why is he not responding? (prefer guys to answer only)

[candy 87]

why should he respond?

He wants to date.

you want to hang out.

 

I wouldn't respond & haven't responded to women in the same situation because they have nothing to offer me & i'm personally done wasting my time on women with nothing to offer me.

 

so, figure out what you want with him & tell him.

here is a hint, if it isn't going to lead to sex, don't be surprised if he continues to ignore.

 

whats wrong with hanging out? without all those expectations hanging over our heads?

 

things should develop, it shouldn't b like wham bam thank you maam and on to the next one, i believe in getting to know people really well, it might be a bit "slow" for some of you, but if thats what you all want then just go for the next woman hanging out on the street corner.

[candy 87]

Candy Ninja PJ's is part of the school of thought and expereince that says there is either an instant chemical attraction or there isn't. To people like that the idea that attraction can grow over time is totally alien. Like describing snow to a desert dweller.

 

He's not wrong, but neither are you.

 

The thing is, this guy probably took the way you blew him off as no interest. Attraction can grow over time but there has to be an undercurrent of interest there. It's hard to describe unless one has experienced it.

 

no i understand totally!

but actually he was wrong in the sense that, its not that i don't like him, its more that i had other priorities,other things to consider, was busy etc. etc...it basically wasn't the right time

 

maybe for some girls/women/men/boys whatever relationships and dating and all that is what they prioritise, but thats not me.

[Mrlonelyone]

@Ninja what I am talking about is not settling.

 

To me when attraction builds over time and I get to know someone it's that much better when we do get together.

[candy 87]

Just to clear this up, that's not necessarily true. I'm not saying attraction can't be built between two people over time, I'm just saying those aren't the best romantic relationships IMO, it's a compromise, a way to settle.

 

I believe there has to be something there that draws you to that person initially that allows you to see the long-term with them, that inspired you into believing you could have a relationship with.

 

I don't think you're doing the other person any favors by leading them into a relationship after they've pursued you for a long time and you rejected them. I don't think it's fair or respectful for you to "change your mind" about them, especially just because they are really interested in you and you are available now or whatever else influences your decisions, it doesn't matter.

 

I would hope people would have higher expectations out of their...dare I say "romantic relationships" instead of settling into something comfortable and that you can trust and feel secure with because this person is just a "friend".

 

I don't even believe men and women are genuinely friends, I think one person always has the interest level which becomes the glue to that relationship, someone is putting in more effort to make that survive.

 

Acquaintances though? Sure, and we can even call them "friends" for the sake of social scrutiny, but ultimately and emotionally you know where you stand with a person in terms of potential early on. That doesn't mean I've met someone before I wasn't attracted to and didn't end up liking, it's happened to me before, but there was always something at least a little bit there and yet as soon as I compare them to someone I feel more "chemistry and attraction" to, the evidence is all the more clear.

 

Is it wrong to "settle"? that's really the question...are you that desperate? lonely? worried about security, in need of that much time, attention, affection and "love" from another human being? maybe. But some people are willing to sacrifice that because they believe in something greater, and yes you can probably call me crazy for it...I'll admit to that, especially after reading these forums all the time.

 

 

i'm not settling,

read the reply i sent earlier

[candy 87]

Ok.. I'll give my 2 cents as a guy who was in a similar situation (but keep in mind I'm a PUA so most things I do with women are calculated and deliberate).

 

Anyway, I have this female friend I new for a long time and only started becoming attracted to her later in the relationship. It was around this same time that she became very "busy" suddenly. I actually started a thread about her a few weeks ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/354263-what-does-she-want-me

 

What I left out in that thread is some of the back and forth that went on. At one point I was tired of her being "busy" and just started ignoring her. She would text me and I would ignore it. Then she would Facebook me and I would ignore it. Then she eventually called me and I waited 2 weeks to call her back.

 

Why did I do it? Mostly to make a point. I wanted her to understand the following about me:

 

1. I'm not desperate and I don't NEED her

2. I'm not always going to jump up like a puppy dog when she gives me attention

3. She should not take me for granted

 

But I can only speak for myself. And while I knew exactly what I was doing with this behavior (manipulating her).. those 2 weeks I didn't return her call killed me inside. But I also got a sick pleasure from watching her chase me.

 

I'm willing to put myself through great pain and take big risks just to get the upper hand in a relationship. Yeah.. I have issues. Whatever.

 

ALL I CAN SAY IS LOOOOOL

 

ok so, you think this guy is trying to gain the upper hand or take his time now?

we can be busy you know??like really busy? as i've mentioned there are other things in life apart from men and having a relationship lol

 

actually that is one of the reasons, why i wouldn't want to get in to one without a lot of thought and until i am completely ready and have enough time on my hands!!!

only ONE of the reasons though

[candy 87]

I agree with what Ninja says.

 

To give you a perspective of a guy who's been in a situation similar to what your friend is currently in. I was interested in a girl who went to my high school. She always has guys around her and was never short of attention. I put it out there what I wanted and she never reciprocated. I hung around for a bit before I realised this is stupid and a dead end. I moved on. Months down the track, she sends me some random message about wanting to hang out or something along those lines. I ignored her. Every now and then I see her, she hints that we should "hang out" -- I just carry on with my life and forget about it. She still has orbiters around her until this day, but I'm the only one who didn't hang around.

 

Your friend put it out there and you didn't reciprocate. I'm guessing he just doesn't want to go through that again. If you're serious about this, you'll do SO MUCH MORE or else these little texts or whatever, will be ignored or at best you'll get a nonchalant reply.

 

its good to hear of people in similar situations so thanks. it gives me a real insight

 

i actually am that girl LOL..with the "orbiters"..not trying to be bigheaded, just honest, but with a girl like that don't you think that if she is giving you time or wanting to hang out, theres a reason for it?? like HELLOOO

lol

 

even with this guy, he knows i've had a lot of attention (unwanted) recently and i even asked him advice on how to lets these guys down gently, isn't it obvious even from that, i don't place him with those other guys?

 

 

what more am i supposed to do? being a girl?

i can't throw myself on top of him lol

 

and in my view not reciprocating means, I do not like you and i don't want to spend time with you, or call you or message you, was i like that with him? NO

 

not wanting a relationship with someone, does not mean you don't like them actually!!!

but maybe some people don't understand that?

[truth_seeker]

Candy Ninja PJ's is part of the school of thought and expereince that says there is either an instant chemical attraction or there isn't. To people like that the idea that attraction can grow over time is totally alien. Like describing snow to a desert dweller.

 

He's not wrong, but neither are you.

 

The thing is, this guy probably took the way you blew him off as no interest. Attraction can grow over time but there has to be an undercurrent of interest there. It's hard to describe unless one has experienced it.

 

I do agree with attraction can grow over time. Ninja though is right on with his assessment. This girl knew the guy wanted her badly and she pushed him away. Now she has interest and the guy isn't biting. She can't expect a guy to want her forever and come running when she's in the mood to see him, have him around.

 

Here's a lesson: if you reject someone don't expect them to want to date you down the road.

[candy 87]

its good to hear of people in similar situations so thanks. it gives me a real insight

 

i actually am that girl LOL..with the "orbiters"..not trying to be bigheaded, just honest, but with a girl like that don't you think that if she is giving you time or wanting to hang out, theres a reason for it?? like HELLOOO

lol

 

even with this guy, he knows i've had a lot of attention (unwanted) recently and i even asked him advice on how to lets these guys down gently, isn't it obvious even from that, i don't place him with those other guys?

 

 

what more am i supposed to do? being a girl?

i can't throw myself on top of him lol

 

and in my view not reciprocating means, I do not like you and i don't want to spend time with you, or call you or message you, was i like that with him? NO

 

not wanting a relationship with someone, does not mean you don't like them actually!!!

but maybe some people don't understand that?

 

it just was not the right time, i don't know if it still is, but we shall see

 

just because it isn't doesn;t mean i want to suddenly stop all contact with him!!!

 

i enjoy speaking to him!

[candy 87]

I do agree with attraction can grow over time. Ninja though is right on with his assessment. This girl knew the guy wanted her badly and she pushed him away. Now she has interest and the guy isn't biting. She can't expect a guy to want her forever and come running when she's in the mood to see him, have him around.

 

Here's a lesson: if you reject someone don't expect them to want to date you down the road.

 

i get that, i understand what you're all saying

but im going to repeat it again, i did know he wanted something, perhaps something quite serious

 

for me everything has to be right for something like that, including the timing, which it just wasn't!!!!

 

no i dont expect him to wait for me forever!

[Marie0708]

lets say hypothetically that the OP wanted to pursue a real romantic relationship with this guy now...what should she do in that situation?

 

I can understand some of the earlier advice for not contacting him because she seems like she only wants to remain friends, but what is the situation changes and she decides "hey, I am interested in having a relationship that is more than just friends"?

[candy 87]

No.. I'm not saying that is what this guy is doing. But its a possibility (if he is a game player).

 

Regarding being "busy".. well I don't buy it. No one is ever too busy for what is important to them. If you are too busy for me.. then I'm not that important to you.. in which case there is no reason for you to be important to me.

 

I'm not going to be someones afterthought. I'm better than that. But that's just me.

 

Either way.. my game worked on her because now we are dating.

 

 

WOULD YOU CALL IT GAME PLAYING if i told you that, in almost every conversation we have had in the last year since he wanted a relationship, and says he wants me and only me etc... he's also mentioned other women and tells me how hot/sexy/fine/pretty/ they are and how much they like/love him and what they want to do with him and how much he gets tempted sometimes.. but then stops himself immediately (who knows why).. he'll tell me how hard he finds it sometimes to not do anything with any of them :(

 

why does he tell me all of that!!! at first i thought ok maybe its part of the conversation lol...but then when he continuously was doing it on n on n on for the next hundred years i begun to find it dodgy!

 

if this is game playing to you..then i'd say he is making me wait..because he wants to see how much i want to really hang with him! but im sorry he'll be disappointed because one message was enough for me to send

 

i think he game plays intentionally and i just come across like im "playin games" but i'm not.. i'm just a very confused and laid back person in general who doesn;t want to give too much away

[candy 87]

lets say hypothetically that the OP wanted to pursue a real romantic relationship with this guy now...what should she do in that situation?

 

I can understand some of the earlier advice for not contacting him because she seems like she only wants to remain friends, but what is the situation changes and she decides "hey, I am interested in having a relationship that is more than just friends"?

 

for now i want to remain friends..but i also want to hang out with him more and see what he is like..and get to know him better etc..(i kinda already know him pretty well), but even better lol

 

i think the situation where it would be more than friends is a long way away...however i'm not saying its not going to happen ever

[candy 87]

lets say hypothetically that the OP wanted to pursue a real romantic relationship with this guy now...what should she do in that situation?

 

I can understand some of the earlier advice for not contacting him because she seems like she only wants to remain friends, but what is the situation changes and she decides "hey, I am interested in having a relationship that is more than just friends"?

 

 

also have you read the parts where he keep mentioning other women lol and i don't know what to think then..once or twice fair enough but every conversation.. lol..dunno about that

 

he'll say..she's sexy/pretty/hot.. and she wants to do this with me... and you don't understand how much i want to but i have to really stop myself

 

i then think to myself

1. if they are so sexy and hot and all that ..why don't you go for it then

2. why are you telling me about this in the first place?

[counterman]

its good to hear of people in similar situations so thanks. it gives me a real insight

 

i actually am that girl LOL..with the "orbiters"..not trying to be bigheaded, just honest, but with a girl like that don't you think that if she is giving you time or wanting to hang out, theres a reason for it?? like HELLOOO

lol

 

even with this guy, he knows i've had a lot of attention (unwanted) recently and i even asked him advice on how to lets these guys down gently, isn't it obvious even from that, i don't place him with those other guys?

 

 

what more am i supposed to do? being a girl?

i can't throw myself on top of him lol

 

and in my view not reciprocating means, I do not like you and i don't want to spend time with you, or call you or message you, was i like that with him? NO

 

not wanting a relationship with someone, does not mean you don't like them actually!!!

but maybe some people don't understand that?

 

I understand that completely but I don't think you understand what it's like for a guy who has feelings for you to just "hang around" as friends. It's counter-productive. When I say not reciprocating, I mean not reciprocating the feelings he had for you. He wanted something more than friendship but you didn't. Sure you didn't want to cut contact but honestly, to him, it's almost torture. He's trying his best to move on.

 

Bottom line is, you can't have things both ways sometimes. You're gonna have to try a bit harder and sort of 'win' him back. If you don't, you don't deserve him. It's funny how some girls think they all they need to do is stand there and look pretty (not saying that's you but just saying). It's either you're in or you're out - don't contact him if when he's interested again, you don't reciprocate.

 

With this girl I was talking about, I know she wants me -- but she has absolutely no chance because she tried to keep me around as a "back-up", whilst having other guys around as well. She recently got together with one of the guys and still tries to make contact with me. It's so pathetic.

 

If I was friends if your guy friend, I would be telling him to ignore you and date other girls.

 

If you absolutely want something from this, you'll have to put in MORE effort. Not just send a text.

[ScreamingTrees]

ALL I CAN SAY IS LOOOOOL

 

ok so, you think this guy is trying to gain the upper hand or take his time now?

we can be busy you know??like really busy? as i've mentioned there are other things in life apart from men and having a relationship lol

 

actually that is one of the reasons, why i wouldn't want to get in to one without a lot of thought and until i am completely ready and have enough time on my hands!!!

only ONE of the reasons though

 

No. If he's mentally sound, he's not thinking like that. He probably just FINALLY got tired of reaching for the stars on a 12-step ladder or maybe he gave up soon after you two grew a bit distant.. I'm assuming after you gave him the cold shoulder you stopped hanging out as much? I couldn't tell from the OP, but that's what I gathered.

 

Maybe you should just let him go, or be direct about what you want. Maybe just try to tell him that you were just at a busy point in your life, it's not like you were seeing other guys, at least I doubt he's seen you with any like that.. Unless you know otherwise.

 

Communication is everything. He's not going to be able to discern disinterest from shyness / someone who "takes their time" with relationships and connection-building.. So let him know that he wouldn't be wasting his time in waiting for you and talking to you if he was truly sincerely interested in you as a person, rather than just someone he wants to hit and quit..

[phineas]

whats wrong with hanging out? without all those expectations hanging over our heads?

 

things should develop, it shouldn't b like wham bam thank you maam and on to the next one, i believe in getting to know people really well, it might be a bit "slow" for some of you, but if thats what you all want then just go for the next woman hanging out on the street corner.

 

Right, because past boyfriends you actually got naked with started out with "not exactly said no" when they asked you out.

 

sorry, but all I hear is excuses from you.

You've been straight-arming this guy for how long?

Now he's no longer paying attention to you, you skitz. LOL!

 

No woman i've ever gotten naked with ever told me "not exactly no" when I asked them out/ want to know why?

 

Because no woman even remotely interested in a guy romantically is afraid of the word "date" & no woman who is concerned with another woman snatching up a great catch wants to take things "slow" with a guy.

 

Unless she is packing more baggage than an African safari from an old Tarzan movie.

 

Sorry, but i'm going to have to side with the Ninja in the PJ's on this one.

[RachR]

This is about your ego. You don't even sound interested in him at all, just interested in why he's brushed you off. Good on him to ignore you. Find a guy you actually want to date.

[phineas]

for now i want to remain friends..but i also want to hang out with him more and see what he is like..and get to know him better etc..(i kinda already know him pretty well), but even better lol

 

i think the situation where it would be more than friends is a long way away...however i'm not saying its not going to happen ever

 

Oh, I know you.

 

You don't want to get with, but you also don't want him getting with anyone else.

 

kinda selfish.

[TheFinalWord]

This guy friend of mine ...who i assumed has liked me for a long time now.. did ask me out quite a few times in the last year or so... we've met up in a group before..but it wasn't long before he asked to see just me and chill out in only my company..anyway..i shouldn't even admit to this..but i didn't react perhaps how he would want... i didn't exactly say no but i wasn't particularly enthusiastic either...:ambivalence:.that was mostly because it was a really busy time in my life i didn't have time to think about going out with him..

he did make it clear he wanted a relationship...

 

so anyway..he did eventually stop asking to see me..fair enough i guess..i'd say he stopped asking now about a few months ago...

 

now... a few months later...a lot of my close friends just said to me that i should just hang out with him as a mate..or see what happens..and that nothing serious has to happen now..i guess they thought he must have liked me a lot because he's still around after all this time and has actually had different girls/women after him but he kept on continuously telling me hes not interested in any of them..they're not his type ..etc etc..

 

therefore what i did a day ago now is... message him saying.."hi whats up?.. i was just thinking recently..that we could chill out sometime and do something.."..but he hasn't replied or called or anything..and usually he doesn't take this long to respond to something i've said..

:confused:

 

Guy here,

 

I've been in that situation before. It depends how much game playing that went on beforehand as to whether or not I would respond. You seem wishy-washy about your opinion of this guy. Also, he could be with someone now. I don't know what your "real life" interaction is with this guy. I know that if you were single when he was pursuing you and you told him that you "didn't want a relationship now", I would bail. Nearly every guy has had that line given to them before, and we all learn that it really means "i don't want a relationship with you". First time it happens, you might try for a while anyway. But for most guys, we only have to have that experience once to stop pining after such women again.

 

But assuming there was no drama, I would recommend to call him or better yet find him in person. A lot can happen with text messages: lost, his number changed, etc. Either that or just stop by some place you know he is at and show your interest. Don't just flirt though, but actually state you are interested in getting to know him more. That doesn't' indicate desperateness to me, but that you are interested in getting to know him for potential relationship. Don't say hang out, that screams friend zone to me. I will say that if he is being cautious, that if you do get the chance to hang out with him, any sign that you're playing games he will bail.

[grkBoy]

therefore what i did a day ago now is... message him saying.."hi whats up?.. i was just thinking recently..that we could chill out sometime and do something.."..but he hasn't replied or called or anything..and usually he doesn't take this long to respond to something i've said..

:confused:

 

Here's how this plays out in a man's head.

 

Girl the man is really into rejects him. Yes, you rejected him...your "ambivalence" was a rejection since it didn't end up with you two on an actual date.

 

Now you're texting him "hi", and in his mind he's thinking you maybe want a "pal" out of him, but not a boyfriend. Either way, he knows he's not getting what he wants, and his impression of you is that you're a flake...so he's choosing not to waste his time.

 

 

I've had many women who came on hot and heavy to me, I ask them out, they say "yes"...but won't commit to hard plans. I'm asked to call them on Friday and then we'll make plans.

 

Friday hits, and I call...get her voice mail...leave a message...and never hear from her that whole weekend.

 

So I delete her number and leave her be. Suddenly, weeks or months later, she's emailing, texting, or even calling to say "hi" and is talking about how we should get together and "catch up".

 

Um...no.

 

You did the same thing to this guy.

 

NOW...I'm not saying you have to date a guy because he asks you out, but I also think you and many other women out there have to understand that when a man is going to pursue a woman for dating, he will not just step back and accept the friendzone.

 

If you're not wanting to date him or anyone at that moment in your life...say it honestly and reject him. Just don't expect him to hang around and be your buddy. Some might put away the lust and be just a friend, but many others simply can't or won't...and thus it's easier to move on than bring drama into either side.

[candy 87]

He is telling you all that stuff because he wants you to know he has other options and he is not just chasing you because he is desperate (at least that's why I would do it). I discussed in another thread how I always make it known to women I'm interested in that I have other options. It creates a greater sense of urgency for the girl to "grab onto me" (you know.. before someone else does).

 

So he wants you to know that other women want him and sooner or later you might lose your opportunity with him if you keep waiting (this might be true or it might be a bluff. I don't know the guy so I can't say).

 

 

 

You're not confused. You're just not that into him.. but you still like him enough to want him in your life. I think you've made your lack of interest very clear. I would of walked out of your life a long time ago if I was him. Maybe he has finally accepted that you don't like him and decided not to respond to you.

 

Can't speak for him, but once I'm 90% sure a woman is not into me, I'm GONE.

 

what about trying to make me jealous? to see if i actually do like him or not, i suppose thats the other option, but if it is the option you're talking about..instead of making me want to grab the opportunity, it puts me off more and makes me think he's not into me as much as he says he is

 

i don't know either whether he would wait or not. i have zero access to his thoughts lol

 

the last part isn't true, there is actually a lot of stuff I've said to make my interest known, i just haven't publicised it on here..and ye i do want to keep contact with him

 

and ironically, he called me yesterday LOL.. a whole week later..after i thought he wasn't going to contact me again

[candy 87]

I understand that completely but I don't think you understand what it's like for a guy who has feelings for you to just "hang around" as friends. It's counter-productive. When I say not reciprocating, I mean not reciprocating the feelings he had for you. He wanted something more than friendship but you didn't. Sure you didn't want to cut contact but honestly, to him, it's almost torture. He's trying his best to move on.

 

Bottom line is, you can't have things both ways sometimes. You're gonna have to try a bit harder and sort of 'win' him back. If you don't, you don't deserve him. It's funny how some girls think they all they need to do is stand there and look pretty (not saying that's you but just saying). It's either you're in or you're out - don't contact him if when he's interested again, you don't reciprocate.

 

With this girl I was talking about, I know she wants me -- but she has absolutely no chance because she tried to keep me around as a "back-up", whilst having other guys around as well. She recently got together with one of the guys and still tries to make contact with me. It's so pathetic.

 

If I was friends if your guy friend, I would be telling him to ignore you and date other girls.

 

If you absolutely want something from this, you'll have to put in MORE effort. Not just send a text.

 

you don't think he'll be able to hang out with me? :(.. i'm just saying doing things together but just not as a couple..and obviously being a couple incorporates all the physical stuff..i'm sure he can live without that . no?

and you think its torture? :eek:.. he seems completely fine to me though lol... as if nothing has effected him in the slightest..

 

what do i have to do to "win" him back?? can't we just start off by going to the cinema or something lol...

 

btw..im sure this is pretty relevant..but while i was busy on here getting opinions about why he isn't responding.. he actually called me... a whole WEEK later lol..

 

ok i can't say what that girl was thinking about you...but that does sound annoying..if you liked her and she ended up going out with her other guys.. but i'm not going out with anyone at the moment lol..so its not quite the same situation..and if i did decide to go with someone else and not this guy he would have every right to hate me lol.

but he's the one i asked to meet with ..no 1 else!!!

 

i'm not in to chasing a guy.. and that has nothing to do with my ego and how i like to have people after me, i'v just never been one of those people to run after a guy..

so for me one text or phonecall is about as good as it gets

 

but i'll try my hardest to make an exception with this one...little by little

[candy 87]

No. If he's mentally sound, he's not thinking like that. He probably just FINALLY got tired of reaching for the stars on a 12-step ladder or maybe he gave up soon after you two grew a bit distant.. I'm assuming after you gave him the cold shoulder you stopped hanging out as much? I couldn't tell from the OP, but that's what I gathered.

 

Maybe you should just let him go, or be direct about what you want. Maybe just try to tell him that you were just at a busy point in your life, it's not like you were seeing other guys, at least I doubt he's seen you with any like that.. Unless you know otherwise.

 

Communication is everything. He's not going to be able to discern disinterest from shyness / someone who "takes their time" with relationships and connection-building.. So let him know that he wouldn't be wasting his time in waiting for you and talking to you if he was truly sincerely interested in you as a person, rather than just someone he wants to hit and quit..

 

 

lol its not about being mentally sound..especially if the other post user here does that too, i think its quite common amongst guys to play games.

 

we talk on occasion, but we hardly ever see each other but he wants to see me more

 

i don't want him to just wake up one day and decide he doesn't want to speak to me anymore, i guess i have to tell him what im thinking then before that happens

 

and you are right i am a bit shy as well when it comes to this stuff, which is probably why i don't pursue him like other more aggressive girls.women might do...and i do take my time with a lot of things..

so i have to just tell him all that

 

anyway, guess what... he did call me yesterday,, took him a whole week to though lol.

[candy 87]

Guy here,

 

I've been in that situation before. It depends how much game playing that went on beforehand as to whether or not I would respond. You seem wishy-washy about your opinion of this guy. Also, he could be with someone now. I don't know what your "real life" interaction is with this guy. I know that if you were single when he was pursuing you and you told him that you "didn't want a relationship now", I would bail. Nearly every guy has had that line given to them before, and we all learn that it really means "i don't want a relationship with you". First time it happens, you might try for a while anyway. But for most guys, we only have to have that experience once to stop pining after such women again.

 

But assuming there was no drama, I would recommend to call him or better yet find him in person. A lot can happen with text messages: lost, his number changed, etc. Either that or just stop by some place you know he is at and show your interest. Don't just flirt though, but actually state you are interested in getting to know him more. That doesn't' indicate desperateness to me, but that you are interested in getting to know him for potential relationship. Don't say hang out, that screams friend zone to me. I will say that if he is being cautious, that if you do get the chance to hang out with him, any sign that you're playing games he will bail.

 

 

well there hasn't been any game playing from my part, what people tend to think is that i'm game playing, when the reality is that my personality is not that of someone really straight foward who runs after every and any guy, i'm, a lot calmer than that..and quite aloof when it comes to the way i behave around guys in general,but again thats not me game playing its just how i am

 

he didn't bail on me after i said i don't want a relationship,, he tried to convince me indirectly in so many ways after that, or he'd try to mention other women again...

and i don't think he moved on to any other girl because he hasn't told me of that

 

and that isn't true in my case, what you said about i don't want a relationship meaning it has to do with him, look if i really don't like a guy in any way..friend or more or whatever, i wouldn't even speak to the guy, let alone contact him and ask to hang out lol

 

anyway he called yesterday, i missed the call (not on purpose before everyone starts screaming at me).

any way when i call him back, i'll see what he sayss

[candy 87]

Here's how this plays out in a man's head.

 

Girl the man is really into rejects him. Yes, you rejected him...your "ambivalence" was a rejection since it didn't end up with you two on an actual date.

 

Now you're texting him "hi", and in his mind he's thinking you maybe want a "pal" out of him, but not a boyfriend. Either way, he knows he's not getting what he wants, and his impression of you is that you're a flake...so he's choosing not to waste his time.

 

 

I've had many women who came on hot and heavy to me, I ask them out, they say "yes"...but won't commit to hard plans. I'm asked to call them on Friday and then we'll make plans.

 

Friday hits, and I call...get her voice mail...leave a message...and never hear from her that whole weekend.

 

So I delete her number and leave her be. Suddenly, weeks or months later, she's emailing, texting, or even calling to say "hi" and is talking about how we should get together and "catch up".

 

Um...no.

 

You did the same thing to this guy.

 

NOW...I'm not saying you have to date a guy because he asks you out, but I also think you and many other women out there have to understand that when a man is going to pursue a woman for dating, he will not just step back and accept the friendzone.

 

If you're not wanting to date him or anyone at that moment in your life...say it honestly and reject him. Just don't expect him to hang around and be your buddy. Some might put away the lust and be just a friend, but many others simply can't or won't...and thus it's easier to move on than bring drama into either side.

 

you know what i'll admite to being a flake, but not in the sense of not knowing what i want or changing my mind, but more that i know what i want, what i don't want but havn't told him about it, and instead i just carry on talking to him without having resolved any of those issues, but at the end of the day he seems fine to be talking to me, its not like he's dying just because i have not explained myself to him about the whole relationship situation

 

ok lol.. i've never ever been hot and heavy with him, and also i never agreed to seeing him and then ended up flaking, i suggested to see him now, and will try my best to follow through on it,,

 

i'm not saying that i want to friend zone him, i'm just saying i want to hang out with him without all him being all coupley and affectionate with mee, that way you get to just see how you get on with the person without it becoming and official dating typw thing,,where you're all smooooochey.