charadeah223 Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 I'm going to try and make this story as short as I possibly can, but it still will be lengthy, so I apologize. I moved to this new town about 2 years ago. Pretty soon after moving to this city I ran into this guy on the street while walking with a friend. She was familiar with his artwork and they talked about buying a print of his work. I was never properly introduced but felt slightly attracted to him. A couple months go by and I find out he bartends at a local bar. One night I got the courage to ask him for a cigarette and we started chatting. It was small talk at best, and I did not think he held very much interest in me so I took a pass. I would see him around town, and he actually started living in a small place in front of where I worked at the time. I would see him a frequently going about my day at work and I would often fantasize about him. It was just a silly fantasy really, but it was exciting and always kept him interesting enough to me. I didn't even know he remembered my name but a couple outings he would come up to me and say hello and we'd again just have somewhat awkward small talk. About a month ago he walked up to the bar I was hanging out at and it was like he was on a mission to pursue me. He was eyeing me all night. Would sit next to me, and was blatantly trying to hit on me. At this point I was flattered but actually was losing more and more interest in him, mainly just because he was drunk and it was obvious what he wanted. He was becoming increasingly flirty, and by the end of the night was asking to make-out. I politely declined and we kept it a friendly night. I gave him my number because he said he wanted to take me to lunch sometime. He would text me every now and then, but I wasn't really into it at this point and I never really felt the need to start things up with him. On a whim another friend and I were walking around town, pretty bored and decided to stop into his bar to have a drink. He seemed very happy to see me, and gave me a mix of different samplers of beers he liked. I really liked that I was increasingly becoming more and more attracted to him again. We had a fun night and later on he invited my friend and I to join him at his place to hang out. There was another one of his coworkers around and we had a nice night playing board games and talking. Towards the end of the night he eagerly tried getting everyone other than me to leave ,and succeeded. We were alone and I knew what we both wanted the same thing. We started kissing, and caressing, and sooner than later we were sleeping together. It was fun, not incredible but fun and exciting for sure. The next day I was feeling fine and he was asking when he could see me next. I had to go out of town that night but I told him we'll see each other soon, and told him to text me. So sure enough he texted me that night something flirty again like remind me to stretch the next time we play kissy face. It was cute and I really enjoyed this new found attention. I started thinking about him a lot. We went on a few dates some of then lasting all day, and all throughout the night. It felt nice to go to bed with him and just cuddle and sleep, and before I knew it I was really really liking him and couldn't wait to see him again. He seemed to be on the same level as well. He would often sincerely say things like "You're wonderful" and "I wasn't ready for you" but then some nights we'd be having an intimate moment and he would say things like he's scared of me and when asking him why he just really looked like he was genuinely scared for himself. What I got from this was basically he was falling hard for me and fast, but I was never quite sure. I remember him mentioning a few of the "mean girls" he has dated in the past, and it from those stories it seems he had be scarred for sure. But other than things like that being said things were going great, and then he started withdrawing. The first instance was when we he had to cancel our date for the week because he had forgotten he had scheduled a man-date thing with his buddies way before that he had forgotten about. I do honestly believe this was the case and not just a cop out, but either way I said that's alright and suggested the following week for our date. He said definitely and we solidified the plans. Its during this time I sensed him losing interest. I think it might just be my intuition because he never texted a whole lot before, but it seemed something had changed, and I was progressively getting more and more anxious. I didn't want to bother him so I wasn't texting him either. But, finally on the day of our scheduled date I thought it would be an appropriate time to say something. I asked if he was still up for hanging out with a smiley face, to which I get an obviously cop out text message saying "tonight might not be good I'm not sure what my plans are..." basically. So that was a blow to the face right there and I realized wow he has so lost interest in this. And for what reason I have no idea, and its killing me. I was civil, and said Ok well i'll be around if you do decide to get together give me a text. He said something very vague and strange back like ok i just had dinner with so and so a friend and then im getting a drink. I never replied to this. And since then I've heard nothing from him. Its been three days. And here's where I stand. I did see him in passing coincidentally I was out on the town with my mother and sister and saw him walking down the same busy street. He was looking down at his phone I said hey to get his attention and he seemed surprised and came over and gave me a hug and said "I didn't know you were downtown!" and I just said yeah I'm just out with my mom and sister. And at that point it was pretty awkward and it was kind of like ok see ya later and we walked out separate ways. This happened yesterday in fact. I was hoping this bumping into him meeting would put me back into his mind, but I've since heard nothing from him. I've been obsessing over and over again what the hell could've gone wrong. Why was it at this point when days ago he seemed head over heels for me. I've been very tempted to text him and confront him on the matter in a nice way of course, but deep down I know that's not a wise move. I know most people will say "he's obviously just not that into you," and I suppose they're right, but I just like to know for sure. I'm mainly writing this to vent and to get this thoughts out of my head in some way, but if anyone has any helpful advice on the situation I'd really appreciate it. Anything other than "he's not interested move on." Because that's where I'm standing now, I would just like to know if anyone has an alternative way of thinking on the subject knowing basically my whole situation. What is my next move? Should I just keep quiet until he contacts me? Thanks for reading and any helpful comments.
freetolove Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 he lost interest because you've made it a lot more complicated then it really is.
Author charadeah223 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 he lost interest because you've made it a lot more complicated then it really is. As far as he's concerned I have made nothing complicated. I've never brought any of this up to him as far as he knows we've just gone on a few dates and had fun. I've never brought up any "complicated" questions to him even though they may be floating around in my head. I've kept it easy-going, i haven't harassed him in any way, I've been keeping things as simple as possible. It's in my head where the complicated thoughts are sprouting. So how do you mean I've complicated things other than in my own head?
Tara247 Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 As far as he's concerned I have made nothing complicated. I've never brought any of this up to him as far as he knows we've just gone on a few dates and had fun. I've never brought up any "complicated" questions to him even though they may be floating around in my head. I've kept it easy-going, i haven't harassed him in any way, I've been keeping things as simple as possible. It's in my head where the complicated thoughts are sprouting. So how do you mean I've complicated things other than in my own head? Hi, Charadeah. You've made nothing complicated. This guy just wanted sex and nothing more. Notice that when he first started hitting on you, it was when he was drunk and trying to get sex. Other than that, he never showed any real interest in you of the kind that a man that's into a woman shows her. I'm sorry. He's trash. Lose him.
Author charadeah223 Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 (edited) Hi, Charadeah. You've made nothing complicated. This guy just wanted sex and nothing more. Notice that when he first started hitting on you, it was when he was drunk and trying to get sex. Other than that, he never showed any real interest in you of the kind that a man that's into a woman shows her. I'm sorry. He's trash. Lose him. Thank you Tara247 that was a far more useful comment than the first post. I've thought the same as you. However, he did seem to try a little as far as taking me out on real dates and he was trying to get to know me. He introduced me to a lot of his close friends as well which I took as a sign of genuine interest. It is a possibility that's all he wanted, and I'm aware of that. He played a good game if that was the case. Thanks for your input :-) Edited November 25, 2012 by charadeah223
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Yeah, this is all pretty standard for these types of guys...he's doing everything text book to what you would expect. It was the thrill of the chase not the catch...he just wanted to see if he could get you and you turned into a challenge, now he can pat himself on the back and feed you all these reasons he can't go further with you. I don't think he was falling for you hard at all, he's just not ready to settle down into a relationship and he couldn't tell you that, it's just a way of pushing of you away that's all, just another variant...there's only so many ways guys do things. But you were never really interested in him to begin with, I think you fell into this because you wanted validation from someone you weren't even that interested in....in turn you hurt your own feelings, added another notch to a bartenders belt and puffed up his ego once again. What you think is genuine...really isn't and that just becomes more apparent in men's actions, women just stay focused too much on a certain emotional area and get wrapped up in their own emotions and let their minds play tricks on them...they call it "confused", but men do it as well just not as often and women tend to be less misleading, but then again there are some selfish women out there as well, and I think you kinda started that way too because you had nothing better to do.
RhapsodyinBlue Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 I'd be interested in knowing if there are any updates with this story.
Recommended Posts