I feel like I am getting worse

[PennGuy]

Well, it's been about six weeks or so since the split. All of my things are out of the apartment we picked out and into my own. I went up to the old place (now her place) last week to get a flash drive with my iTunes library on it. I texted her and asked if it was ok if I stopped up at HER place to get my things. It was so weird to call it her place and not "the apartment" or "our place". She asked if I would leave the key which stung for some reason.

 

A few weeks ago, I stopped over while she was at work to get my music downloaded onto the thumb drive. I assumed that she would've already left for work by the time I got there...well, I happened to run into her as I was driving down my old street. I just planned on waving, but she stopped and we made idle chit chat. My stomach didn't drop, i didn't get emotional.

 

Getting 25 gigs of music took longer than I thought. She shows up around 12:30 knowing I was still there as my car was out front. As she walked in the door, it felt like old times. I simply said "Wow, this feels like old times. I can't believe it's been a month." She instantly started crying and said how hard this was. I told her "This is the path you chose. This is what you wanted" I didn't know how to react or what her crying really meant. I still don't know. Why did she come back home just to get the mail? Did she just want to see me? Did she want me to break down? I kept my cool and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek and said that I still hate seeing her cry.

 

I have been no-contact otherwise. No drunken dialing....no happy thanksgiving....no how are you's.

 

When I was around her, I expected to be a mess. It felt good to see some emotion out of her. I played it cool.

 

I feel like her showing up and the instant waterworks were a sign that she is regretting breaking up with me and I pushed her away by saying "this is what you wanted. Remember that." I feel like that was a sign to reconcile. Am I wrong?

 

 

God, I miss her like crazy. She helped me grow up. She helped me become a better person. I miss our apartment. I miss her dog. I miss cooking thanksgiving dinners. I miss her pretty face, I miss her annoying habits. I miss hearing her sing. I miss waiting on her hand and foot. I miss sleeping beside her.

 

I've been back to crying again this past week. I live in a small town and the pickings are slim and gorgeous girls like her are normally involved or married. We once had something so good, I don't even know where or when we lost it.

 

Why did she show up that day when it was obvious I was still there. What was with the tears? Why am I so torn up about someone who told me she isn't in love with me anymore? I mean, in the end, it wasn't even good. No matter how hard I tried, and all the surprises and favors and I love you's changed nothing. It got to the point that if I didn't say "I love you" first, I would never have heard it from her.

[na49]

You love someone who isn't in love with you. It's that simple. You aren't ready to accept the fact that she is living her life and enjoying it without you. That's normal. I felt the same way, but you have to stop with all of the questions. They'll make you feel worse when you ask yourself "why did she do this? what does that mean? is she feeling the same way that I am? maybe she's waiting for me"

 

The reality is that she is gone, and you need to fall off the face of the earth and disappear from her. Obviously you should also do things like block her on facebook, etc if you haven't already. You need to take her off of the pedestal you have put her on. She wasn't perfect, don't remember all of the good, and if you do, remember the bad and only think about the bad, she must have done things to hurt you. This will help you learn that she isn't God's gift to the world because she isn't.

 

You won't know where your relationship went, all you need to know is that it's OVER now and you NEED to move on and not let this ruin you because you are stronger than that.

[PennGuy]

just unfriended her on facebook. crying again. it's weird to see "add friend" on her profile. I guess that was the last step. Three years....not even friends on facebook anymore.

[Dazed_Confused1989]

Keep your head up - it will slowly get better. I am at 10 weeks after 5 years. Be confident, take charge of your life and love yourself first. It's hard, but I've found it helpful to keep this in mind: You can't and should not want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. They should love you and be in love with you for who you are and if they can't then you deserve someone who is better for you.

 

Stay busy, and stay NC.

[LostOne1]

just unfriended her on facebook. crying again. it's weird to see "add friend" on her profile. I guess that was the last step. Three years....not even friends on facebook anymore.

 

it's tough.. in my case my ex blocked me on FB, which makes it easier for both of us I suppose. Because I can't see her and as far as I know if you block someone they can't see you.

 

So she blocked me and it makes it easier I suppose.

 

I know how tough the 3 yrs must be man. Mines ended the week of our 3rd anniversary. It's tough.. but after about 3-4 months now I feel a lot better than I did the time she BU with me.

 

I've some what moved on, but there are days when it does hurt. My motivation is still down and life seems like it's got me confused. Being with my ex gave me a path to take.. school, work, marriage, kids and we had plans. Then those plans get shattered and mean nothing to her anymore. Which hurts, because as dumpees it still means something to us.

 

Over time we slowly realize those plans are really gone and all we can do is look at new plans and see what else we can do and what other options are out there.

 

The BIGGEST thing that hurts me is missing my ex's support. Having her there by myside when things got bad was nice and comforting. Now things have been going bad after bad and I don't have her support now. It's all on me or I go down.

 

So I know what you're going through and it's extremely tough. We think how can someone who loves us so much just give up just like that and move on. And honestly.. it's scary to go through and see. I don't have any answer for it, I am searching for them myself still... If there is 1 thing I would change.. is that I would've found some way to spend more time with her while she was away for 2 months. If I could've found a way to not make her feel like I'm not calling her as much or losing contact.. wlel maybe she would be here still.

 

But I can't change that now... and neither can you. All we can do is find some way to look up and find a way to see that happiness will somehow come back.

 

Someone once told me when things go bad after bad... it means in the future something really good and big is gonna happen for you to make up for the pain and suffering.

[PennGuy]

I was also dumped a few days before our 3rd anniversary. The whole thing sucks so hard.

 

I like many others wish I could crawl into his/her head and see what they are thinking.

 

All of those shared dreams, goals, plans....gone. I was doing good for a few weeks until this week. I'm in my own place...making it my own...going out with friends....I still think about her all the time, but it didn't make me a wreck like it has this week since the beginning.

 

I have a feeling this is going to be a long process as much as I don't want it to be.

 

I'm trying to look at all the negatives and how bad she made me feel at times, but this woman turned me into a responsible adult. I'm fiscally sound, I keep my commitments....all of that. I was a 27 year old "boy" when I met her. I also changed her for the better.

 

She made out with an ex the night before she broke up with me. I should hate her but I don't. Even though she makes her own choices, I think I pushed her towards it, but I don't know how I did. I was affectionate...told her how beautiful she was...took care of a lot of household chores...was fun around her friends....but I managed to push her back towards her ex. I feel like a complete failure. Somewhere along the way I failed her.

[LostOne1]

I was also dumped a few days before our 3rd anniversary. The whole thing sucks so hard.

 

I like many others wish I could crawl into his/her head and see what they are thinking.

 

All of those shared dreams, goals, plans....gone. I was doing good for a few weeks until this week. I'm in my own place...making it my own...going out with friends....I still think about her all the time, but it didn't make me a wreck like it has this week since the beginning.

 

I have a feeling this is going to be a long process as much as I don't want it to be.

 

I'm trying to look at all the negatives and how bad she made me feel at times, but this woman turned me into a responsible adult. I'm fiscally sound, I keep my commitments....all of that. I was a 27 year old "boy" when I met her. I also changed her for the better.

 

She made out with an ex the night before she broke up with me. I should hate her but I don't. Even though she makes her own choices, I think I pushed her towards it, but I don't know how I did. I was affectionate...told her how beautiful she was...took care of a lot of household chores...was fun around her friends....but I managed to push her back towards her ex. I feel like a complete failure. Somewhere along the way I failed her.

man you pulled out all the words I am feeling too.

 

All those dreams we shared.. gone.. and it made me want to know WHAT went on in her head to go from me being her EVERYTHING to me being nothing to her. From her always wanting to be close to wanting me so far away from her.

 

And buddy it WILL be a long process. I read somewhere it takes half the time of the relationship. So it technically should take us 1.5 yrs to FULLY get over it to a point where we don't really think, care or remember much about our ex. Almost like it was a lost childhood memory.

 

I know how you feel about thinking you pusher her towards doing what she did.. I feel the EXACT same. In my case she was away for 2 months on a work trip. I didn't communicate with her for 1-2 weeks online. We barley texted and I think that killed it for us... She also told me that when she got back after 2 months. That if I kept communication while she was away.. this wouldn't have happened.

 

And honestly I believe my ex.. because now instead of her spending ALL her evenings with me on her webcam.. she was bored and I am in no where in site.. so she spends time with the next person.. a guy there who happened to like her too. So essentially I just gave the guy an easy time to take my love away. And I did it myself being stupid.

 

So I know how you feel man... I feel like I failed my ex too. She gave me a chance after swearing never to date another guy again, after her ex had hurt her bad. But she gave me a chance and just like you said.. we BOTH changed each others lives for the better. She started doing better in school and actually thinking about a career, because she wanted to spend her life with me and wanted a future together for us and our future kids.

 

Now she's gone and it hurts to know how she left that dream go. Worst of all, I didn't give her the space she needed and it's quite possible she would've come back. She did state she would have.. but I was stupid and posted some rude things about her on FB and that she said killed any feelings she had left. I was stupid too, she told me she was with someone else, but she said she wasn't and said it out of anger.

 

sigh... but hey man it;s tough for both of us and sadly.. there is no going back now.

[PennGuy]

I think we didn't spend enough time together. There was a point when we had a talk about the relationship not being "good" (more her feelings than mine) and we worked on things. It seemed like I was the one who was trying really hard. I knew what was at stake. It seemed like she had no idea.

 

She also didn't like the lack of romance in the relationship. She said that went away too quickly.

 

At some point and I can't even remember exactly when it started, we wouldn't stay in bed after sex. We would do our thing, get up and go back to doing our separate lives. I realized this along the way and tried to bring some romance and passion back into the bedroom but I could tell from the way she kissed me that it was gone. Sex was almost completely gone towards the end. Even kisses outside the bedroom the love behind them was gone. Zac Brown Band's song "Goodbye In Her Eyes" really hits home for me right now.

 

I'm desperate for a message on facebook...for a text...for my phone to ring. I know that I shouldn't be.

 

I ALWAYS tried to appreciate and let her have her interests. I didn't like her choice of TV programs and would give her my opinion on them, but I always let her have her Sunday night DVR time. She was a Zumba-holic and she did every event, every class she could. She was very very good at it and I let her know how good she was and how proud I was of her for gaining confidence and being that good at something.

 

It was hard communicating with her sometimes. Like we would sit in the same room in silence and I didn't even know what to talk about. This was my first live-in relationship....I wasn't sure if this is how it was with everyone or if we just weren't compatible.

[LostOne1]

I think we didn't spend enough time together. There was a point when we had a talk about the relationship not being "good" (more her feelings than mine) and we worked on things. It seemed like I was the one who was trying really hard. I knew what was at stake. It seemed like she had no idea.

 

She also didn't like the lack of romance in the relationship. She said that went away too quickly.

 

At some point and I can't even remember exactly when it started, we wouldn't stay in bed after sex. We would do our thing, get up and go back to doing our separate lives. I realized this along the way and tried to bring some romance and passion back into the bedroom but I could tell from the way she kissed me that it was gone. Sex was almost completely gone towards the end. Even kisses outside the bedroom the love behind them was gone. Zac Brown Band's song "Goodbye In Her Eyes" really hits home for me right now.

 

I'm desperate for a message on facebook...for a text...for my phone to ring. I know that I shouldn't be.

 

I ALWAYS tried to appreciate and let her have her interests. I didn't like her choice of TV programs and would give her my opinion on them, but I always let her have her Sunday night DVR time. She was a Zumba-holic and she did every event, every class she could. She was very very good at it and I let her know how good she was and how proud I was of her for gaining confidence and being that good at something.

 

It was hard communicating with her sometimes. Like we would sit in the same room in silence and I didn't even know what to talk about. This was my first live-in relationship....I wasn't sure if this is how it was with everyone or if we just weren't compatible.

 

yeah I went through the phone, text, fb msg phase where every text I got I thought it would be hers.... and when it wasn't it hurt a lot. But after awhile you won't care anymore. I don't even use my phone now. I mainly used it for her and she did the same. Otherwise we didn't use our phones and only used them to contact each other.

 

So I know how you feel about that.. as for being compatiable. I also had things my ex didn't like, which I liked too. I always took it as we are partly different, but partly the same too, because we also liked some of the same stuff.

 

I guess sometimes we don't have all the answers we are looking for sadly. I know for me, what hurts the most is I will never get full closure. I just have to move on and I know my last BU took me over a year to get over. And even then when days like valentines day came up I got emotional and broke down knowing I was alone. Which is how I met my recent ex.. I searched for someone else.. and I got her. But in the end I did things that pushed her away without knowing what they were till it was over and I got a chance to reflect on things.

 

Which is why I wish I DID give my ex space and I just should've gone NC to reflect on my thoughts till she got back into town. Sigh...