the same...
FitChick Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 You don't know why he is logging on. If someone has written to him, perhaps he is telling them that he has met someone and wants to see how it goes. Or he could be logging on to see if YOU are logging on.
Cutiepie1976 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) Agree with all the posters above. Numerous reasons why he might be logging in. I wouldn't make assumptions. Second, since you just started dating and haven't explicitly agreed to see each other exclusively, there's really nothing wrong IF he chooses to go on dates with others besides you. How did you respond when he mentioned that he'd like you to be his girlfriend? When I tried online dating, I met my ex fairly quickly. We had an amazing first date, and he seemed pretty smitten from then. I liked him a lot too! Still, until he asked me to be exclusive I continued to respond to other guys' messages on the site and to date them. (He hinted at wanting to be exclusive on the phone after our third date, and asked me point blank on our fourth date.) After that, since he was pretty much it for me too, I immediately stopped seeing or talking to other guys, and I signed into my profile to message everyone with whom I was communicating and/or dating that I had met someone and would not be going any further with them. Most early dating goes nowhere, and you truly don't know where someone stands until he or she tells you. Early on, while you're both still deciding among various choices, most people will date others in addition to you, until it's clear you're exclusive. My advice: have a conversation with him. No need to sit in limbo, confused about how he sees you guys. Hope you find someone special! Edited November 26, 2012 by Cutiepie1976
Author lovelornandlost Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Thanks guys! I know I'm being paranoid because of my past. New to the online scene. But we talked about dating in general and he said he doesn't ask girls out unless he really sees a future with them. So I think he is talking to girls, keeping options open. He's got similar issues as me when it comes to dating fears. Once we are a "we" and we discuss that I will state my expectations of a steady boyfriend. Until then I know I need to chill out. haha.
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