Naturalista Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I have a son and he has a daughter. I am now pregnant and want more than anything to feel accepted and loved by his family. My family met him early on in the relationship but he continued to make excuses about why I couldn't. It bothered me and I didn't keep my mouth closed about it. I started to feel like he was ashamed of me or he had things to hide. I wish I had left him alone last year when I had had enough but I just thought he would change his mind about me meeting them. After he went to the beach with my family this summer I think he felt obligated to introduce me to his mom. I met her back in july and then met the rest of his family by accident when we were out shopping one Saturday. He doesn't invite me to the things his family has and doesn't take me to church with him where all his family goes. His daughters mother use to go up until last year but who knows maybe she came back. Anyway this whole thing makes me bitter and I feel a little insecure. I don't understand what the reason is behind this but now I just want out cause no matter what happens from here I'm not going to feel comfortable around them. I feel so bad and stupid for being in this relationship and waiting for some dang miracle. Now bringing a baby into this really doesn't help. I want her to have a relationship with both sides of her family. I know how it feels to wish you were closer to your dads family and my son is experiencing that and he's only 5. I don't know what to do but I'm tired of trying to make him understand. What the heck could be the problem and what should I do?
coffeebean201 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Is there any tension between him and his family?...as a possible reason for the lack of time together?
FitChick Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 A perfect example of why a woman should wait until she is married to get pregnant. You never were a priority; you were convenient sex. Abortion or adoption are two options. Being on the dating scene with one kid is bad enough. Who do you think you'll attract with two kids by two different fathers? Unless you sign up with plentyoffish.com. 1
Author Naturalista Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 There isn't any tension between him and his family thank you for asking. Fatchick getting married doesn't make anybodies life any better than sometimes who is not. I know plenty of married people who are cheating on one another, struggling to make ends meet and have no idea when their husband of coming home. I even have a friend who had been married for 5 years who found out she had herpes when she got pregnant so your comment is no good here. My best friend has 4 kids and 2 different baby daddies and she is son to be married to a new wonderful guy. The last of my worries is how I will attract another guy with 2 kids. Are you kidding me? If out didn't work out with him then its just a lesson learned. I sure as hell would never abort a child that I created because of circumstances. I take care of my son work no help from welfare or anyone else. I will do the same when my daughter gets here. Only cowards kill their children. I can only hope that other people don't have that same mind frame as you. 1
aussietigerwolf Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Oh my gods... Thats your advice? To give up or abort her baby??? Why not suggest she give up the other one while she's at it.
mortensorchid Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 There is something wrong here. Have you NEVER met his family?
soccerrprp Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I am personally opposed to abortion and still find the OP's view on it as a cowardly thing to do a bit self-righteous. I'm certain she is not perfect and goodness knows she's isn't. I praise you for making the decision to raise your children w/ or w/o welfare (as if denying or rejecting help when needed is a sign of wisdom... the problem with welfare isn't the welfare, rather the people who take advantage and abuse it. If you really care about you and your children you won't flippantly reject such possible course of assistance). It is clear that you are a judgmental person, but that's not why you or why we're here, right? Now back to the issue at hand.... what were his excuses? Tell him, w/o room for misunderstanding, how you feel and tell him that you are willing to end it because of this. Good luck.
ssd360 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 You think that he has no "tension' with his family as far as you know. I could never really introduce a girl to my family unless I knew she was the "one" and that could take easily a couple years for some people to decide. I wouldn't sweat it too much besides your going to be with him at the end of the day not his family.
Leigh 87 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I am about to say something that is brutally honest, yet true in many cases. It is not that YOUR not good enough; it is that this guy does not have the emotions for you, therefore he does not see you as good enough. Being good enough comes down to human emotions, so do not get offended! A hot guy can fall in love with a less hot girl (than you) with a mediocore job, but she WILL be good enough in his eyes. Sure, if you were a model with a great job, he would probably show you to his family even if he did not love you; because society ( and his family) would be impressed"" The situations when guys tend to introduce you to family are when: - your a very good looking and have a great job and appear impressive (even if he DOES NOT LOVE YOU) - he loves you even if your unattractive and with a bad job. The reason he is not introducing you to his family are: - he may like you a lot, but is not really in love with you - you do not have any stand out things to make you "impress" his family, to compensate for his lack of love. DO NOT get offended please; you ARE a stand out person to some guys out there! But, you know - I am talking about superficial things, like looks and career! no one is any better than you because they are a model or have a stellar career, it just naturally impresses people, and has no bearing on what sort of as person you REALLY are...... Lesson here: find guys that are into you and fall in love with you. The rest should flow more smoothly.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I'm a bit surprised you got pregnant as well considering the relationship circumstances...I realize some want a big family and all, but I don't know how people pop out kids so easily, the guys already got two of them himself and you have one...call me crazy but I want to be sure that the family unit and relationship is solidified before bringing a kid into this world, I don't want my kid paying for my mistakes, my silly romantic decisions or just plain bad decisions...they're the ones that have to live with the consequences of my decisions and who I make a baby with, I'm the one who have should have thought of what they needed instead of what I thought would make me happy or what I thought I needed...it's my fault as the father If I mess up and I take that responsibility seriously...which is why i have no kids, not because I don't want them. So on one hand, I think it's extremely selfish of people to bring kids into this world without feeling responsible for the decisions of who you make these children with and what kind of situation and relationship you are bringing them into....after all they had no choice in the matter. I see women bringing kids into this world for reasons like; - Well maybe he'll stay with me and won't leave me - Maybe he'll love me more once we have a baby - Maybe this means were a family and things will improve in our relationship and his family - Maybe I'll have something to love since I can't depend a man to love me And yet those are the same women that call people selfish and evil for having abortions? ha! because you don't mind bringing children into this other jacked up world in some hanging on a string type of relationship with a man who's probably a douchebag which is why he busted his load inside of you without blinking an eye in the first place, but because of what YOU want, because you're doing the kid any damn favors...you'd rather be responsible for bringing a child into your hot mess of a life. Now listen, this is not all directed towards you. What I'm saying is when I look around I see all the responsible people being careful about making babies while the retards are mass producing with a big derr look on their faces the vast majority of the time...people with big issues and unstable lives, choosing horrible mates to procreate with and then they blame it all on the "baby-daddy", he's such a jerk, why can't men just me yadda yadda yadda like you had nothing to do with picking that man. So all I'm saying is, I don't know what your situation is and what kind of mother or person you are, but that was mainly a rant to a lot of the idiots I see waving the anti-abortion flag coming up with the most ridiculous point of view on the matter and how people are soulless for doing it...I've lived in this world for 32 years, and I tell ya....it's definitely a stretch calling it a "blessing". Anyway as far as the topic, he doesn't think you're good enough or he's not satisfied with you as a romantic partner. He loves you....he's just not in love with you and therefore bringing you close to the family makes you feel more permanent than he'd like you to be. For some guys, only a few girls that they see long-term potential with will they introduce them to their family. The rest just stay somewhere in the background. 1
movingon12 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 So you've met the mum and the family once? But by accident? I assume you've asked him why he doesn't take you to see them more? What did he say? Could it be they want him to get back with his ex/mother of his daughter and he's worried they will be difficult with you?
runningfar Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) A perfect example of why a woman should wait until she is married to get pregnant. You never were a priority; you were convenient sex. Abortion or adoption are two options. Being on the dating scene with one kid is bad enough. Who do you think you'll attract with two kids by two different fathers? Unless you sign up with plentyoffish.com. Abortion and adoption are two options but not too very good options if your reasoning is that it will lower your daring prospects.... That concept sickens me a little.... Adoption is for if you cannot care for a child to appropriate standards not because you are worried it might cramp your style, really... And abortion for that reason? Seriously? I have never been pregnant with my own child (did help a good friend) but I know aborting would not be an option for me. It's not for many ladies. This guy is not treating you in an acceptable manner. I would discuss with him promptly and tell him this and tell him your hurt and concern. Honestly, I would have dumped him if this wasn't enough but if he still doesn't, your unborn child's needs Pre empt and tell him you will be going to see his parents to ensure the child does have a relationship. I don't normally go for demands because if its necessary in a relationship it wouldn't be but the child is more important than either of you and he needs to recognize it. It probably does have to do with the mother of his child. We don't even have children and my ex husbands family is still resistant and even slightly hostile to new women because they liked me and did not believe in divorce and realize he initiated.... He might not want you exposed to that. Edited November 26, 2012 by runningfar
freetolove Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 at this point, you don't have many options because you're pregnant. you can just try and work it out with him. not to say that he's a jerk or something..he just has the upper hand.
Author Naturalista Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 Didn't read all the past but a few things already have stuck out to me. I don't judge anybody who is on welfare. I don't care who gets it and who doesn't. I graduated from college 5yrs ago and found a great job. I am currently working on my masters and have started a business with my friend. I made that statement about taking care of my own children on my own because most people think that a single parent is on welfare and puts them down. He head one child and dies a great job of taking care of her and I never said he was a jerk or that he want a stand up guy. He believes that he shouldn't introduce a girlfriend until they are engaged because of his last relationship with his daughters mother. I get that but at first he made out seen like because his dad was a preacher and mom was over bearing that they would make me feel uncomfortable. After a year that got under my skin because he had already met my family. I have met his immediate family and thats it. He invited me to a family function I couldn't make and hadn't invited me to anything else. I'm just curious as to why. I understand that having children is serious but I have never neglected my son and he wants for nothing. So I'm not sure why its so selfish to have children. My mom and dad serrated when I was small and he was still a great dad. We didn't deal with his family because they were cruel and did not like my mother. I did want to avoid having another child like this but tarts a mistake I must love with if things do not work out. I'm just guessing everyone that has commented negatively had their stuff together and had never made any mistakes. I didn't ask shrines opinion about my decisions. Just asked what I should do about the family piece. Thank you for your comments but obviously this of not the place for good advice.
truth_seeker Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 You and Rodney Dangerfield have a lot in common: you're getting no respect.
truth_seeker Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 If I bring a girl home, that means I have high hopes and respect for her. If my parents think she's a keeper, then she's the one. I do not see dating someone for 1-2 years and not being married. 6-12 months is enough time to know. During this time you go through the honeymoon phase, you get introduced to each other's friends, you meet each other's family. To get a sense of who the person really is and how they live their lives. To me, that's enough to know if you have a future together. What else do you need to know about the person? Dating for 1+ years only means you like the person, value their companionship, but want to keep the door open just in case a "better" opportunity comes about. This is how I see it. I'm sure others with disagree
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