moveONorStay Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Why is it that sometimes the most intense, deep, fun relationships always end up being the ones that end the worst? The ones that you look back on and think that if emotions weren't running so high at the end of the relationship that things could have been worked out? Why is it that when 2 people who are deeply in love fall apart, that they cut all contact and never talk again? Surely, since there are so few people that we connect with on that level in our lives, it would be best to try to work things out (if the split was more of a misunderstanding followed by things said when emotions are running high rather than a split because of cheating or something unforgivable) Just reflecting on the relationships I've had. The 2 that were the most intense are the 2 in which contact has been completely cut and will never hear from again! Makes you wonder why it works out like that!
movingon12 Posted November 24, 2012 Posted November 24, 2012 Absolutely people should try and work things out if it was just a misunderstanding + things said. And to be honest I'm sure in most cases people do manage to sort things out after a misunderstanding. In a way, every argument you ever have is a 'misunderstanding' of some sort - but we don't all break up after the first argument. But when a 'misunderstanding' can't be worked out, or the other person doesn't want to try to work it out, then the problem isn't the misunderstanding: something else is going on, and the misunderstanding just becomes a handy excuse or a final straw. When you really love someone and it all goes wrong the pain is a lot worse than if it was just a casual nothing relationship. And who wants to be reminded of that much pain? 1
Author moveONorStay Posted November 24, 2012 Author Posted November 24, 2012 I'm not sure this is true. I don't talk to most of my exes at the moment, but most of them have popped in and out of my life over the years and probably will continue to. Some of them were really intense relationships, others not so much. The more intense ones took a bit more time to recover from and the quiet stretches after them were longer, but eventually they ended and the ex in question surfaced. The most inconsequential ones are the ones that seem to have disappeared. It takes a certain level of maturity for that I think...not many people seem to be able to do that. I suppose I just don't like animosity and to completely lose touch with someone you care about is sad!!
Author moveONorStay Posted November 26, 2012 Author Posted November 26, 2012 When you really love someone and it all goes wrong the pain is a lot worse than if it was just a casual nothing relationship. And who wants to be reminded of that much pain? Don't you think that sometimes the more 2 people care about each other, the more people tend to overreact and say/do things in the heat of the moment that they regret later? Leading to worse consequences? I tend to find that the more people care about each other, the more volatile the arguments can be. If you didn't care, you'd walk before it got to that stage!!
movingon12 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 Absolutely!!! You've got so much more to lose when a meaningful relationship goes wrong. The insults hurt so much more when they're coming from someone you dreamed of one day marrying. Being betrayed by the one person in the world you thought you could trust is far worse than being misled by the guy in the computer shop. You're *so* vulnerable when you're in a meaningful relationship, it's natural to go a bit crazy trying to protect yourself.
Minka333 Posted November 26, 2012 Posted November 26, 2012 I think because the more we love someone.. ..the more vulnerable we get The amount of love is usually aligned to the amount of pain it will cause if things don't work. 1
Author moveONorStay Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 I think because the more we love someone.. ..the more vulnerable we get The amount of love is usually aligned to the amount of pain it will cause if things don't work. This makes so much sense...never really thought about it like that. You are right, something that has very little value to you means there is no pain when it doesn't work out. I still think it's sad that when things go wrong with people we have had the strongest connections with, we tend to drift apart. My most recent ex, after a very intense/fun relationship won't even talk to me anymore and has completely ignored any attempt to be civil. Sad.
Javabear Posted December 16, 2012 Posted December 16, 2012 If the amount of love is directly related to the amount of pain we feel if/when it ends, why do we allow ourselves to love so much? I am just now learning firsthand exactly how deep the knife of love lost cuts and I don't ever want to feel this pain again. I know I'll be scared to love as completely in the future which is unfair.
Author moveONorStay Posted December 17, 2012 Author Posted December 17, 2012 If the amount of love is directly related to the amount of pain we feel if/when it ends, why do we allow ourselves to love so much? I am just now learning firsthand exactly how deep the knife of love lost cuts and I don't ever want to feel this pain again. I know I'll be scared to love as completely in the future which is unfair. It's a good point...I suppose all part of the healing process. I know you are scared now, but time and future love will melt those barriers away, it's a guarantee! A lesson learned, I think it will help you to love even more fully when you find the right person.
lovefiction Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 If the amount of love is directly related to the amount of pain we feel if/when it ends, why do we allow ourselves to love so much? I am just now learning firsthand exactly how deep the knife of love lost cuts and I don't ever want to feel this pain again. I know I'll be scared to love as completely in the future which is unfair. I feel like this right now... If I added all my previous relationships up together the love/pain would never compare to the pain I feel right now... But I am hopeful that in a few months the pain will subside and I will want to try again...
dchin1985 Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 (edited) Me on the same boat. I have had one that is very intense, passionate and loving relationship (we could have gotten married) even till just weeks before the break up. And I still wonder why wouldn't we just work it out and discuss if there is room to fix it. We completely cut off the contacts (well she begins first and i just had no choice), in fact when i see her pictures I feel very happy for her, but I just really want to delete her off FB and forget it all. Yes, like what you guys said, it was great until it ends, it ends like a knife that cut through my heart. Sometimes I wonder if thats love suppose to be. All i did was just loving someone, didn't cheat not even emotionally, try every effort to make her happy, but end up getting hurt the most (then of course i realized few possible reasons of breakup). So yesterday, I brought this nice and really cute girl on a date, she told me she can love a person soo long and is very loyal. It reminds me of what my ex once told me, and i thought here we go again... People change. Well right now i am just not emotionally ready. I think it comes down to the fact that when you are brave enough to give your full heart to someone, you become vulnerable yet you know you have to open it up to that someone. It also brings up the turst issue. Like we trusted her enough to drop our guard to let her in, but she throws back your heart on the floor all of the sudden. Well are you going to give her another chance and another possibility to let her throw you on the floor again??? Edited December 17, 2012 by dchin1985
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