What Happened ?

[Indy C]

So i had a rough night. Couldn't sleep, and let out a solid cry for the first time since the break up which is kind of a big deal because it's been a few months. I think what really sparked this was I had a dream last night that I recieved a hand written message from my ex saying she was sorry and that she missed me, and i really felt like I needed to put what I was feeling down on paper. I realize this should probably go in the dont contact your ex thread but this was really personal to me and I guess I just felt like I needed to see if anyone else can truly relate to these feelings.

 

 

 

What happened ?

 

You left me feeling like a man woken from a coma only to realize everything I ever knew, relied on, trusted, or cared about was just a dream. I was miserable at the end, and I couldn’t bare the thought of losing you, but you acted like you just didn’t care. Was I really that undesirable ? I don’t understand…

 

We loved each other once. Unconditionally, forgave one another for our mistakes, made it through trials and tribulations that we never should have. How is it that after all of that, it just ended with out warning. I realize now that we couldn’t have ended up together. I understand that but why do I still feel incomplete. I gave a piece of myself to you and I left with out making sure I got it back. So what does that leave me ? Am I really just a shell of my former self trying desperately to reach out to every thing and everyone trying to fill in that gap ?

 

No that can’t be. I still feel like me, and I still think like me. So what am I missing ? What was it that you took from me and never gave back ? I’m surrounded by the love of friends and family so I know I’m loved, but what is it that I’m missing ? It feels like I have had a limb cut off and now I’m numb to it’s feeling.

 

Is it possible you left me so wounded and so scared that I’ve put up a barrier to everyone so that I can’t be hurt again ? I don’t want that barrier there! I need to feel the warmth and security of feeling that particular love. The love that there is someone out there that has chosen me! Despite all my flaws and imperfections, having someone that chooses to be with me anyway, is the biggest sense of security I have ever known. But it was all make believe. It wasn’t real, and now my biggest fear is that there is no such person, or worse yet, that they are real and they are waiting for me but I will be so scared that I won’t pursue them because of that amputated feeling. That numbness that leaves me incapable of reaching out.

 

You left me for him, and I understand why. He made more money than me, was in a better standing, could provide more for you than I could. I moved out before I was ready. I didn’t finish college instead I left to be with you, and granted I couldn’t give you the world but I tried my hardest. I guess that wonderful thought of someone staying with you for the sake of love really is a sham huh ?

 

You left me for him…..I’m sorry…I love you, and I miss you.

 

I hope your happy, and I truly mean that.

Edited November 25, 2012 by Indy C

[bpdr]

Hang in there. It DOES get easier - and trust me, you are a nice guy. I can tell by the words you select in describing your R. Just keep coming here and write those things here - instead of sending them to her. She's not worth another minute of your time.

 

Anything short of her throwing herself at you - and pleading for forgiveness for what she has done - would ever make you reconsider the possibility. Just the fact that she went there - PROVES that she is not worthy of your love.

 

A good woman doesn't do stuff like that. No justification for that sort of behavior will ever be found in a woman that truly loves you. The deed she committed had more to do with her, than you. Remember that. Let her live with what she has done. In the meantime, stay focused on what you can do to better yourself - like finishing school, making more money - you know the drill.

 

Just consider the fact that you found out early in the process. It's a blessing in disguise. These matters of the heart are delicate. But, life trudges on. So will you. Trust me. Good luck to you Indy C

[Indy C]

Hang in there. It DOES get easier - and trust me, you are a nice guy. I can tell by the words you select in describing your R. Just keep coming here and write those things here - instead of sending them to her. She's not worth another minute of your time.

 

Anything short of her throwing herself at you - and pleading for forgiveness for what she has done - would ever make you reconsider the possibility. Just the fact that she went there - PROVES that she is not worthy of your love.

 

A good woman doesn't do stuff like that. No justification for that sort of behavior will ever be found in a woman that truly loves you. The deed she committed had more to do with her, than you. Remember that. Let her live with what she has done. In the meantime, stay focused on what you can do to better yourself - like finishing school, making more money - you know the drill.

 

Just consider the fact that you found out early in the process. It's a blessing in disguise. These matters of the heart are delicate. But, life trudges on. So will you. Trust me. Good luck to you Indy C

 

Thanks that actually helps a good bit. Keep going on this emotional roller coaster. One day im fine next day it's all I think about.

[bpdr]

Thanks that actually helps a good bit. Keep going on this emotional roller coaster. One day im fine next day it's all I think about.

 

Do you think SHE is actually doing the same roller coaster? probably not.

 

Who cares anyways? F**CK Her! and her WAYS of mistreating you. Who needs that? I ask you? When you two met - she probably lit your fire by saying all those NICE things you wanted to hear? Right?

 

Now, you get the proverbial "Cold Shoulder" eh?

 

Proof is in the ACTIONS. Nothing more. Let her SAY what she has to say -- then step back and wonder; "Do I really even want this B**Tch NOW? I'm sure the answer will be NO. Know why? Because I see it here on this board all the time.

 

Do you know, that back in July when I found out my W had a PD disorder - I was literally losing my mind trying to ascertain what EXACTLY was wrong?

 

Those days are OVER. I'm done - and I have checked out because of it. You need to do the same. Look, take a piece of paper - and write down ALL the reasons you dislike this girl. Then, roll it up - put it in your pocket and ADD sh**T she did to you in every scenario imaginable. Read it. Then re-read it when you are feeling blue.

 

More importantly, ACT upon it. Say NO! to the CRAP she did to you......

 

Nobody wants to live that way. Trust me.

 

NC -- 180hard and MOVE ON....I say

 

Hope that helps.

 

BP

[YorickBrown]

You left me for him, and I understand why. He made more money than me, was in a better standing, could provide more for you than I could. I moved out before I was ready. I didn’t finish college instead I left to be with you, and granted I couldn’t give you the world but I tried my hardest. I guess that wonderful thought of someone staying with you for the sake of love really is a sham huh ?

 

You left me for him…..I’m sorry…I love you, and I miss you.

 

I hope your happy, and I truly mean that.

 

I really feel your pain bro, that's more or less why my ex just kinda "inexplicably" dumped me but I had made less of a drama than you are doing right now...well, at that time...that was about six months ago. Absolutely No Contact since. I guess what kinda "helped" me through it was because I was kinda "expecting" it...even "prepared" for it. Since you mentioned college, here's the only poem that I memorized like a mantra when I graduated (we were asked to memorize one) "Never Give All The Heart" by William Butler Yeats. of course, you dont need to go college to learn that but if I remember anything from college that has helped me understand anything thats my go-to poem in matters of love and life.

 

I wont give you any cliches about moving on and finding some other "great love" Instead, you should just be thankful it couldn't get any worse now that you've broken up....well...not unless you got her pregnant and married someone else....I tell you, that is the ultimate "screw you" from an ex..."I did not only betray your manhood...but im taking away your fatherhood from your first-born"