safarijed Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Hi everyone. please read this first... She broke up with me 6 weeks ago after 2.5 years, the 2nd time in a year. The first was in january. She blamed it on loss of attraction, and then on all kinds of other non-sense. We worked it out within 4 weeks with plenty of time and space. Things were going very well considering our circumstances. She has a 7 year old daughter who i've been step parenting since she was in preschool, she works 3+jobs to rent a 1-bedroom duplex. She is often overwhelmed so I did what I could to help her out. I also have a demanding 50+ hour job and I bought a foreclosed property/home that Ive been diy remodeling for them for over a year. I would stay with her on most nights but we didn't get the privacy we needed at her place. I recently changed my shift so we could spend time together during the day, a week later she broke up with me out of the blue. Same reasons mostly, lack of attraction, but also lack of patience for the house not getting done fast enough for her. I sent her a long email a couple weeks later, after she asked me to take her daughter to school. We talked in person. She said it was the right decision but she missed me and wanted to be friends. I said I couldn't do that and I couldn't trust her anymore. She was visibly hurt. I knew she had started seeing someone else at that point. In the past 4 weeks shes been trying to contact me more and more, leaving manic, emotionally strange messages while asking me for help, inviting me to go exercise, or just saying hi and that she misses me. I ran into her 3 days ago. She was excited, we had a long embrace, then tried to act casual. the messages have increased since then. We had a very close relationship, I dont know why this happened. Shes 30, Im 29. her friends are worried about her, she does have some past family trauma. I do want to work things out if it's possible, but I don't want to set a precedent that this kind of thing can happen from time to time and that I'll always take her back. How do I make it safe for her to admit that she made a mistake while putting my foot down for myself? Do 3rd chances ever work? thanks for the advice S
lammy Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Wow, this sounds serious am happy you gave her a second chance am kinda in the same scenario hoping a certain guy will give me a second chance.I feel like you are being used, i understand people can break up over rediculous things and work things out..but to me it seems like she doesnt value the relationship you have for her and she is only thinking about herself when she breaks things off with you.If she at least apologized to you maybe that would make a different.I wont make the decision for you if you feel the need to give her a 3rd chance but what is the reasurrance she wont leave once there is a "loss of attaraction".She seems confused and you deserve to be treated better:)
Author safarijed Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 She doesn't think things thru and is very impulsive sometimes. Im the opposite. I think she envies the lives of her single friends because she's a mother and can never be totally free of that responsibility. I was very cautious while developing a relationship with her and her daughter, but for the last 20+ months I was pretty much all in. That makes it hard to even want to let go, but I definitely don't deserve to be treated like this. I do want to talk to her but I'm afraid she'll be too stubborn to be real with me. I know she's confused but I don't like the idea of trying to 'win' her back all over again, though she is the one who's calling me.
Chico333 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 She sounds like she is either afraid of commitment or just does not know what she wants. She loves you and is afraid to let you go. It is not fair to you to have to deal with her wishy washyness. You have spent a good deal of time with this person so I am sure is hard. I say let her go and don't become *friends* with her because you know you your feelings are stronger so you will only be torturing yourself hoping for more. If she truly wants to be with you she will go in full heartedly or tell you the truth about what the underlying issue is and if not...then she has her own issues she needs to take care of.
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