candy 87 Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 This guy friend of mine ...who i assumed has liked me for a long time now.. did ask me out quite a few times in the last year or so... we've met up in a group before..but it wasn't long before he asked to see just me and chill out in only my company..anyway..i shouldn't even admit to this..but i didn't react perhaps how he would want... i didn't exactly say no but i wasn't particularly enthusiastic either...:ambivalence:.that was mostly because it was a really busy time in my life i didn't have time to think about going out with him.. he did make it clear he wanted a relationship... so anyway..he did eventually stop asking to see me..fair enough i guess..i'd say he stopped asking now about a few months ago... now... a few months later...a lot of my close friends just said to me that i should just hang out with him as a mate..or see what happens..and that nothing serious has to happen now..i guess they thought he must have liked me a lot because he's still around after all this time and has actually had different girls/women after him but he kept on continuously telling me hes not interested in any of them..they're not his type ..etc etc.. therefore what i did a day ago now is... message him saying.."hi whats up?.. i was just thinking recently..that we could chill out sometime and do something.."..but he hasn't replied or called or anything..and usually he doesn't take this long to respond to something i've said.. :confused:
Author candy 87 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 its not like this guy to ignore me for this long lol the only reason i said the simple, lets hang out sometime is because he has asked me to meet him and do stuff, sooo many times before!!!! so why flake now?
Mrlonelyone Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 He has been trying to move on for months. He has been hoping you would say that for months. He has also been trying to move on from you for months. My bet is he has partially moved on and would need you to try harder to get him back than one text. How about sending another message or calling him on the phone, ask him to do something specific.
Oxy Moronovich Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 I'm a guy. Here's my advice: wait another day or two before coming to the conclusion that he's ignoring you. Women can never understand this: it aggravates men to no end whenever you message us and, when we don't respond during a certain time (within 5 minutes or a day), they immediately assume we're not interested or purposely giving you the cold shoulder. Reality check: men aren't into their phones as much as women are. Days will go by where I don't even bother to pick up my cell. Weeks will go by where my cell phone has been shut off because I haven't paid the bill. If my gf didn't know I was so lackadaisical regarding my cell phone I'm sure she'd freak out. 5
Author candy 87 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 He has been trying to move on for months. He has been hoping you would say that for months. He has also been trying to move on from you for months. My bet is he has partially moved on and would need you to try harder to get him back than one text. How about sending another message or calling him on the phone, ask him to do something specific. but if he was trying to move on from me or he didn't see this whole thing going anywhere, surely he would have avoided me completely from long long ago?? what im saying is yes he asked me out, and yes we didn;t actually go out, however, he still spoke to me for hours and hours on end all this time, as if nothing had happened, if that makes sense? and exactly what i was thinking, hoping that i would say that, now that i have, he's not acknowledging it at alll. i don't really want to send him another message or call him, i would feel that would be me pushing it? i'd rather him say something first? as to what hes thinking!!! and then maybe i would take the time to say something more!! i dont want him thinking im so desperate and then laughing at the fact that he's ignoring me lol
MrCastle Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 I'm a guy. Here's my advice: wait another day or two before coming to the conclusion that he's ignoring you. Women can never understand this: it aggravates men to no end whenever you message us and, when we don't respond during a certain time (within 5 minutes or a day), they immediately assume we're not interested or purposely giving you the cold shoulder. Reality check: men aren't into their phones as much as women are. Days will go by where I don't even bother to pick up my cell. Weeks will go by where my cell phone has been shut off because I haven't paid the bill. If my gf didn't know I was so lackadaisical regarding my cell phone I'm sure she'd freak out. How old are you? Maybe this is a generational thing. I'm 25 and have to charge my smart phone 2-3 times a day because of how much I use it. Typically (if I'm awake and not busy) I respond to texts no later than 5 minutes after someone has texted me. If I go a day without responding to you, it was intentional. I judge women using the same measuring stick. Technology is such that there should be no reason whatsoever to go an entire 24 hours without talking to someone you really want to. Even if you're busy, not even the president is busy to the point he can't take 20 seconds out of his day to text someone "I'm busy, I will talk to you when I can". To the OP, the guy has probably moved on after spending months trying to get you. I'm actually dealing with something similar, tried to get a girl, she gave me the friend line, so I cut contact. She continues to text me every now and then and I continue to ignore her. I'm sure she'll get the hint soon. 1
Author candy 87 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 I'm a guy. Here's my advice: wait another day or two before coming to the conclusion that he's ignoring you. Women can never understand this: it aggravates men to no end whenever you message us and, when we don't respond during a certain time (within 5 minutes or a day), they immediately assume we're not interested or purposely giving you the cold shoulder. Reality check: men aren't into their phones as much as women are. Days will go by where I don't even bother to pick up my cell. Weeks will go by where my cell phone has been shut off because I haven't paid the bill. If my gf didn't know I was so lackadaisical regarding my cell phone I'm sure she'd freak out. its been nearly a week, six days in fact !!! so no not just fives minutes to a day! at first i thought i'll give him time because he could be busy with work, then family and friends, but its like the weekend now,, i was actually waiting for the weekend when perhaps he would take the time to reply but nothing still!!! fair enough that guys aren't in to their phones, but surely if you want to speak to someone you would right? plus his job would mean he needs to be attached to his phone and theres no way he would have unintentionally not read my message or missed it or something :(
zebracolors Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 .. it aggravates men to no end whenever you message us and, when we don't respond during a certain time (within 5 minutes or a day), they immediately assume we're not interested or purposely giving you the cold shoulder. Reality check: men aren't into their phones as much as women are. Days will go by where I don't even bother to pick up my cell. Weeks will go by where my cell phone has been shut off because I haven't paid the bill. If my gf didn't know I was so lackadaisical regarding my cell phone I'm sure she'd freak out. I make a point never to nag either with calls or texting. But it depends on how well you know someone, and their typical phone/text habits. Like Oxy there says he goes days without using his phone, whereas someone else might want to initially respond in a timely manner. But when that expected behavior changes, its easy to wonder whats up. That said though, I don't worry about it. If Ive given him my number, he knows how to contact me. And after a certain amount of time, I figure theres no point in worrying over the unknown.
MrCastle Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 fair enough that guys aren't in to their phones, but surely if you want to speak to someone you would right? plus his job would mean he needs to be attached to his phone and theres no way he would have unintentionally not read my message or missed it or something :( This is not a gender thing but a lifestyle and generational thing. Young people, both men and women, are text monsters. Some of us are busier than others because of jobs, school, or both, but believe me, in this day and age, if someone wants to talk to you, they will. Don't be one of those people that think "Oh they're busy. Maybe they're busy with work, or family/friends, or eating, or blinking or breathing." --this was never a problem before right? Why is he suddenly not responding? Even busy people make time. Like I said, not hard to send an "I'm busy" text and have gotten it from girls who were truly interested. No surprise, I never got that kind of text from girls who weren't.
Author candy 87 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 How old are you? Maybe this is a generational thing. I'm 25 and have to charge my smart phone 2-3 times a day because of how much I use it. Typically (if I'm awake and not busy) I respond to texts no later than 5 minutes after someone has texted me. If I go a day without responding to you, it was intentional. I judge women using the same measuring stick. Technology is such that there should be no reason whatsoever to go an entire 24 hours without talking to someone you really want to. Even if you're busy, not even the president is busy to the point he can't take 20 seconds out of his day to text someone "I'm busy, I will talk to you when I can". To the OP, the guy has probably moved on after spending months trying to get you. I'm actually dealing with something similar, tried to get a girl, she gave me the friend line, so I cut contact. She continues to text me every now and then and I continue to ignore her. I'm sure she'll get the hint soon. lol.. i understand what you're saying as i think the same, but this guy has said to me that he hates texting, so much so that there have been times when he'd rather call me up and have a six hour conversation than text me, so my guess is he would have called me at least but he didnt do that either i never gave this guy the friend line though, not clearly like, i only see you as a friend, if i did, i'd understand! but he never cut contact with me, it was only a few weeks back he actually said to me " you should call me more often"..if he was trying to move on surely he wouldn't have asked me to call him more?? i'm not trying to make myself feel better or anything but this guy actually seemss to really like me, everytime we speak he makes it really clear that he only likes me and that i'm different and that no other girls appeal to him, so i find it hard to understand that he could within a few weeks of saying that and for a whole year actually suddenly have found someone i dunno
Author candy 87 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 I make a point never to nag either with calls or texting. But it depends on how well you know someone, and their typical phone/text habits. Like Oxy there says he goes days without using his phone, whereas someone else might want to initially respond in a timely manner. But when that expected behavior changes, its easy to wonder whats up. That said though, I don't worry about it. If Ive given him my number, he knows how to contact me. And after a certain amount of time, I figure theres no point in worrying over the unknown. exactly! which is why i sent one message, nearly a week ago now lol if he's purposely ignoring me and waiting for me to bombard him with messages that is not going to happen!.. no this guy uses his phone, but the only time he's not responded to me for a whole week is if he's angry at me or pissed off for some reason...:confused: so ye i am wondering whats up :(
Oxy Moronovich Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 therefore what i did a day ago now is... message him saying.."hi whats up?.. i was just thinking recently..that we could chill out sometime and do something.."..but he hasn't replied or called or anything..and usually he doesn't take this long to respond to something i've said.. :confused: its been nearly a week, six days in fact !!! so no not just fives minutes to a day! In your first post you said you messaged him "a day ago". Now you're saying it has been six days. Hmm. Something's fishy here.
Author candy 87 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 In your first post you said you messaged him "a day ago". Now you're saying it has been six days. Hmm. Something's fishy here. lolllllll..sorry, i copied and pasted a post which i put in another thread somewhere else haha.. but now in the present time its been six days
Author candy 87 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 He was ( maybe still is ) attracted to you, his feelings weren't reciprocated. That doesn't feel good. You're welcome. lol thanks
truth_seeker Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Lets see, you blew him off when he was after you, now you show interest and he's not responding. Sounds complicated.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Oh quit attention whoring it up candy, just because a guy won't come when you call like a little puppy dog doesn't mean you have to freak out over it because you're acting like you're used to getting what you want. Maybe the guy finally got the balls to walk away from a clearly friendzoned situation, you rejected the guy after all! but nooo, now that's it's convenient for you and you've got nothing going else going on you're looking to give him a "chance". Please, you're not interested in this guy you're just wondering how he could ignore you if he was so interested because you're throwing him a bone, and you were "busy with work" I bet if you were into this guy you'd have made the time. So the fact of the matter is you're just not into him, I'm not sure why you're playing this whole song and dance, how are you "friends" with someone and then realize "oh, he might be the man for me" that just seems desperate to me and If I were him I'd definitely not give you the time of day...there was either mutual attraction there from the beginning and you weren't really friends or they're just someone you're not really interested, that's why you were able to maintain a "friendly" relationship with him. 3
Author candy 87 Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 Oh quit attention whoring it up candy, just because a guy won't come when you call like a little puppy dog doesn't mean you have to freak out over it because you're acting like you're used to getting what you want. Maybe the guy finally got the balls to walk away from a clearly friendzoned situation, you rejected the guy after all! but nooo, now that's it's convenient for you and you've got nothing going else going on you're looking to give him a "chance". Please, you're not interested in this guy you're just wondering how he could ignore you if he was so interested because you're throwing him a bone, and you were "busy with work" I bet if you were into this guy you'd have made the time. So the fact of the matter is you're just not into him, I'm not sure why you're playing this whole song and dance, how are you "friends" with someone and then realize "oh, he might be the man for me" that just seems desperate to me and If I were him I'd definitely not give you the time of day...there was either mutual attraction there from the beginning and you weren't really friends or they're just someone you're not really interested, that's why you were able to maintain a "friendly" relationship with him. you got the wrong end of the stick luv
Author candy 87 Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 Oh quit attention whoring it up candy, just because a guy won't come when you call like a little puppy dog doesn't mean you have to freak out over it because you're acting like you're used to getting what you want. Maybe the guy finally got the balls to walk away from a clearly friendzoned situation, you rejected the guy after all! but nooo, now that's it's convenient for you and you've got nothing going else going on you're looking to give him a "chance". Please, you're not interested in this guy you're just wondering how he could ignore you if he was so interested because you're throwing him a bone, and you were "busy with work" I bet if you were into this guy you'd have made the time. So the fact of the matter is you're just not into him, I'm not sure why you're playing this whole song and dance, how are you "friends" with someone and then realize "oh, he might be the man for me" that just seems desperate to me and If I were him I'd definitely not give you the time of day...there was either mutual attraction there from the beginning and you weren't really friends or they're just someone you're not really interested, that's why you were able to maintain a "friendly" relationship with him. you're actually sooo far from being right, that its actually quite funny, because you speak with such conviction
Balzac Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 You've stated this guy prefers talking over texting. Why haven't you just phoned him?
Author candy 87 Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 You've stated this guy prefers talking over texting. Why haven't you just phoned him? in hindsight i should have but i'm the opposite i prefer texting over speaking on the phone lol
phineas Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 why should he respond? He wants to date. you want to hang out. I wouldn't respond & haven't responded to women in the same situation because they have nothing to offer me & i'm personally done wasting my time on women with nothing to offer me. so, figure out what you want with him & tell him. here is a hint, if it isn't going to lead to sex, don't be surprised if he continues to ignore.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 This guy friend of mine ...who i assumed has liked me for a long time now.. did ask me out quite a few times in the last year or so... we've met up in a group before..but it wasn't long before he asked to see just me and chill out in only my company..anyway..i shouldn't even admit to this..but i didn't react perhaps how he would want... i didn't exactly say no but i wasn't particularly enthusiastic either...:ambivalence:.that was mostly because it was a really busy time in my life i didn't have time to think about going out with him.. he did make it clear he wanted a relationship... so anyway..he did eventually stop asking to see me..fair enough i guess..i'd say he stopped asking now about a few months ago... now... a few months later...a lot of my close friends just said to me that i should just hang out with him as a mate..or see what happens..and that nothing serious has to happen now..i guess they thought he must have liked me a lot because he's still around after all this time and has actually had different girls/women after him but he kept on continuously telling me hes not interested in any of them..they're not his type ..etc etc.. therefore what i did a day ago now is... message him saying.."hi whats up?.. i was just thinking recently..that we could chill out sometime and do something.."..but he hasn't replied or called or anything..and usually he doesn't take this long to respond to something i've said.. :confused: How can it be anymore clear than that? it baffles me the things people say then try to act like I'm painting a completely different picture....when they themselves, are one who basically put it out there. Let me guess, you have excuses that contradict the evidence? how original.
Mrlonelyone Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Candy Ninja PJ's is part of the school of thought and expereince that says there is either an instant chemical attraction or there isn't. To people like that the idea that attraction can grow over time is totally alien. Like describing snow to a desert dweller. He's not wrong, but neither are you. The thing is, this guy probably took the way you blew him off as no interest. Attraction can grow over time but there has to be an undercurrent of interest there. It's hard to describe unless one has experienced it.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Candy Ninja PJ's is part of the school of thought and expereince that says there is either an instant chemical attraction or there isn't. To people like that the idea that attraction can grow over time is totally alien. Like describing snow to a desert dweller. He's not wrong, but neither are you. The thing is, this guy probably took the way you blew him off as no interest. Attraction can grow over time but there has to be an undercurrent of interest there. It's hard to describe unless one has experienced it. Just to clear this up, that's not necessarily true. I'm not saying attraction can't be built between two people over time, I'm just saying those aren't the best romantic relationships IMO, it's a compromise, a way to settle. I believe there has to be something there that draws you to that person initially that allows you to see the long-term with them, that inspired you into believing you could have a relationship with. I don't think you're doing the other person any favors by leading them into a relationship after they've pursued you for a long time and you rejected them. I don't think it's fair or respectful for you to "change your mind" about them, especially just because they are really interested in you and you are available now or whatever else influences your decisions, it doesn't matter. I would hope people would have higher expectations out of their...dare I say "romantic relationships" instead of settling into something comfortable and that you can trust and feel secure with because this person is just a "friend". I don't even believe men and women are genuinely friends, I think one person always has the interest level which becomes the glue to that relationship, someone is putting in more effort to make that survive. Acquaintances though? Sure, and we can even call them "friends" for the sake of social scrutiny, but ultimately and emotionally you know where you stand with a person in terms of potential early on. That doesn't mean I've met someone before I wasn't attracted to and didn't end up liking, it's happened to me before, but there was always something at least a little bit there and yet as soon as I compare them to someone I feel more "chemistry and attraction" to, the evidence is all the more clear. Is it wrong to "settle"? that's really the question...are you that desperate? lonely? worried about security, in need of that much time, attention, affection and "love" from another human being? maybe. But some people are willing to sacrifice that because they believe in something greater, and yes you can probably call me crazy for it...I'll admit to that, especially after reading these forums all the time. 1
counterman Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I agree with what Ninja says. To give you a perspective of a guy who's been in a situation similar to what your friend is currently in. I was interested in a girl who went to my high school. She always has guys around her and was never short of attention. I put it out there what I wanted and she never reciprocated. I hung around for a bit before I realised this is stupid and a dead end. I moved on. Months down the track, she sends me some random message about wanting to hang out or something along those lines. I ignored her. Every now and then I see her, she hints that we should "hang out" -- I just carry on with my life and forget about it. She still has orbiters around her until this day, but I'm the only one who didn't hang around. Your friend put it out there and you didn't reciprocate. I'm guessing he just doesn't want to go through that again. If you're serious about this, you'll do SO MUCH MORE or else these little texts or whatever, will be ignored or at best you'll get a nonchalant reply. 1
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