5 years just came to an end

[Ghandi]

Hey everyone. First of, let me apologize for my english – i’m not a native speaker.

 

This is more of a vent than anything else, but i would sure like to hear some comforting words from people that experienced a similar break up. Any advice is welcome. Maybe a reconciliation story, why not.

 

Now, let me tell you my story.

 

We met 6 years ago. She was a sister of a guy i was friendly with, but never met her until that point in time. I was 24 and she was 20 when we first met. Even though she was gorgeous on the outside, I wasnt all that attracted to her at first but still we exchanged phone numbers and started talking. I really wanted to get to know her first, not something i did in the past. Over the time we became pretty close friends and the more we spent the time together, the more we started to develop very strong feelings for each other. It was the love I have never experienced before, so incredibly pure and strong, childish and serious at the same time. A year later I told her i was in love with her and we then started a beautiful love story that lasted for 5 years, until almost two moths ago.

 

While i was quite experienced with the ladies, she only had several short term relationships and never had sex with any of them. Much to my surprise, when i asked her why nothing happened between them, she simple said that until she finds someone that will prove himself worthy of her love and respect, she simply isnt going to sleep with anyone. She really had principles and i loved that about her. I was shocked and just couldnt believe there were any girls like that left in this world, at least i never met any. She had and still has good morals and great values. This one i was going to be patient with, i was sure about it. With any other girl before, i usually already had sex a couple dates later but with her i waited for 5 months. She deserved that and i never did regret it – our sex life was great later on.

 

We never really had any problems, we never really argued too much, we got along almost perfectly. Communication was great, respect was there, love was there, we had fun, we had ups, and we had some downs. I really cared about her and did my best to show it. We gave each other space, we weren’t needy and clingy. Nothing in this world is perfect but what we had was damn close to it.

 

Almost 2 months ago we broke up, she broke up. We got caught in a routine and started to take each other for granted. The breakup was a complete surprise for me but now i see there were plenty of clues and red flags i just didnt register them at the time. BAM! “I love you but i am not in love with you any more and i feel like this for over 3 months now”. God, i hate that sentence. Even more when i know i did nothing wrong, i look great, i work out, i am confident and fun. The only problem i had was a sudden setback in my career, i wasnt really happy with where it was going. I wasn’t looking for a job in about a year due to depression caused by a terrible family tragedy. Dont get me wrong, i wasnt broke. I saved up and could afford a year off. This was very hard for me and it seemed as if for the past year I didnt work on our future as much as it was needed and it was expected. We planned to get married in few years, we knew how we are going to name our future kids, two of them. I also neglected my plans on getting a PhD. Things just stopped and it was going nowhere. Eventually i started getting out from it maybe a month or two before we broke up but i guess it was too little too late. She got bored.

 

She just came, dropped the bomb, left, talked with me for few days over the phone, and then went full on with NC, deleted and blocked me from Facebook, Skype etc. and the phone. I never saw it coming. Removed every trace of me. She didnt even say she will cut me off, just one day she said she cant lose me in her life and that she wants to keep in constant contact with me, but then the next day she practically vanished. I was devastated and never knew she could be so incredibly cold and mean, the way she talked to me... Like i dumped her and not the other way around.

 

It all stared when she graduated and started working as a hotel manager 3 months ago – exactly the time she felt she “lost the feelings” for me. Lots of new people, many from all over the world, new experiences, new findings, new perspective on life. See, she never went out partying when she was younger, she just wasnt the type. I am not sure she met someone else ,she denied it. Trust me, im by no means a jealous guy, but i had a strong gut feeling it has something to do with her new colleague. He was also in a long term relationship, and im not going to lie – he is nothing compared to me, hes not even her type. I see it now, she was telling me he isnt happy with his girlfriend, and i guess they started talking more and more like close friends. The guy is a hard worker and is always working on something. And she kept telling me he is just a colleague and that he reminds her of her brother, nothing to it. Was there an emotional affair, i would not know – but i am sure she didnt and wouldnt cheat on me physically – if she ever felt in love with someone else, she would break up with me first – i am sure of that. But they got close and she sure did talk a lot about him even if mostly in a negative way (irresponsible etc.). One thing im sure of is that by spending time with that guy (even though i cant say i like him, i have to admit he is decent and nice), she eventually saw there are more guys she could potentially have a successful relationship with. But she never ever admitted there was anything going on with the two of them. I still cant be sure since i cant prove anything. Part of me believes her, but my gut feeling is just too strong. Maybe im just over analyzing it, she never before gave me any reason not to trust her, never was flirty, was always telling me if anything happened, any guy talked to her, was always honest with me. I just hope i will find out someday, even if it was just to give me closure, because i would never take her back if she left me for him and lied. I cant stand lies. The truth i can live with, but cant stand lies.

 

She has changed, she became even more attractive than before, guys started flirting and hitting on her, but because she was pretty much a nice kid when growing up and her parents shielded her for quite some time from the outside world, she was always with me or with her brothers, she never really experienced that much temptation. I believe that eventually she might started thinking that the grass will be greener on the other side. She told me to let her go and that she feels like she needed time to find herself. Lots of bull**** if you ask me.

For a month i tried to get her back, even went and met her at her work to try and talk things thru. Fortunately, the guy had a day off. Otherwise, i dont think i could hold myself from beating the s*** out of him. But later i just gave it up and didnt want to make my hands dirty and possibly get arrested and embarrass myself. Emailed her few times and stated i love her and was willing to fight for her – but she didnt respond. I never begged but i sure did try to reason with her, tell her i know how to make things better. My mild depression was just a phase and that im coming out of it, i immediately found a great job i was happy with. I was willing to work and make things better but she just kept repeating she loves me but isnt in love with me anymore and thats all she knows.

 

Eventually i stopped contacting her and i am for 2 weeks now trying hard to maintain NC and will not contact her again. The ball is in her court now.

Why she freaked out when i didnt look for a job in a year even though i had serious problems in my life? Well, its because of her father. Even though he was healthy and educated (a lawyer), he never really worked and supported his family. Her mother had to do all of that, had her own company, schooled and raised 3 children on her own. I guess she thought she might end up like her, but that is far from the truth. For me it was only a tough year in life, but for her father it was a lifetime.

 

I dont really know what to do now. I guess i came here to vent. Working out helps, friends and family are there for me, the new job is really making me happy. I went back to my kick-boxing class. Im doing all the classic “get over it” things. And i guess its getting better, i am getting slowly better. Do i miss her and want her back? Of course i do, i still love her and still think of her as the love of my life. Do i need her back? Well, now that im getting back on my feet...im not really sure. After all, she left me when i needed her the most and treated me like garbage when she broke up with me, simply erased me from her life after 5 years of happiness. I honestly didnt deserve that.

 

Do i try to find out the truth? She just doesnt want to talk with me, gave me some breadcrumbs but thats all. Will it help if i knew she left me for another guy, even if he was a rebound? I dont know, probably it would help to move on but would never want her back after that. Dont know should i even respond if she sends me another email (she doesnt want to talk to me on the phone or meet me, i dont know why - maybe she is feeling the guilt and shame and the phone or meeting is too personal).

 

I will try to update this if anything changes between us in the future. Please feel free to comment about any part of my story. Thanks for letting me vent.

Edited November 24, 2012 by Ghandi

[Ghandi]

Well, she called and asked to meet me. We spent 3 hours walking, having fun and joking around. It was fantastic. We talked about everything. Now we know what we need to do to make it work. She apologized for everything and said that after some time apart she realized she cant live without me, she loves me and would like us to try again, she will never be happy with anyone else. There never was anyone else. You know what i answered? That i love her but we still need some time apart. Thats right, i said it - and it was HARD to say that. Im not gonna let her just come back like that, she has to earn it. Besides, i still need some time to work on myself, its too soon to get together. In a month or two, but not now. We both need to grow some more as individuals in order to appreciate each other. Will keep NC some more. I will keep updating.