why is he not responding? (prefer guys to answer only)

[candy 87]

That might be true. But he only does that because he is helplessly into you, while you clearly aren't and will never be. Which is fine.

 

The problem starts when you get back to a guy while also playing games just because he was finally able to move on. Be honest: You just want a deluxe orbiter, not a boyfriend. There is no chance in hell you will never actually be with him. Stop lying to yourself.

You don't want him. You just want him to want you.

 

would you swear on your life and say that is true?

that there is no chance in hell i would ever consider him as anything else?

 

you're wrong anyway.

i can't say anything more than that

 

because i've got plenty of guys who are in to me..but i'm not in to them at all,,

i don't waste my time on them AT ALL...

i don't bother to message them..even call them once in a while..

create threads on forums about them

[grkBoy]

lol.. ok koool..

i was being quite extra and descriptive here lol..mostly because a lot of the other users have given me quite a hard time on the way i "treat" this guy lol

 

What I want you to take away from this discussion is the way women worry about a guy leading them on, lying to them, using them, etc...

 

...we men worry about that from women.

 

We worry about her stringing us along, hanging out with us or hooking up with us as a "for now" thing...with some douhcebag later in her sights as the guy she'll vanish on us for.

 

If a guy is chasing you, it's perfectly ok to reject him. It's ok to even say you honestly are not in the frame of mind to date anyone...even if two days later you meet a guy who blows your mind and makes you want to date again.

 

It's ok...just bear in mind with most strong-minded men or even men who aren't doormats...we won't wait, and we often won't give second chances.

 

You women should also do the same when guys act flaky. Don't wait, don't give second chances. Bad behavior from any gender only ends when there are no rewards for said behavior.

[Divasu]

"What's up" isn't motivation enough for someone to reply to with enthusiasm, let alone interpreting it as being asked out on a date. The guy has repeatedly asked you out and your response all along has been a zero. You're going to have to do a helluva lot more than a "what's up" if you're serious about dating.

[Shaun-Dro]

its been nearly a week, six days in fact !!! so no not just fives minutes to a day!

 

at first i thought i'll give him time because he could be busy with work, then family and friends, but its like the weekend now,, i was actually waiting for the weekend when perhaps he would take the time to reply but nothing still!!!

 

fair enough that guys aren't in to their phones, but surely if you want to speak to someone you would right? plus his job would mean he needs to be attached to his phone and theres no way he would have unintentionally not read my message or missed it or something

 

:(

 

Of course there's the chance that he didn't get the text. That's why picking up the phone and calling him will remove all doubt.

Edited November 27, 2012 by Shaun-Dro
missed

[Failboy]

would you swear on your life and say that is true?

that there is no chance in hell i would ever consider him as anything else?

 

you're wrong anyway.

i can't say anything more than that

 

because i've got plenty of guys who are in to me..but i'm not in to them at all,,

i don't waste my time on them AT ALL...

i don't bother to message them..even call them once in a while..

create threads on forums about them

 

 

That's why I said "deluxe orbiter", not regular orbiter. Also, if he had responded to you instantly, say, asking you out on a date and telling you how beautiful you are, you would not have made a thread about him.

 

You are not making this thread because you like him so much - you are making it because for once in your life a guy who you thought was a sure shot is suddenly not that into you anymore. It's only about your ego, not about you wanting to get with him.

 

I personally can't stand when hot girls keep average guys they don't care for at all (your words, not mine) around just to boost their ego. You're ruining these guys lives. They keep rejecting perfectly fine women just because they think they have a shot with a hottie like you when in fact they really do not. Quite evil when you think about it.

[phineas]

That's why I said "deluxe orbiter", not regular orbiter. Also, if he had responded to you instantly, say, asking you out on a date and telling you how beautiful you are, you would not have made a thread about him.

 

You are not making this thread because you like him so much - you are making it because for once in your life a guy who you thought was a sure shot is suddenly not that into you anymore. It's only about your ego, not about you wanting to get with him.

 

I personally can't stand when hot girls keep average guys they don't care for at all (your words, not mine) around just to boost their ego. You're ruining these guys lives. They keep rejecting perfectly fine women just because they think they have a shot with a hottie like you when in fact they really do not. Quite evil when you think about it.

 

I think you nailed it.

 

She doesn't really want this guy.

She just wants his attention.

 

If I had a dollar for every woman who straight-armed me then came a running months later when she realized I wasn't coming back to feed her ego any more, I could fill my gas tank up.

[candy 87]

What I want you to take away from this discussion is the way women worry about a guy leading them on, lying to them, using them, etc...

 

...we men worry about that from women.

 

We worry about her stringing us along, hanging out with us or hooking up with us as a "for now" thing...with some douhcebag later in her sights as the guy she'll vanish on us for.

 

If a guy is chasing you, it's perfectly ok to reject him. It's ok to even say you honestly are not in the frame of mind to date anyone...even if two days later you meet a guy who blows your mind and makes you want to date again.

 

It's ok...just bear in mind with most strong-minded men or even men who aren't doormats...we won't wait, and we often won't give second chances.

 

You women should also do the same when guys act flaky. Don't wait, don't give second chances. Bad behavior from any gender only ends when there are no rewards for said behavior.

 

its interesting you say that this is what guys worry about..because there have been so many times when he'll call me, and ask me where I've been..and then when i tell him i just met up with some friends, he'll ask girls or guys?? and then he'll ask "anyone special"? so he seems to be particularly interested in who i'm seeing lol.. so maybe that illustrates that he's thinking i could be in to someone else or meeting other guys that i prefer?

 

but obviously thats just something I deduced..or assumed..i could be wrong..

 

he wouldn't ever tell me his worries directly, he's not very expressive, so no matter what i say to him he'll be like thats kool, thats fine..like nothings a big deal to him lol...

and because he's like that i just think he doesn't care anyway...kinda thing

 

can i ask you something else?? how long would a guy wait for a girl? lets say there are circumstances as to why she can't get in to anything with that guy..? but in the future??

 

i'm not saying this guy has waited for me but since he's known me he hasn't dated anyone else..

 

but who knows maybe the next time i speak to him...i'll find out that he is lol

[candy 87]

"What's up" isn't motivation enough for someone to reply to with enthusiasm, let alone interpreting it as being asked out on a date. The guy has repeatedly asked you out and your response all along has been a zero. You're going to have to do a helluva lot more than a "what's up" if you're serious about dating.

 

i'v always been quite casual about the way i talk to him.. thats just the way i prefer it..rather than being too full on..

 

no the whats up was followed by we should go do something sometime... which implies meeting up....

[candy 87]

Of course there's the chance that he didn't get the text. That's why picking up the phone and calling him will remove all doubt.

 

lol he did get the message, he ended up calling me after all that..

a week later to be precise lol

 

i've never really been in to calling, i always end up texting first

[candy 87]

That's why I said "deluxe orbiter", not regular orbiter. Also, if he had responded to you instantly, say, asking you out on a date and telling you how beautiful you are, you would not have made a thread about him.

 

You are not making this thread because you like him so much - you are making it because for once in your life a guy who you thought was a sure shot is suddenly not that into you anymore. It's only about your ego, not about you wanting to get with him.

 

I personally can't stand when hot girls keep average guys they don't care for at all (your words, not mine) around just to boost their ego. You're ruining these guys lives. They keep rejecting perfectly fine women just because they think they have a shot with a hottie like you when in fact they really do not. Quite evil when you think about it.

 

well obviously i would not be making a thread if it was positive!!!... forums are all about getting advice about "problems"..and that would not be a problem if he messaged me or told me that now would it lol

 

i'm not one of those girls..would you not label me as that..!!!!

i doooooooooo care... i just do not know how to convince you or any one otherwise!!

 

i'm not ruining his life..come on now.. do you think he would still be speaking to me if i was a terrible person like you're describing and he knew i was "using" him??? lol he's not a stupid guy...

[candy 87]

I think you nailed it.

 

She doesn't really want this guy.

She just wants his attention.

 

If I had a dollar for every woman who straight-armed me then came a running months later when she realized I wasn't coming back to feed her ego any more, I could fill my gas tank up.

 

and can you explain why i would specifically want his attention???

 

and not any one elses??

 

i mean i only have this other guy whos literally following me around everywhere i go..surely thats enough to boost my ego??

 

or this other guy who is messaging me and randomly asks me to meet up with him?

 

so why am i IGNORING them? yet messaging this guy to hang out?

[Divasu]

i'v always been quite casual about the way i talk to him.. thats just the way i prefer it..rather than being too full on..

 

no the whats up was followed by we should go do something sometime... which implies meeting up....

 

That's fine, you have to go at a pace that you are comfortable with. Seems as though he is going at a pace that he's comfortable with now too, which is backing off as opposed to before. Peoples interest can wane, that's not to stay they're not attracted to you anymore it's just they are not as gung ho about it as it was before which makes complete sense in this case.

[candy 87]

That's fine, you have to go at a pace that you are comfortable with. Seems as though he is going at a pace that he's comfortable with now too, which is backing off as opposed to before. Peoples interest can wane, that's not to stay they're not attracted to you anymore it's just they are not as gung ho about it as it was before which makes complete sense in this case.

 

the only thing with him which makes me doubt his interest... ever.. is when he stops contacting me for weeks altogether...

but then when i do talk to him it could be weeks...even months later, he'll still be very obviously interested...and still on the odd occasion talk about meetin..or then try to make me jealous lol..all that stuff

[Divasu]

the only thing with him which makes me doubt his interest... ever.. is when he stops contacting me for weeks altogether...

but then when i do talk to him it could be weeks...even months later, he'll still be very obviously interested...and still on the odd occasion talk about meetin..or then try to make me jealous lol..all that stuff

 

So is your gut telling you that he's just looking for sex? I'm just trying to get a read on whether you're generally interested in the guy or if it something else. You seem very hesitant which makes me think you're just being cautious, other times with the way you write it seems like you're just playing games. I think if two people date, it should not be this difficult.

[candy 87]

So is your gut telling you that he's just looking for sex? I'm just trying to get a read on whether you're generally interested in the guy or if it something else. You seem very hesitant which makes me think you're just being cautious, other times with the way you write it seems like you're just playing games. I think if two people date, it should not be this difficult.

 

nooooo its that has nothing to do with it..

ok let me tell you what he's said to me and then your take on it..

basically he has mentioned every single stage that you can have with a person, he's mentioned meeting up to dating to having a serious relationship and even marriage and kids...and we haven't even done the simplest of things yet lol

 

and hes said all of that stuff in different combinations...

 

so there was one period of time where he was trying to get me to see him more often and i think he wanted to date me... and then he went on to selling the idea of marriage to me..

he ended that whole thing by saying why don't you and me just get married..and obviously i was like whatt :O..and then he said don;t worry im jokingg lol

 

so what confuses me is he says all of this intense stuff.. and then disappears for a couple of months lol...and then comes back to me and is still as interested as ever...

 

then i wonder if he's that interested why does he keep disappearing and then reappearing? i don't know if its got to do with him wanting me to make more effort? and to call him more often? so he waits.. or what..

[Divasu]

Logically, I can see why you'd be skeptical. I'd probably be to, but more so of someone I had lukewarm feelings towards. If it were someone where I shared similuar feelings towards, I would be jumping for joy.

 

As for disappearing for months, hard to say. If he was pursuing you, and all the while you were holding your hand up in front of him telling him "no" of course he is going to disengage and back off. It seems at that point, is when you're engaged and curious as to why he's backed off... So, my interpretation of that, is you're more into the thrill of the chase. I think you need to determine whether or not you want to date him, and if the answer is yes, then go out with him and communicate to him, what you've communicated to us. Or, perhaps date others and explore yourself a bit more until you've reached a higher level of clarity.

[candy 87]

Logically, I can see why you'd be skeptical. I'd probably be to, but more so of someone I had lukewarm feelings towards. If it were someone where I shared similuar feelings towards, I would be jumping for joy.

 

As for disappearing for months, hard to say. If he was pursuing you, and all the while you were holding your hand up in front of him telling him "no" of course he is going to disengage and back off. It seems at that point, is when you're engaged and curious as to why he's backed off... So, my interpretation of that, is you're more into the thrill of the chase. I think you need to determine whether or not you want to date him, and if the answer is yes, then go out with him and communicate to him, what you've communicated to us. Or, perhaps date others and explore yourself a bit more until you've reached a higher level of clarity.

 

nnnnnnnoooooo lol..i'm always misunderstood on here..

i was happy to hear him say all those things... but then I question what he's said not because i have lukewarm feelings towards him just because i want to know that the person is actually in to me for real or not...before i move on to the next stage.. i'd rather know if they reeeeeeeaaaaaly like me as opposed to am a convenient person.

 

i've never told him "no"... i have always been trying to keep my contact with him

 

as much as everyone seems to think so its nothing to do with the chase...

its more to do with whether the person who in my mind is my "potential" ______ is going to stick around or just suddenly not be interested and move on...

[candy 87]

Why don't you just say right now exactly what it is you want from him. Once I know that, I can tell you what to do.

 

ok i just want to know once and for all whether everything he has said in the last year or so..and there has been some pretty serious and deep things that he has told me..i.e. in terms of what he feels..so i want to know if all of that is real..and also why he says all this stuff and then just doesn't contact me in like forever lol...and then i have to end up breaking the silence with some stupid message or something

 

i want to hang out with him now as friends but with the potential there to get to the next stage...

 

and that's it!!

[candy 87]

That's not really a straight answer. You're mostly saying what information you want from him. You are not saying your end goal with him.

 

What EXACTLY do you want? Do you want a relationship? Do you want friendship? What you want should not depend on what he wants.

 

Do you want to be with him or not? Its really that simple. No "if this" or "maybe".. simple cut and dry. Either you want him or you don't.

 

lol thats why i said friendship for now with the POTENTIAL for something else!!!!

and that is dependent on how we get on as good mates just hanging out, before jumping in to anything major.....

 

but if i was to ever become attached... he's probably at the top of the list, is that good enough for you??

[candy 87]

Yes.

 

So stop with the games and just spend some time with him. Tell him you want to move slow. Make him feel important like he matters (this means making time for him. None of this "if I'm not too busy" crap).

 

Sh*t or get off the pot. Know what I mean?

 

Here is more male perspective on how I decide if I want a relationship with a woman vs. just sex. If the woman is overly selfish, "busy" and inconsistent.. I just make it my goal to bang her and move on. A woman who never has time for me is not relationship material. If the girl is giving, reliable, caring, open and excited about me.. then I put her in the girlfriend category.

 

ok i get you

i find it sooooooooooooo hard to express that kind of importance to someone lollllll.. as in that they;re so important and all that soppyness

 

thats why i want to keep it friends for now at least..because once you're official..a lot of time has to be spent on that person isn;t it??

and i cant offer that now..

 

so if we meet every so often ..thats kool with me

 

can you answer my question now??

why does he tell me what he wants.like tell me how much he likes me..and then disappear for so long...??and doesn;t call??

[phineas]

and can you explain why i would specifically want his attention???

 

and not any one elses??

 

i mean i only have this other guy whos literally following me around everywhere i go..surely thats enough to boost my ego??

 

or this other guy who is messaging me and randomly asks me to meet up with him?

 

so why am i IGNORING them? yet messaging this guy to hang out?

 

oh, that's easy.

you're nucking futs.

 

You have gone from rejecting this guy for a yr & now that he didn't jump to your call you've gone off the deep end & you've not once told us anything about the guy that you find attractive nor have you given us any indication you even like this guy or care about him.

 

Also, I seriously doubt you wanted to take things slow with any guy you actually wanted to get naked with.

[Divasu]

nnnnnnnoooooo lol..i'm always misunderstood on here..

i was happy to hear him say all those things... but then I question what he's said not because i have lukewarm feelings towards him just because i want to know that the person is actually in to me for real or not...before i move on to the next stage.. i'd rather know if they reeeeeeeaaaaaly like me as opposed to am a convenient person.

 

i've never told him "no"... i have always been trying to keep my contact with him

 

as much as everyone seems to think so its nothing to do with the chase...

its more to do with whether the person who in my mind is my "potential" ______ is going to stick around or just suddenly not be interested and move on...

 

You seem to have all these expectations, he gives a yard yet you give an inch. And you're not even DATING. He isn't required to keep in touch any more so than he has been, given your washyness. You get what you put in, and, I'm sorry but you've put forth nothing. If i were you, I'd focus my attention elsewhere. You've never actually dated the guy so like I said before, it shouldn't be that hard.

[candy 87]

oh, that's easy.

you're nucking futs.

 

You have gone from rejecting this guy for a yr & now that he didn't jump to your call you've gone off the deep end & you've not once told us anything about the guy that you find attractive nor have you given us any indication you even like this guy or care about him.

 

Also, I seriously doubt you wanted to take things slow with any guy you actually wanted to get naked with.

 

ye but why should i tell you all what i like or find attractive in the guy lollllll

that is not important!!!

 

why is it important what i think or feel...

 

i'm asking about him.and what he thinks about me.. not the other way around

[candy 87]

You seem to have all these expectations, he gives a yard yet you give an inch. And you're not even DATING. He isn't required to keep in touch any more so than he has been, given your washyness. You get what you put in, and, I'm sorry but you've put forth nothing. If i were you, I'd focus my attention elsewhere. You've never actually dated the guy so like I said before, it shouldn't be that hard.

 

so you're saying that he isn;t bothered anymore because of my "washyness"

[Divasu]

so you're saying that he isn;t bothered anymore because of my "washyness"

 

Pretty much.