Has he given up on me?

[Marie0708]

Ok so here's the thing:

 

I met a guy online a few months back and we immediately hit it off. We would text and FB chat all the time, which later grew into Skype calls, and then eventually we met up together for the first time. That day was awesome, and we had a lot of fun together . He lives a couple of hours away, so we don't see each other all that often; in fact we've only met up in person twice. We'd still call each other on Skype and text each other constantly. He talked with me briefly about maybe taking things further, but nothing was ever made official.

 

Then things seemed to change in August; his responses became fewer and fewer and I would constantly be the one initiating conversation with him. As soon as we got talking on Skype, it was like nothing was ever weird, but I wondered why he wasn't initiating anything like he used to. Recently we've been talking more often like we used to, but it's usually me that calls or texts him first.

 

What I'm wondering is whether or not he has lost all interest in me, or if he thinks I'm not interested. I think I may have seemed hesitant to start a relationship when he first brought it up, but now I'm in that place desiring a relationship with him. Sadly, it seems like he's no longer there

 

Even though I suspect that he has lost interest, should I ask him about how he feels / where he thinks our friendship is headed, if anywhere? My friends are divided on this issue...some say he's not interested and some say that I need to talk it out with him first before jumping to conclusions.

 

Thanks for any advice you can give me!

[Ladydrib]

Ok so here's the thing:

 

I met a guy online a few months back and we immediately hit it off. We would text and FB chat all the time, which later grew into Skype calls, and then eventually we met up together for the first time. That day was awesome, and we had a lot of fun together . He lives a couple of hours away, so we don't see each other all that often; in fact we've only met up in person twice. We'd still call each other on Skype and text each other constantly. He talked with me briefly about maybe taking things further, but nothing was ever made official.

 

Then things seemed to change in August; his responses became fewer and fewer and I would constantly be the one initiating conversation with him. As soon as we got talking on Skype, it was like nothing was ever weird, but I wondered why he wasn't initiating anything like he used to. Recently we've been talking more often like we used to, but it's usually me that calls or texts him first.

 

What I'm wondering is whether or not he has lost all interest in me, or if he thinks I'm not interested. I think I may have seemed hesitant to start a relationship when he first brought it up, but now I'm in that place desiring a relationship with him. Sadly, it seems like he's no longer there

 

Even though I suspect that he has lost interest, should I ask him about how he feels / where he thinks our friendship is headed, if anywhere? My friends are divided on this issue...some say he's not interested and some say that I need to talk it out with him first before jumping to conclusions.

 

Thanks for any advice you can give me!

 

Don't swing one way or the other. Just stop initiating. The most likely scenario is that he's subconsciously feeling that you're more interested than he is and he's pulling back. Let him lead. If he pulls back, you pull back too. Definitely do not ask him what he thinks or feels. Men don't react by withdrawing on a regular basis when they think you might not like them. I think he's sensing that you're more interested than he is. Pull back and let him come back to you before damage is done.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The fact that you've been having to initiate most of the contact shows a lack of interest.

 

At first you were priority, a potential, but guys always tend to cool down after that initial interest phase and gauge the real potential or interest they have for you. In the beginning it's all just good and right because they are interested in meeting and seeing you but then the reality sets in...you're two hours away, it would take a lot of work to see you, and he opened up about wanting a relationship even though you didn't bite.

 

Personally I think he was just being overzealous, I don't know how sure about wanting a relationship with you he was, I think it was and in the moment kind of things judging by your situation.

 

And now you're ready? I don't believe that either, I think he pulled away so you want him to come back in and now you think you got over whatever you think it was that was stopping you but you didn't, you're just telling yourself that because this guy is detaching and now you're in panic mode that he might not be interested...you'd rather him work for it and show interest and continue pursuing but he lost some interest and put it on the backburner....most guys aren't going to put forth a lot of effort unless they're getting something out of it (sex mainly or something) or they're able to see you on a regular basis knowing there is a potential that they'll get some sex out.

 

You'll probably at this point be thinking it has nothing to do with sex, yadda yadda, that you had a really strong connection and it felt like you known each other for ever and all that jazz...but I'd challenge you to explain then why this potential "love interest" has backed off? Of course you could always just believe what you want to believe...that's what most women do anyway instead the actual actions and interest level of than man...that would make too much sense of course.

 

I'm not trying to be super hard on you, I'm just trying to get you to think about some things because I think ultimately you're going to keep pursuing this and "giving it a chance", I'm not sure if you have the courage to tell him how you feel or you'd have done so already....but if there's a little bit of woman power in you then I'd definitely suggest asking him about he feels, and not in so non-direct-I-don't-want-to-look-too-vulnerable-or-desperate just straight out ask him, cut through the BS and be assertive and direct, just don't sit there and contact him all the time and think because he gets back to you or still talks to you then he has to be interested right? no, that's not the case, men do a lot of things out of convenience, and if you're doing all the work then why not?

 

I'm sure some genuine moments were shared and experienced, but these moments can come and go...I've had moments like that which lasted just a day, and I really felt they were something special even still but it's not enough for me to think things would have worked out, I know too much about relationships to rest my faith in a handful of thoughts and emotions for someone and the big world everyone likes to live in "potential".

 

You need to really think about how you feel, what he's invested since then...that beginning where everything was "magical" or "right" that a lot of people get stuck in, and realize the reality, what's happening today, what is taking place today, because that's the reality not the past...the past has gone and went, if nothing is moving forward today then you are not going anywhere because of what happened two months ago.

 

And this is not a huge deal, maybe you just simply really liked the guy, so tell him, get it out of your system and express how you feel and ask him how he does, and then you can at least walk away knowing you did. Because you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to, and if he's not interested you can't make him interested and the beginning phase is just normal...It's ok, you felt chemistry and it felt great, but guess what? he's the only guy that can do that, and you'll find someone else...maybe not the next guy or the next, but eventually yes, plus you know nothing about who this guy really is anyway, so that leaves thinking he's perfect or really great, especially after you push him away...what a coincidence!

[Marie0708]

whoa, two very different pieces of advice

 

I can see the merits of both as well...

[Marie0708]

any more advice to offer?

[Kelly15]

blow him off

[crude]

Whether he's interested or not, don't you want to know? Finding out the truth is better than wondering for the rest of your life. Some people have one kind of advice, that the woman must never initiate, call, be direct, or do anything other than be passive like a beached whale. My advice is to find out for your own curiosity's sake if nothing else.