HurtingConfused Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 I was hoping to get some advice or maybe some perspective or hindsight from those people who have experienced a break up for religious reasons. Two months ago my girlfriend broke up with me. I am female and born and raised a Catholic but not strictly. She has a Protestant mother and a Catholic father and would attend both church services but would probably be slightly more Protestant.* Neither of us would classify oursellves as gay or bi. She thought she was straight, she studied abroad for a year in a female college and randomly had a few female relationships. She struggled with this a lot personally and because of her religious beliefs.* Before I met her I had never been with a woman or had thought about it. I had some ex-boyfriends and old relationships that weren't that serious but didn't do well. We met through work and our friendship very quickly turned into an extremely close friendship and we were best friends. After a month or two she told me about her history with females abroad. She said it was a phase and I was shocked but didn't think too much of it as I am very open minded. A few months later she told me she had feelings for me, we remained friends. Some more time passed and she told me that she thought she was in love with me. And I realised that I had feelings for her that weren't *just friendship. We got together and took things really slowly and we fell in love. We talked all the time and we spent as much time together as we could and we were happy. We didn't tell others about our relationship and everyone knew us as best friends.* After about 4 months of our relationship she broke it off before Easter for religious reasons saying that it wasn't right and that we didn't have a future and we needed to stop before it got more serious. I was devastated as I didn't see it coming. We took some time apart, then started hanging out as friends again. After one day of grocery shopping as friends she said she missed me too much and a week later after talking things through we got back together. We were more in love than ever and happier than ever. We lived together for 3 weeks when our housemates were away, we went away on two *holidays. I didn't see a future mapped out with her but I couldn't imagine her not being apart of my life forever.* After a few days apart due to her being sick, we had a silly fight and she broke up with me again a few days later. It was a long and horrible conversation with so many tears. She said she felt like the future she saw and that God had planned for her was with a man and that she needed to spend time working to improve her relationship with God. At the time she said that this is the hardest thing she has ever had to do because she has never loved anyone as much as she loved me, and she has never felt so loved by anyone in her life more, and that she has never felt so happy as when she was with me. I told her I wanted to spend my life with her and asked if she was sure, through her tears and sobbing she said she was.* We said we would remain friends. It has been two months since we broke up. The friendship thing hasnt worked as it is all done by her rules and I cant accept how differently she treats me to other friends of hers. I'm giving her space at the moment and we haven't talked or seen each other in 3 weeks which is an eternity for us. She is abroad for another week. Her friendship is so important to me, and she has said that she doesn't want to cut me out but she just doesn't know what our friendship will look like.* I am devastated and heart broken by all of this. I love her with every piece of me and know that I want to be with her. I think about her every day, I miss her all the time and I'm very upset and depressed about the whole thing. It has been two months and I still think of her at all times, and I still cry nearly every day. I really thought I would be doing better with time..but I'm not, I may even be worse.* I guess I'm finding it hard to cope because it still confuses and baffles me how someone can be so in love with someone and then make it stop. She hasnt been with a guy in 3/4 years and she has never had sex with one. All of her friends are young but are getting engaged or married. One is even getting divorced. She used to tell me daily how much she loved me, and I struggle to believe that she doesn't want to be with me. And struggle to think that she will be able to be with a man as she thinks God has planned for her. For me, our relationship is something that I didnt plan and never thought would happen in my life, but I was so happy and am so in love that I cant think of it being any other way.* Is there a chance we will get back together and she will change her mind? Should I wait for her? Should I try and be friends with her again on her terms? Or would I always be waiting for and then never get over her?*To me she is choosing between me and her faith/religion.... It is so very difficult to comprehend not being with her, but it is even more difficult to think of not having her in my life as my friend.* Any thoughts on this would be great........
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 I don't even need to read this thread. Broke up for religious reason or any other reason, it's all the same. She doesn't want to try, she doesn't want to be with you. Either she wants to date men, wants another woman, or actual religious reasons. Reason's are irrelevant, end results are all that matter.
movingon12 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I had two friends at college who got together, but really, really struggled with it because they were both devout Christians and couldn't reconcile what they felt for each other with what they had been taught their whole life. In the end I guess they made their peace with it, because they're still friends but are in long term relationships now (with other women). (Though they weren't friends after they first broke up) Being very anti-religious myself, I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to feel you can't be with someone you love because you've been told that it's sinful. And it must be even worse to the be person who is dumped for that reason. Sorry. I will say though, that I doubt being friends is going to work in your case because it's not what you both want. It would probably be easiest (but not 'easy') for you to try to move on without her.
aussietigerwolf Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I dumped a guy for religious reasons I guess but it was more a case of disrespect. I'm a druid and he's an Anglican Christian, I told him I would never choose a guy over my beliefs at the start and he was fine with it but.. when it got serious he told me I was going to convert on our wedding day. He didn't ask, he told me...
movingon12 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 My husband's muslim and I'm absolutely not, but we manage fine. My mum's Quaker and my dad's an atheist, and they manage fine. It's definitely possible to be in a relationship with someone who has different religious views to your own - but I think when you've been taught your whole life that you're going to go to hell for loving your girlfriend that's a bit of a different issue.
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