PoppyK Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Hey there, Just getting things off my chest I suppose as I'm pretty sure I'm doing all the things I should be doing. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a year ago as he told me that he would never be able to love me (or anyone at all). It absolutely devastated me although my instinct was that there was something up throughout our relationship. I've tried to carry on since then - I've had no contact with him since apart from bumping into him a couple of times (which made me so anxious but loved seeing him). I've been working hard, taking great holidays, doing all my usual hobbies, having quiet time - all the things I thought would help. But i still totally love him. I saw his car the other day and felt immediately sick. I try to remove myself from any situation where I may see him - I deleted my Facebook account straight after we split and have never asked around about how he is. However the heartbreak is just as painful as it was last year. I'm tired of hurting, tired of the feeling of just carrying on with life. I tried to date but I had no interest - I was pretty cold and unkind so I have stopped. Part of me has just given up which terrified me as I don't want to end up a lonely bitter girl. Has anyone been in the same situation? Thanks for any advice in advance.
thatoneguy247 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 hi poppy i have been in a similar situation but i dont think i have any good advice since i have been in love with my ex ever since we broke up 4 years ago (its a long story). after we broke up we still would see each other but that just made things even worse and more painful for me. recently i contacted her on fb and she replied with 'i never want to talk to you or see you again. 'i have tried to move on but my mind wont let me it feels as though i have been in a fog since than. i have been with other girls but its not the same. my mind keeps telling me i can forsure get her back and the other part of me knows the outcome. i just cant pick myself up, when i lost her my social life went with, and now i am alone. i think if i would have stayed active in my social life i probably could have met someone else by now but it seems like its to late for me. everyone is doing their own thing. no one ever hits me up for partys or get togethers anymore and i think my reason for not asking my old friends to hang out is because im scared of getting hurt again and losing someone i care about. i left out a lot of things from the story of me and her its too long to put in a message. im sorry if this didnt help but i just wanted you to know that you are not alone and i think it means a lot to know that. if you would like to hear more of the story you can contact me just let me know in this thread cuz i cant pm yet.
not-a-drive-by Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Hi Poppy I guess it all comes down to letting go and moving on. Although you are doing everything you can for yourself right now and creating a new life without him, you aren't letting go of him. If you don't let him or the past relationship go, you will end up being the lonely bitter girl you are afraid of. I know it is the hardest step to take (I am in the same situation) and something that you are afraid of, but it is necessary to move on. If you ever get painful memories, try to distract yourself and not dwell on them. Are you losing interest in them because you keep comparing them to your ex? If you aren't ready to date, don't force yourself.
Author PoppyK Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 Thanks for your replies. You are right not-a-drive-by; I am not letting him go, at all. I wish I would as I know there is no point in holdng on to him in my head. I've tried mantras, putting everything away that I associate with him, writing down the reasons why I had to break up with him but it hasn't helped yet. I just hope one day that I will let go a little and when I realised I have (and hopefully feel better) I will start to let go more and more.
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