dyzfunctioned Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Ill try to keep this as brief as possible as some of this is repeat. Anyway, gf of ~3 years tells me she wants to break up last week. We meet up that weekend to talk things over and we have a great, honest talk about our feelings and issues and what we'd want going forward. I own up to my insecurities and propose things to help and tell her i want to be with her. We have sex and act normal for a night. We agree to take some time to think things over and as I leave she kisses me and says she thinks she already knows her decision. Next night she texts me saying have a good sleep, talk to you tomorrow etc. Then the following night (2 days after talk and 6 days after initial breakup) she calls crying saying she wants to break up. I ask her why and she says she's not sure it's just what her gut says and she needs to do what's right. Her last words were just remember how mych i love you. She proceeds to call my best friend and tell her we broke up and that she needs her to make sure ill be okay and help me deal with it. Next day we text a bit and she says we should probably stop talking. I've been pretty much NC since but she texted me Two days ago saying she really misses me and I replied I do too. She still loves me so why did she decide to end things when we talked about ways to fix our problems and she basically said she wanted to?
mammasita Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 What kind of problems were you having leading up to the break up? From what you've written, I would think that you cold work through this. At the same time, It's easy to speculate and say she's young, she loves you but doesn't love you enough to want to try, maybe she's met someone else..... How old is she? Can you elaborate a bit on the types of issues you were having?
Author dyzfunctioned Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 What kind of problems were you having leading up to the break up? From what you've written, I would think that you cold work through this. At the same time, It's easy to speculate and say she's young, she loves you but doesn't love you enough to want to try, maybe she's met someone else..... How old is she? Can you elaborate a bit on the types of issues you were having? Kind of a few things stemming from one general thing. I was insecure sexually as she was my first and she had been with many guys. This in itself wasn't a big issue but it got compounded by the fact she would occasionally have fits/get really upset which kind of shattered my confidence and led me to internalize our issues rather than confronting her about them. This led to more problems as it would make me distant at times and for her sex was a way to reconnect and for me when I was distant my sex drive disappeared. This loss of confidence led me to being fairly passive (aka I rarely initiated) which made her feel unwanted. And time made all these issues worse. When we talked last weekend I put all of this out there and owned up to it all and proposed ways we could try to fix it ie: counseling, being more open rather than internalizing things, etc. We're both 22. I thought we could work things out which is why I asked her to talk last weekend and I put everything out there and it seemed to work until she suddenly dumped me for good two days later.
Author dyzfunctioned Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 Also don't know if it makes a difference but I told her to let me know when I could get her stuff and she hasn't contacted me about it and her fb still says in a relationship. It seems like we should be able to work things out but I put everything out there and she still dumped me 2 days later so it's kind of out of my hands.
mammasita Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Honestly, if I were 22 and in your girls position, I wouldn't waste my time going to counseling. I'd be thinking "I'm too young for all of this BS, relationships should be fun and easy .....not full of counseling sessions". That said, my opinion is that you need to work on your issues on your own. I don't see it working out together the way you'd like it to. Give her space, work on yourself and show her you've changed.
Author dyzfunctioned Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 Honestly, if I were 22 and in your girls position, I wouldn't waste my time going to counseling. I'd be thinking "I'm too young for all of this BS, relationships should be fun and easy .....not full of counseling sessions". That said, my opinion is that you need to work on your issues on your own. I don't see it working out together the way you'd like it to. Give her space, work on yourself and show her you've changed. I can understand that. The thing that really throws me though is that she initially broke up with me because she said the whole sex thing wasn't working for her. Which I can understand. But then we met and discussed everything and she proposed counselling (she had proposed it before in the past) in addition to a bunch of the other changes I had suggested and basically said she wanted to make this work. Then two days later she ends it saying she's not sure why it's just what she feels is right. Anyway, I know regardless that these are issues I need to work on. It wasn't until we broke up that I fully reflected on our relationship and realized why I felt so insecure sexually. Before our breakup I just figured I had a low sex drive and just kept trying. It wasn't until we broke up that I realized it was more of an issue of confidence and insecurity and now that I realize that I really feel like I can fix it.
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