hurtinbad Posted August 8, 2004 Posted August 8, 2004 Hey need an an opinion.What do you think ? My gf broke up with me after three months ,we had so much fun together everything was perfect and as soon as the first little problem arises she breaks up with me.At the begining of our relationship she told me she didnt want a serious relationship, but things progressed and then it was getting serious.I think she is afraid of commitment. Also she told me about her last relationship that was only a couple of months also.She said it was getting serious,but said it like it was a bad thing. so you think this chick is commiynent phopic? she claims she is just picky.
Tech76 Posted August 8, 2004 Posted August 8, 2004 She does sound picky to me. Don't let it get to you. I have been around a few of those, take care my friend.
rogueless Posted August 8, 2004 Posted August 8, 2004 Alot of times real commitmentphobes do well in a relationship for the first few months. Yes, they are "picky." But what "picky" seems to boil down to is an excuse to break up, NOT a reflection on you. The commitment phobe's "picky" is not the normal person's picky. They are afraid to commit for fear there is always someone better out there. So they ruin every relationship they are in by nitpicking to justify leaving to find that perfect one...and believe me, you can't "change" a commitmentphobe. Even if you were perfect, they would find fault. In my experience, after the initial newness wore off, I was told that I ruffled the newspaper too loud, drug my feet, etc etc...My advice would be to move on. Sorry, and good luck...ps, she told you up front she was not looking for something serious, but her actions in the beginnning didn't mesh with that did they? sighs, yep...
daphne Posted August 8, 2004 Posted August 8, 2004 hurtin, Sounds classic for a CP. CP's don't like to talk about problems and will run at the first site of conflict. For a female CP, once the honeymoon glimmer is over and she sees faults in you, she's likely to run. There's a book He's Scared/She's Scared but don't read too much into it because it's fairly depressing. It will, however, help you detect one so you don't go through it again.
hurtinbad Posted August 9, 2004 Posted August 9, 2004 thanks for the replies.It definetly helps the pain go away, a bit.
overseas2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Gosh its so funny how everyone has just become a psychologist in an instant on this site. As far as CP goes, I could not make that diagnosis from what you have written to us. First of all she may not want to get into a serious relationship for other reasons. When I was 22 I avoided this because I knew I wanted to go to school and then move overseas. When I finally accomplished this task then I started looking for something serious. Your gf may be in the same boat. I cant see how you have any reason to complain at this point. SHE TOLD YOU SHE DID NOT WANT A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. Did she not??? And if so, why didn't you believe her. She also told you her last relationship ended up serious and she broke it off. Basically she hit you over the head with the truth and then you didn't believe her. Another thing is you mention to us some problem and this is her reason for leaving. Since I don't know what the quarrel was really about I cant agree that this woman did not break up with you for a valid reason. For all I know you hit her and you think that is no big deal. So to be honest... then. No I don't know whether this woman has CP. And in all sincerity I think CP and some other illnesses that people are diagnosed with by American psychiatrists and psychologists are a load of hog wash....People do have fear of commitment and they tend not to get married until the time is right for them. That is ... when they have grown up enough to come to terms with this fear and make a committment. For some of us that is 18 for others it is in our 40s. This is not an illness and I refuse to join the bandwagon created here.... Regards Overseas2004
hurtinbad Posted August 10, 2004 Posted August 10, 2004 Ok ,she is 32 years old and is not going anywhere too soon although she is working on her PHD .I know she said she didnt want a serious relationship,but when things started to progress she said that it felt "right" and was just as much into it as me. The problems?I lied to her about something in my PAST I tried to hide because I wasnt proud of it.I have a small credit debt to pay off($4000).I dont have much money but then neither does she.I am sort of in a transition in my life ,going back to school in my early thirties.So far these are the only reasons I can figure out
rogueless Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Commitment phobe is not a diagnosis in the American DSM, its a character flaw. Just like saying someone is stingy or rude. Its just a descriptive term. A mental illness diagnosis is something completely different and more serious. There are appropriate times not to commit, such as when you are too young or feel uncomfortable to be in a relationship.
overseas2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Posted August 11, 2004 Lying is a big deal. You may want to re-evaluate what happened.
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