The weather outside Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Ive been in a relationship with a woman for several years, we've had ups and downs but were engaged 1 year ago and are scheduled to be married in 3 months. About 5 years ago her sex drive dropped off due to some minor surgeries that she had. It's been a struggle to deal with the lack of intimacy and despite multiple talks she has shown a general lack of effort and interest in correcting the issue. We'll I've been extremely worried and stressed that I maybe getting myself into a loveless marriage. And then I started to take note of a woman that works with me. We recently got together and enjoy each other very much. I didn't intend for it to happen, but I'm developing strong feelings for the other woman. We share a lot of common interest, and our sexual chemistry is amazing. I love my fiancé, but I don't think I'm in love anymore with her and I don't think she is in love with me. I suspect the years of resentment that have accumulated due to the lack of intimacy are the reason. Some other perspectives and advice would he helpful. Thanks
CarrieT Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Call off the wedding NOW. If you are questioning a relationship that does not fulfill you 100% - and you are already emotionally detaching yourself and contemplating another woman (regardless if you have acted on it or joy) - than do your fiancé the supreme favor of letting her go now, before you have to consider divorce. 8
MyPoutine Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Why did you get married in the first place when the issue wasn't resolved? Call it off.
Author The weather outside Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 I'm not married yet
Balzac Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Logical reasoning concludes you won't be married! At least not to the the one who places low value on your sexual needs. 1
pink_sugar Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Call off the wedding NOW. If you are questioning a relationship that does not fulfill you 100% - and you are already emotionally detaching yourself and contemplating another woman (regardless if you have acted on it or joy) - than do your fiancé the supreme favor of letting her go now, before you have to consider divorce. I definitely agree. It sounds like these issues have been going on for quite some time. Getting married right now will only make it worse.
ilovedhim Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 despite multiple talks she has shown a general lack of effort and interest in correcting the issue. We'll I've been extremely worried and stressed that I maybe getting myself into a loveless marriage. And then I started to take note of a woman that works with me. Call off the wedding. Why would you marry someone you've lost feelings for? And the fact that you said you've brought up your concerns to her and she hasn't put any effort into correcting the situation speaks volumes.
Nyla Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 A cancelled wedding is much less expensive and emotionally wrenching compared to a divorce. 4
lulee Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 please call off the wedding, your only going to cause hurt to others and resolve nothing. Do her that favor, why marry someone your obviously emotionally confused about.
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Ive been in a relationship with a woman for several years, we've had ups and downs but were engaged 1 year ago and are scheduled to be married in 3 months. About 5 years ago her sex drive dropped off due to some minor surgeries that she had. It's been a struggle to deal with the lack of intimacy and despite multiple talks she has shown a general lack of effort and interest in correcting the issue. We'll I've been extremely worried and stressed that I maybe getting myself into a loveless marriage. And then I started to take note of a woman that works with me. We recently got together and enjoy each other very much. I didn't intend for it to happen, but I'm developing strong feelings for the other woman. We share a lot of common interest, and our sexual chemistry is amazing. I love my fiancé, but I don't think I'm in love anymore with her and I don't think she is in love with me. I suspect the years of resentment that have accumulated due to the lack of intimacy are the reason. Some other perspectives and advice would he helpful. Thanks Before you go a head and let yourself fall in love with another woman, talk to your fiance and tell her how you feel. What you're doing, letting yourself fall for and get attached to someone else is wrong. You are putting effort now into another woman instead of backing off and putting that on hold. Don't assume your fiance isn't in love with you..It's easy for you to assume that because you aren't in love with her anymore, so just TALK TO HER and come to some sort of conclusion about your impending marriage. Either re connect and fix things or end it. DO NOT cheat on her, she doesn't deserve that.
MissBee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Ive been in a relationship with a woman for several years, we've had ups and downs but were engaged 1 year ago and are scheduled to be married in 3 months. About 5 years ago her sex drive dropped off due to some minor surgeries that she had. It's been a struggle to deal with the lack of intimacy and despite multiple talks she has shown a general lack of effort and interest in correcting the issue. We'll I've been extremely worried and stressed that I maybe getting myself into a loveless marriage. And then I started to take note of a woman that works with me. We recently got together and enjoy each other very much. I didn't intend for it to happen, but I'm developing strong feelings for the other woman. We share a lot of common interest, and our sexual chemistry is amazing. I love my fiancé, but I don't think I'm in love anymore with her and I don't think she is in love with me. I suspect the years of resentment that have accumulated due to the lack of intimacy are the reason. Some other perspectives and advice would he helpful. Thanks Tell her how you feel.... That's all you can do. No sense in telling everyone else and having an affair while the one person that it really will matter to is in the dark. She may feel as you do and may be glad to call off the engagement! Or she may not, but, the point is, when it's on the table you guys can decide what to do about it. Whether it be to go your separate ways or work it out.
lifeexperience Posted December 15, 2012 Posted December 15, 2012 Don't get married!!!! You will save yourself so much heartbreak and problems down the road. I wish I would have addressed my feelings of hesitation and balking at getting married before I did. I would not be having to face going through a divorce a year and half after the fact now. Call the wedding off and explain it to her. If you don't want to hurt her, I would personally leave out the other women. It will just make your current fiancee feel worse about not wanting to have sex with you. That's the way i see it. Good luck!!!
Daniel V. Ross Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Temptations do come in a certain relationship even in marriage. Yet you must know no how to avoid it.
Got it Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 If I knew then what I know now, I recommend you calling it off and/or seek therapy to figure out what you want. I learned that when I was questioning whether or not I wanted to marry him, attraction to others, etc. I should have realized that walking down the aisle was the wrong decision. When there is sexual incompatibility before the marriage it really has to be focused on.
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