spirals009 Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Hi everyone. I just thought I would introduce myself firstly, As I have not posted on this forum before. Also I apologize for just signing up and asking advice straight away. Can you help me with this dilemma? I have been seeing this nice man recently, who seems to like me quite a bit. Although I like spending time with him, I'm not in the same place emotionally as he is yet. I don't know if this is a reason to break up with someone. I just don't know whether I will feel those same feelings or not. It has been about 2 months and we have quite a bit in common. Just because the spark is not there now, does that mean it won't ever be? We haven't even kissed yet either. I don't really know why. I have also recently been in contact with an old flame (someone I felt quite strongly about). It was a serious relationship which ended before it should have really about 2 years ago. I have moved on loads since then (self improvement etc.) We have sent a few polite/funny email messages recently. He has asked to meet up with me at some point for a casual lunch/drink. I don't know whether to go and I don't want to go if this other guy is in the picture. But also don't want to end things with the guy just because of the old boyfriend. I have not had any serious relationship since this man until the present thing I am in now, which you could hardly call serious... Do I go or not? It is unlikely that anything will happen between me and the old boyfriend for a while (As i'm quite reserved) It is still a bit of a date isn't it...but would also help me suss out where we are at, if we were likely to get back together/have a future, or whether we were going to just stay friends. whichever way i just don't know because I haven't seen him in so long. But I would hate to do this to the other guy, or even worse if he found out about it without me telling him...
todreaminblue Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Whether or not the old flame relationship broke up two years ago when it should not have does not change the fact that it did break up.You have a nice guy now and i would assume that the ex you speak about had some not so nice things about him.....are you saying you are dating a nice guy now because your ex was not so nice...... I dont think you should go to lunch or a drink with your ex.....unless you are honest with the nice guy especially if there is exclusive dating going on....and if you feel you cant tell him how you honestly feel about your ex and what you would like to do the reason would be you know that you shouldn't meet your ex for a drink.....or lunch or anything.....out of curiosity have you told your ex that you are seeing someone or dating someone new.......some guys who are exes start to show interest and are motivated to get together when you are moving on and they know it? It isnt worth it......yes sparks can, with a little time and patience, start fires.... soft breath,whispered words ,a bit of creativity a chance for the flames to grab hold of your heart, then it can be poetry in motion...yep die hard romantic for me....... exes kill romance you know definitely the old and sometimes a chance at new romance..those hard times are the fire hose...remember those times and keep movin on..or you may find that out too late.... give the new guy a chance and be proactive in starting fires, some fires dont start by a tin of petrol being thrown on a quiet fire......sometimes sparks need that soft breath of patience and creative building..then its a fire that lasts not a flash fire that burns out as quickly as it starts ....good luck......in love and life and the art of fire making....deb
nicki minaj Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 reading your story reminded me so much of what i've just gone through. (going through) I also had been dating someone for a few months but he was more committed to the relationship than i was. he'd already told me he was falling in love with me. He was the perfect boyfriend, did everything right but still i couldn't help but compare him to my ex, and couldn't understand why i didn't feel the same way... I'd just gotten back in touch with the ex. the more we talked, the more i missed him and i realised my current boyfriend (at the time) could never give me the same feeling i got when i was around my first love. my first love and I discussed that the feeling was mutual, neither of us had truly gotten over each other (he was the one to dump me because of commitment issues). He told me how he regretted leaving me every day and seeing me with someone else broke his heart. Knowing this made me very confused and also made me feel very guilty for even talking to him while dating someone else. Eventually i decided that it would be best to leave my boyfriend at the time for my first love. Telling him that I hadn't gotten over my ex and that he deserved someone who gave as much to the relationship as he did, deserved someone who wouldn't go behind his back. I assumed all the old feelings would rush back with my first love, but as things developed I realised It wasn't the same. We were different. The guilt from leaving the second guy for my first love was always in the back of my mind too which made things harder. I'm still stuck on what to do but if you can learn anything from this, just don't rush into anything. Contemplate EVERY outcome before jumping into things because sometimes, and in my case, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. it's green where you water it. By that i mean to say that love doesn't just happen. it takes time and effort. Sorry if this didn't help you and good luck with your decision x
lemonlime Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I personally had two ex's that were both kinda like that. I think you know. When I met the man I'm with now, we were dating a month and had only just decided to not see other people. Ex texts me that hes in town... wants to meet up for lunch. I told him I'm seeing someone now. I said that without hesitation because I was with someone that I wasnt willing to risk with an ex. I'm still with that person, although we've now been through our own break ups and every conceivable issue in the world, and id still pick him over any one. If you are still that open to your ex, your probably not even capable of really giving the new guy a real shot. Thats y its usually best to be alone for a while after a relationship, so you can give the next one a real shot.
Author spirals009 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Thank you all for the advice. This actually was similar to your situation Nicki Minaj. I thought about everything a lot and ended the thing I was in... Then met up with the old flame and the old spark just wasn't there... I guess I won't be calling him an old flame anymore.. I think the right decision was made though, I mean it's a waste of your time and the other persons if your relationship isn't right. There no point in trying to plan it to be...
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