nasscal58 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Hey everyone, my wife filed for separation recently and all I want in life right now is to have her back. I miss her so badly. So here's the details of whats been going on. we broke up a week before thanks giving and filed the following Tuesday. At the court house she was very loving and very supportive of me. We made out in the car afterwords and we told each other how much we loved each other. I went up a few days later to get my stuff and we ended up sleeping together. She seemed confident that she wanted to get back together and fix everything, then on thanks giving day she text me and told me how she missed me so much she was going to break down at the bowling alley in front of her family. a few days later I broke down and called her but this time she seemed very reserved and told me there is no chance we can get back together and that I should move on with my life. Any tips or advice? is there any tricks I can use? or anything? I want my wife and step-daughter back. I want to make everything right. I just want her back so bad! I'm thinking of buying, the magic of making up by T.W Jackson. Yes I know I've seen the threads but if there is some hope, I would risk it all.
CptSaveAho Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Push her away, focus on your life If she contacts you and asks you what you are doing respond "none of your business" then continue focusing on your life Stop giving her everything she wants 2
Holyoak Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 She seemed confident that she wanted to get back together and fix everything, then on thanks giving day she text me and told me how she missed me so much she was going to break down at the bowling alley in front of her family. a few days later I broke down and called her but this time she seemed very reserved and told me there is no chance we can get back together and that I should move on with my life. Any tips or advice? is there any tricks I can use? or anything? I want my wife and step-daughter back. I want to make everything right. I just want her back so bad! Who is the OM she is playing you with? I am not trying to be cold, but going from one extreme to another seems like she now does not want/need you as plan B, and is going "all in" for the OM... Seems textbook (cheaters 101 textbook) perfect from here. I agree, detach the best you can, see what you can dig up, and really think what you want from the relationship. Good luck to you! 5
BetrayedH Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Who is the OM she is playing you with? I am not trying to be cold, but going from one extreme to another seems like she now does not want/need you as plan B, and is going "all in" for the OM... Seems textbook (cheaters 101 textbook) perfect from here. I agree, detach the best you can, see what you can dig up, and really think what you want from the relationship. Good luck to you! I have a tendency to agree. This back and forth nonsense seems characteristic of a woman torn about the guilt of leaving her husband for another man. You need to do what we call "the 180" around here and go into investigative mode. Something stinks. 1
loneman Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I would agree with previous posters here about the OM. This is the same thing my XW did. Telling me that she wants her feelings sorted out...trying to get her feelings back for me, but at the same time she was seeing the OM. Did you try MC? There are no tricks here. You can't trick someone into loving you. Stop begging and crying, that will only push her away. Go 180, dig up what you can and if there is OM (I am 99% sure there is) expose it. I am sorry to say this, but as she has already moved out there is a lot less chance of wining her back. And here is the usual cliche..."move on". Do not call her, if she does then just act happy, fake it. Focus on your life. Go out, have fun. Maybe...just maybe she will see what she is missing and come back. Sorry man, I know you do not want to hear this but a lot of people here have been through the same situation as you and there aren't many success stories.
Steadfast Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I would agree with previous posters here about the OM. This is the same thing my XW did. Telling me that she wants her feelings sorted out...trying to get her feelings back for me, but at the same time she was seeing the OM. The hot and cold pattern usually means she's tossing in the waters of indecision. Indecision occurs when there are issues with all of her available choices. She'll get in touch when she's feeling scared or vulnerable. But unless abuse is involved, women don't leave men they're in love with. Wish I could find it, but I read a very well-written article about reconciliation when my ex moved out. The author very accurately laid out patterns of behavior and all the possible responses a betrayed spouse could have. To summarize, all a loving spouse can do is make sure the leaving spouse knows you don't want a divorce, that you love them, and that you'll do everything in your power to restore the marriage to good health. Then? You wait. Let them go, leave them alone and wait until you have the answer you need. Or, you wait until you decide that you've waited long enough. It is very true that if you love something (one) let it go. There is no magic pill, phrase, or plan. Anything that promises success preys on the desperate for financial gain. The advice you need is free. Sorry man, I know you do not want to hear this but a lot of people here have been through the same situation as you and there aren't many success stories. I disagree! This forum is FULL of success stories. In time, you too may realize the pain of separation and divorce is well worth the cost of getting your life back. Living in wonder and worry with a cheater isn't a life. 2
aMguilts Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Any tips or advice? is there any tricks I can use? or anything? I want my wife and step-daughter back. I want to make everything right. I just want her back so bad! . There are no tricks you can use. TW jackson is a con artist. You need to see things in a different light thou I want I want I want will get you nowhere. I need I need I need, again, will get you nowhere. We all want what we can`t have. Acceptance is the key. you want her back? Stop the pressure, stop the whinning, grow a pair. She will never want you back as long as you are needy, clingy and have no balls. There is a trick to win her back. Stop doing everthing you are doing now. aM 3
loneman Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I disagree! This forum is FULL of success stories. In time, you too may realize the pain of separation and divorce is well worth the cost of getting your life back. Living in wonder and worry with a cheater isn't a life. I agree with you, but what I meant is there are not many success stories when it comes to winning back your WW. Some, but not many.
Sisyphus2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 There are no tricks you can use. TW jackson is a con artist. You need to see things in a different light thou I want I want I want will get you nowhere. I need I need I need, again, will get you nowhere. We all want what we can`t have. Acceptance is the key. you want her back? Stop the pressure, stop the whinning, grow a pair. She will never want you back as long as you are needy, clingy and have no balls. There is a trick to win her back. Stop doing everthing you are doing now. aM thats confusing to me, as a man in a difficult relationship. I am trying to fix the things that I have been criticized for, and what you are saying is that by doing that I am viewed as weak by her and pushes her away? women are so freaking complicated. fix it, but dont, chase me but dont, love me but act like you dont. WTF? It would be easier being gay. I think we are speaking different languages.
Steadfast Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 thats confusing to me, as a man in a difficult relationship. I am trying to fix the things that I have been criticized for, and what you are saying is that by doing that I am viewed as weak by her and pushes her away? women are so freaking complicated. fix it, but dont, chase me but dont, love me but act like you dont. WTF? It would be easier being gay. I think we are speaking different languages. Don't be confused by aMguilts 'unique' style of communicating. Best I can tell it's equal parts humor, sarcasm and exasperation. To each his own. The bottom line I think, is Be a Man. If 'tricks or games' are used to build a relationship, it only stands to reason that tricks or games is what'll be needed to sustain it. To me? That doesn't sound like something worth sustaining. I'm not a woman, so I can't advise you on what a woman wants. I can say that if you present yourself in a honest and sincere manner, you'll have a good relationship if you're with a woman who loves who and what you are. 'To thy own self be true'. Trying to follow a 'list of improvements' from a cheater is chasing your own tail. Just following the list (which is meaningless cheater-chatter-reasoning) will cause her to lose even more respect and attraction for you. I don't know your situation, but I find it grand folly trying to chase a woman who's decided she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Cheating or not. Bad as it hurts, the only response IMO is to respect their right to choose, let them go, then try and learn something from the experience. This doesn't mean we stop trying to better ourselves or do kind, thoughtful things for a loving wife. She wants to go to the opera? Suck it up and go to the opera. Marriage is work. It really is. If you're right, it'll be work you love to do. Men: don't try to be what she wants. Find a woman who wants you. 3
worldgonewrong Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 There is a trick to win her back. Stop doing everything you are doing now. And even then, that's still not a guarantee. He has to accept that fact too.
portableversion Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 (edited) i with you buddy, my ex and i had been together for 17 yrs. We had a very hasty divorce. At the time when she threatened me with paper i wanted out, but the next day and ever since i did not want the divorce. I was very upset over having about 10 yrs of a poor sex life.SHe used to insult me about what i wanted in the most harsh terms. I tried my best. In hindsight i still dont know she did make me feel miserable for years. SHe always had a wide array of insults coming at me , my job, sometimes my hair style, various other things. I felt bad many many times but i was always willing to forgive.It seems like my love for her went beyond all that and i was always willing to forgive because i loved her and still do. But the lack of sex plus her impatience, and fiery temper finally pushed me to the breaking point. BUt one thing i do feel, maybe there is something wrong with me, is that i do miss her a lot and the misery of having my family broken up has by far exceeded the misery i had from years of a poor sex life. Lack of sex and insults of what i liked, and of me did put me in a bad mood but not having her around and not being a dad anymore has casued me to cry a river of tears.I have never felt such grief and pain in my life. I did not know how bad misery could get. 5 months out post divorce has been very rough indeed. SHe already has a boyfriend. It seems she has moved on very quicky indeed. Ironic that now shes interested in blowing him and swallowing him, but with me id get andrea dworkin quotes, about degradation, and control. im definitly extrememely hurt and have had to turn to church, and lots of prayer. She thinks im psycho for crying still over this divorce. How can i love such a person?When will it go away. Im too shattered to even think of dating. Edited December 1, 2012 by portableversion
SuperGeek Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 You need to distance yourself from her more. You really shoudln't even KNOW what she is doing at all and you should be a mystery to her. Cut all the contact and DO NOT check up on her at all. Just let it all go. Move to another geo-location if you have to. Just get her away from you. That means get rid of her phone number, change yours, no facebook, nothing she can connect with you on. Set up rules in your email to auto delete hers. The sooner you get away from all of it, the sooner you will start to heal. --SuperGeek i with you buddy, my ex and i had been together for 17 yrs. We had a very hasty divorce. At the time when she threatened me with paper i wanted out, but the next day and ever since i did not want the divorce. I was very upset over having about 10 yrs of a poor sex life.SHe used to insult me about what i wanted in the most harsh terms. I tried my best. In hindsight i still dont know she did make me feel miserable for years. SHe always had a wide array of insults coming at me , my job, sometimes my hair style, various other things. I felt bad many many times but i was always willing to forgive.It seems like my love for her went beyond all that and i was always willing to forgive because i loved her and still do. But the lack of sex plus her impatience, and fiery temper finally pushed me to the breaking point. BUt one thing i do feel, maybe there is something wrong with me, is that i do miss her a lot and the misery of having my family broken up has by far exceeded the misery i had from years of a poor sex life. Lack of sex and insults of what i liked, and of me did put me in a bad mood but not having her around and not being a dad anymore has casued me to cry a river of tears.I have never felt such grief and pain in my life. I did not know how bad misery could get. 5 months out post divorce has been very rough indeed. SHe already has a boyfriend. It seems she has moved on very quicky indeed. Ironic that now shes interested in blowing him and swallowing him, but with me id get andrea dworkin quotes, about degradation, and control. im definitly extrememely hurt and have had to turn to church, and lots of prayer. She thinks im psycho for crying still over this divorce. How can i love such a person?When will it go away. Im too shattered to even think of dating.
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