Can't stop thinking about him

[knc1129]

Sorry if this is in the wrong forum, not sure where it would go really.

Ok, I will try to keep this short and sweet..

 

I have a friend that I hooked up with about a month ago and granted we don't see each other too often (live about an hour and a half away) we talked almost nonstop everyday, up until about a week and a half ago where I feel like he's being very distant. I feel like at this point I'm just forcing him to talk to me so I'll try and go a few days without initiating conversation (despite it driving me crazy) until I'll try and talk to him again. His answers are generally short, like he doesn't want to talk to me. I really don't know what I've done wrong, I've tried to think back about anything I may have said or done but I can't come up with anything. It drives me crazy.

 

Also, I am constantly thinking about him, what he's doing, where he is, etc. Almost obsessively, it sounds a little creepy I know, but I can't help it. I'll spend days (at home or at work) just thinking about him, and I can't seem to find something to distract me from it, because everything seems to remind me of him. It really is painful because I don't think he likes me at all in that way, much less even think about me a fraction of the amount I think about him.

I've always been the kind of person that didn't need to be in a relationship, I've been a pretty independent person. But now I feel like that's all changed. I'm 25 years old, this seems pretty childish doesn't it?

 

I really don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to. My sister and I rarely talk. My only friend tells me not to waste my time and move on.

I'm getting more and more depressed about this whole thing, but at the same time it's like I don't want to stop thinking about him, like I enjoy torturing myself like this. I tend to over think things a LOT, so sometimes when I am talking to him I'll say things that are not generally natural things to say, if that makes sense, and at that point I feel like yet again I've turned him off to talking to me.

 

Really...what am I supposed to do? I don't want to scare him away. If anything I'd still like to be his friend, if he would just make it seem like he's still interested in that.

 

Is there anyone that has gone through a similar situation or is currently going through this? I would love to know I'm not alone in this..

[RachR]

Hey I'm in the same position as you, at least emotions wise / thoughts wise...with me, it's someone I work with who is my superior. Things got personal but now he's distanced himself (which is rational) but it's AHHHH I can't stop thinking about him. Sigh.

Edited November 25, 2012 by RachR

[lovebug1234]

take a mental break. go out and just meet new interesting people, that's easier said then done but you need to be proactive about it. think of it this way, he's more likely to come around if you set him free then if you obsess over him. obsessing over him only hurts you and makes him think you're a little wacko

[zebracolors]

I kind of went through those feelings, recently actually (It even happens in our 30s) and I still feeling it, kind of. Its a feeling like you've somehow burned a metaphorical bridge that might have been a really good one to have had. But you may never know why its burned, and its that which is causing regret. Well, thats how it is for me at least.

 

As for your friend, it really sounds like he was just not interested in a relationship the same way you are. And his responses maybe a way to try and discourage you, and keep you at a distance or push you away.

 

Unfortunately unless he is ever willing to reconcile and tell you whatever it was that you did wrong, you'll probably never know. So others would probably tell you the same thing they'd tell me. Its pointless to worry about something you have no control over, and to be open to meeting other guys. But don't force yourself into another dating thing, until you're no longer upset at the original guy. Probably advice i should listen to myself.

[Marie0708]

I kind of went through those feelings, recently actually (It even happens in our 30s) and I still feeling it, kind of. Its a feeling like you've somehow burned a metaphorical bridge that might have been a really good one to have had. But you may never know why its burned, and its that which is causing regret. Well, thats how it is for me at least.

 

As for your friend, it really sounds like he was just not interested in a relationship the same way you are. And his responses maybe a way to try and discourage you, and keep you at a distance or push you away.

 

Unfortunately unless he is ever willing to reconcile and tell you whatever it was that you did wrong, you'll probably never know. So others would probably tell you the same thing they'd tell me. Its pointless to worry about something you have no control over, and to be open to meeting other guys. But don't force yourself into another dating thing, until you're no longer upset at the original guy. Probably advice i should listen to myself.

 

Yep, this advice right here

I have a crush on a friend of mine right now, who doesn't see me as anything more...and it sucks because I think about him all the time

[charadeah223]

Hey knc1129,

You are definitely not alone. I'm in a very similar situation right now with someone I've been seeing recently (check out my thread if you're interested). I posted about it yesterday actually because I, too, am obsessing and just needed to vent mainly. All of my friends are telling me to not worry about it and give it up because he's obviously not interested, but that's the whole problem in the first place. It's the fact that he was interested for a while and then all of a sudden a change of heart. It's hard to stop wondering what could've gone wrong and worst of all was it something you did that drove him away. This is kind of the blind leading the blind but I do believe your best bet is to stop contacting him. Maybe try subscribing to a dating website such as match.com or something so you can see there's plenty of other men out there in your area that are actually looking for a relationship. It is also a good time to start a new hobby to distract yourself. If you're interested in dancing that could lift your self esteem a little and there's scientific proof that aerobic exercise can lift depression. I've noticed in the past when this has happened to me the moment I started at least trying to let go over the obsessive thoughts they would gradually go away until a couple months down the line you realize you're not even thinking about him at all. And usually that's when they'll try contacting you again. Its like they can almost sense it. So for a recap; don't contact him again, work on yourself and your self esteem, meet new people, and just realize if he's not giving you the time a day then he's not worth YOUR time or thoughts. You'll find someone regardless, or maybe sometime soon he'll come around. Hope you feel better and I'm sorry.