ThatDudeXO Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Almost a year later since the end of my first relationship. 3 years of good memories. I had never been so depressed in my life after the break up but I got through it with the help of you guys which I'm thankful for. I looked at her Facebook a few minutes ago and she's in a relationship with someone new. Seeing that doesn't hurt me right now but it actually makes me happy for her. He is perfect for the person she's become. I hope one day soon I can find the perfect partner like that. He's already friends with her family when I never got the chance to meet her parents properly but I understand it's because we weren't the perfect couple. She had to let me go for something better to come along. I just hope the heartbroken version of myself had realised this before. I feel like messaging her but instead I'll stick to NC, we may never speak again even though we had a great time together but that's life. I'll probably never be fully over her because she was my first love but I know when I find that special someone I'll have fully recovered. Now just to deal with the loneliness and the hatred of being single!
lakerman34 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Almost a year later since the end of my first relationship. 3 years of good memories. I had never been so depressed in my life after the break up but I got through it with the help of you guys which I'm thankful for. I looked at her Facebook a few minutes ago and she's in a relationship with someone new. Seeing that doesn't hurt me right now but it actually makes me happy for her. He is perfect for the person she's become. I hope one day soon I can find the perfect partner like that. He's already friends with her family when I never got the chance to meet her parents properly but I understand it's because we weren't the perfect couple. She had to let me go for something better to come along. I just hope the heartbroken version of myself had realised this before. I feel like messaging her but instead I'll stick to NC, we may never speak again even though we had a great time together but that's life. I'll probably never be fully over her because she was my first love but I know when I find that special someone I'll have fully recovered. Now just to deal with the loneliness and the hatred of being single! I'm with you up to when you say 'now just to deal with the loneliness and hatred of being single!' Man, LOVE your single status. EMBRACE it! Work on yourself, find a new hobby or delve deeper into a current one. You should LOVE being single! Don't let your happiness be contingent on 'being with another person.' The only person that can ALWAYS make you happy is YOU. Otherwise, I agree with you. You have definitely moved on, it seems. Thoughts of what could have been will happen (especially if it's your first love), but when a better girl comes around, and you and her connect, those 'what could have been' thoughts in your head will become jokes. Trust me.
Phanpooh Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I dun trust u both. If u ain't ready, u will ruin other chance with new one. If u moved on, u didn't check her fb. U just used to live with ur pain and a little bit inside you head, still hav feeling and take care of her life. If u though her life is perfect, she deserve that, bla bla bla, just tell me how u treat yourself while she lying on his bed and you r here, with us.
Author ThatDudeXO Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 I dun trust u both. If u ain't ready, u will ruin other chance with new one. If u moved on, u didn't check her fb. U just used to live with ur pain and a little bit inside you head, still hav feeling and take care of her life. If u though her life is perfect, she deserve that, bla bla bla, just tell me how u treat yourself while she lying on his bed and you r here, with us. That's my point...I'll probably never be fully over her because I will always love her but fr the first time since the break up I'm happy for her. So what if I check her FB for the first time in months? I care about her and I wanted to see what's going on in her life. Her life seems perfect and I'm well on my way to perfecting mine. So what if she's lying on his bed and I'm on here? That makes no sense and is quite irrelevant.
Phanpooh Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 irrelevant?... i mean, she moved on easily and you are just here, keep your mind stuck in healing process! it's time to wake up and go outside. what happen in her life isn't matter, what happen in YOUR life is more important than. Don't waste your time! life is too short. 1
Author ThatDudeXO Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Completely missed the point of this post.
Steadfast Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Hard as it might be to grasp (or embrace) you have to find happiness in being single or you'll never escape being needy. Having someone special should sweeten life, not become the focus of it. All too often, people lose themselves in relationships. It becomes critical to their identity. And that's when one problem is replaced by another, worse problem. Glad you've moved on, but take my advice and if you haven't already, embrace all of the relationships in your life. Not just the romantic ones. Find the value and treasure of real friendships; cherish parents, siblings and dear friends. Make new friends. Take women (plural) out on a friendly basis and nothing more. Talk and get to know them. Listen to them. Learn. Got that? Very important. Learn-learn-learn. Trust me. Expand your horizons. Look outward; not inward. Did I mention that by doing so you'll become nearly irresistible to the opposite sex? Nothing is sexier than a dude who isn't self centered. Not the center of the world. Doesn't need to be. Grow your confidence by building your soul. And even when you meet Ms. Perfect, keep that for yourself. If she's real, she'll just love you more for it. 1
Exit Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) I just crossed the 1 year mark too. And I won't lie, the same thought has crossed my mind, is it time for me to look at her Facebook and prove that I can finally handle knowing she is out there without me and not have a breakdown about it? After all, I know that was part of the healing process when it came to the only other serious relationship I had before, at one point I started looking at her Facebook again and realized it didn't hurt and I've been okay since then. But I don't think I'm going to do it this time. I just can't handle it that way with my current ex. I don't even have Facebook anymore anyway so it would be tricky to see if I could find her. Anyways, FB stalking isn't really the point here. It's alright if you were able to look at feel happy for her, but stick with the choice not to break NC. Maybe it was just kind of a tongue-in-cheek comment to close out your post when you mentioned the hatred of being single, but I will also chime in and say it is important to learn not to feel that way. I've gone through that battle myself. Being single seemed like a disease to me, a state of illness that I would try to remedy as soon as possible. Not anymore. I have been single this entire year. Maybe I got a kiss or two from girls that I already knew, but I have not dated, have not tried to meet anyone, etc. And I won't lie, for most of that time being single was as terrible as I always thought it was. I didn't have a whole lot of friends I could try to reconnect with, I didn't have anywhere to go or anything to do. I have never spent so much time alone indoors. But I learned to deal with, and as someone mentioned above, I actually feel I broke the chains of neediness, because if I can handle stretches of months at a time where I didn't have much of a social life, I'll never again struggle to be single for a while or to date the type of girl that you can only see once a week. And the nice thing is that, it seems almost in sync with hitting the one year mark, suddenly I reconnected with a friend I've known since grade school, and for the first time in the last year I can say I've only been home to sleep before I make plans and leave my apartment again the next morning. So like I said I suspect maybe you were just making a funny comment about hating the single life, but I know in my case I honestly felt that way about it. It took me a year but now I realize it can honestly be great to be single and I don't even mean that in the sense that now I get to chase after random girls, because that's just another flavor of being addicted to attention from the opposite sex all together. I'm actually happy with being single in the truest sense of the word, I don't even consider myself on the market or actively looking. For once I know what life feels like without constantly viewing it through the lens of needing to find a partner. It can be valuable and a very freeing experience to learn that single life isn't something to dread. I think if/when I have another relationship in the future, it will definitely benefit from the way I learned to appreciate being single. Edited November 27, 2012 by Exit
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