Author casualme Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 oh gosh, I didnt expect so many replies! well, as some people suggested that im in conflict with myself and stuff like that - yes, I agree, and thats mostly because im inexperienced, my interpretation of situations is probably wrong. But hey, thats the reason why I came to you guys - to find out how it actually is. And i've seen lots of great opinions in this thread, thanks for them. From the sound of his OP, the choice is more likely "no women" or "poor quality" women. The former leaves you with your dignity intact but not much else. The latter at least gets you dates at the cost of your dignity. It's a tough decision to make, but one some people have to. exactly, probably this is what I should have added in the main post. Basically overthinking all that, I really shouldnt have done what I did because we really are not a couple. And I understood, that actually my current goal is not to establish a long term relationship, but instead just getting better with woman and getting laid, and choices are that with her this is gonna be really easy, just buy a few drinks while not in a company of many girls and thats it lol. and excuse me, but i was not born as english speaking person, so quit judging my choice of words
Nightsky Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 oh gosh, I didnt expect so many replies! well, as some people suggested that im in conflict with myself and stuff like that - yes, I agree, and thats mostly because im inexperienced, my interpretation of situations is probably wrong. But hey, thats the reason why I came to you guys - to find out how it actually is. And i've seen lots of great opinions in this thread, thanks for them. Hey man you're welcome. Now, the thing is if you feel you're interpretation of events are wrong than they are indeed wrong. Like I said you never asked this girl out formally did you? You only ever suggested you hang out again or other such vague things? She was the first one to say something like "lets get dinner" for the first time that night. exactly, probably this is what I should have added in the main post. Basically overthinking all that, I really shouldnt have done what I did because we really are not a couple. And I understood, that actually my current goal is not to establish a long term relationship, but instead just getting better with woman and getting laid, and choices are that with her this is gonna be really easy, just buy a few drinks while not in a company of many girls and thats it lol. and excuse me, but i was not born as english speaking person, so quit judging my choice of words Well than my friend you have your girl. Also we have to judge your choice of words. I wasn't born English speaking myself, like most babies I couldn't speak. haha you see what I did there? No, really the way of saying that is English isn't my first language. In my case English wasn't my first language though it is now.
Author casualme Posted November 25, 2012 Author Posted November 25, 2012 Like I said you never asked this girl out formally did you? You only ever suggested you hang out again or other such vague things? She was the first one to say something like "lets get dinner" for the first time that night. actually no, like someone a few post ago said, you have missed some parts of my main post. We actually set up an exact date (I was the one suggesting that (getting something to eat and then a movie)) but school got in the way with unexpected homeworks that must be handed in the exact same day, so we delayed it till this friday I am talking about. And on friday she was supposed to get some things done with passport (shes not originally from my country) which took a lot longer than expected, so we had to cancel it aswell. And when at the bar she suggested about the date, it was ''sorry for those cancelled dates, we should finalllly go out, i know one really good place for dinner''
Nightsky Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 actually no, like someone a few post ago said, you have missed some parts of my main post. We actually set up an exact date (I was the one suggesting that (getting something to eat and then a movie)) but school got in the way with unexpected homeworks that must be handed in the exact same day, so we delayed it till this friday I am talking about. And on friday she was supposed to get some things done with passport (shes not originally from my country) which took a lot longer than expected, so we had to cancel it aswell. And when at the bar she suggested about the date, it was ''sorry for those cancelled dates, we should finalllly go out, i know one really good place for dinner'' Let me than suggest something else no one but me so far has said. She probably doesn't even like you that much. Some girls are just really weird. They will make out with random guys, even sleep with them. They just won't be their girlfriend. See a normal insecure about saying "NO" girl who didn't want to date you would do all the things this girl did except the making out with you part. She'd cancel all the dates and yes even give you hope. You see that is the trap of the "inexperienced" guy. Not understanding when you're dealing with one of these girls who will act like they want to date you making up excuse after excuse. A girl like this would say sorry about leaving you even if she was happy to. Now this girl takes that entire confusion a step further being the kind of girl to drink and make out than avoid you acting like its all for some good reason. So, sure have your ways with her if you can but realize like others have said you might not be so happy with what you get with this girl. You also seem a little fragile over the situation and that's ok. Just remember there are a lot of girls who will never flat out say no to a guy who asks them out. Even to go so far as to keep them on the hook if they are jumping in cabs with other guys. It's a thing, believe it. That's why I actually applaud the girls who just ignore your calls, or fb msgs as a way of letting you down as opposed to these girls who like to drag things out either because they are crazy, think they are being nice, or some combo of the two. 1
crude Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 It sounds like you're a bunch of drunks. Stop drinking, all of you. 2
SmileFace Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 It sounds like you're a bunch of drunks. Stop drinking, all of you. Haha I was thinking the same thing. Someone said he doesn't deserve a girl like this. He is out there drinking as much as she is -- lol.
Nightsky Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Haha I was thinking the same thing. Someone said he doesn't deserve a girl like this. He is out there drinking as much as she is -- lol. He had to find out she was hot by looking at her facebook the next day. Maybe he was joking about that?
SmileFace Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 He had to find out she was hot by looking at her facebook the next day. Maybe he was joking about that? Haha, it would be funnier if she wasn't. Why does he have any expectation from a drunk hook up is beyond me. Then is butt hurt with the same chick that randomly drunkingly made out with him prior decides to go bang some other dudes. Granted I think the op is missing a bunch of information.
Nightsky Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Haha, it would be funnier if she wasn't. Why does he have any expectation from a drunk hook up is beyond me. Then is butt hurt with the same chick that randomly drunkingly made out with him prior decides to go bang some other dudes. Granted I think the op is missing a bunch of information. Well there was an entire "how I met your mother" episode about this. Girls who say "no" but than give hope. Lilly was married and she'd add "not now" to the end of saying no. So, he has to "confusing" factors from his point of view. The drunken hook up which yes he could have probably had his ways with her... and the "not now" girl who even though says "no" to everything, gives him hope.
SmileFace Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Well there was an entire "how I met your mother" episode about this. Girls who say "no" but than give hope. Lilly was married and she'd add "not now" to the end of saying no. So, he has to "confusing" factors from his point of view. The drunken hook up which yes he could have probably had his ways with her... and the "not now" girl who even though says "no" to everything, gives him hope. Well he better hope she doesn't leave with two random guys next time.
dasein Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Why does he have any expectation from a drunk hook up is beyond me. All people have a reasonable expectation of not being treated rudely by people who have expressed interest in them. Sorry, the girl's behavior in this situation is not capable of being rationalized into his fault somehow, twist and contort the posted facts, make unfounded assumptions all you and others like. Too bad, the standard "blameshift to the man" retort doesn't work here.
Nightsky Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 All people have a reasonable expectation of not being treated rudely by people who have expressed interest in them. Sorry, the girl's behavior in this situation is not capable of being rationalized into his fault somehow, twist and contort the posted facts, make unfounded assumptions all you and others like. Too bad, the standard "blameshift to the man" retort doesn't work here. Why does it have to be his fault? We're just talking about reality here. No, one blamed him. Me thinks you take this personally, want to talk about it?
SmileFace Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 All people have a reasonable expectation of not being treated rudely by people who have expressed interest in them. Sorry, the girl's behavior in this situation is not capable of being rationalized into his fault somehow, twist and contort the posted facts, make unfounded assumptions all you and others like. Too bad, the standard "blameshift to the man" retort doesn't work here. Just because I didn't mention her behavior doesn't mean I was rationalizing it. Him questioning himself in this situation has nothing to do with her behavior. He should have enough common sense to next this chick. I don't I need to say how disgusting her behavior was. I don't think what she did is her fault but it is on him to know not to continue with her - drunken or not.
dasein Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Why does it have to be his fault? We're just talking about reality here. No, one blamed him. Me thinks you take this personally, want to talk about it? Your long post, full of uncareful assumptions and "analysis" that didn't address the actual facts posted, was indeed full of blameshift leveled at the OP. Me thinks this thread has nothing to do with me as a topic, so stick to OP's situation.
dasein Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Just because I didn't mention her behavior doesn't mean I was rationalizing it. Yes, you did, by dishonestly characterizing their previous interactions as merely a "drunk hookup," which is contrary to the facts OP posts. Then you use that improper characterization to blame him and excuse her with words such as "butthurt." If women don't like being thought of as a "Borg collective" then perhaps they shouldn't rush to defend any bad thing any particular woman does via rationalizing and blameshifting to the nearest man. Him questioning himself in this situation has nothing to do with her behavior. He should have enough common sense to next this chick. More blameshift, he doesn't have "common sense" by implication because he posts about this treatment on a relationship forum? I don't think what she did is her fault but it is on him to know not to continue with her - drunken or not. And yet more blameshift. How exactly is leaving OP in the street of a sudden to go off with other guys -not- her fault? There's certainly no way this can be twisted into his fault somehow.
SmileFace Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Yes, you did, by dishonestly characterizing their previous interactions as merely a "drunk hookup," which is contrary to the facts OP posts. Then you use that improper characterization to blame him and excuse her with words such as "butthurt." If women don't like being thought of as a "Borg collective" then perhaps they shouldn't rush to defend any bad thing any particular woman does via rationalizing and blameshifting to the nearest man. More blameshift, he doesn't have "common sense" by implication because he posts about this treatment on a relationship forum? And yet more blameshift. How exactly is leaving OP in the street of a sudden to go off with other guys -not- her fault? There's certainly no way this can be twisted into his fault somehow. My last post should have said that I don't think what she did is his fault. Anywho he should have enough common sense not to question that this chick isn't worth his time. My point stands. Blameshift ... where? I have not once sided with said girl.
dasein Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Blameshift ... where? I have not once sided with said girl. Characterizing as "drunk hookup" and "butthurt" makes your intent quite clear. Readers can certainly decide for themselves.
mesmerized Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 How do you know she slept with anyone there? I feel like your story is half assed trying to show you as the victim. Anyways, it doesn't sound like she had much interest in you anyway. If it's too good to be true, it probably isn't true! 1
IT Geek Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Anyways, it doesn't sound like she had much interest in you anyway. If it's too good to be true, it probably isn't true! I can definitely relate to that! For a little while I thought this totally hot woman might be interested in me, but I finally came back to reality and realized she was say out of my league.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 How do you know she slept with anyone there? I feel like your story is half assed trying to show you as the victim. Anyways, it doesn't sound like she had much interest in you anyway. If it's too good to be true, it probably isn't true! Absolutely. The OP presents himself as somebody who doesn't go on too many dates, and we're all supposed to believe than an (allegedly) attractive woman is interested in him? Yeah, right. The only way in which I think the OP is a "victim" is that he victimized himself by allowing his hopes to get too high. If one believes that good things will happen, disappointment is bound to happen.
SmileFace Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Characterizing as "drunk hookup" and "butthurt" makes your intent quite clear. Readers can certainly decide for themselves. It was a drunk hookup and he is butthurt. I agree with you Mes but he did have the chance to make out with her before. However the story seems to be missing a whole lot.
phineas Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 How do you know she slept with anyone there? I feel like your story is half assed trying to show you as the victim. Anyways, it doesn't sound like she had much interest in you anyway. If it's too good to be true, it probably isn't true! She was drunk, left OP in the street to hop into a taxi with two drunk guys. seriously? What do you think they did? Honestly. I'd love to hear your opinion on what two young drunk people who go home in a cab together do at the end of that ride. And even if she didn't sleep with anyone, it still doesn't matter because, She was drunk, left OP in the street to hop into a taxi with two drunk guys.
dasein Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Absolutely. The OP presents himself as somebody who doesn't go on too many dates, and we're all supposed to believe than an (allegedly) attractive woman is interested in him? Yeah, right. Lots of men of OP's age don't go on too many "dates," I didn't in my 20s, yet lots of them do in fact attract good looking women. OP has not been here posting "woe is my dating life" posts or threads, so there is no reason to paint him with that brush.
Nightsky Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Lots of men of OP's age don't go on too many "dates," I didn't in my 20s, yet lots of them do in fact attract good looking women. OP has not been here posting "woe is my dating life" posts or threads, so there is no reason to paint him with that brush. Yet again dasein read between the lines 49thousand is talking about himself. cmon man get with the program
AntonBloom Posted November 25, 2012 Posted November 25, 2012 Basically what everyone else is saying, let it go. You guys only hung out that one night and blew you off to go hang out some other guys. Especially if she was hammered, she might have done a thing or two. Not for certain, but might have. Cut your losses and just let it go.
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