Long and bittersweet. Yet, hopeful?

[Feelingthechill]

Let me first say, I found this website to be incredibly helpful 2 years ago. Many of you offer thoughtful and insightful answers. The ability to read the experiences of others, and to post when you don't want to bother anyone else...it really is invaluable.

 

Now, for my story. Five years ago, I met someone, let's call her Amy. She was in her mid-20's, I had just turned 30. We hit it off almost immediately. After a year, we moved in together, I enrolled in grad school, and to anyone, including ourselves, we were living the perfect life with each other. We communicated effortlessly, were incredibly attracted to each other, we were both successful in our careers, and we complimented each other amazingly so. Where as she was a bit more energetic and going a million directions at once, I was more laid-back and pensive, and we balanced each other well--even to the point where her family commented about how they thought I was so healthy for her. Never a day went by where I took her for granted, always waking up a few minutes before her and thinking to myself how lucky I was--and I didn't have fear in expressing this to her.

 

Fast forward a couple of years, and life changed. She started a new job that was an incredible opportunity, paying her extraordinarily well and allowing her to travel all over the world. At that time, I was finishing up grad school, I was leading a number of high-profile projects at work and my father took to illness--but all the while I made sure to make time for the relationship. It had been three years at this point, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, so I started the process of buying an engagement ring. Sadly, the day after I bought that ring, she arrived back in the United States after several weeks abroad, and she broke up with me. To say the least, I was shocked.

 

There was nothing that served as a warning, but she said that over the course of the past few months, she felt like she didn't love me anymore, and started to develop doubts about us, and everything she thought she wanted...i.e. children, marriage, etc. To keep this post short, I will skip the details, but everything unraveled quickly, and I was really hurt about how this person I thought loved me, was able to move on so quickly...and what I thought was rather unemotionally.

 

The following year was hell. I frequented this site, drank too much, and was a mess. It is with complete sympathy that I read some of your posts. Nevertheless, one day I just determined that this stops here, and I worked really hard to make the next day better than the last. I got back on track at work, I tripled the intensity/frequency of workouts, and any opportunity that presented itself to make myself a better person, I accepted the challenge without reservation. If I was found lacking in any respect, I was positive that I could just be better...and I am not ashamed to say that I did this all with her in the back of my mind.

 

Fast forward to two years after the break-up. Things are going ok. From everyone's perception, I am back to being normal, and by most accounts, better than I have ever been. My fitness is exceptional, my sense of humor is back, my mojo is alive and well...but I can certainly say, a day never ended without me thinking about her, or missing her.

 

Recently, I took a new role with another company, and the opportunity represents quite a step up. A few days ago, I receive a congratulatory email from her. It is short, but very sweet. We email back and forth, and I invite her out for a drink. Conversation flows as easily as it ever did, and to anyone watching or listening, you'd think we were in love as much as ever. A few drinks into the night, she then tells me this:

 

She is so sorry for everything and it hurt her so much, which she said she didn't feel until several months into the breakup. She said her subconscious caught up to her, and the anxiety was crippling. She says the breakup must have been incredibly painful for me at the beginning, but for the past few years she says she has been suffering terribly and she thinks about me every day and how much she misses what we had. Naturally, I stammer and tell her that I understood she was going thru a transition at that time, and even though it hurt more than anything I will ever feel, I always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, and the experience made me a better, stronger, more appreciative and resolute. Conversation at this point is all over the place for both of us as we just spill emotion. I'd add more, but quite honestly, my head was spinning. It was just too much, so we finish our drinks, go outside, hold each other for minutes, then say goodnight.

 

We're both in separate relationships, though I admit that my heart isn't fully in mine, and I think it would be safe to say her heart isn't in hers. At this point, I don't know what to do. Part of me just had to write this because there was no sleeping tonight. Part of me is interested in hearing what everyone thinks. And part of me owed fellow posters this story, as I guess it represents hope. How much so? I don't know yet.

 

Sorry for the length, but trust me, it could have been so much more.

[Buns]

I don't know if you are looking for advice..but if I was you I'd try and get her back... she told you she regrets it, you said that your heart isn't in your new relationship, and you don't think hers is either... I'd give it another go if you can.....

 

Your post gives me hope, false hope I'm sure, but still hope...

[Feelingthechill]

Advice, I guess that is what I am seeking...still a bit dazed though.

 

I don't mean to convey false hope. This took a long time, and you could argue too long. Writing that though, I think it is safe to say that if you were in a good relationship, with a good person and you did most of the right things...the other person will not ever forget you. The bond you create is stronger than you could imagine.