4 years

[I_got_this]

Well where do I start.. I met my girlfriend about 5 years ago, and we became friends immediately. She was special so I took a year to get to know her just because she was worth it. When I asked her out it was almost like a long time coming type of feeling. We have been through many things together including her grandmother passing, which was a huge blow to her, I was there through it all. Her recently I had noticed a change in her demeanor toward me, it bothered because throughout our whole relationship I strived to be an ear if nothing else at times and the fact that I felt she wasn't being 100 with me made me feel kinda bad. One day we were at her house and she was texting this guy who I knew of but later on that night I looked at the messages, I usually don't but I just felt something wasn't right. So one text he asked her what she was doing, and she replied nothing watching tv, nothing special.... When I saw this I was hurt more than anything because I felt that there must be a reason why she wouldn't say she was with me. So I asked her about it and she said she didn't think it was a big deal, and if she knew I would react like I did she would have said she was with me. I still felt that if we were together and someone asked what you were doing saying that your with your boyfriend shouldn't even require thought. So the next week we went out, didn't hold hands and showed minimal physical love. We had a talk after and she started crying hesitantly saying that she thinks a break might be helpful. I disagreed, and we talked further about it and we decided to stay together. A week later we talked and she said she'd call me back because a family member was on the phone, I didn't get a call back until the next day and the first thing she said was we need a break, a lot more confident this time. I asked her why and she said she felt we needed space to focus on us individually. I asked her if we were working on us at all she said no and for me not to even focus on her. So I took this hard because I have always put her first, always tried to be there for her no matter what, like whatever she needed I tried my best to help her get it. This was a couple days before thanksgiving and she had told me that she wanted to come with me and my family weeks before, but a couple days later she said that she was just going to have dinner at her moms. So thanksgiving day comes and we meet up for breakfast, I am still uneasy about the whole break so I question more. At first she stuck to the same reason as before, then she says she may have feelings for someone else. Of course I think about the guy she was texting the night I was over. I asked her if it was him and after a couple times of me asking she says yes.... At that moment I just had a flashback of all the things we had done together, all the good times and funny moments. And this guy comes out of nowhere and my 4 year relationship with my best friend is done. I asked her why him and she told me that she had a class with him freshman year he was a senior and that's when the feelings started. I didn't even know this, ever. She met me her sophomore year and the rest is history. But now I just questions galore. Did she ever truly lose feelings for the other guy? They just started talking a couple months ago from what I know, and she was willing to throw us away to pursue something new with this dude. I know its not impossible for me to find another girl, but to find another girl that gives me that same feeling... my girlfriend was amazing in every way, and that's why it's so hard for me to start getting over it and her. There's a part of me that would take her back but with the lies that came out of no where I don't know. I definitely have trust issues now, and it hurts like crazy because it came from her, the girl who I planned on marrying, having kids with etc. I really wrote this post to vent, just to get it out again. I don't know what to do. Also she was really big on holidays so the fact that she broke up with me during the holidays sucks so bad, it's like over night she just didn't care anymore. Also I don't know exactly how long it was that she started feeling this way, so its also possible that she could have been getting over me while we were still together. Another question I ask myself is "did she lose feelings for me naturally or only until this guy came back in the picture??? Just a lot of questions on my end, it was nothing personally that I did. There's a part of me that wants to be mad and upset, but can I really blame her for how she feels. I don't know.

[NavyAirTraffic]

She has been feeling this way for a looong time. Dumpers have decided long before they actually utter the words, she actually has a head start on you. While with you, she's been coping with the thought of losing you, using you to feel better. Everything you want from her right now: the gentle let down, the cuddling, the goodbye sex, she's already done, you gave her (she's used you). This is why the second "I want a break conversation" was different, with more conviction. She jumped the gun the first time, but you (unknowingly) healed her enough for her to finally end it.

 

You will see with time HUGE red flags that you ignored the first time "blinded by love", and this will help you become a better/more efficient dater in the future.

 

You can NEVER contact her again and here is why: she wants to be with someone else, you are a man of value, you don't chase people who tell you they don't want to be with you, you don't want to be with someone one who doesn't want to be with you. You don't beg or convince someone to be with you. You're right, no need to be upset. She's answered the question for you "am I going to marry this girl".

[Chi townD]

Okay, first off...paragraphs! That was hard to read.

 

Don't you just love when they want to break to work on themselves as an INDIVIDUAL....only to find out that it's for someone else.

 

You need to start to go NC on her. complete NO CONTACT!!! You need to block her on Facebook. Do not answer her texts or emails. Let her calls go to voicemail. Do not text, email or call her. She needs to know that you are gone. Remember, she made the choice to have you out of her life. That was her choice. You're just giving her exactly what she asked for. She may ask to be your friend. You are not her friend. I'm sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with the end result being you as nothing more than a friend. Remember, anytime you feel like talking to her, remind yourself that she valued an opportunity to hook up with another guy than your relationship. She cheated on you! And... yes she did. You don't have to have sex in order to cheat. She got emotionally involved with this douche rocket so much so that she kicked you to the curb. That's called an emotional affair.

 

Go NC...time to heal and move on. If you feel like contacting her. STOP!!! Take a deep breath and post here instead. If she texts you or calls you, your first reaction is to respond because, let face it, it would be a normal reaction. DON'T RESPOND!! Post here instead. People will be here to walk you through all of this.

[I_got_this]

I hear yall both.