Jump to content

Theres 4 things I need thoughts on...


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

Lol so much Bull**** runs through my head about all this but there are 4 things I seriously need help to hopefully get out of my head if they are discussed...

 

1. Looks. She cheated on me and left me for this other guy. Then she came back 2 months later to be with me again and cheated on me a week later and left me for the same guy. I always thought she was out of my league. I felt like the luckiest guy ever because of how beautiful she was to me. She was seriously one of the most beautiful girls I ever seen and she was mine. Her looks were something I knew I was lucky to have. She's a 10 in my eyes. Now, this guy. I'm not a f****** homo but this dude does have a better body than me. He workouts a lot. He is younger than me. He has a good job. What I'm getting at is her leaving me for this guy makes me feel like I'm a 0. I feel like I'm not good looking and I'm overweight. I'll try to eat something and think to myself, "I bet _____ (him) doesn't eat this. He'll get fat." or stuff like that. I feel I wasn't good enough overall and he is better. I feel she knows she can do better because of how beautiful she is. Her ex before me was UGLY and that's when she wasn't too good looking but then she got beautiful as she is growing and met me and I'm not bad looking like he was and now she is BEAUTIFUL and he is the next best thing it seems. Better looking than me. HE is HER 10 and I was just her who knows 5? I wish I never seen what he looks like.

 

2. What they expect. HE KNOWS SHE LEFT ME FOR HIM! It makes me sick thinking about this. There was a time were they we're together eating lunch and I was on the phone with her while she was with him because they were "just friends". HE KNOWS THAT SHE WAS WITH ME THEN AND HE KNOWS THAT SHE LEFT ME FOR HIM. What does he expect to happen? He knows she cheated on me to be with him. Does he really think he will be with this girl forever? She's 17. He's 19. Come on! Lol. Ugh. Wouldn't he be worried she would leave him for another person? No. He's too busy f****** her. He even knows that we were together AGAIN after she left me for him the first time. Why would he want to be with her? I dont get it. Is that what he really wants? A girl who left someone they "loved" for him? I just don't get what they expect to happen. For them to workout and fall in love?

 

3. Waiting. It feels like I'm waiting for this stupid girl. She came back once when they couldn't be together and I feel like when they are OFFICALLY done in the future and broken up she will come and try to talk to me again saying she is sorry and all that BS. Hes leaves for boot camp in Januarary and will be gone for a month or whatever and they won't be able to see or talk to each other other than writing each other and mailing it. Is she seriously going to wait for him while he is gone? On top of this their parents arent letting them be together because of their ages. She turns 18 NEXT YEAR. Is she seriously going to wait a whole year to be with this guy? No. Shes with him now. How do I stop this waiting feeling. I feel since she came back once when they couldn't be together she will be back again because pretty much everythig that happened the first time did the second. It sucks. I feel I'm waiting because like said, she is a 10 to me. I feel she is way out of my league and feel I would never get a girl as beautiful as she was. Her beauty is what makes me want to wait. I don't think I would get another girl as beautiful as she was.

 

4. Crying. Lol. I know. Sad. I know I shouldn't be crying over this mess but should I just let it out? I am seriously FIGHTING myself to not do so. I have the tears in my eyes and they are just waiting to fall but I keep them in and tell myself that I shouldn't even be crying over this girl. I deserve better. I seriously go look in the mirror and look in my eyes ad Rey are full of tears and I seriously laugh out loud to myself because I know that they shouldn't be there. Lol. I find this funny to me but it hurts at the same time :(. Should I jus cry like alittle b***** once and hard to get it all out? Or keep fighting until they aren't there anymore if they won't be?

 

Thanks guys.

Posted

the real question is do you want a good looking girl, or one that loves you?

 

I think your stuck on the fact of looks and to be honest. When you love someone.. you don't really care too much about looks. Their personality out does their looks.

 

If I were you I'd think long and hard about what you want.

Posted

Don't compare yourself to the new guy, it won't do you any good. There is so many women out there, I wouldn't be worried about finding another hot one and looks aren't everything. There is no reason to wait for someone who cheated on you, and she came back once and left again why would the next time be any different? It will just hurt you again. Everyone griefs in different ways, nothing wrong with crying.

Posted

I've been cheated on too, so I know how aggravating it is to think about. My advice would be to not think about it. That's what I've been doing, simple as that. I was actually only reminded of it because I read your post. She cheated, it's her loss. You don't need to wait for her because she's trash. Cry because it will help, talk with family and friends because it will help, but you have to move on and want to move on.

  • Author
Posted
the real question is do you want a good looking girl, or one that loves you?

 

I think your stuck on the fact of looks and to be honest. When you love someone.. you don't really care too much about looks. Their personality out does their looks.

 

If I were you I'd think long and hard about what you want.

 

Both. :/. And I know she loved me at one point but know she doesn't anymore. God that hurts saying that but I feel it can be brought back. :/. She says she still loves me :(. Its obvious she doesn't and I can't get that through my head for some reason. I dont get this.

 

I know what I want. It's her. But i want her to want me and she doesnt but when she does (when they end) it takes control of me. How much i love her gets in the way. Which is stupid because I KNOW we wouldnt never work lol. It makes absolutely no sense. I KNOW she would just keep on cheating and cheating but why do i want that!? Must because I am still emotionally attached huh? NC should solve this.

Posted

Dude,

 

1. What youre feeling is perfectly normal for what are experiencing. Being cheated on I think is the most disrespectful thing someone can do. It undermines trust, confidence and very selfish. Consider yourself lucky that you're learning these things as a puppy ;o) Relationships always get better!

 

2. Let it all out as its normal and necessary to allow your heart to heal.

 

3. Pick your balls up after #2 and know that this experience is not exclusively limited and isolated to you - its happened to all of us at one point in some fashion or another and the best way to recover from a broken heart - is to better yourself.

 

Goto the gym, make new friends, take classes to expand your mind and engage women everywhere.

 

Just smile at em' in confidence knowing that your next potential lover - could be anyone of them! :cool:

 

You're gonna be fine bro - its a right of passage and now you have a solid stripe on that sleeve. Learn from this, face the emotions, and you'll come out very strong.

 

There's great people on this forum so know you have moral support.

 

Good luck.

  • Author
Posted
I've been cheated on too, so I know how aggravating it is to think about. My advice would be to not think about it. That's what I've been doing, simple as that. I was actually only reminded of it because I read your post. She cheated, it's her loss. You don't need to wait for her because she's trash. Cry because it will help, talk with family and friends because it will help, but you have to move on and want to move on.

 

Lol. Ooooo man I wish I wouldn't think about it anymore lol. I'd do anything to get this out of my system. It hurts. Your right, it's her loss. I love hearing that one. I always tell myself "he won't care for her the way I did and have as much love for her as I did" but it actually scares me he might. Lol. I'm a mess. My family HATES me bringing her up lol. They change the subjec Everytime I bring it up because they know I need to forget about her. All I have is you guys to talk to :) lol. I'm trying.

Posted

How could you love someone who cheats on you/mistreats you? You only want her back because you "believe" you can't do better than her, and guess what, YOU CAN'T! Not if you think the way you think... I bet this girl kinda fell in your lap, and when you meet new beautiful women you automatically disqualify yourself before you let the woman reject you ("she's waaaay to hot for me")? You think you'll ever do better if you have this mindset?

  • Author
Posted
Don't compare yourself to the new guy, it won't do you any good. There is so many women out there, I wouldn't be worried about finding another hot one and looks aren't everything. There is no reason to wait for someone who cheated on you, and she came back once and left again why would the next time be any different? It will just hurt you again. Everyone griefs in different ways, nothing wrong with crying.

 

I'm trying. It'd be so much easier if I never knew what the hell he looked like or have SEEN HIM IN PERSON. SHOOK HIS HAND oooohhhh the agony lol. I'm ashamed of myself. How could I let this happen TWICE!? Same guy!? Lol. I laugh at myself everyday of how dumb I am Lol. But I have scared myself to these mistakes I have made and won't be made again. I hope.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Dude,

 

1. What youre feeling is perfectly normal for what are experiencing. Being cheated on I think is the most disrespectful thing someone can do. It undermines trust, confidence and very selfish. Consider yourself lucky that you're learning these things as a puppy ;o) Relationships always get better!

 

2. Let it all out as its normal and necessary to allow your heart to heal.

 

3. Pick your balls up after #2 and know that this experience is not exclusively limited and isolated to you - its happened to all of us at one point in some fashion or another and the best way to recover from a broken heart - is to better yourself.

 

Goto the gym, make new friends, take classes to expand your mind and engage women everywhere.

 

Just smile at em' in confidence knowing that your next potential lover - could be anyone of them! :cool:

 

You're gonna be fine bro - its a right of passage and now you have a solid stripe on that sleeve. Learn from this, face the emotions, and you'll come out very strong.

 

There's great people on this forum so know you have moral support.

 

Good luck.

 

Perfectly saidd. Thank you. I can't wait for the days where it's nothing to me and I will look back on this and laugh about it like I am now lol BUT without the pain :/. Lol.

  • Author
Posted
How could you love someone who cheats on you/mistreats you? You only want her back because you "believe" you can't do better than her, and guess what, YOU CAN'T! Not if you think the way you think... I bet this girl kinda fell in your lap, and when you meet new beautiful women you automatically disqualify yourself before you let the woman reject you ("she's waaaay to hot for me")? You think you'll ever do better if you have this mindset?

 

Oh no no no its not THAT BAD! Lol. She's not the MOST BEAUTFUL GIRLL EVER but she was to an extent. I notice A LOT of other beautiful women out there now. Hell, I even see them and say to myself, "wow, that girl is sexy as hell. She would get me over my ex in a heart beat." lol. Just scared I wouldn't get another girl as beautiful as she was. She left her 5 and got her 10 because she knew she could do better and I have nobody lol. Man. I feel embarrassed saying all this. It's obvisous I'm weak right now. This girl did serious damage to me :/. How can she live with herself knowing he did all this? It's unfair.

Posted
Oh no no no its not THAT BAD! Lol. She's not the MOST BEAUTFUL GIRLL EVER but she was to an extent. I notice A LOT of other beautiful women out there now. Hell, I even see them and say to myself, "wow, that girl is sexy as hell. She would get me over my ex in a heart beat." lol. Just scared I wouldn't get another girl as beautiful as she was. She left her 5 and got her 10 because she knew she could do better and I have nobody lol. Man. I feel embarrassed saying all this. It's obvisous I'm weak right now. This girl did serious damage to me :/. How can she live with herself knowing he did all this? It's unfair.

 

I know how you feel.

 

My ex left me for a guy, who just immigrated here from a 3rd world country, who works at KFC, and has a criminal record.

 

But my ex made him sound like the criminal record was an accident, and that he was everything I wasn't. Then I realized she was wrong.. I was everything more than him, but she CAN'T see that.. why? because she is so mad and hurt that she's following her emotions and not her brain.

 

Honestly, I always knew I could do better than her. And I still believe that now, because she wasn't anything special. I did love her, but overall she had too much baggage with her and I realize that now. She did love me too, but my family. my friends etc.. are people she wanted away from me.

 

Trust me man.. you'll find someone better.

  • Author
Posted
I know how you feel.

 

My ex left me for a guy, who just immigrated here from a 3rd world country, who works at KFC, and has a criminal record.

 

But my ex made him sound like the criminal record was an accident, and that he was everything I wasn't. Then I realized she was wrong.. I was everything more than him, but she CAN'T see that.. why? because she is so mad and hurt that she's following her emotions and not her brain.

 

Honestly, I always knew I could do better than her. And I still believe that now, because she wasn't anything special. I did love her, but overall she had too much baggage with her and I realize that now. She did love me too, but my family. my friends etc.. are people she wanted away from me.

 

Trust me man.. you'll find someone better.

 

Ouch! That's no good man. Sorry to hear. I hope I will. And I hope she will w more attractive. That's the only thing that scares me lol. Today I was looking back and finally actually realized everything and how bad she treated me and all her flaws. She is a f*** up. Lol.

Posted

1. I know what you are going through trust me! I have been there. I am a little older than you but went through the exact same thing that you went through. When I was in H.S. I dated this girl who I felt was way out of my league. She was 15 and I was 16. We went out for 4 years and when she entered college she left me for another guy. My world came crashing down. I felt like I wasn't worthy for her and that I would not be able to do better than her. The other guy was cuter than me. I know everyone tells you looks doesn't matter (superficial) but at that age it mattered to me. When I was hurt I had low self esteem and I couldn't get a girl for the life of me. After my HS sweetheart left me I started to take time to work on myself. I dressed better, changed my attitude and just overall bettered myself. I changed completely. I became more confident and more attractive. After that, my future gf's were better in every measurable metric (looks, personality, etc). Looking back now...her leaving me was the best thing that she could have done for me. If she had not left me I wouldn't have gone through the changes that I needed to go through to grow and more importantly to better myself.

 

In terms of comparing I'm going through that now. My recent ex fiancee left me for another guy. This guy is really good looking/hot (I met him once). I constantly find myself comparing himself to me to the point where it became unhealthy. In time, I accepted that he will attributes that are better than me (looks) while I will have attributes better than him (career, personality, etc) and that comparing did me no good. Its normal what you are going through and in the long run it wont even matter. You will come to realize like I did that she wasn't even worth it and that you will find better like I always have so don't worry about it. You are still young.

 

3. As for the waiting piece.....I sometimes find myself waiting for my ex as well but in time that will go away. When my ex fiancee first broke up I was playing all these scenarios in my head on how this is just a phase and that she will come around. As time goes on those ideas go away and you wont even care if she comes back. Its normal and its a part of the heeling process.

 

4. If you have to cry and let it out then do so. You need to grieve. Take some time and let out your emotions. There is nothing wrong with that. You will get to the point where you are just so sick of it all and you just want to heel and forget about it all. Again, this is normal in the grieving process.

 

You will be fine of that I have no doubt. Just take this time to work on yourself and better yourself. Before you know it you will be better and you will find a better girl for you. I know its hard to see past all this right now but like my friends always tell me "Its always darkest before the dawn" Good luck and stay strong!

Posted

So what if the new guy is attractive? He is stuck with a cheater now lol. He can't be too smart to be with a girl who also tries to string along her ex at the same time.

Posted

You seem way too fixated on what she looks like. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen. They are everywhere and there are some that won't cheat on you. Instead of obsessing over one that has twice, concentrate on the others that haven't. You seem to be more into the idea of being with your ex-girlfriend than with your girlfriend. I remember asking you what exactly you liked about her personality-wise and you couldn't come up with anything. You just said you loved "how she made you feel". Let's be honest, that "feel" was the fact that you loved the idea that you were with a girl you found to be hot. Besides her looks, she doesn't seem to have many positive attributes.

 

And never ever ever put yourself down in relation to a girl or to another guy. Not only is it self-defeating, but girls pick up on that stuff. If you keep on acting like you aren't worthy of a girl, or not as good of a choice as another guy, she'll pick up on that and she'll eventually agree with you. Women like confident guys and if you put yourself down, she will lose respect for you. I'm not exactly a 10 myself but I carry myself as if I am as much as possible. Do what you can to improve yourself, but do it for you, not for them. If she thinks she can do better, then fine, let her try. You can do better too.

  • Author
Posted

Why does he want her? :(. He knows she is a cheater. Wtf? This is bugging me. He knows she left me for him. Did they seriously secretly plan this behind my back and both are okay with it!? Ugggghhhh! I hate the ****ing world.

  • Author
Posted
You seem way too fixated on what she looks like. Beautiful women are a dime a dozen. They are everywhere and there are some that won't cheat on you. Instead of obsessing over one that has twice, concentrate on the others that haven't. You seem to be more into the idea of being with your ex-girlfriend than with your girlfriend. I remember asking you what exactly you liked about her personality-wise and you couldn't come up with anything. You just said you loved "how she made you feel". Let's be honest, that "feel" was the fact that you loved the idea that you were with a girl you found to be hot. Besides her looks, she doesn't seem to have many positive attributes.

 

And never ever ever put yourself down in relation to a girl or to another guy. Not only is it self-defeating, but girls pick up on that stuff. If you keep on acting like you aren't worthy of a girl, or not as good of a choice as another guy, she'll pick up on that and she'll eventually agree with you. Women like confident guys and if you put yourself down, she will lose respect for you. I'm not exactly a 10 myself but I carry myself as if I am as much as possible. Do what you can to improve yourself, but do it for you, not for them. If she thinks she can do better, then fine, let her try. You can do better too.

 

Phoenix ALWAYS saying the right things as always. Thanks man. I'm struggling though :/. Wish time would speed up. That's all I have to help me :/.

Posted
Why does he want her? :(. He knows she is a cheater. Wtf? This is bugging me. He knows she left me for him. Did they seriously secretly plan this behind my back and both are okay with it!? Ugggghhhh! I hate the ****ing world.

 

He probably wants some ass, or he's seduced by her looks just like you were. It's not something you are concerned about. He'll either get screwed over by her like you were or he'll screw her over. Either way, you'll be better off.

 

But yeah dude, you'll be fine. Don't worry about feeling inadequate about her getting in your mind and dominating your thoughts. It's normal and it will take time. Don't feel badly about feeling sad. You'll find that eventually she'll be in your mind less and less. I still think about my ex from time to time, but it's much more brief and much easier to get past now than say, two months ago. Whenever you feel like you are putting your ex on a pedestal, think about the things you don't like about her. The cheating, the lying, etc. That's what I do when I start thinking about my ex in a really positive way and it gets me back in proper state of mind.

Posted

Just get out and do stuff to get your mind off her man it helps. My weekend was crap, seeing my ex with the new guy yet again. But tonight I went out to the casino had a few drinks and feeling a lot better again. Getting out of the house and socializing and having some fun really is the best thing to do.

Posted

That's about the most sensible thing you wrote in the post. This is not in any order but I have some questions for you:

 

1. The very fact that you're probably healthy, can see, walk, have likely had no tragedies in your family like the premature death of a parent or sibling, being put on the street because your home has been put in foreclosure, and can afford whatever device you sent this post with should be all the reason you need to feel lucky. What is it about a beautiful girl temporarily wanting to be with you that makes you feel like the luckiest guy ever? I know the answer but do you? Hint: it hays something to do with how you rate your self worth now that she's not with you.

 

This may sound harsh but I'm probably close to twice your age and can only tell you what it took mw years to find out: if you think you're a "zero", sooner most likely sooner, others are going to see you as you see yourself.

O.K., so you're overweight. Why hasn't it stopped Chris Christie from being one of the most influential men in America? Did it stop Philip Seymour Hoffman from winning an Oscar Award for Best Actor and who is now rated as one of America's finest actors?

 

2. Other than her looks, you didn't mention ONE quality that would make her worthy of such devotion. List five, but if you can't, shoot for three.

 

3. "She was mine": Based on what rights of ownership? Again, this may sound harsh but you've got to hear it: no human being owns any human being--at least in this country and since emancipation. The fact that you claim her as yours suggests you see her as a "thing" rather than a person. People have free will. Did you know even Casanova had women cheat on them. Here's my next question: if this girl were to be in an accident that left her disfigured--let's say badly burned or scarred, would you still be devoted to her? Would you still want her if the beauty you idolize was turned to hideousness?

 

4."Why would he want to be with her?"

 

You seem utterly confused that he would want someone that left him for you and yet you want her although she's left you for him. Do you see a contradiction there? Pascl wrote, "The heart hath reasons that reason knoweth not."

 

You can't see what they might see in the way of a future together, therefore there can be no good reason for one to exist. I'm sorry to have to break this to you but your perception of their possible or impossible future together is of no consequence.

 

5. "It feels like I'm waiting for this stupid girl."

 

So, now we know she's beautiful and stupid. If that's true what makes you think she's not stupid enough to wait for the guy. I was in the Air Force. The fact is--and you better prepare yourself for this--some girls do wait. You didn't mention if he was going to be active duty, Guard, or Reserve. Some girls didn't wait. My best friend's didn't but another's did--through OTS, JUTP,

--some for as long as two years. So, if you're counting on his enlistment being a deal breaker, you're taking a huge risk. Will "out of sight, out of mind", enforce itself, or "absense makes the heart grow fonder"?

 

There's another side to this you're not considering: that even if she breaks up with him, you'll be her "default" alternative.

 

Not necessarily. I thought the same thing when the girl I thought was a 10--now since I factor personality traits into the equation, I see her as a four. The thing is, when she broke off with the guy she had left me for, I wasn't next in line. You can imagine my horror when a guy came from out of the blue, met her in early September, and married her in early November. They eventually divorced and I still believed I was next in line.

 

Wrong again.

 

I had slid to fifth. Today, I count myself as among the luckiest guys alive because I never did ascend to the top slot. EVERY guy who she became involved with eventually was miserable.

 

6. "I know I shouldn't be crying over this mess… ."

 

Why not? You're human. You've slammed into a wall going 90 miles an hour, believe that no one out there could ever make you feel the way she had, and consider yourself a "0" without her. If that isn't reason to cry, I don't know what is.

 

I flew F16's for the Air Force and bawled like a baby when I discovered the love of my life had kicked me to the curb for a guy I thought was a loser.

 

I think the thing you've got to understand is--and this is not something I think you're ready to believe yet--all this anguish has nothing to do with the girl. You're suffering because you've created an equation that you believe is as

real as E=MC2.

 

The equations that you created and which have ruled your life are:

 

(You) + (This girl) = bliss

(You) - (This girl) = intolerable misery

 

Until you can honestly change these equations to say:

 

(You) + (This girl) = unacceptable unpredictability

(You - (This girl) = the possibility of real love which is infinitely more blissful than attraction based on beauty which one day is no longer going to be there.

 

One night another pilot and myself was sitting in the officer's club at the bar and this stunning woman came in. She was so beautiful it hurt to look at her. We asked the bartender who she was. It turns out she was the daughter of one of the squadron commanders and some guy had just broken off his engagement to her. My friend said, "Just think: someone got tired of that .

 

I don't care how beautiful a woman is, sooner of later it doesn't seem so important and the day comes when it's gone. So, if you're pinning everything on this girl's beauty, you might want to consider that the clock is ticking. Just look at what happens to some of the most beautiful actresses. One day they're on the cover of people having made the "World's Sexiest Woman" list

and the next they're on the cover of the "Enquirer" looking like they've been to an inch of their life with the ugly stick.

 

If you use this experience as a painful learning lesson and move on, you'll find someone who is the real deal. If you keep seeing another's beauty as something you need to "possess" to give your own life value, this is just a paper cut compared to what's going to happen if you don't see the danger in that.

 

And watch "The Tao of Steve" if you want to see how guys with a bit of a weight problem can stil be charmers.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
That's about the most sensible thing you wrote in the post. This is not in any order but I have some questions for you:

 

1. The very fact that you're probably healthy, can see, walk, have likely had no tragedies in your family like the premature death of a parent or sibling, being put on the street because your home has been put in foreclosure, and can afford whatever device you sent this post with should be all the reason you need to feel lucky. What is it about a beautiful girl temporarily wanting to be with you that makes you feel like the luckiest guy ever? I know the answer but do you? Hint: it hays something to do with how you rate your self worth now that she's not with you.

 

This may sound harsh but I'm probably close to twice your age and can only tell you what it took mw years to find out: if you think you're a "zero", sooner most likely sooner, others are going to see you as you see yourself.

O.K., so you're overweight. Why hasn't it stopped Chris Christie from being one of the most influential men in America? Did it stop Philip Seymour Hoffman from winning an Oscar Award for Best Actor and who is now rated as one of America's finest actors?

 

2. Other than her looks, you didn't mention ONE quality that would make her worthy of such devotion. List five, but if you can't, shoot for three.

 

3. "She was mine": Based on what rights of ownership? Again, this may sound harsh but you've got to hear it: no human being owns any human being--at least in this country and since emancipation. The fact that you claim her as yours suggests you see her as a "thing" rather than a person. People have free will. Did you know even Casanova had women cheat on them. Here's my next question: if this girl were to be in an accident that left her disfigured--let's say badly burned or scarred, would you still be devoted to her? Would you still want her if the beauty you idolize was turned to hideousness?

 

4."Why would he want to be with her?"

 

You seem utterly confused that he would want someone that left him for you and yet you want her although she's left you for him. Do you see a contradiction there? Pascl wrote, "The heart hath reasons that reason knoweth not."

 

You can't see what they might see in the way of a future together, therefore there can be no good reason for one to exist. I'm sorry to have to break this to you but your perception of their possible or impossible future together is of no consequence.

 

5. "It feels like I'm waiting for this stupid girl."

 

So, now we know she's beautiful and stupid. If that's true what makes you think she's not stupid enough to wait for the guy. I was in the Air Force. The fact is--and you better prepare yourself for this--some girls do wait. You didn't mention if he was going to be active duty, Guard, or Reserve. Some girls didn't wait. My best friend's didn't but another's did--through OTS, JUTP,

--some for as long as two years. So, if you're counting on his enlistment being a deal breaker, you're taking a huge risk. Will "out of sight, out of mind", enforce itself, or "absense makes the heart grow fonder"?

 

There's another side to this you're not considering: that even if she breaks up with him, you'll be her "default" alternative.

 

Not necessarily. I thought the same thing when the girl I thought was a 10--now since I factor personality traits into the equation, I see her as a four. The thing is, when she broke off with the guy she had left me for, I wasn't next in line. You can imagine my horror when a guy came from out of the blue, met her in early September, and married her in early November. They eventually divorced and I still believed I was next in line.

 

Wrong again.

 

I had slid to fifth. Today, I count myself as among the luckiest guys alive because I never did ascend to the top slot. EVERY guy who she became involved with eventually was miserable.

 

6. "I know I shouldn't be crying over this mess… ."

 

Why not? You're human. You've slammed into a wall going 90 miles an hour, believe that no one out there could ever make you feel the way she had, and consider yourself a "0" without her. If that isn't reason to cry, I don't know what is.

 

I flew F16's for the Air Force and bawled like a baby when I discovered the love of my life had kicked me to the curb for a guy I thought was a loser.

 

I think the thing you've got to understand is--and this is not something I think you're ready to believe yet--all this anguish has nothing to do with the girl. You're suffering because you've created an equation that you believe is as

real as E=MC2.

 

The equations that you created and which have ruled your life are:

 

(You) + (This girl) = bliss

(You) - (This girl) = intolerable misery

 

Until you can honestly change these equations to say:

 

(You) + (This girl) = unacceptable unpredictability

(You - (This girl) = the possibility of real love which is infinitely more blissful than attraction based on beauty which one day is no longer going to be there.

 

One night another pilot and myself was sitting in the officer's club at the bar and this stunning woman came in. She was so beautiful it hurt to look at her. We asked the bartender who she was. It turns out she was the daughter of one of the squadron commanders and some guy had just broken off his engagement to her. My friend said, "Just think: someone got tired of that .

 

I don't care how beautiful a woman is, sooner of later it doesn't seem so important and the day comes when it's gone. So, if you're pinning everything on this girl's beauty, you might want to consider that the clock is ticking. Just look at what happens to some of the most beautiful actresses. One day they're on the cover of people having made the "World's Sexiest Woman" list

and the next they're on the cover of the "Enquirer" looking like they've been to an inch of their life with the ugly stick.

 

If you use this experience as a painful learning lesson and move on, you'll find someone who is the real deal. If you keep seeing another's beauty as something you need to "possess" to give your own life value, this is just a paper cut compared to what's going to happen if you don't see the danger in that.

 

And watch "The Tao of Steve" if you want to see how guys with a bit of a weight problem can stil be charmers.

 

Man. That was the most harsh but most helpful advice so far. Actually I don't know. Reading what you wrote kind of hurt lol. All I can think about after reading what you wrote is if this girl is going to wait for him :/. God! I'm probably ony thinking of this this way because it just happen not too long ago. I think in time all this will just fade and like you said I won't see her as a 10 anymore. I'm starting to realize how bad she treated me and aleverything she has done to me and put me through and that is helping me. I just wish I could delete everything. Her, these thaughts, HIM!, and the pain :/

Posted

Read Viper's last post a few times, and then a few more. I have NO IDEA what he even looks like, but his confidence and wisdom are so strong that I think he's megahot! Looks have little to do with real attraction. Confidence and happiness with yourself REGARDLESS of what other people think are key. Do you really want your emotions to be at the mercy of someone else?

  • Like 1
Posted

Repeat after me. "I am number ONE. She's not even on the list."

 

SHE is not number one, you goof!! :)

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

Why do I miss this f****** b****? Ugh! The nights are the worst. She should be here right now. :( oh f***, here comes the water works lol!!! Ughhhhhhhhh.

×
×
  • Create New...