She left with two random guys

[Chi townD]

To be honest, you deserve a girl that isn't going to disrespect you in such a way. You deserve a girl that wouldn't leave you for someone else and she would rather hang with you because there's no other place she'd rather be. I call BS on the "I didn't want to leave my friend alone...blah...blah..." She got into that cab because she wanted to.

 

By the way, did she even say a word to you before jumping in the cab?

[casualme]

By the way, did she even say a word to you before jumping in the cab?

 

before getting in the cab she said the same bs about not leaving her friend alone

[dasein]

I don't see much room for more detail putting the acts of this girl in a more favorable light.

[dasein]

before getting in the cab she said the same bs about not leaving her friend alone

 

That makes it even worse, an obvious rationalization for something she wanted to do.

 

OP, one lesson to learn from this is to generally avoid group activities when meeting new women you like. Date them and keep distant other than on dates until they are asking for exclusivity. Then once exclusive, and as part of the exclusivity discussion, forbid all the fake male "friends," exes, other attention sources, and boozy, flirty, late "girl's attention night out" on the town with GFs. Get it established on the front end while they are asking you for exclusivity that you don't put up with it in a relationship, or get trampled on and endlessly rationalized when these things come up later. Until you have that power, being in groups out with women you want to date is generally a very bad idea.

[Chi townD]

before getting in the cab she said the same bs about not leaving her friend alone

 

Yeah, sure....and I suppose that sleeping with one of these guys fell into that framework of "not leaving her friend alone".

 

Dude, drop this STD ridden chick like a bad habit.....you deserve better.

[veggirl]

why its not a good idea? if i haven't had so much experience with women as some other guys out there, then i could ..possibly.. use her for my own good if you know what i mean

 

Not a good idea because if you are inexperienced you probably can't handle a FWB arrangement anyway and will become attached to her.

 

Because there is obviously more to this story that the OP isn't telling us. He's posted a slanted story in order to get sympathy and stroke his ego. It doesn't help to feed this sort of nonsense.

 

What more could there be? Weird. What she did was rude as hell, I am not sure what the justification could be.

 

REGARDLESS......OP, a chick that is really interested in you wouldn't have done that. That's all you need to know.

[Nightsky]

Ok, so i've gotta problem here

 

I'm here to help with the :confusion:

 

i met this cute little thing at my sisters birthday party.

 

haha what a way to describe a girl!

 

It was one guy [me] and 4 girls' date=' of course it was inevitable that I would hook up with one of them for the evening. [/quote']

 

Firstly sex/dating isn't a math problem. Also wasn't your sister one of those girls, or was it your sister and 4 girls who weren't your sister? Well regardless of if it was 3 girls or 4 girls there's a cock block effect which often happens when groups of girls no guys form. It means that just because you run into the sorority doesn't mean anything is going to happen. Your odds can be better with less girls.

 

Also why was it inevitable you were going to hook up? I men the fact that you're here confused and supposedly bad at dating would mean you weren't necessarily going to hook up even if a girl fell naked onto your lap.

 

Everyone got drunk' date=' we were talking and hit it off really well with this one girl. Afterwards came bars and clubbing, we touched n kissed a lot. In the morning we all spit up cuz we live in opposite places in the city. [/quote']

 

What a peculiar way of describing things. I mean good detail on letting us know their was touching and kissing all night. But the part about splitting up because you live in opposite place... yet in the same city. I mean are blaming the fact that you don't happen to be neighbors for the fact that more didn't happen? I'm just trying to figure out why you phrased it like that.

 

 

Then after having a good sleep I looked her up on facebook and turns out she is pretty damn hot even for sober-me.

 

Try not to get this drunk going forward in life.

 

Actually the hottest girl i've been with so far (not very lucky with girls' date=' my previous awkward relationship was like 5 years ago or sth).[/quote']

 

Ok so you're not so lucky with the girls and you're a little flustered by this girl saying cliche stuff like "actually the hottest girl I've been with." So, why at the beginning of this tale were you like "of course it was inevitable I would hook up with one of them."

 

So yeah' date=' we started some small talk in fb chat and eventually i asked her out, she seemed really happy and agreed. But the finals in school are coming so they got in our way and we didnt go anywhere for approx 2 weeks, just occasional skype chat. [/quote']

 

No Casanova but you try, I like that.

 

Yesterday we were going out drinking again with my sis and her friends' date=' and as sister told me, this cute girl was asking whether I am gonna be there and was really excited when she found it out. At least thats what sis told me. So yeah, again alcohol, cuddling and kissing, making some cute pics of us ''she was gonna post on fb''. Kinda hitting it off really well once again, we talked, she suggested that next week we must meet for sure (finally, lol), like go on a dinner, a movie or sth. Of course I was happy to hear that.[/quote']

 

Shouldn't you be the one suggesting you guys do something?

 

But now comes the problem which pretty much messed up my whole evening... so we finished our beers and decided to go to another club which is like 30 minutes walk. On our way there two random guys showed up (completely wasted) and' date=' too bad for me, girls knew them, including ''mine'' girl. They talked n stuff, i was kinda trying to get her away from there cuz i saw where this was leading. Eventually they got into a cab and left to those guys apartment, leaving me alone on the streets with ''wtf'' all over my face. Of course everyone knows what happened there... a while later on my walk home (being extremely angry at myself and wanting to kill someone on the streets) i texted her saying something like ''wtf, why did you do this, i thought we were gonna spend the evening together'' to which she replied ''im sorry, please forgive me.''[/quote']

 

Dude where was your "wtf" moment when this was all going down. Your sister got in a cab with these guys? Why the heck were you walking 30 minutes to another bar instead of taking a taxi back to your place with this girl who is "the hottest" you'd ever "been with." I mean your "wtf, ...i thought we were gonna spend the evening together" txt was pathetic. Sorry to be harsh but never ever send a txt like that. If anything you should have grabbed her hand and walked away from those guys while she was still with you. If you wanted to send a txt once she was gone if she pulled away or didn't listen to you the txt should have been something mean. "I guess I was drunk enough for you."

 

now im just confused what to do. I guess I should just forget about her because of this and move on; but the thing is i havent had any relationship for such a long time and she seems to be really interested in me' date=' but does such mindblowing BS in the meantime... any useful advices on how should i handle this? [/quote']

 

Learn from your mistakes. Also answer my questions asked above. That's what you should do.

 

If some dude left me standing on the street to take off with other girls there is no WAY I'd be seeing him again. I think "manning up" would be forgetting this chick. A doormat might be cool with her behavior but OP should have some respect, she left him standing on the street to go hang out with another guy, that's not cool period.

 

I feel he's already been a doormat. In fact the hypothetical you just described of a girl being left because some guy jumped into a taxi with some drunk girls he knew is basically what I pictured from this guy. This guy was the girl.

 

why its not a good idea? if i haven't had so much experience with women as some other guys out there, then i could ..possibly.. use her for my own good if you know what i mean

 

Because if you were the type of guy who could use her you wouldn't be here asking us for advice. Simply put you're not at that place in your head. But if you think you can use her than go ahead send her the following text after midnight "come over, now." or "I'm coming over, now" would also do.

 

I don't see much room for more detail putting the acts of this girl in a more favorable light.

 

I'll play devils advocate and put them in a favorable light. This guy talks kinda weird. Like going from saying "I was with 4 girls that night it was inevitable I'd hook up" to "maybe I should use this girl for experience I haven't been doing good."

 

He seems to think living on opposite ends of the city was an important detail to why things didn't go farther on the first day he met the girl when it's neither here nor there.

 

He add her as a facebook friend and just cassualy chats her up before asking her out on facebook and never getting a date arranged. When he asked her out on facebook was it just drinking again. I'm guessing so because it seems like the girl was the first person to ask him out on a real date that second time they messed around at the bar. At that point the girl might not really think he's that into her. I mean when the two drunk guys show up he kinda just let her go. Weird, than sends some txt after she's gone.. "I thought we were spending the night together?" I mean he couldn't muster up that kind of interest while she was there? It all makes no sense.. what kind of person even sends a txt like that.

 

OP, one lesson to learn from this is to generally avoid group activities when meeting new women you like. Date them and keep distant other than on dates until they are asking for exclusivity. Then once exclusive, and as part of the exclusivity discussion, forbid all the fake male "friends," exes, other attention sources, and boozy, flirty, late "girl's attention night out" on the town with GFs. Get it established on the front end while they are asking you for exclusivity that you don't put up with it in a relationship, or get trampled on and endlessly rationalized when these things come up later. Until you have that power, being in groups out with women you want to date is generally a very bad idea.

 

No the lesson he should have learned is all the stuff I said.

 

The lesson you are teaching is a non lesson that should never be learned. In fact he met this girl through a group activity. That is a great way for a single guy to meet a girl through friends/family and a group activity like a birthday celebration.

 

I do think you possibly did touch on a lesson though, being in a group with women doesn't mean much if you aren't getting alone time.

[dasein]

I'll play devils advocate and put them in a favorable light. This guy talks kinda weird. Like going from saying "I was with 4 girls that night it was inevitable I'd hook up" to "maybe I should use this girl for experience I haven't been doing good."

 

You are making way too big a deal over posting style and word choices as opposed to the simple facts in the OP. Applies to much of your "analysis" also. Many people who come here to post aren't professional writers, and might post "well of course I was going to hook up with one of them," instead of "the odds were in my favor that night because I was the only guy in a group of women."

 

Moreover, nothing in what you post after puts the girl's actions in a more favorable light. He had asked her out on a date previously so had not been passive, and the text you go on and on about took place -after- her bad behavior. Asking a girl out, and then when the date gets postponed, seeking to spend time with her, even in a group, is enough to let most reasonable people know that someone has an interest in them.

 

The lesson you are teaching is a non lesson that should never be learned. In fact he met this girl through a group activity. That is a great way for a single guy to meet a girl through friends/family and a group activity like a birthday celebration.

 

My post should have been clear from context that I was using "meeting" as in meeting groups of women one already knows and likes out as opposed to meeting women as strangers for the first time. Groups are a great way to "meet" women in one respect, but once met, groups are not a good way to "meet" in the future IMO, solo dates are preferable, and I stand by my advice posted previously.

[Nightsky]

You are making way too big a deal over posting style and word choices as opposed to the simple facts in the OP. Applies to much of your "analysis" also. Many people who come here to post aren't professional writers, and might post "well of course I was going to hook up with one of them," instead of "the odds were in my favor that night because I was the only guy in a group of women."

 

Logic is far more important than facts. I'm trying to get inside his head and for that I have to ask questions.

 

 

Moreover' date=' nothing in what you post after puts the girl's actions in a more favorable light. He had asked her out on a date previously so had not been passive, and the text you go on and on about took place -after- her bad behavior. Asking a girl out, and then when the date gets postponed, seeking to spend time with her, even in a group, is enough to let most reasonable people know that someone has an interest in them. [/quote']

 

We don't know he asked her out to do. You have to read between the lines if you want to put this favorably. Think about it, when he described the girl asking him on a date like activity "dinner" or whatever he made it sound like that was the first real attempt. So, mr. small talk on facebook might have only vaguely suggested they see each other again maybe even in a group with nothing specific being said. Hardly an invitation to dinner and certainly your assuming facts you really shouldn't be assuming.

 

 

 

 

My post should have been clear from context that I was using "meeting" as in meeting groups of women one already knows and likes out as opposed to meeting women as strangers for the first time. Groups are a great way to "meet" women in one respect' date=' but once met, groups are not a good way to "meet" in the future IMO, solo dates are preferable, and I stand by my advice posted previously. [/quote']

 

She pretty much still was a stranger, and no what you meant was clear or in that type of context.

 

Solo dates are preferable, but he should have gone out that night to meet that girl. He should have tried to turn things solo once they were going well. Split away from the group instead of take a 30 minute walk to another bar.

[Imported]

 

 

Solo dates are preferable, but he should have gone out that night to meet that girl.

 

Who

 

He should have tried to

cares

 

turn things solo once they were going well.

what he

 

Split away from the group instead

should

 

of take a 30 minute walk to another bar.

have done.

 

ran out of stuff to quote

It is about what she did. They were together. He or she asked him or her out. Two guys show up, she left with them. End of story. No matter how you cut it, if you are treated like this by a girl, then the girl should not be thought of as anything other than a place to put your penor.

[aed]

My first post. Hello everyone

 

im not gonna do that for sure. Plus she is still drunk from yesterday, so pretty much everything she says is just some drunktalk. Argh, why does this happen to me where most of the people can have normal relationships with others. I get such chance like once a year and its all ****ed up always

 

 

 

I understand this, it happend to me years ago, but not this extreme. So i will tell you something i figured for my self, perhaps it can help you too:

 

This is probably happing, because you don't pick up hints of women easy and go for the ones the 'throw' them selfs at you. Because of the 'lack of changes' you think you realy like this girls.

 

So dude do what everyone does with these types: Sleep with them and leave it be or just ignore them and go find a good girl

 

 

Also:

 

Be thankfull because you dogded a bullet!

[ThaWholigan]

I would have basically phased this girl out of my existence - it was a disrespect.

 

Having said that, you made assumptions before you even got in her panties. She wasn't your girl and you weren't dating so you shouldn't have reacted by texting her the way you did. You should have basically ignored her after that.

[aed]

I would have basically phased this girl out of my existence - it was a disrespect.

 

Having said that, you made assumptions before you even got in her panties. She wasn't your girl and you weren't dating so you shouldn't have reacted by texting her the way you did. You should have basically ignored her after that.

 

I dont know it sounds to me as typical pua mindframes.

 

When i am on a date i don't go flirting or away with other woman, just out of respect. There is an other time for that.

 

I agree on that he just should have ignored her, or tell her what he realy thinks of that action. And not from a mindset: "i hope she still like me".

[dasein]

We don't know he asked her out to do.

 

Did you miss the part where they had made out in the past, he asked her out, she said yes, and they had to cancel the date due to exams?

[fortyninethousand322]

Well OP, you sound like a guy who doesn't get that much attention from women. You probably fall into the category of "beggar" rather than "chooser". Unfortunately life has a way of reminding us of these little factoids now and again. So, my advice to you is that you can either have your pride and end up a very lonely man or you can swallow that pride and give this girl as many shots as she needs to make this work.

 

Personally, my choice would be to give her more chances unless there occurs the unlikely scenario in which another prospect shows up in my life. It's doesn't very good, but when you have very few options you have to do what you have to do...

[SmileFace]

Well OP, you sound like a guy who doesn't get that much attention from women. You probably fall into the category of "beggar" rather than "chooser". Unfortunately life has a way of reminding us of these little factoids now and again. So, my advice to you is that you can either have your pride and end up a very lonely man or you can swallow that pride and give this girl as many shots as she needs to make this work.

 

Personally, my choice would be to give her more chances unless there occurs the unlikely scenario in which another prospect shows up in my life. It's doesn't very good, but when you have very few options you have to do what you have to do...

 

No

...........

[ThaWholigan]

No

...........

[fortyninethousand322]

No

...........

 

Yes.

 

I'm just telling the OP the way the world works. You can put a bow on a pile of crap, but that doesn't make it a nice Christmas present. It's still a pile of crap.

 

My little metaphor for life...

[ThaWholigan]

Yes.

 

I'm just telling the OP the way the world works. You can put a bow on a pile of crap, but that doesn't make it a nice Christmas present. It's still a pile of crap.

 

My little metaphor for life...

You can also encourage a man to be a pussy, but that wouldn't be a good idea for his own self-respect.

 

My own little cute metaphor there.

[fortyninethousand322]

You can also encourage a man to be a pussy, but that wouldn't be a good idea for his own self-respect.

 

My own little cute metaphor there.

 

I told him he had a choice. I said what my choice would be. But his choice is entirely up to him. But, choices have consequences...

[dasein]

The choice is to whether to spend his time seeking better quality women or waste his time on dregs.

[SJC2008]

OP gets ditched, that's what it was, no other way to put it and some responses are "She doesn't owe you anything" and 'Take her hand and if she still leaves, ten text her wtf". Ok yes, she doesn't owe him anything but what on Gods green earth does this have to do with ditching him?? It doesn't matter if he took her hand because as SOON as she started for that cab it showed where he was on her totem pole and to make it sound like he should of grabbed his hand to "man up" is plain childish!!! If he was in a r with her it would be a much different story but this early on I wouldn't of tried to stop her for a sec. You don't wanna run with me no problem, don't waste my time. All in all, what she did was downright rude and be glad OP she showed her true colors now! Ditching someone is the lowest of low, regardless of sex.

[fortyninethousand322]

The choice is to whether to spend his time seeking better quality women or waste his time on dregs.

 

False choice.

 

From the sound of his OP, the choice is more likely "no women" or "poor quality" women. The former leaves you with your dignity intact but not much else. The latter at least gets you dates at the cost of your dignity. It's a tough decision to make, but one some people have to.

[dasein]

I don't see that at all. You are way too smart to be a defeatist in this respect. There is a continuum between somewhat rude and inconsiderate and "in your face." If she had merely wandered off from him out and about, I might agree with you. What she actually did, though, was much more demonstrative, maybe even purposeful.

[ascendotum]

The choice is to whether to spend his time seeking better quality women or waste his time on dregs.

 

I half agree with 49000, but not in terms of forgive & forget, but in terms of beggars can't be choosers...to an extent. He has not had a stellar love life for the past 4-5 yrs and he does not sound like a charmer with the ladies, so there is something to be said for him getting some 'I'm sorry I'll make it up to you' outcome with the best thing that has come along for him in ages....as long as he keeps his head, and remembers this night. He is a rookie with girls so he can get some runs on the board with a cute girl as long as he makes it a STR. I know he could easily end up bamboozled over this chick, but I guess that's up to him. Is there more pride in staying single another couple of years or having a STR with this girl who left him standing there all forlorn on the sidewalk one night to have impromptu sex with another guy. Whatever he thinks is in his best interest, but I can't deny she did a ****ty thing to him.