mortensorchid Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 I'm not sure if this woman is using you in terms of manipulation like others have alluded to on this thread. One sighted that the woman withholds sex in order to get the man to marry her. True? Well, to some it will be that way. I for one never used such a tactic to get something that I wanted from another, because quite honestly in my experience if they do not get what they want in that department from me they would go somewhere else to get it. But this aside, I really think you should move on from her. She'll have hang ups about something else she's not telling you about right now but you'll find out otherwise.
phineas Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 I think what is significant that other's might have missed is OP said she did the same thing with an EX-boyfriend. So twice she has committed the same sin & twice she has repented? Not buying it.
Seraffa Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Alright I see. Well obviously I dont feel wrong Im just pained by how we for some reason cant anymore. It is a feeling of deep rejection That's right. Anyone who joins themselves to another in the flesh "becomes one flesh with them" and that is why Christianity wants people to wait until marriage. It's God's way of saying He didn't create us to be rejected. HE certainly doesn't reject us, and knows each of us through and through. Once a man becomes one with his wife he doesn't want to be rejected. And she shouldn't reject him. It's supposed to be a lifelong marriage of shared beliefs as well as bodies. Your girlfriend did wrong by participating in this without a common spirituality between you. Your relationship is broken and didn't have a solid foundation between the two of you for other reasons as well. Sin, in the Greek Christian translation, means "missing the mark" or "missing the point" ............which is exactly what has happened here. Then on top of it, society will NOT tell you how utterly broken and betrayed so many people are when this happens to them. We live in an age where people think "you're intelligent - so get over it - it's nothing." DON'T listen to society anymore; attend to your own healing. Don't heap up any more sorrow onto yourself. Don't look at how "great" your lovemaking was together; just do the right thing and look for establishing a more stable relationship with a girl next time. This is about your healing now - not the fact she wants to wait to do Christian marriage the "right way." Even if she may hate you for breaking up.
iiiii Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 I'm not Christian myself. But my best friend is. She and her partner waited until marriage to have sex, because they believed this was the right thing to do. Now I obviously cannot speak for either of them, but I reckon she'd give you the advice, as a fellow Christian, to pray about it and study the bible together & see if you get an answer. OP, my own (more heathen) advice would be, do YOU think waiting until marriage is the right thing to do? If so, you should wait. You can (and should) still have a conversation with her about how this makes you feel, since open communication is hugely important to any marriage! If you don't think waiting until marriage is necessarily the right thing to do, you'll need to decide if you like this girl enough to go along with the idea. Then either go along with it, or dump her and find someone more compatible. Easier said than done, I know. 1
BetheButterfly Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I'm not Christian myself. But my best friend is. She and her partner waited until marriage to have sex, because they believed this was the right thing to do. Now I obviously cannot speak for either of them, but I reckon she'd give you the advice, as a fellow Christian, to pray about it and study the bible together & see if you get an answer. OP, my own (more heathen) advice would be, do YOU think waiting until marriage is the right thing to do? If so, you should wait. You can (and should) still have a conversation with her about how this makes you feel, since open communication is hugely important to any marriage! If you don't think waiting until marriage is necessarily the right thing to do, you'll need to decide if you like this girl enough to go along with the idea. Then either go along with it, or dump her and find someone more compatible. Easier said than done, I know. As a Christian, I agree with this 1
BetheButterfly Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 (edited) Hello, I am 25, new here but I had to register because I am really confused. I've been seeing this girl for a month and a half that I love so much. Everything is great, we laugh all the time, so much, and we get along really well. I am religious, but have been much much more reserved about it. We had sex several times, but now she wants to wait as of about a week ago until we can get closer to God and all that. We have an incredible passion. I mean that we drink each other up. I can't stop smelling her and she can't stop smelling me. She wanted to wait initially, and I was willing to do so also, but she decided to do it and so did I obviously. But now she says she wants to wait and she knows how I am or can get already. I'm not sure if I can deal with the rejection and all the questions about why she won't have me anymore on a daily basis. I ask her but she says it is hard for her also but the Bible says to wait. I am really close to ending it, but the thing that stops me is how I should be able to respect the decision, and her decision based on Chrsitianity to wait. But we already did it, so I am realllly frustrated. I have a problem with religious hypocrisy. The main issue is not the decision to wait, I understand that. The main issue is why she won't do it anymore. She says she did this to an ex boyfriend before. I love her more than anything, she is the most beautiful, but I get super frustrated as a person when it all falls short of actually getting the job done. Its a guy thing I know, but is it right to end it based on this hypocritical BS? Please help, I don't want to lose her, she means everything to me, but I can't fight this feeling, it is biological. I know we won't marry yet. It is way too early, but we are batting .999. I don't need the sex, (i mean i kinda do) but I feel as though she isn't as committed anymore. We haven't even sought our spirituality together yet (last week she totalled her car with me in it on the way to her Church. I told her this has to say something.......) Please, any insight you can provide is helpful. I was going to be strong and just end it, but I am weak. Gslocke, In Christian beliefs, marriage is sacred and sex is a part of marriage. When my hubby and I first dated, we had sex. It happened naturally while I was at his house. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience but afterward felt so guilty and was so sad, because I had disobeyed God (he did too). However, I really appreciate and respect that he loves me so much to respect my decision to wait until after we got married to continue to have sex. This has not been my experience everytime. I was a virgin till I got married at 23. Our sex life was awesome, with one exception that I won't get into right now, but we divorced because of other reasons, not because of sex. After my divorce and a relationship with a man who I didn't have sex with (thankfully, due to his own strength of faith), I was in 2 relationships involving sex afterwards, one right after the other, with men who wanted to have sex with me but had no desire to commit to me. One was a nominal Catholic and the other a Christian who saw nothing wrong with disobeying God's commands. Thankfully, I broke it off with the nominal Catholic but I didn't learn my lesson well enough, which is how I ended up being an unwilling "friends with benefits" with the other guy till I figured out that he was just stringing me along because he liked having sex with me, but didn't consider even marrying me. When I met my hubby, I told him about this. I told him I didn't want to have sex till marriage. However, when we met at his house, nature took over. What I am so grateful for is that instead of stringing me along, he decided that I was the woman for him and he committed to me, and I committed to him. We "imprinted" on each other lol. (Sorry, I'm a Twilight fan.) We decided to take a premarital course at our church, and that's when he also made the decision to not have sex again until marriage. (Before, he had merely gone with what I decided because he loves and cares for me and didn't want to "lose me.") This helped us focus on and strengthen our communication and foundation apart from sex. I think it greatly helped us in our relationship. Counting my husband, I have only had sex with 4 guys. The first - my ex-husband, the second and third - guys who wanted to have sex with me but weren't willing to commit with me and the fourth and hopefully last - my husband. I very much hope and pray that our marriage lasts. Both my husband and I strive to keep our commitment (marriage) to each other alive and growing, to feed it, protect it, and make it strong. Making love to each other and being faithful to each other is one of the most important ways we protect and make our marriage strong and awesome!!! If you do not care about her beliefs and convictions, I encourage you to let her go and find someone more in line with what you personally believe. Edited November 26, 2012 by BetheButterfly
BetheButterfly Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 That's right. Anyone who joins themselves to another in the flesh "becomes one flesh with them" and that is why Christianity wants people to wait until marriage. It's God's way of saying He didn't create us to be rejected. HE certainly doesn't reject us, and knows each of us through and through. Agreed. Wow, cool way to look at it! Once a man becomes one with his wife he doesn't want to be rejected. And she shouldn't reject him. It's supposed to be a lifelong marriage of shared beliefs as well as bodies.Agreed. That's so beautiful!!! It goes the other way too. I remember when my hubby and I had sex before we got married. I was thinking, "Oh no, this is going to be like the other times where he's not going to want me as anything but for sex without commitment now." I'm so glad that didn't happen! I'm so glad he loves me and did not reject me. I do wish we had waited till marriage to enjoy sex, but that didn't happen. However, when we waited till after marriage to have sex again, that helped us build other key components of our relationship, including mutual respect, communication, and shared goals.
pteromom Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 It sounds to me that she has a lot of guilt issues around sex. You say you share an incredible passion, so she gave in to the passion, then felt guilty. It finally got to the point that the guilt overwhelmed the passion, so she no longer wants to have sex. You have a few options. 1. Stay with her, and live without sex. 2. Determine if there is a possible compromise. Is she willing to give you a BJ? To make out and lie with you while you finish the job yourself? To offer a hand job? 3. Badger her for sex until she gives in, and create a huge strain in your relationship which will cause it to eventually end naturally. 4. Break it off and look for a relationship more in line with what you want.
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