why is he not responding? (prefer guys to answer only)

[salparadise]

It seems at that point, is when you're engaged and curious as to why he's backed off... So, my interpretation of that, is you're more into the thrill of the chase.

 

and can you explain why i would specifically want his attention? and not any one elses? i mean i only have this other guy whos literally following me around everywhere i go..surely thats enough to boost my ego?? or this other guy who is messaging me and randomly asks me to meet up with him? so why am i IGNORING them? yet messaging this guy to hang out?

 

Because he's the one who's not eating out of your hand, the others are too easy, and it's driving you nuts that you can't put him in the same cage. If he didn't understand how to play you like a fiddle you wouldn't be interested in him either. How old are you anyway? Have you ever read the diagnostic criteria for histrionic pd?

[candy 87]

Because he's the one who's not eating out of your hand, the others are too easy, and it's driving you nuts that you can't put him in the same cage. If he didn't understand how to play you like a fiddle you wouldn't be interested in him either. How old are you anyway? Have you ever read the diagnostic criteria for histrionic pd?

 

ever thought that maybe i actually like this guys personality more than the others?? OR THAT its got nothing to do with him not eating out of my hand :rolleyes:.. i just prefer him

 

i majored in psyche... so yes i do know the criteria for that

 

and you're way off the mark

 

unless you're a psychologist of some sort..which at least i am halfway to being.. i'd rather you keep those misguided thoughts to yourself

[candy 87]

Because he's the one who's not eating out of your hand, the others are too easy, and it's driving you nuts that you can't put him in the same cage. If he didn't understand how to play you like a fiddle you wouldn't be interested in him either. How old are you anyway? Have you ever read the diagnostic criteria for histrionic pd?

 

 

there are actually probably millions of men and women out there who show more concern in the person (who they like/love whatever).. when they're seeming more distant or cannot be gotten a hold of

 

are you going to diagnose them with histrionic personality disorder aswell??

 

what a joke

[grkBoy]

are you saying he could fear of getting burned? because of my "issues" lol..

its not really baggage or issues for me hahaha..its more to do with my career and family..and how i can't spend that much time on a "relationship" at this time in my life...

 

ok so.. i'm going to wait for him to call me or i'll just call him and see if he brings up us meeting up, i'm not going to talk about it at all..and just pretend i never asked... mainly because i'd know that if he's the one who talks about it..at least that way i'll know that he is interested still

 

I guess the best thing to ask you now is...

 

...what do YOU want?

 

Ideal world, with your busy life, what would you want with him?

 

Just a male friend? Guy you go out on dates with and possibly a little physical fun with no deep strings attached? Or perhaps just take it slow and possibly go all the way into "fall in love"/"live happily ever after" relationship down the road?

 

Or do you even know? I would probably figure out your own intentions in your head first.

 

ALSO...I think if you just seriously do not want male companionship right now in your life, then tell your friends so and leave it all alone. Don't let people push you into situations you may not really want.

[candy 87]

I guess the best thing to ask you now is...

 

...what do YOU want?

 

Ideal world, with your busy life, what would you want with him?

 

Just a male friend? Guy you go out on dates with and possibly a little physical fun with no deep strings attached? Or perhaps just take it slow and possibly go all the way into "fall in love"/"live happily ever after" relationship down the road?

 

Or do you even know? I would probably figure out your own intentions in your head first.

 

ALSO...I think if you just seriously do not want male companionship right now in your life, then tell your friends so and leave it all alone. Don't let people push you into situations you may not really want.

 

out of all those options.. i'd say probably a mixture of the first and third option....

as in take it really slow., chill out as friends etc etc... and then further down the road possibly all those things.. yes deffo

 

and of course obviously if i end up not being compatible with him whilst we are hanging out...and i find him annoying or something lool then we would just leave it as friends...and nothing would have happened in between to make that all messy...

 

i think people make that mistake..they jump in to things too early..realise they don't even like each other that much..and then followss a big huge drama which i could definitely live without

 

i don't know about him whether he is that bothered or not..but even just as mates or whatever it is i would like to keep him in my life like all my other friends... but because he keeps disappearing for months..thats kind of difficult...

[candy 87]

I guess the best thing to ask you now is...

 

...what do YOU want?

 

Ideal world, with your busy life, what would you want with him?

 

Just a male friend? Guy you go out on dates with and possibly a little physical fun with no deep strings attached? Or perhaps just take it slow and possibly go all the way into "fall in love"/"live happily ever after" relationship down the road?

 

Or do you even know? I would probably figure out your own intentions in your head first.

 

ALSO...I think if you just seriously do not want male companionship right now in your life, then tell your friends so and leave it all alone. Don't let people push you into situations you may not really want.

 

i would definitely not go for the no strings attached second option, thats not really my thing...

 

i don;t like just messing around lol... i probably sound like a grandma now or something but no not at all

[candy 87]

I guess the best thing to ask you now is...

 

...what do YOU want?

 

Ideal world, with your busy life, what would you want with him?

 

Just a male friend? Guy you go out on dates with and possibly a little physical fun with no deep strings attached? Or perhaps just take it slow and possibly go all the way into "fall in love"/"live happily ever after" relationship down the road?

 

Or do you even know? I would probably figure out your own intentions in your head first.

 

ALSO...I think if you just seriously do not want male companionship right now in your life, then tell your friends so and leave it all alone. Don't let people push you into situations you may not really want.

 

 

and thats what i don't get lol.. he'll tell me his deepest feelings...and then nothing for weeks.months

 

i dunno whether he's waiting for me to keep in contact with him or what..

or if its my generally aloof nature that keeps him from continuing to speak to me or whether he just goes way to reflect lol

[Divasu]

so what do you suggest i do?

like how shall i conduct myself lol

 

I think it solely depends on what you want and what you're open to. Right now, you seem to go back and forth, your behavior seems to swing between hot and cold. I don't know if your personality is of that nature in general, or if it is just towards this particular guy. If it is just towards this particular guy, I would say that perhaps the two of you just are not a good match. If you are that way in general, you are going to have a very tough time dating in general. I'm not trying to pick on you I'm just giving you an honest assessment based on this thread.

[Demon]

English is not my first language. Sorry for mistakes.

 

The feeling of rejection is horrible. I still think about what happened more than a year ago with this girl I met in a theater course, which I just started because I'm way too shy. The thing that I remember the most about this course was a comment making fun of my Jewish nose.

 

It's important to know that I've never kissed a girl and that was the only time I went out with a female. I've never tried anything like that again. I just think I'll be rejected. I probably seek girls out of my league. I'm ugly but I can't accept this... I dream with the day I'll have enough money to sleep with beautiful women. It's stupid, I know, but I like attractive women.

 

So my story with this girl is that we were good friends, we used to chat a lot on Facebook and I thought maybe she was interested in me, because she was really nice in all conversations we had. One day I asked her out and it took more than a month for her to accept it (probably the first signal she wasn't interested in me). When she accepted it I became extremely happy, I felt attractive and confident like never before. One day we went to the movies and I didn't try anything. My confident level was higher than usually but not high enough that I could try to kiss her. At the end of the day I called her and told her how beautiful she was...

 

In the next day I sent her a DM on Twitter asking her what she felt about me. She said she just saw me as a friend and asked if I'd be mad. Of course I would... But I said no, probably because of some PUA stuff I've read to have a chance with women. I will always thing that maybe I should have tried something, but I will also always believe that it was better not trying, because she was not interested in me.

 

I've tried to ignore her for some days, but in the end I was flirting with her again. But she didn't want me! And I couldn't accept. I can't accept till today. Our friendship ended and I even said stupid things like "I was jerking off thinking about you in the shower". She told me one day that she never liked anyone and that she never masturbated. I was trying to make her different. How idiot, right? I know... So... I still try contact her! I don't have her number because I lost my cellphone, but I have her Twitter. She ignores me all the time. I should stop, grow some ball, but I don't talk to any women, that's probably why I miss her so much. I'd like to be just friends with her. Also, maybe she has some friends who may like me, who knows... This is my little story. Maybe all that time reading stuff on the Internet and wondering what I did wrong could be resumed in: I'm ugly as ****.

 

About the topic now... I really hope this guy don't get hurt again.

Edited November 29, 2012 by Demon
English is not my first language.

[phineas]

I think it solely depends on what you want and what you're open to. Right now, you seem to go back and forth, your behavior seems to swing between hot and cold. I don't know if your personality is of that nature in general, or if it is just towards this particular guy. If it is just towards this particular guy, I would say that perhaps the two of you just are not a good match. If you are that way in general, you are going to have a very tough time dating in general. I'm not trying to pick on you I'm just giving you an honest assessment based on this thread.

 

I've met woman like her.

I refuse to have anything to do with them any more.

They either arn't attracted to me & just end up wasting my time or they have some serious commitment issues where the word "date" freaks them out.

 

But mostly, I just don't make their panties wet but they like my attention is what it has come down to.

 

sorry but there are plenty of women out there that are attracted to me & arn't afraid of the word "date".

 

Obviously this guy isn't "IT".

She isn't attracted to him & doesn't even know what she wants from him & for some reason thinks he's going to be fine with being put into limbo.

 

If he's even average looking he's going to have options. REAL options.

 

Trying to date someone shouldn't be hard. If they are attracted to you they make it easy.

If it isn't easy for me to get a "date" I bounce.

[salparadise]

I think it solely depends on what you want and what you're open to. Right now, you seem to go back and forth, your behavior seems to swing between hot and cold.

 

Seems pretty obvious what she wants to me. She has said she doesn't want a relationship, doesn't want to get physical, doesn't want dis, dat, or the udder. What she wants is nothing more than for the guy to be in hot pursuit of her, to give up his pride, to be wound around her pinky so she can feel desirable, validated, the object of his hormonal secretions, the conqueror. I hope he bangs her and walks away laughing.

[mickleb]

English is not my first language. Sorry for mistakes.

 

The feeling of rejection is horrible. I still think about what happened more than a year ago with this girl I met in a theater course, which I just started because I'm way too shy. The thing that I remember the most about this course was a comment making fun of my Jewish nose.

 

It's important to know that I've never kissed a girl and that was the only time I went out with a female. I've never tried anything like that again. I just think I'll be rejected. I probably seek girls out of my league. I'm ugly but I can't accept this... I dream with the day I'll have enough money to sleep with beautiful women. It's stupid, I know, but I like attractive women.

 

So my story with this girl is that we were good friends, we used to chat a lot on Facebook and I thought maybe she was interested in me, because she was really nice in all conversations we had. One day I asked her out and it took more than a month for her to accept it (probably the first signal she wasn't interested in me). When she accepted it I became extremely happy, I felt attractive and confident like never before. One day we went to the movies and I didn't try anything. My confident level was higher than usually but not high enough that I could try to kiss her. At the end of the day I called her and told her how beautiful she was...

 

In the next day I sent her a DM on Twitter asking her what she felt about me. She said she just saw me as a friend and asked if I'd be mad. Of course I would... But I said no, probably because of some PUA stuff I've read to have a chance with women. I will always thing that maybe I should have tried something, but I will also always believe that it was better not trying, because she was not interested in me.

 

I've tried to ignore her for some days, but in the end I was flirting with her again. But she didn't want me! And I couldn't accept. I can't accept till today. Our friendship ended and I even said stupid things like "I was jerking off thinking about you in the shower". She told me one day that she never liked anyone and that she never masturbated. I was trying to make her different. How idiot, right? I know... So... I still try contact her! I don't have her number because I lost my cellphone, but I have her Twitter. She ignores me all the time. I should stop, grow some ball, but I don't talk to any women, that's probably why I miss her so much. I'd like to be just friends with her. Also, maybe she has some friends who may like me, who knows... This is my little story. Maybe all that time reading stuff on the Internet and wondering what I did wrong could be resumed in: I'm ugly as ****.

 

About the topic now... I really hope this guy don't get hurt again.

 

Hi Demon and welcome.

 

You'll need to start your own thread about this to get some good advice on what to do.

 

Hope this helps.

[ChatroomHero]

LOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL

yessssssssssss i know its dum..

 

but look, its better to not show you're available all the time!!!!!!!

and that is a good piece of advice right there for any person...

not that i'm going by sherry argovs "bitch" rules... but i've always been that way anyway!

 

From a guy's perspective you run hot and cold and that leaves the guy feeling totally dicked around after a while.

 

If I ask a girl out or show interest and she clearly sends me the "meh" signal, I move on. It doesn't mean I cut her out of my life, it just means at some point I think she is a waste of time and energy and I start thinking what a pain in the ass she would be just to get a little pussy...maybe...if she feels like it.

 

Honestly I have known women like this and I find that when they do come around and show interest they'll start saying things at parties like, "I should take you home tonight..." and "I'm going to kidnap you and jump your body..." and then 5 minutes later say, "Oh my friend called and i am going to meet up with her, see ya!", or "You know I gotta work early tomorrow so I am going to go home, but I'll see you next week"...At that point I know it is all about the attention and for me nothing good can come of it.

 

They like the game, games are for kids. It sounds like the OP is playing games and losing.

[naviis]

LOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL

yessssssssssss i know its dum..

 

but look, its better to not show you're available all the time!!!!!!!

and that is a good piece of advice right there for any person...

not that i'm going by sherry argovs "bitch" rules... but i've always been that way anyway!

 

If I were him I'd probably think "man she's this complicated and we're not even together, she must be hell to date" -- and move on.

[candy 87]

I think it solely depends on what you want and what you're open to. Right now, you seem to go back and forth, your behavior seems to swing between hot and cold. I don't know if your personality is of that nature in general, or if it is just towards this particular guy. If it is just towards this particular guy, I would say that perhaps the two of you just are not a good match. If you are that way in general, you are going to have a very tough time dating in general. I'm not trying to pick on you I'm just giving you an honest assessment based on this thread.

 

no i'm not like that normally, its mostly with this guy.

i'm not in to chasing a guy, simple, if he takes his time to reach me, then i'm going to get back to him when i'm free too.

i don't think it is my role to appear very interested in him, and thats just not the way i am.

[candy 87]

English is not my first language. Sorry for mistakes.

 

The feeling of rejection is horrible. I still think about what happened more than a year ago with this girl I met in a theater course, which I just started because I'm way too shy. The thing that I remember the most about this course was a comment making fun of my Jewish nose.

 

It's important to know that I've never kissed a girl and that was the only time I went out with a female. I've never tried anything like that again. I just think I'll be rejected. I probably seek girls out of my league. I'm ugly but I can't accept this... I dream with the day I'll have enough money to sleep with beautiful women. It's stupid, I know, but I like attractive women.

 

So my story with this girl is that we were good friends, we used to chat a lot on Facebook and I thought maybe she was interested in me, because she was really nice in all conversations we had. One day I asked her out and it took more than a month for her to accept it (probably the first signal she wasn't interested in me). When she accepted it I became extremely happy, I felt attractive and confident like never before. One day we went to the movies and I didn't try anything. My confident level was higher than usually but not high enough that I could try to kiss her. At the end of the day I called her and told her how beautiful she was...

 

In the next day I sent her a DM on Twitter asking her what she felt about me. She said she just saw me as a friend and asked if I'd be mad. Of course I would... But I said no, probably because of some PUA stuff I've read to have a chance with women. I will always thing that maybe I should have tried something, but I will also always believe that it was better not trying, because she was not interested in me.

 

I've tried to ignore her for some days, but in the end I was flirting with her again. But she didn't want me! And I couldn't accept. I can't accept till today. Our friendship ended and I even said stupid things like "I was jerking off thinking about you in the shower". She told me one day that she never liked anyone and that she never masturbated. I was trying to make her different. How idiot, right? I know... So... I still try contact her! I don't have her number because I lost my cellphone, but I have her Twitter. She ignores me all the time. I should stop, grow some ball, but I don't talk to any women, that's probably why I miss her so much. I'd like to be just friends with her. Also, maybe she has some friends who may like me, who knows... This is my little story. Maybe all that time reading stuff on the Internet and wondering what I did wrong could be resumed in: I'm ugly as ****.

 

About the topic now... I really hope this guy don't get hurt again.

 

 

sorry to hear about her rejecting you, but reading that i think she could have told you straight away that she saw you as just a friend, and if i was her contrary to popular opinion i'm certain i would have told you.

 

this story is similar to mine except, i do not find him ugly lol, i like his personality and i think that generally me and him do get on well

 

i doubt at ever any point in time i'm going to tell him "i onloy see you as a friend so bye"

 

this guy is not hurt, or at least he doesn't appear to be distraught, mostly because i had my reasons for not wanting a relationship, but it had nothing to do with him specifically, i didn't want one with anyone.

 

he's getting on with his life, and he seems pretty content to me, therefore i doubt i'v ruined his life or anything by saying i wasn't interested in having a relationship at that SPECIFIC TIME.

 

he's also met up with other girls..who were in to him, and they went out together, he let them kiss him (even though he told me he didn't like any of them).

so i'm quite sure he's enjoying his life with plenty of other girls who really seem to like him...

[candy 87]

From a guy's perspective you run hot and cold and that leaves the guy feeling totally dicked around after a while.

 

If I ask a girl out or show interest and she clearly sends me the "meh" signal, I move on. It doesn't mean I cut her out of my life, it just means at some point I think she is a waste of time and energy and I start thinking what a pain in the ass she would be just to get a little pussy...maybe...if she feels like it.

 

Honestly I have known women like this and I find that when they do come around and show interest they'll start saying things at parties like, "I should take you home tonight..." and "I'm going to kidnap you and jump your body..." and then 5 minutes later say, "Oh my friend called and i am going to meet up with her, see ya!", or "You know I gotta work early tomorrow so I am going to go home, but I'll see you next week"...At that point I know it is all about the attention and for me nothing good can come of it.

 

They like the game, games are for kids. It sounds like the OP is playing games and losing.

 

 

don't you think he's hot and cold too? first he'll imply and make indirect comments which show he's interested in me and i'm the only girl he likes, and then the next second he'll be telling me about some "hot" girls and how they're kissing him and hugging him and basically drooling all over him, and how they tempt him so much.

ye i can totally see how i'm supposedly the hot and cold one.

 

i'm not one of those particular girls/women you're talking about who are all over the guy one second and then next second they back off. why?

 

because i've never been all over him, i've always kept it at a casual friendly level without being too over the top and i don't even flirt with him, basically i talk to him like a friend would.

 

maybe i'm hot and cold in the sense of texting and calling, yes fair enough, but i don't want to be calling him and texting him every second of the day.

[candy 87]

If I were him I'd probably think "man she's this complicated and we're not even together, she must be hell to date" -- and move on.

 

he doesn't see my complicated side though...

all he sees is maybe that im the opposite of those desperate girls/women tthat he's told me he's come across who lay themselves down for him to take.

 

i'm not great with the whole contact thing with him, but i'm actually not that complicated in my interaction with him, when we talk its pretty good and friendly chit chat.

 

he prefers me to those crazy girls/women who are constantly calling him and going psycho on him to go out with him...

so in actual fact he thinks that they would be hell to date...so he runs away from them and then calls me and tells me about it!!!!

[Divasu]

no i'm not like that normally, its mostly with this guy.

 

Unless he asks you out again at some point (I am not sure he will again since he suggested doing so in the past and you were quite indifferent about it for a prolonged period of time -- a few months to be exact?).

 

The thing of it is, back when he asked you out initially, it wasn't a "good time" for you because you were busy. Or maybe at that point in time, you had lukewarm towards him. Fair enough.

 

However, if there had been more of an interest on your part, you would have probably followed up sooner rather than later and suggested (or at the very least hinted), to go out together sooner rather than waiting several months.

 

I had a platonic friend who asked me for my number, but took an entire year to call me. I never called back, not because I am trying to be a d*ck but because I've dealt with wishy/washy behavior in the past and the end result was always the same. So, I avoid situations like that now, right from the start. Maybe you've had a similar experience too. Whatever the case may be -- neither of you seem compatible with the other. You cannot guess and clue into what someone's thoughts are, you need to at least have a conversation about it or at least try to have a conversation about it. We can try to give you all the advice in the world, but, we cannot tell you what this guy is or isn't thinking with absolute certainty. It's impossible for us to know.

[candy 87]

Unless he asks you out again at some point (I am not sure he will again since he suggested doing so in the past and you were quite indifferent about it for a prolonged period of time -- a few months to be exact?).

 

The thing of it is, back when he asked you out initially, it wasn't a "good time" for you because you were busy. Or maybe at that point in time, you had lukewarm towards him. Fair enough.

 

However, if there had been more of an interest on your part, you would have probably followed up sooner rather than later and suggested (or at the very least hinted), to go out together sooner rather than waiting several months.

 

I had a platonic friend who asked me for my number, but took an entire year to call me. I never called back, not because I am trying to be a d*ck but because I've dealt with wishy/washy behavior in the past and the end result was always the same. So, I avoid situations like that now, right from the start. Maybe you've had a similar experience too. Whatever the case may be -- neither of you seem compatible with the other. You cannot guess and clue into what someone's thoughts are, you need to at least have a conversation about it or at least try to have a conversation about it. We can try to give you all the advice in the world, but, we cannot tell you what this guy is or isn't thinking with absolute certainty. It's impossible for us to know.

 

 

it would be best if he did ask me again, but you're right he probably won't..and after that awkward message that i sent i doubt i'll want to send one again lol..so i guess we will never meet up :(

 

i've never had the "lukewarm" feeling about him, its not like that at all.

 

The thing with me is that those I like i probably show the least interest in and those I don't i can talk to them easily without thinking anything and they'll end up thinking that i like them or something

so i'm more distant towards those that i do think are alright, like this guy, i don't want to ever seem to keen towards him..so i keep it very casual..

 

i actually think that i'm the most compatible with this guy.. out of everyone i know me and him are completely on the same wavelength when it comes to various topics..and unlike all my other guy friends who i argue with all the time..this one i get along with really really well.

sometimes he'll say something to me about an issue.. and i would have had exactly the same thought as him several months back..and he'll say i know you think i'm weird but then actually i'd be thinking (omg you and me are exactly the same :O) so its not that we're not compatible!!

 

and ye i guess you're right, but i just try to avoid those kind of conversations but i know that we have to have one of those.