Is the other woman heartless??

[Sweett]

My ex left me for the other girl ( not a woman in my eyes). I try to figure out why a woman would want someone who she knows is capable of betrayal and leaving the person he is with. Maybe it's her background. Her mom and dad divorced and her dad had an affair while married to Her mom that produced another child in between her and her sister. Possibly a one night stand her dad had but now he's living with another woman different from her mom and the lady he had an affair with. So why would this girl want to put someone through what her mom went through? What kind of females do this? Heartless? I was with my ex about 2 years had known him about 16 years since high school and I think he began a relationship with her 6 months before he left me. I caught him with this girl at his house a month before he left me. He kept telling me they were just

friends. I should've left him alone then but I didn't because I didn't want to

be without him. I asked the girl at his place how long theyd been talking

and she said a few months and he said she was lying. He broke up with my

by phone saying he needed space and he wasn't doing this to be with another girl which was a lie because currently they are engaged. This girl knew about me and I don't know who pursued who but both are full of

betrayal in my book. But being who I am and if I had her background I

wouldn't want another woman to go through what her mother went through. She knows my ex cheated to Be with her and she knows the hell I went through after the breakup but I guess she wanted him bad, and she got the ring, while I feel as if I've been punished. Any advice anyone?

Edited November 24, 2012 by Sweett

[Sweett]

You didn't want to be without him and she didn't want to be without him. That's all there is to it.

 

I don't think that's all there is to it at all, the girl is heartless but I guess she won,

[amaysngrace]

I would try your best to stop comparing yourself to her. Yes she was wrong to be with him knowing he was with you but he is wrong too because he's the one who hurt you. He's the one who broke your heart.

 

If anyone is heartless I'd say he is.

 

You are focusing too much on her and lifting the true blame off of him. I think that's warped.

[Sweett]

I would try your best to stop comparing yourself to her. Yes she was wrong to be with him knowing he was with you but he is wrong too because he's the one who hurt you. He's the one who broke your heart.

 

If anyone is heartless I'd say he is.

 

You are focusing too much on her and lifting the true blame off of him. I think that's warped.

 

To be honest I blame Both of them!

[amaysngrace]

Why would you want someone who treated you so badly and completely disrespected you and your feelings?

[Sweett]

Exactly what did she win?

 

She won him! I didn't feel he was a cheater just think he ran from me because of a disagreement and because I asked questions. Maybe she doesn't ask him questions and accepts everything he does or says.

[Spark1111]

Thereis a high propensity to cheat if one of your parents did, no matter how much pain and heartache it may have caused the child.

 

children love both parents and can rationalize their poor behavior as having been okay.

 

Also, it is not what you say, it is how you act that will most shape a child's future actions.

 

So, you lost a man that cheated on you and lied. That's painful.

 

But if that is how he handles relationships, that not ver promising for a lifelong commitment, is it?

 

After the high of having won him wears off, she may be looking over her shoulder too.

[Sweett]

Why would you want someone who treated you so badly and completely disrespected you and your feelings?

 

Deep down i know thats not what i wanted. I just feel defeated! I guess I keep thinking about how good it was when we first started and I can't understand why it didn't stay that way, doesn't seem like he gave me much of a chance and I don't understand that and never will! I thought he loved me.

[Sweett]

Thereis a high propensity to cheat if one of your parents did, no matter how much pain and heartache it may have caused the child.

 

children love both parents and can rationalize their poor behavior as having been okay.

 

Also, it is not what you say, it is how you act that will most shape a child's future actions.

 

So, you lost a man that cheated on you and lied. That's painful.

 

But if that is how he handles relationships, that not ver promising for a lifelong commitment, is it?

After the high of having won him wears off, she may be looking over her shoulder too.

 

Good point and true!

[amaysngrace]

Deep down i know thats not what i wanted. I just feel defeated! I guess I keep thinking about how good it was when we first started and I can't understand why it didn't stay that way, doesn't seem like he gave me much of a chance and I don't understand that and never will! I thought he loved me.

 

It sucks. That's for sure. But he's no good and that's the reality. Isn't it better that you recognize it now rather than waste one more day trying to make a relationship work with someone who doesn't have it in him to treat you the right way?

 

You've given so much already. Isn't it good that you don't have to give any more to someone who is so unworthy?

 

He's a skank.

[Sweett]

It sucks. That's for sure. But he's no good and that's the reality. Isn't it better that you recognize it now rather than waste one more day trying to make a relationship work with someone who doesn't have it in him to treat you the right way?

 

You've given so much already. Isn't it good that you don't have to give any more to someone who is so unworthy?

 

He's a skank.

 

Yes, and that relationship took a lot out of me! Up and down emotionally!!! But yet I remained loyal, while he was establishing this bond with her. I wish I could just delete that part of my memory!

[Sweett]

So....she won a man who is too immature to handle disagreement and throws a tantrum packing his little bag and running away....hmm. Sounds like something I would want to win:sick:. You raise children to act appropriately...not adults to act appropriately.

 

Good point! U mention that but we'd disagree and go out to dinner and he'd sit there and Pout in the restaurant and not talk to me. Sounds Like what I used to do to my parents as a child! Lol! I guess he feels he won't ever disagree with her! Who knows! But he'd make it seem it was all my fault even the fact that he did know how to communicate with me!

[amaysngrace]

Yes, and that relationship took a lot out of me! Up and down emotionally!!! But yet I remained loyal, while he was establishing this bond with her. I wish I could just delete that part of my memory!

 

You deserve so much better than him. It may be time for you to reinvent yourself and start giving all that love and loyalty to you instead...now that she's taken him off of your hands for you!

[beenburned]

Sweett,

 

You will go on and choose more wisely in the future.

 

My D's first H left her for his OW. They married and had 2 kids soon after that.

 

She left him to run off with a new OM, and left both kids for him to raise!

 

Here just recently, her and the new OM broke up.

 

She moved back in with her XH and the kids. She just left him and the kids again for greener pastures with other men.

[amaysngrace]

She's no more heartless than you are. You both want the same man.

 

Maybe not "heartless" but definitely equally as skanky as the guy is by not demanding he leave one relationship before getting involved in another with her.

 

But she lived this type of dysfunction so in her dysfunctional eyes its okay.

[Sweett]

Sweett,

 

You will go on and choose more wisely in the future.

 

My D's first H left her for his OW. They married and had 2 kids soon after that.

 

She left him to run off with a new OM, and left both kids for him to raise!

 

Here just recently, her and the new OM broke up.

 

She moved back in with her XH and the kids. She just left him and the kids again for greener pastures with other men.

 

Wow! That's something! Yes I truly hope I'm more wiser in the future. I don't want to go through this again! I guess I should've left the high school flame where it was... In the past!

[Sweett]

Maybe not "heartless" but definitely equally as skanky as the guy is by not demanding he leave one relationship before getting involved in another with her.

 

But she lived this type of dysfunction so in her dysfunctional eyes its okay.

 

Yeah I wish I knew those circumstances but she may have told him that which is why he left me saying it's not working and he needed space. I think either she gave him an ultimatum or he needed time to decide which one to pick! Either way he was wrong because he was with me until she came

[amaysngrace]

Wow! That's something! Yes I truly hope I'm more wiser in the future. I don't want to go through this again! I guess I should've left the high school flame where it was... In the past!

 

Exactly. It's so much unneeded drama. You're better than that!

[amaysngrace]

I think you should take a day just for you and go do something that you would enjoy. He's off your Christmas list this year so maybe go take that money and buy something special for yourself that you absolutely love. That's what I would do.

 

I love shopping for myself.

[Sweett]

I think you should take a day just for you and go do something that you would enjoy. He's off your Christmas list this year so maybe go take that money and buy something special for yourself that you absolutely love. That's what I would do.

 

I love shopping for myself.

 

I certainly will!!! He liked that expensive Ralph Lauren polo stuff and I'm so glad I don't have to buy that anymore!! :-) the little girl probably won't be able to afford it for him

[amaysngrace]

I plan to do a little go carting today. It's been ages, but I am looking forward to some dirty fun.

 

Like Mario!! Woweee!

[amaysngrace]

I certainly will!!! He liked that expensive Ralph Lauren polo stuff and I'm so glad I don't have to buy that anymore!! :-) the little girl probably won't be able to afford it for him

 

Sounds like a plan!

[cocorico]

My ex left me for the other girl ( not a woman in my eyes). I try to figure out why a woman would want someone who she knows is capable of betrayal and leaving the person he is with. Maybe it's her background. Her mom and dad divorced and her dad had an affair while married to Her mom that produced another child in between her and her sister. Possibly a one night stand her dad had but now he's living with another woman different from her mom and the lady he had an affair with. So why would this girl want to put someone through what her mom went through? What kind of females do this? Heartless? I was with my ex about 2 years had known him about 16 years since high school and I think he began a relationship with her 6 months before he left me. I caught him with this girl at his house a month before he left me. He kept telling me they were just

friends. I should've left him alone then but I didn't because I didn't want to

be without him. I asked the girl at his place how long theyd been talking

and she said a few months and he said she was lying. He broke up with my

by phone saying he needed space and he wasn't doing this to be with another girl which was a lie because currently they are engaged. This girl knew about me and I don't know who pursued who but both are full of

betrayal in my book. But being who I am and if I had her background I

wouldn't want another woman to go through what her mother went through. She knows my ex cheated to Be with her and she knows the hell I went through after the breakup but I guess she wanted him bad, and she got the ring, while I feel as if I've been punished. Any advice anyone?

 

No, she's not heartless. She saw a man she liked and he obviously liked her enough to dump you and get engaged to her. He wasn't living with you, wasn't engaged to you, he probably told her you weren't serious, just some chick he knew from HS that he was shagging until someone better came along... And on the evidence of what then happened, she probably believed him. If he'd said, sorry I'm not available, you'd still be together, right? So why does her failure to police a R he obviously saw as highly disposable translate into *her* being heartless? It translates into *him* not seeing your R as something that mattered enough to him to want to keep, when someone better came along, so why are you pushing it onto her?

[Sweett]

No, she's not heartless. She saw a man she liked and he obviously liked her enough to dump you and get engaged to her. He wasn't living with you, wasn't engaged to you, he probably told her you weren't serious, just some chick he knew from HS that he was shagging until someone better came along... And on the evidence of what then happened, she probably believed him. If he'd said, sorry I'm not available, you'd still be together, right? So why does her failure to police a R he obviously saw as highly disposable translate into *her* being heartless? It translates into *him* not seeing your R as something that mattered enough to him to want to keep, when someone better came along, so why are you pushing it onto her?

 

Ok, she's a wonderful person and I'm stupid and awful which is why he left me cuz I was no good and shes perfect as hell and better! Geez what was I thinking! Thanks for clearing this up!

[woinlove]

Ok, she's a wonderful person and I'm stupid and awful which is why he left me cuz I was no good and shes perfect as hell and better! Geez what was I thinking! Thanks for clearing this up!

 

Don't let others make you feel bad. A few people think there is nothing wrong with deciding to have an affair with a married or committed person and some may feel compelled to make that view known even to a betrayed partner who is hurting. It has nothing to do with you. It may not even have anything to do with the OW in your case, who might feel guilt or might not.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting, but the fact that your partner was not honest and open is a weakness or fault in him and not in you. As for the OW, it could have something to do with her past or maybe she just doesn't care about whether the man is committed and lying to his partner or maybe something else. Whatever, that is her issue to deal with.

 

Try to focus on doing good things for yourself, and know that you can have a happy future and get to the point where it really won't matter to you what his or her issues are. Time and focusing on positives for yourself, whether friends, family, hobbies, indulgences,... will help.