kareena Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Hello, it has been quite a while since I posted anything a lot was going on in my life it was crazy!! Anyway, I wouldn't want to divert from the main topic.. MM. Long story short MM is back, after a terrible breakup and some pregnancy drama I had all this anger towards MM mainly because I was consumed by feelings of regret because of my decision to terminate the pregnancy and was pretty depressed for a while, I started drinking excessively again and popping pills. I was a hot mess! I felt like MM lied to me and used me. I was very angry with him and myself, the pain was too much for me to handle and I hit rock bottom, my life seemed so pointless and meaningless I'm unemployed, lonely, and the love of my life walked out on me.. Not to mention the guilt of killing my baby I broke down. I went back to MM begging and crying, he was very cold at first and he kept saying that he loved me but couldn't see a future and that he wanted to have a normal life which wasn't possible with me mainly because I was practically engaged to his W's brother and because of my illness (I've been diagnosed with BPD). Then, a miracle happened just when I was about to give up trying he came back to me! For real this time! He even moved out. I know I should be happy, and I am but I feel like it's too good to be true I feel like there's a catch he's being too nice and loving I'm not used to it things are very different now,I guess I just don't know how to deal with it.. Anyway, this is my major update and I will keep you guys posted I truly hope that I'm overreacting!
Author kareena Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 Not yet but he says it's just a matter of time, why do you think he's lying?
veryhappy Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 He's not divorced until he's divorced. Well, he's married to another woman until he's divorced. You have every right to have a timeline for his divorce, and if things aren't moving don't keep him around. He'll just enjoy the time with you and go back home to beg his wife about giving him another chance. 1
Author kareena Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 True, I guess what I'm trying to figure out is whether he's really changed or not. Honestly, one of the things that made me feel a little off is him asking me for money all the time now which was never the case in the past, am I exaggerating?
alexandria35 Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Well are you giving him money? Do you think that has anything to do with why he is being so loving and attentive now? How did his seperation come about? The last I remember is that he was quite determined to stay married so what changed? Did his wife ever find out about the affair? What about the rest of the family, do they know anything about you and he? Where is he living? How are things between his wife and the family now? Sorry to bombard you with questions but it's impossible to know if he has the right intention without knowing more details. It sounds to me like this relationship has mostly caused you a lot of pain and desperation but it seems you are determined to hold onto it until it has the outcome you think it should have. I think even if you get him you will be unhappy. First of all from reading your past threads you have major trust issues with this guy. Rightfully so. You say that you have BPD. Is that bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder? If it's the latter then trust will be a huge issue with you no matter what and you shouldn't be getting hooked up with guys who are obviously untrustworthy to begin with, as it will only exacerabate your issues. Secondly you seem to wrongfully believe that this guy holds the key to your happiness. He brought you to your lowest point so you look to him to make you better and rescue you from the situation that he was the cause of. You begged and cried for him to come back to you and when he does you call it a miracle. Thats no miracle. If you're willing to take pain and disappointment from a man then that man will come back to you from time to time, but only to give you more pain and disappointment. Nothing miraculous about it. Happens all of the time. If you want to see miracles then take charge of your life and your own well being. Stop with the pills and drinking. Get employed, go to counselling and get on a good treatment plan. Stop looking for happiness from people who have hurt you. Truly commit to making changes and walking a different path and then see what miracles can happen. 3
2sunny Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 You have given up a lot ( even a baby) for this monster. Isn't that enough of yourself to sacrifice for any man that causes you pain and suffering? You need time and distance to find clarity about you being your priority! Stop handing him so much of your power! He wil do what he's gonna do - with you or without you. Stay away ---> for a long time - and get counseling to work on your self esteem issues and destructive tendencies. Do not give him any money! 2
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Hello, it has been quite a while since I posted anything a lot was going on in my life it was crazy!! Anyway, I wouldn't want to divert from the main topic.. MM. Long story short MM is back, after a terrible breakup and some pregnancy drama I had all this anger towards MM mainly because I was consumed by feelings of regret because of my decision to terminate the pregnancy and was pretty depressed for a while, I started drinking excessively again and popping pills. I was a hot mess! I felt like MM lied to me and used me. I was very angry with him and myself, the pain was too much for me to handle and I hit rock bottom, my life seemed so pointless and meaningless I'm unemployed, lonely, and the love of my life walked out on me.. Not to mention the guilt of killing my baby I broke down. I went back to MM begging and crying, he was very cold at first and he kept saying that he loved me but couldn't see a future and that he wanted to have a normal life which wasn't possible with me mainly because I was practically engaged to his W's brother and because of my illness (I've been diagnosed with BPD). Then, a miracle happened just when I was about to give up trying he came back to me! For real this time! He even moved out. I know I should be happy, and I am but I feel like it's too good to be true I feel like there's a catch he's being too nice and loving I'm not used to it things are very different now,I guess I just don't know how to deal with it.. Anyway, this is my major update and I will keep you guys posted I truly hope that I'm overreacting! Hope he's worth all this hassel and heart ache. This MM certainly has done a number on you, messed you up and really has treated you like crap. Very unhealthy dynamic going on. People don't 'change' that quickly. Time will tell.
veryhappy Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Stop giving him money and see if he still wants you. Is there a chance the W threw him out of the house and you are a free fun temporary stay? 1
Nyla Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 (edited) I would look at the possibility of refraining from romantic relationships, until you have had at least one year of specialized CBT for Borderline Personality Disorder. You need to heal before you can be in a healthy relationship. It may enhance your self esteem to plan for your future. Have you thought about going back to school? How about finding a crappy job while you look for the career that you want? It will take your mind of your situation. Remember that only you are the key to your happiness, not anyone else. I was diagnosed with BPD at age 21. I had two years of treatment until my counselor said the label no longer fit me. It was a such a happy and emotional day for my therapist and I. I no longer engage in ANY of the textbook BPD behaviors. I am also in therapy because I am aware that my abusive childhood and subsequent abusive relationships as an adult are causing severe trust issues. Your married man is right to be concerned about the effects of a serious relationship with you, when you are on your way to becoming his wife's sister in law. That is just too close for comfort in an extramarital affair; much better to be out of the family circle. If you cannot let go of him, wait until there is an actual divorce for your own sake. Edited November 25, 2012 by Nyla 1
skylarblue Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 He's not divorced until he's divorced. Actions speak louder than words. IMO it's the proof positive that he is done with the M.
Author kareena Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 Well are you giving him money? Do you think that has anything to do with why he is being so loving and attentive now? How did his seperation come about? The last I remember is that he was quite determined to stay married so what changed? Did his wife ever find out about the affair? What about the rest of the family, do they know anything about you and he? Where is he living? How are things between his wife and the family now? Sorry to bombard you with questions but it's impossible to know if he has the right intention without knowing more details. . First of all thank you for your reply,now let me answer your questions: 1)Yes,I am giving him money because he keeps telling me that he's low on cash with everything that has been going on.he is a pretty well off man which is why im finding the whole money thing weird. 2)I don't really think so but i'm worried that it might that's why i'm a little scared of this. 3)He told her that he wants a divorce,she initially refused the idea and i guess some drama took place.They eventually agreed that he would move out first then proceed with the divorce in a month or so in order to make things easier for all parties involved. 4)She knows nothing about the A,there was a time at the beginning of the A (when I was still going out with her brother) when she suspected it and confronted me about it I denied it completely to protect both myself and MM and broke up with her brother shortly after that incident,and that was that. 5)Not a single soul knows a thing,when i was still in their lives as my bf's fiance-to-be they all had their doubts but were unable to prove anything and now that he and I are no longer together I'm out of their lives and there is no contact whatsoever between myslef and any of them,other than MM of course. 6)He is currently staying at a hotel in the city,which is one of the reasons he says he is low on cash for. 7)Did you mean her and his family?or her family? I'll just answer both. She and his siter in law are pretty good friends and still are but other than that she never really got along with his family,they don't like her for many reasons and they don't contact her nor does she contact them.That has always been the case,he would visit his family alone and his parents refused to set foot in their house because they do not speak to her.As for her family,I frankly have no clue.
Author kareena Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 You say that you have BPD. Is that bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder? . I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder not bipolar.
Author kareena Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 I would look at the possibility of refraining from romantic relationships, until you have had at least one year of specialized CBT for Borderline Personality Disorder. You need to heal before you can be in a healthy relationship. It may enhance your self esteem to plan for your future. Have you thought about going back to school? How about finding a crappy job while you look for the career that you want? It will take your mind of your situation. Remember that only you are the key to your happiness, not anyone else. . I tried to do so with NC but i just couldnt stay away I couldn't I needed him back in my life I was miserable without him. I havent thought about going back to school becase I do have BA and an MBA is not something I see myslef capable of doing at the time being,as for finding a job..I haven't been able to keep a job,even crappy ones so it got to a point where I didn't even bother look for one anymore to save myself the embaressmet and trouble. I was diagnosed with BPD at age 21. I had two years of treatment until my counselor said the label no longer fit me. It was a such a happy and emotional day for my therapist and I. I no longer engage in ANY of the textbook BPD behaviors. I am also in therapy because I am aware that my abusive childhood and subsequent abusive relationships as an adult are causing severe trust issues. I'm so happy for you and I hope that I would reach to that point one day,I was first diagnosed as a teenager and rediagnosed at the age of 21.I am still on therapy but often skip and reschedule,I tend t self medicate. Your married man is right to be concerned about the effects of a serious relationship with you, when you are on your way to becoming his wife's sister in law. . Not anymore I am not,that was the case at the beginning of the A that is how MM and I met,my exBf was extremely abusive and would constantly hit me severly.MM approached me with concern and urged me not to tolerate this kind of behaviour and helped me make the decision to walk out on that relationship,that was initially how MM and I got to talking and ultimately started seeing each other romanticly.
2sunny Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 So - you want this...? Well - expect more of the same crap he's already handed you. And stop giving him money!!!
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